Last Night
by BonnieD
This is set after that dick, Angel, leaves and before the final battle. No
real spoilers except for mention of Angel bringing something useful which I
think everyone pretty much knows about by now.
***** Buffy closed the door behind him with a gentle click and leaned against it for a moment just breathing. Somewhere deep down she felt a twinge of that familiar toothache pain of his leaving, but overall she just felt a guilty sense of relief. It was confusing. Relief when he showed up like some larger than life cowboy hero and relief at his departure, how could she feel both of these things? Buffy looked around the living room, packed with potentials and Andrew, all of them fine-tuning weapons, chattering, and sneaking surreptitious glances at her. Spike wasn't there.
She stared down at the package in her hands, faithfully delivered by Angel, and wondered exactly how it would be used in the coming battle. Thoughtfully hefting its weight, she went into the kitchen to share the information she had with Willow and Giles and see what more they could make of it.
Willow, bleary-eyed from hours at the computer, (powered by the generator Xander had snagged from the hardware store) took the package, examined its contents and dove back into research. Buffy stepped over to the sink and gazed out the window at the deepening twilight. She felt her Slayer sense begin to tingle. Vampire nearby. She casually drifted out of the kitchen, stepped out the back door, and halted in the doorway, watching his familiar shape perched on the steps, half shadow, half light. A trail of smoke wafted up from the cigarette between his lips. He didn't turn around, but his back stiffened at her presence.
"He's gone," she announced. "Brought us some weird doodad to help in the fight."
His nod was almost imperceptible, and the smoke continued to rise in a thin stream.
Buffy sighed. "What a surprise. Spike's being all prickly," she thought. She counted to ten and began again.
"It's some ancient thingy that was prophesied to help the forces of good in the final apocalypse." She paused, thinking about that. "With all the near apocalypses we've been through, how are we supposed to know when it's the final one?" She shrugged. "Anyway, Angel rushed it right over."
"Pity he couldn't stay and help in the fight," Spike said.
"It's all right. He's got his own things to deal with in L.A. We'll do fine here without him," she replied. "Handled Glory all right, didn't we?"
Spike turned to shoot her a withering glance. "Yeah, and we all know how that turned out."
Buffy sighed again, and came to sit by him on the steps. She considered her next words carefully, while listening to the crickets chirping merrily away as if the end of the world wasn't imminent. Probably it wasn't for them. Good or evil in charge, the bugs of the world would live on.
"Look, Spike...." "Buffy....." They began simultaneously.
"I just wanted to say...." Buffy overrode him. "About Angel...."
"Nothing to say," he answered. "You love who you love. I, of all people, understand that. There's nothing to be done about it."
"No, I....."
"Doesn't matter, pet. I'll still be here to help you tomorrow night. It is tomorrow night isn't it? Cause this waiting is getting bloody infuriating."
"Spike, would you....."
"Anyway, no worries. I'm not expecting anything. Just want to help...."
"Stop interrupting!" Buffy exploded. "You know I'm not big with the sharing my feelings thing and I've finally got something to say. If you don't shut up soon, I'll never get it out."
Spike subsided, meeting her eyes for the first time since she'd sat down. He plucked the cigarette from his mouth and threw it into the dew damp grass where it smoldered. Buffy looked at the glowing tip and the silence lengthened.
"Aren't you going to put that out?" she asked, distractedly. Spike continued to gaze at her, waiting. "I - I can't talk with you looking at me like that," she said, and he obligingly slid his eyes away to examine the neighbors' backyard fence.
"Okay." She drew a deep breath. "About Angel. I know you two don't care for each other." A small snort came from the vampire. "All right, understatement. Despise each other then. And I know was hard for you to have him here. But he really helped us out and he's gone now anyway, so let's just let it go, okay?" she finished in a rush.
There was a long pause.
"That's it? That's your 'sharing your feelings' moment?" Spike asked, drily.
"Well.....yeah. I'm telling you how I feel. Do I have to say it again?"
"Did I miss something?"
"Angel's not here. You are," Buffy declared, as if it explained everything.
"I'm convenient?" he asked. "Is that the point of the story?"
"No!" Buffy's frustration was growing and her hand twitched, aching to hit something. "The point is...I don't want Angel at my side going in to battle. I'm not even very comfortable around him anymore. I want you." She was suddenly blushing at the admission.
"You looked pretty comfortable with him earlier this evening when...." He stopped, added a, "Never mind." and shifted to get up. Buffy put a hand on his arm and he stilled.
"You saw....? What did you see? "
"Caleb wasn't at the vineyard so I caught up with you at the temple. In case you needed help."
"Oh." Buffy's voice was small. "That."
"Yeah, that."
"It didn't mean...."
