This is a Fanfic
By Frostbite
This is a fanfic. (Run now, run and don't look back!)
You are reading it.
Thus you are an idiot, and we hate you already.
But don't worry, it gets worse. (Encouraging isn't it?)
So sit back, relax, and prepare to surrender what little intelligence you have left.
Now, giving you no setting what so ever, no context to help you situate yourself, we commence!
Most of the pods had crashed, but there was still tons left (because of course the Maximals had millions of pods! MILLIONS!! There are logical reasons for this, but we have decided that you are not worthy enough to know them. Convenient eh?) This particular one was a really crappy one. That's right, it was crappy. Really crappy for that matter. When they say they saved the best for last, they lied, a lot, horribly, and other such synonyms. Maybe it would have been better not to tell you this, to preserve some sort of suspense for later, but too bad! On with it!
So right there's this crappy pod, and it decides to fall, because hurtling at death defying speeds towards large objects such as planets is fun! No really, you should try it sometime. In fact what are you doing reading this, you could be out dyi - having fun!
What?! Don't look at me like that, I didn't want to be the narrator ok! I got stuck with it! So give me a break!
Right, so the pods lands….and, well just to be original…nothing happens. Yup nothing at all, the end.
….
I said nothing happened, now go away!
…
Aww
crap…fine I'll finish it ok!
So the pod lands, and as usual (because we FEAR originality) lots of people come to check it out. Some from different factions. I could name those present, but I doubt you care. So these factions thought, 'Hey, let's fight a bit, you know, just for the hell of it', (and also because of course every fic needs some sort of battle scene. This IS a war after all.) so they fight, though this consists mostly of witty remarks and impassionate speeches, and not that much actual fighting. But you knew that already right, I mean this is a fic, did you seriously expect more? If so you are a fool. (but you knew that already right?)
Suddenly (gasped!) Bleu light shot out of…the nearest Mary Sue (they're everywhere), and …an Angel appeared in the sky. Yeah what the hell, let's get all mystic.
So the angel came down and spouted some crap about how Mary Sue was the chosen one. Chosen for what you ask? (probably didn't, but let's pretend) Well, one would hope she was chosen to die, but hoping gets you nowhere, unless of course you are an annoying Mary Sue inside a fic. She was in fact the one who was chosen to be important, because she was all good, and purish (It's a word!) and she saved crap (it has a right to exist too you know). So she was, according to some prophecy (Yeah those are reliable) going to save them all, and…well we'll throw in some stuff about 'True Love' cause it's 'important' according to some idiots (You know who you are. If you don't, the fact that you are reading this should tell you something.) There was much rejoicing (because I like that verb!) and every one was happy and got along swimmingly, except for the author's least favourite character, who became hideously ugly, and was eaten by mad goats. The End.
…
Fine then it wasn't the end. Because we forgot about the pod, but I mean that's hardly something we can be blamed for. OK so while this was going on, an intelligent (and therefore non-existent) Predacon snuck over to the pod, and reprogrammed it, just like that *snaps fingers*. So out of the pod emerged a large…grey…moose!! Yes, and large grey moose, and it said "insert crappy name here Terrorize!"
Every one gasped and turned to look at the new transformer, thus ignoring the glowing Mary Sue. The Mary Sue (whose entire existence is pointless) noticed that no one was paying attention to her, so she curled up and began to sob, because she's a whiny little bitch. Right, so the new transformer heard her crying, and it touched his heart, or at least it would of, if he'd had one. Instead, he just found the noise to be incredibly annoying (imagine that), so he walked over, and said something incredibly witty, and then shot the whining Mary Sue! (Woooo!) But then, one of the other transformers (why be specific?) declared his undying love for the Mary Sue (he will die!) and said some angst filled speech about loving people who are going to die, and how that made him a little sad. Suddenly the Mary Sue started glowing again, and she was miraculously (this is certainly the wrong term) healed. For she is a Mary Sue, and therefore because of her very nature cannot die.
And everyone realized this at once, and they were filled with fear. And just for the hell of it, I will write in future tense now (grammar? What's that?)
BlackArachnia will walk forward, and will say that she will be leaving soon.
She then will run towards a fence (I have no idea where this is going, hopefully it leads to violence) that will appear out of nowhere, she will leap over it and will run away into the distance never to be seen again.
Silverbolt will be sad, but he will not be there right now, so he will be sad later, when his comrades will get back to their base.
(Do you get the feeling I don't actually understand future tense, and am just randomly throwing the word 'will' in front of verbs. If so, you are smarter than you look, which really isn't saying much)
Rattrap, who was…err, will be there, will say, "Let us now depart! Our base awaits!" Because of course he will be hideously mischaracterized. You will become annoyed with the narrator, and you will threaten the narrator until such a time as the narrator will decide to stop using future tense.
You will…err, you can stop threatening now.
Right, so this is just one big waste of time. Let's get a little crazier why don't we.
Alright, so Rattrap began lecturing the new transformer on the evils of being a Predacon, "they are all a bunch of dumdums", and told him that he should switch over to the true and noble Maximals, "We got the only female". His speech was so convincing that Optimus decided to become a Maximal. Unfortunately, he already was one, so Rattrap hadn't made any progress. Dinobot, who was also there, sputtered and growled a lot. That's all he did, nothing else, seriously *nothing* else!
Meanwhile, in the same place (didn't want you to get lost) Megatron stood, all by himself. Really! He's a big boy, who can stand all by himself. Inferno was busy burning various things. Various things included the grass, himself, Dinobot, the trees, himself, any passing wild life, and himself. He also yelled a lot, often incoherently, and on occasion coherently, though this was a waste of time since no one was listening to him anyway. Far away in the distance, at the Maximal base, Rhinox sneezed. This has nothing to do with anything previously said, but it is nonetheless important, so remember it.
In the end, Megatron decided the Predacons should head back to base, because it was starting to get dark out, and he was afraid of the dark. Not really, but it's true anyway.
Optimus, a maximal who had been reformed as a maximal, (shoot me now) came to the decision that for once they would go on the offensive, and attack the retreating Predacons. This line of thought was abandoned as soon as it was mentioned that the surrounding forest was burning, thus killing the wild life. Optimus, not wanting to miss a perfectly good opportunity to sacrifice himself for someone else, threw himself into the forest, effectively putting out the fire he landed on. Unfortunately, the rest of the fire, which he hadn't managed to put out, consumed him, and he was gone. Yup that's right, Optimus Primal, leader of the Maximals, is dead.
So the forest continued to burn, and Rattrap, no matter how hideously mischaracterized he was, would certainly NEVER sacrifice himself for some wildlife, and decided to leave before the narrator killed him off too.
You remember when Rhinox sneezed? Yeah well you can forget it now. It's not important at all. It never was.
The End.
There, I didn't forget anything this time did I?
Who cares, who ever is still reading this must be brain dead at this point.
Oh and the earlier statement about the author's least favourite character and goats still stands. Good Day!! *walks off, but not before flipping you off*
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This is most likely the stupidest thing I have ever written…and I like it! Though I'm quite sure no one else will.
But review and tell me what you think anyway. By the way, this is dedicated to Taratron (And Manterror and Ligare), for her MST series…Just because I wanted to. (I doubt she will be honoured)