Tellius's Loveless Fools
A/N: Okay, this is probably going to be really lame and not even worth reading, but I currently have terrible writer's block, and this is all I could think of.
Well, other than that, I think all I have to say is that this fic is assuming that quite a few of the paired endings never happened…
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"Okay, I think everyone's here, so let's get started!" The emerald-haired paladin exclaimed as he took his seat. "It looks like we have a nice crowd…no troublemakers…for the most part."
"You're talking about me, aren't you?" inquired a clown-haired sword-knight.
"To be frank, yes, Makalov, I do mean you."
"Hmph."
"Anyway, to get on with this, you're here to share you're problems with all of us, and I'm here to tell you what you need to fix."
"Now tell me Duke Renning, what exactly do you know about love?" stated an azure-haired Silver Knight.
"Well, Geoffrey, do I need to remind you that I'm married to your sister? So, I must obviously know something."
"Whatever you say…" the man said with a chuckle.
"Can we just get on with this?"
"Please, be my guest."
"So anyway, why don't we start with you, Geoffrey."
"Oh, no, I think that's quite alright."
"No, no, I insist! I mean, since you seem to know so much…"
"But…"
"Okay, then, it's an order!"
"I…"
"Now, Geoffrey."
"Yes, Sir! Well, most people don't know this, but I'm in love with…Queen Elincia. And I…"
"Okay, stop right there. First of all, everyone knows you're in love with Elincia. Now, my advice to you is to just forget about her."
"F-forget about her?!"
"Yes, that's what I said."
"B-but…why?"
"Simple really, she's my niece and if she dated you, well, I'd have to kill you. And I don't think you're all that bad, so I don't want that to happen. Okay, so who's next?"
"…"
"Oh come on, someone has to want to go!"
"No."
"Not really."
"I don't think so."
"Fine, I'll just have to appoint a volunteer."
"Is it really volunteering if it's done forcibly?"
"Okay, Sothe, just for that comment, you're next! What sad and depressing story do you have for us today?"
"Well, I love a girl, but she doesn't love me…"
A certain overly annoying blonde sage spoke up. "Ahh, 'tis a sad fate indeed when you love a fair lady and love she does not return to you."
"Yes, Bastian, and that's something you know quite a bit about, isn't it?"
"Sir Geoffrey! Dare you insult me so?!"
"Yes, I do 'dare to insult you so.'"
"Okay you two! Shut your mouths now or I'll have you both thrown out of here!"
"Of course, Milord!"
"Anyway, Sothe, who is this girl?"
"…Micaiah…"
"Oh, well in that case…considering that Lady Micaiah is engaged…I say you should let it go."
"What?! Engaged?!"
"Oh dear, you didn't know?"
"No! I have to go…wait…to whom?!"
"General Ike, of course."
"WHAT?! AHH!!! NO!!!"
And so, the sobbing Sothe ran full speed out of the room.
"Well, that was fun. So, whose dreams do I get to crush next?"
"I guess that'd be me."
"Oh, Gatrie…I can already tell you what your problem is. You love every girl you see, but rarely ever do they return the feeling. Do you know why this is?"
"No…I can't say I do."
"They've all heard of you!"
"So you're saying that because I'm so famous and amazing, they're intimidated by me? Right?"
"Actu--"
"Thanks, Man! I'm going to go find me a girl!"
The blonde-haired lance general sped out of the room before anyone could even laugh.
"That's not what I meant…"
"What an idiot."
"Okay, so Bastian, you're next. What's your problem?"
As if I didn't already know…
"Well, Milord Renning, I, like many of those here, have had a lovely lady break my heart. The Lady Lucia has broken my heart many a times, but I haven't given up hope thus far!"
"Oh please, Bastian, I'd have a much better chance with Lucia than you would," stated a hawk laguz.
"Hey! Both of you stop this! Lucia's my wife!"
"And she's my sister!"
"Yeah, well Geoffrey, you're a loser, and Renning I can't think of one good reason why someone as beautiful as Lucia would marry someone as old as you. I mean, she could have married me!"
"Uhh…Ludveck, you tried to kill her…why would she even consider marrying you? And wait a minute…aren't you supposed to be in jail or something?"
"Yeah, but the warden said I could come to this meeting instead…I think they got sick of me."
"Umm…okay?"
"Anyway, people…back to the meeting! And here are the new rules… Geoffrey doesn't talk, and the next one that talks about my wife gets thrown out. Got it, Geoffrey?"
"Yes, Sir!"
"I said don't talk!"
"But--"
"Geoffrey!"
"…"
"Okay, do the rest of you losers get it?"
"YES, SIR!"
"Okay, Makalov, I think you're the last one. So, what's your story?"
"Well, the love of my life, Astrid, left me for Leonardo."
"Leonardo?! Hahaha! That is sad!"
"Ludveck! What did I tell you?"
"I couldn't talk about Lucia."
"Exactly. And since you just did, I'm going to have to tell you to leave."
"But--"
"Now!"
"…Fine…I'll just plot my next attack on Crimea…" stated the general as he walked out the door and slammed it behind him.
"Lord Renning! We can't let him--"
"Geoffrey! I said no talking! Now get out of here!"
"Fine! I'll stop him by myself."
"I'm out of here too."
So the great Crimean General and the only laguz member in attendance left the room.
"Ahh, Milord, I suppose it's just you, myself, and Sir Makalov left."
"Can it, Bastian. Why don't you and Makalov go gamble or something?"
"But, Milord--"
"Listen to the man, Bastian! Let's just go!"
"Tahaha aha! I see no problem with it. Let us be off, Sir Makalov!"
Why do I always have to put up with these idiots?!
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A/N: Tada! Okay, so like I said in the beginning…it wasn't that great. Hopefully someone will like it though.
On the bright side, there's only an hour and a half til the CMAs…which means there's just half an hour til the red carpet special! :D