"Yes it did. I said it myself years ago, you'll never be finished with each other." He shrugged. "But it's not my business anyway. I have no right to...."
"Spike, really, listen!" she commanded. "I love Angel. I do. But not the way you think. We will care for each other always, but it...it's not the same. He's like a.....a relative or something."
Spike raised an eyebrow as he faced her again. "You kiss all your cousins like that?"
Suddenly Buffy was snorting with laughter. Spike even managed a wisp of a smile.
After a second, the Slayer sobered. "Yeah, well...chalk that up to old habit. I was really happy to see him." She paused. "But I would've been even happier to see you."
"I don't know," she continued, "if what I feel for you is love. I can't say that I even know what the word means anymore. But I do want you here by me - all the time. I count on your being there. I miss your annoying voice when you're not around, and it's in my head anyway even when you're not there, telling me the things I don't want to know or making sarcastic comments when Xander says something goofy. It's like you're with me even when you're not with me. Is that love?"
Spike held his tongue and the seconds played out.
"And last summer, when you were gone. No one thought you would be back. I told myself I hoped you'd never show up again. But it was a lie. I did miss you. I couldn't believe you had actually, finally left town. It hurt."
The silence seemed to be working so Spike held it to him.
Buffy's voice began to rise in irritation. "I don't have the time or energy to work out personal issues right now. So you can either believe what I say or not. I don't care. When I told you it meant something - you holding me last night, when I say you gave me the strength I needed to go do what I had to do, I meant it. Okay?"
Spike cleared his throat.
"Is that love? I don't know. But it's all I've got to give you," Buffy rushed on. "I choose you Spike. You're not a default Angel. I was happy to see him but just as happy to see him go. I'm glad it's down to us again....... Is that enough for you?"
He reached into his coat pocket, pulled out a pack of cigarettes, and shook one out. Placed it in his lips and lit it with a slightly trembling hand, then looked over at the love of his life.
"Works for me," he said quietly.
"Well.....Good." Buffy was flustered and felt the urge for flight as usual when her emotions got the best of her. Instead she reached out and grabbed the pack of cigarettes before Spike could put it back in his pocket. "What IS the deal with these things anyway? Chocolate as a habit I get, but smoking....?" She removed a cancer stick and sniffed at it before putting it in her mouth.
Spike leaned over and flicked his lighter. He smiled as Buffy drew on the cigarette then choked out a little puff of smoke. She squinched her face up in patented Buffy disgust.
"Blecchh!" She drew in another mouthful, spat it out, then tossed the cigarette on the ground dismissively.
"Hey, I only got two left!" Spike protested.
"Have Andrew get more on his next grocery run," Buffy said. She stretched and leaned back on her elbows on the deck behind them, sprawling her legs out in front of her. Spike matched her, cigarette burning forgotten in his left hand, and they half-reclined side by side, looking up at the night sky.
"Beautiful," Buffy murmured, as she watched stars pulse. "I forget to look up. Kinda takes you out of yourself doesn't it?"
"Well, when you're out hunting for things to kill, looking up can be hazardous to your health," Spike noted. "But it is....beautiful." His gaze switched to her profile, perfectly lit from the light that spilled from the house.
Buffy didn't return his look but reached her hand over and touched his, where it rested next to hers on the worn wood of the porch. She smiled as she caressed his skin with her thumb. His eyes turned down to follow the movement of her hand.
Spike swallowed hard and squeezed his eyes shut for a moment. A glimmer of tears threatened to spill out, but he blinked them back quickly.
"You wanna hear something gross?" Buffy asked, laughing lightly.
"Hm?" He took another drag on his cigarette before tossing it into the yard with the others.
"I was talking to Faith earlier. She and Principal Wood did the nasty last night - in MY bed!"
"No kidding. Can't say it surprises me. That Faith is a gas burner just waiting to be lit."
"Think she's a hottie, eh?"
"Didn't really notice. The girl's not my type."
"Really? What is your type?" Buffy cast a sideways glance of amusement.
"Oh....someone a little less sweet-tempered. A bit more overbearing and violent. More of a tiger than a shrinking violet like Faith. Ow." He sat up and rubbed his shoulder where a Slayer-fist shaped bruise would be appearing soon. "You know, someone who really demonstrates her emotions but never talks about them."
Buffy rolled her eyes, then sat up and leaned her shoulder against Spike's. "Hey, what are the chances we could get my bed back for tonight? Kick the invalid Slayer out onto the couch. Would that be bad?"
"We?" Spike snuck a tentative arm around her back and drew her even closer.
She leaned her head against him. "I-I know whatever it is we're trying to grow here is fragile. But tomorrow.....could be the end of everything. One or the other or both of us might not make it through and......" Her voice cracked.
"Ssssh. Not gonna happen. There's plenty of time."
