OK, this is random crack.

It started off as crack knocking Ryoma's hat…but somehow turned into a crack FujiRyo moment. It's probably because I'm obsessed with snarky and sadistic..

This story is not at all serious, and hasn't undergone much editing, coz my betas laughed too much.

Enjoy

It's All in the Hat

"Data…data…" Inui's gleeful tones caught Fuji's attention, and he tried to deduce what had caused the data frenzy. Yet it was an ordinary morning practice, nothing to excite the data man, as far as Fuji could tell.

Silently gliding up beside Inui, he attempted to read the new data, but could only catch the words 'Echizen', 'hat' and 'defeat' as Inui was practically vibrating with the news. Inui's strange behaviour also attracted the other regulars' attention.

"Hoi Inui, what's got you so excited?"

As the others watched Inui attempted to school his face to seriousness. He didn't quite succeed as his lips continued to try to quirk upwards.

"Grave news. Very grave."

The regulars waited for a further revelation, but Inui seemed satisfied with their confusion.

"Nya, Inui tell us." Kikumaru approached the taller player and shook him. "Tell us. Tell us. Tell us. Tell us. Tell us. Tell us…"

Inui held up his hands in surrender, calculating the likelihood of Kikumaru continuing to ask him (95) all day, unless Oishi got involved and…sufficiently distracted his partner. However, Oishi seemed to want answers as much as his partner and for once didn't seem interested in stopping Kikumaru from harassing Inui.

"Echizen's superb tennis skills…" Inui once again paused for dramatic effect "…is entirely due to his hat."

There was silence for a few moments before Kikumaru and Momoshiro erupted into uncontrollable snickering.

"Echizen's…hehe…talent is in his hat."

A number of the other regulars grinned evilly at the revelation.

"No, this is bad…what if other teams find out?" Oishi's worry over such a possibility expressed itself in frenzied pacing and dramatic hand gestures, one of which almost took out Momoshiro's eye. The younger boy quickly stumbled backwards, falling over Kawamura and into Kaidoh's lap.

The two juniors stared at each other from close proximity, before realising what position they were in. A distance of metres had never been achieved so quickly. From the safety of that distance the two juniors broke into one of their all too common arguments.

"What were you doing mamushi? Holding me like that, huh?"

"Fsssshhh…shut up idiot. You're the one that fell on me. Clumsy oaf."

"You want a piece of me? Do you?"

"As if I'd lower myself to your level."

"Oh yeah, mamushi?" Momo's hands fisted in the front of Kaidoh's shirt and Kaidoh's hands were quick to follow suit, taking hold of Momo's shirt.

"Yeah"

Deciding the regular meeting had probably degenerated as far as it was going to go, and thus there was no real entertainment value in continuing to watch them, Fuji approached the object of the others frantic thoughts.

Grabbing the hat, Fuji inspected it for any special properties. Failing to see anything but a ratty old hat, he thought about trying it on himself, but reconsidered when he remembered, 'ugh hat hair'. He was distracted from his scrutiny of the hat by Ryoma.

"Fuji-senpai" The glare was vicious. "Give it back!"

"Hmmm…no."

"Give it back!"

"No"

Annoyed with Fuji's refusal, Ryoma attempted to get it himself, arm reaching to snatch the hat back to his head. However, he was too slow and Fuji held it out of his reach.

"Fuji-senpai…" Glaring at the perpetrator of the indignity, he tried to convey how unimpressed he was by Fuji's juvenile behaviour. Fuji's smile radiated smug enjoyment, and unable to let Fuji win, he leapt for his hat, but it was again raised beyond his reach.

He tried again, and again, all to no avail. Cursing his short legs, he thought hard on how to get his hat back.

"Fuji-senpai, give me my hat back." Teeth clenched. "Please."

"What will you give me for it?"

"Nothing"

"Then I'll keep it"

"But it's mine."

"Yes, but possession is nine tenths of the law."

Seeing he couldn't win against Fuji with reason, he resorted to underhanded tricks.

"I'll tell your brother you were mean to me." There see how smug the smiling sadist was after that one.

"I'm sure Yuuta would be pleased to hear that he wasn't the only one I enjoy tormenting." Damn, foiled again, and the smile was beginning to get on his nerves. Well, it looked like it was time to bring out the big guns.

"Tezuka, Fuji's limiting my potential to be the pillar of Seigaku." Blue eyes opened in surprise, staring at the younger boy's smirking expression. But, no matter how adorable the younger boy looked smirking at him, he wasn't going to back down from the challenge now. That decided, he let a smug grin overtake his features once more.

"Saa…Echizen…"He was interrupted by a gruff voice behind him.

"Fuji. Give Echizen back his hat. Then run 20 laps." Fuji looked over his shoulder at the unsmiling captain. Noting his expression and deciding Tezuka was completely serious, Fuji gave Ryoma back his hat. After watching Tezuka walk away, he turned back to the smirking freshman who was happily resettling the hat on his head. Blue eyes looked at Ryoma with an emotion resembling respect glittering in their depths.

"That was very devious Echizen. How'd you get Tezuka to intervene?" Ryoma's smirk turned smug.

"Buchou won't let anything interfere with developing my potential." Fuji again turned to watch Tezuka as he sent the other regulars to run laps. Fuji turned back to look at Ryoma, admiration shining from his features.

"Saa Echizen, will you be my padawan?" Ryoma observed the obviously deranged tensai through narrowed eyes. "I want to teach you all the joys of being devious."

Ryoma took a few large steps away from the other boy before answering.

"No" He stopped and considered the possibility of insanity in the senior. "Thankyou"

"There are a number of benefits." Ryoma eyed Fuji suspiciously.

"Like what?"

"My company?"

"No"

"Sex?"

"NO"

"I'll defeat your father for you."

"You sound like that Mizuki guy" The response was automatic, but Ryoma considered the offer for a moment before shaking his head.

"I'm gonna defeat the bastard myself. But I'll consider your offer on one condition."

"Hmm?"

"I get to play a serious game of tennis against you at least twice a week."

Fuji agreed immediately and they shook hands.

The moment was broken by a shout from across the court.

"Fuji! 50 laps. NOW!"

Fuji waved an acknowledgement but didn't immediately release Ryoma's hand.

"Sex will be a bonus for good behaviour." Line delivered, Fuji was quick to begin his laps around the court under Tezuka's watchful eye. Ryoma's mouth gaped for a moment, before he drew himself together.

"FUJI-SENPAI, I NEVER AGREED TO THAT."

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Reviews appreciated. Criticisms considered. Flames ignored.