******************Trigger warning; sexual content and rape*************************
****************************Self-conflict**************************************
*************************** RAPE Warning************************************
"Actually Granger, I don't think I'll ever stop," he purrs, blowing air into my ear. He grabs my hips and pushes me up against the wall and I bit my lip to keep from screaming out in pain for the walls were rough and stony and the bruises on my back were hurting as though a thousand needles were pricking into my skin. He takes a hold of my hands tightly so I wouldn't try to get away. I try to get him to stop, but he just wouldn't. He pushes his weight against my body, lowering his head to meet my lips in another bruising kiss. I don't fight it knowing full well there is no point. My protests will only provoke him to cause me more pain. At least now he was being a bit gentler. He delved his tongue through my teeth, exploring every crevice of my mouth with force and brutal power. He drew back for air and continued to kiss down the length of my jaw, my chest rising and falling rapidly in fear that he would attack me anytime soon.
He begins sucking the junction of where the neck meets my shoulder, biting down hard and drawing circles around with his tongue, my mouth letting out low whimpers of pain and something else I had hoped I would never feel...a tiny bit of pleasure. No doubt he was good at what he does no matter how forceful and painful his sexual ministrations are, and my body obviously react positively to his touch. Not all of his touches, but the simpler more carefree ones. His bites are hard and I clenched my fists each time, the veins in my hands nearly popping out of my skin as he licked his way down to my collar bone and lower, stopping at the tops of my breasts, my half-buttoned blue blouse not allowing him to go any further. A small shudder ran down my spine as I grew ready for him. I beg my body to stop but his hands feel so wonderful. His fingers run along my torso, slowly undoing the remaining buttons. I put my hand over his to stop him, knowing full well that he would be angered but we were in a public place, an alley outside of my apartment complex at midnight. He had cornered me here since he knew I would be out studying, and I wanted him to come.
"What if someone sees?" I asked him, hoping to God that someone would indeed stumble upon us and inform someone. Anyone so this torture would end. "No one will nor can," was his only reply and he tried to push away my hands, but for some reason I didn't move them though I knew it would be futile to stop him now of all times. "Granger," he warned but I didn't heed him. I didn't want to do this now. At least in my room I would be able to have the comfort of my bed to cry myself to sleep but now I'd have to make the long journey to the fifth floor in all my pain. I don't think I would be able to make it there alone. He was being much gentler all this time but now he became enraged, pinning his leg between my thighs and raising me a bit further and he swooped down and gave me a brutal kiss, biting hard down on my lip, hard enough to draw blood. The warm blood filled my mouth and I licked my lips to clean it away. I lightly brushed against his mouth, he lets out a small groan, "So much more fun when you play along…"
Trembling I try to calm my nerves and I moved my hands away and allowed him to continue to undo the buttons of my shirt. Each time one was done, he would kiss me hard and then move on to the next button, licking the blood off my lips when he reached the last one. "That's a good girl," he said when I didn't protest any longer for I really didn't want too. "For that we need a reward," he said, a devilish smirk across his face.
I dread that look for it only means one thing...reward for him but punishment for me. I shut my eyes and braced myself for the next pain that would tear me in two. He tugged my blouse off my shoulders and pulled my arm. Kissing and touching me as we ascended up the second flight of the stairs. I run my hands though his soft blond hair and moan as he latches on to my breast. Pinning me to the wall on the third floor landing. I slide my hands under his shirt and returned his kiss as he lifted me from the floor. My legs wrapped around his hips and he kisses my neck, lightly nibbling. I know that this is wrong, but it feels so right. He lowers me to the floor and takes my hand. He has never taken my hand…He pulls me up the last two flights of stairs...what does it mean…He pulls me to him and lifts me again.
He kisses me as he carries me until we reached my door and pulls my keys from my jean pocket and unlocks the door and pushes me on to the dining room table. His sly hands ran down my bare stomach and unfastened my belt and then slide down my pants leg and pulled my black tennis shoes and jeans off in one swift movement. I didn't cry out in pain, because when I felt was not pain but excitement. What is wrong with me…why does this feel so right. He pulls off his black t-shirt and leans over me to give me another kiss, but it is soft. I hear him slide off his shoes as his warm hand rip away my underwear, he slides his fingers into me as he slides off his black slacks. He grabs me off of the table and presses our naked bodies together. I shivered, not in pain, but in anticipation. I was fighting with my mind when he pushes me to the hardwood floor and rammed himself deep inside me. I cried out in shock, pain and…pleasure. As he moves inside of me I feel my own pleasure building. He never leaves me unsatisfied, as I come undone around him his seed fill me. "Hermione" he mutters into my neck. Never has he said my name, what does it mean…are things changing for him too? When he was finished with me he stood up and left me cold and naked on the dining room floor. Most times he leaves me like this, but this time he picks me up and moves me to the couch. He slides on his pants, bottoms his shirt and picked up his shoes and walked to the door and as he left he said with a smirk, "Don't forget I'm the only one who would want you and if you tell a soul about our arrangement, no one will believe you." The same thing he says every time. When the door shut behind him I wept as I sat up on the couch. What made everything worse is…I didn't want to tell anyone…I didn't want him to stop…