"No. No there isn't. If I'm still around after, I don't want to be thinking 'if only' and 'I wish'. There's too much wasted time for us already because of me. I want to be with you tonight."
Their fingers entwined, snaking together, while Spike's other hand stroked her hip where it rested. He rubbed his cheek against the top of her head.
"If it's really what you want," he finally said, "could be my cot in the basement is free."
"The girls have taken over everywhere. I say it looks like Mrs. Hanneman next door is gone for good. Let's go have some privacy." She turned her head to look up at him. "We'll tell Willow and Giles we'll be over there if they need us."
The 'we' and 'us' struck Spike speechless. He nodded agreement and Buffy climbed to her feet and reached out a hand to help him up. She opened the back door and called in to the kitchen, "Will, Spike and I will be next door at Mrs. Hanneman's for a few hours. If something comes up, send someone over." and let it fall shut behind her without waiting for a reply.
Again, she stretched out a hand to him and he took it dumbly. She led him through the damp grass to the darkened house of her elderly neighbor. Buffy knocked on the door, but it was hardly worth waiting for a response it was so obviously deserted. With a push of her shoulder, she cracked open the door.
"Wait." Spike held her arm as they paused on the threshold, and she turned to face him.
"I..." He appeared to be searching for lost words and Buffy waited patiently. "I...."
"Spike speechless? This is a first!" she teased, trying to diffuse the tension.
"I just..... Thank you," he muttered and leaned in to place the softest whisper of a kiss on her lips. It was a world away from their passionate gropings the previous year, but it melted Buffy's knees in a heartbeat. He stepped back again, and she raised her hand to lightly caress the side of his face.
"At the risk of sounding all Heckle and Jeckle, no Spike, thank YOU," she said, smiling sweetly. "You've given more to get us here, wherever here is, than I ever did." She suddenly grabbed him and gave him a fierce, bone- crushing hug, burying her face into his chest. He was taken by surprise but rallied quickly and hugged her right back, running one hand up to cradle the back of her head and stroke her always shiny clean hair.
Finally Buffy pulled away, blushing and a little tear stained, and for the third time that night, took him firmly by the hand. "Come on," she said and led him in to the empty house.
End
***** Buffy closed the door behind him with a gentle click and leaned against it for a moment just breathing. Somewhere deep down she felt a twinge of that familiar toothache pain of his leaving, but overall she just felt a guilty sense of relief. It was confusing. Relief when he showed up like some larger than life cowboy hero and relief at his departure, how could she feel both of these things? Buffy looked around the living room, packed with potentials and Andrew, all of them fine-tuning weapons, chattering, and sneaking surreptitious glances at her. Spike wasn't there.
She stared down at the package in her hands, faithfully delivered by Angel, and wondered exactly how it would be used in the coming battle. Thoughtfully hefting its weight, she went into the kitchen to share the information she had with Willow and Giles and see what more they could make of it.
Willow, bleary-eyed from hours at the computer, (powered by the generator Xander had snagged from the hardware store) took the package, examined its contents and dove back into research. Buffy stepped over to the sink and gazed out the window at the deepening twilight. She felt her Slayer sense begin to tingle. Vampire nearby. She casually drifted out of the kitchen, stepped out the back door, and halted in the doorway, watching his familiar shape perched on the steps, half shadow, half light. A trail of smoke wafted up from the cigarette between his lips. He didn't turn around, but his back stiffened at her presence.
"He's gone," she announced. "Brought us some weird doodad to help in the fight."
His nod was almost imperceptible, and the smoke continued to rise in a thin stream.
Buffy sighed. "What a surprise. Spike's being all prickly," she thought. She counted to ten and began again.
"It's some ancient thingy that was prophesied to help the forces of good in the final apocalypse." She paused, thinking about that. "With all the near apocalypses we've been through, how are we supposed to know when it's the final one?" She shrugged. "Anyway, Angel rushed it right over."
"Pity he couldn't stay and help in the fight," Spike said.
"It's all right. He's got his own things to deal with in L.A. We'll do fine here without him," she replied. "Handled Glory all right, didn't we?"
Spike turned to shoot her a withering glance. "Yeah, and we all know how that turned out."
Buffy sighed again, and came to sit by him on the steps. She considered her next words carefully, while listening to the crickets chirping merrily away as if the end of the world wasn't imminent. Probably it wasn't for them. Good or evil in charge, the bugs of the world would live on.
"Look, Spike...." "Buffy....." They began simultaneously.
"I just wanted to say...." Buffy overrode him. "About Angel...."
"Nothing to say," he answered. "You love who you love. I, of all people, understand that. There's nothing to be done about it."
"No, I....."
"Doesn't matter, pet. I'll still be here to help you tomorrow night. It is tomorrow night isn't it? Cause this waiting is getting bloody infuriating."
