To Die Standing
Chapter 1
She knew it was more than it seemed, even then. They had been inside the garage, lying in wait thanks to Abby's instructions. The truck was going to drive in any minute now, and she and Tony were to catch them in the act. Gibbs and McGee remained outside the garage door with the other squad members.
" What the hell's taking them so long?" Tony grumbled. " I'm starving."
" I'm surprised you still remember your stomach." Ziva replied nonchalantly. " Guess they weren't kidding when they said the stomach's the man's second brain."
" Who said that? Besides, give me a break. I haven't eaten since breakfast this morning."
" Holy cow, you missed one meal. You must be dying."
" I am."
Before Ziva could make another comment, however, she heard the rumble of a truck's engine. Tony heard it as well, and he instantly quieted down. " They're coming." He whispered.
" I noticed." Ziva replied dryly. " Is it them?"
" Of course it's them." Tony took a look anyway. " Yup. It's them. Boss," He said to the headset, " They're here."
" We noticed." Gibbs replied with the same tone as Ziva. " Wait until they're all out."
" Right Boss." Tony replied. " Are they coming out?"
" Two guys," Ziva informed him, keeping a sharp eye. " Back door's opening though, don't know how many…two…three…four…there's seven in total."
" We get them now?"
" Don't think anyone else is coming out." Ziva held up a hand. " We should circle around the back though, just in case."
" Well we can't do that." Tony turned to the headset again. " Boss, can't tell if anyone's still in the truck."
" McGee's already on it." Gibbs replied. A few seconds later, he said, " DiNozzo, they're all out."
Tony gave Ziva the signal and they both jumped out simultaneously.
" Freeze!"
" Hands in the air!"
The men instantly dropped what boxes and supplies they were holding. Some reached for their guns, while others complied with instructions.
" Put your guns down!" Gibbs yelled. McGee emerged from behind one of the walls.
" NCIS!"
They had the situation under control. They were not going to shoot under such circumstances, now that they are surrounded on all sides. She could already see some of them beginning to lower their guns.
And then the strangest thing happened.
" Put your guns down!" Gibbs was repeating, and then Ziva suddenly lurched forward , and dropped her gun while falling on her hands.
A shot rang in the air, and Ziva heard the bullet whizz over her head. Tony fired next to her, and the man who shot the first bullet dropped to the floor. She hurriedly grabbed her gun. Tony looked sideways at her.
" Woman," he whispered, " You sure have great timing when it comes to clumsiness."
Ziva was so shaken she did not even reply.
They rounded up the terrorists, handing them over to the squad team. Gibbs gave her a sharp look when the team reunited at his car.
" Are you okay?" McGee asked, looking like it was a bit difficult for him to ask that. Ziva would normally be extremely resentful of that question; tripping on the floor? What was she, five years old?
But the horrible fact was that she did not trip. She had simply fallen over. For what had seemed like no reason at all. Resentful as she might be under other circumstances, Ziva could not snap at McGee. She was wondering the same thing.
Still, no need to cause anyone to worry. Gibbs would probably be even more annoyed than he apparently is. " I'm fine." She said flatly.
" Just a little, you know," Tony twirled his finger around his temple suggestively. He was not going to let go of this one. " Tomorrow's headlines: Great Mossad assassin, killed last night because she tripped over her own feet and dropped her gun."
" DiNozzo!" Gibbs snapped from a few meters away. " Quit fooling around and get to work!"
" Right boss." Tony instantly snapped to attention and hurried to Gibbs' side. Ziva watched him go, feeling very cold. Beside her, McGee asked her again, " You sure you're okay, Ziva?"
" I'm fine." This time she really was resentful.
oO
Many things can be worse than death. As the years go by one learns more and more that life is so much more complicated than death. When it comes to someone dying a gruesome death, the death itself is not gruesome. The dying part is the part that has everyone wincing. After all, when a person is dying, they are not dead yet, which makes all the difference. It explains, then, why despite the fact that the team members each trust each other with their lives out on the field, there are a great many things they do not reveal to each other. Things about their past, their present, what makes them motivated, what makes them cry, the things they love and the things they fear. They were a team. They were not family. Not for real, anyway.
Life is so fragile, yet so tough. And Ziva, herself, knew she was both tough and fragile. Soft on the inside–she was a woman, after all, and had treasures to hide within her that she could not allow others to touch easily; hard on the outside, forced by the stress of having to grow up too fast in a world filled with bloodshed and hate. For the most part the toughness protected her heart and her mind, a hard shell encasing around her like an all-around shield. She had always feared that one day a blow too hard will crack that shell and she will lie bleeding like a squashed bug.
It was not until now that she suddenly realized the danger could come from within.
The day's deeds done, what harm caused was no harm after all. Tony was forced to kill a man, but he did it in a stride. It was to protect Ziva, who had been down and helpless on the ground, and he wasted no time poking fun of her, saying, " Chivalry is alive yet again! Sweet damsel falls at the mercy of hooligans!" to which, try as she might, Ziva honestly had no reply. In the end, it was, surprisingly, Gibbs who put an end to it, with a sharp " DiNozzo, don't you have somewhere to be?" Or, perhaps not so surprising, as Gibbs always seems to know when enough is enough. Still, Ziva had been unable to speak at all, to anyone, for the rest of that evening as they packed their things to leave, and McGee had been forced, perhaps by the years of having known Ziva's most likely responses, to ask Tony " You think she's a sweet damsel?"
Ziva went home before she could hear Tony answer.
The streets were brighter than she remembered. The lights were so bright they blurred together, and Ziva knew she will have a migraine by morning. She was exhausted, as she usually was after a case just closed, and she wanted nothing more than to drop on her bed and sleep. But the first thing she did when she arrived in her apartment was to look at herself in the mirror for a long time. She did not even take off her shoes and her coat. She considered her features, as if she had changed, morphed into something she did not recognize. Then she tried to stand on one leg, still staring at herself in the mirror.
She could not do it.
oO
" What do you think is up with her?" McGee asked.
" How should I know, Probie?"
" Well, you were with her earlier." McGee pointed out. " Did…something happen?"
" Nothing happened." Tony shrugged. " I'm as puzzled as you."
" I wonder what's wrong." McGee frowned. " She wasn't even reacting to your jokes."
" I noticed." Tony returned, his tone very similar to Ziva's and Gibbs' when they said the same words. " Whatever it is, doubt we can do anything about it. She's Ziva."
" Well, yeah," McGee relented. " I guess."