"Spike, would you....."
"Anyway, no worries. I'm not expecting anything. Just want to help...."
"Stop interrupting!" Buffy exploded. "You know I'm not big with the sharing my feelings thing and I've finally got something to say. If you don't shut up soon, I'll never get it out."
Spike subsided, meeting her eyes for the first time since she'd sat down. He plucked the cigarette from his mouth and threw it into the dew damp grass where it smoldered. Buffy looked at the glowing tip and the silence lengthened.
"Aren't you going to put that out?" she asked, distractedly. Spike continued to gaze at her, waiting. "I - I can't talk with you looking at me like that," she said, and he obligingly slid his eyes away to examine the neighbors' backyard fence.
"Okay." She drew a deep breath. "About Angel. I know you two don't care for each other." A small snort came from the vampire. "All right, understatement. Despise each other then. And I know was hard for you to have him here. But he really helped us out and he's gone now anyway, so let's just let it go, okay?" she finished in a rush.
There was a long pause.
"That's it? That's your 'sharing your feelings' moment?" Spike asked, drily.
"Well.....yeah. I'm telling you how I feel. Do I have to say it again?"
"Did I miss something?"
"Angel's not here. You are," Buffy declared, as if it explained everything.
"I'm convenient?" he asked. "Is that the point of the story?"
"No!" Buffy's frustration was growing and her hand twitched, aching to hit something. "The point is...I don't want Angel at my side going in to battle. I'm not even very comfortable around him anymore. I want you." She was suddenly blushing at the admission.
"You looked pretty comfortable with him earlier this evening when...." He stopped, added a, "Never mind." and shifted to get up. Buffy put a hand on his arm and he stilled.
"You saw....? What did you see? "
"Caleb wasn't at the vineyard so I caught up with you at the temple. In case you needed help."
"Oh." Buffy's voice was small. "That."
"Yeah, that."
"It didn't mean...."
"Yes it did. I said it myself years ago, you'll never be finished with each other." He shrugged. "But it's not my business anyway. I have no right to...."
"Spike, really, listen!" she commanded. "I love Angel. I do. But not the way you think. We will care for each other always, but it...it's not the same. He's like a.....a relative or something."
Spike raised an eyebrow as he faced her again. "You kiss all your cousins like that?"
Suddenly Buffy was snorting with laughter. Spike even managed a wisp of a smile.
After a second, the Slayer sobered. "Yeah, well...chalk that up to old habit. I was really happy to see him." She paused. "But I would've been even happier to see you."
"I don't know," she continued, "if what I feel for you is love. I can't say that I even know what the word means anymore. But I do want you here by me - all the time. I count on your being there. I miss your annoying voice when you're not around, and it's in my head anyway even when you're not there, telling me the things I don't want to know or making sarcastic comments when Xander says something goofy. It's like you're with me even when you're not with me. Is that love?"
Spike held his tongue and the seconds played out.
"And last summer, when you were gone. No one thought you would be back. I told myself I hoped you'd never show up again. But it was a lie. I did miss you. I couldn't believe you had actually, finally left town. It hurt."
The silence seemed to be working so Spike held it to him.
Buffy's voice began to rise in irritation. "I don't have the time or energy to work out personal issues right now. So you can either believe what I say or not. I don't care. When I told you it meant something - you holding me last night, when I say you gave me the strength I needed to go do what I had to do, I meant it. Okay?"
Spike cleared his throat.
"Is that love? I don't know. But it's all I've got to give you," Buffy rushed on. "I choose you Spike. You're not a default Angel. I was happy to see him but just as happy to see him go. I'm glad it's down to us again....... Is that enough for you?"
He reached into his coat pocket, pulled out a pack of cigarettes, and shook one out. Placed it in his lips and lit it with a slightly trembling hand, then looked over at the love of his life.
"Works for me," he said quietly.
"Well.....Good." Buffy was flustered and felt the urge for flight as usual when her emotions got the best of her. Instead she reached out and grabbed the pack of cigarettes before Spike could put it back in his pocket. "What IS the deal with these things anyway? Chocolate as a habit I get, but smoking....?" She removed a cancer stick and sniffed at it before putting it in her mouth.
Spike leaned over and flicked his lighter. He smiled as Buffy drew on the cigarette then choked out a little puff of smoke. She squinched her face up in patented Buffy disgust.
"Blecchh!" She drew in another mouthful, spat it out, then tossed the cigarette on the ground dismissively.
"Hey, I only got two left!" Spike protested.
"Have Andrew get more on his next grocery run," Buffy said. She stretched and leaned back on her elbows on the deck behind them, sprawling her legs out in front of her. Spike matched her, cigarette burning forgotten in his left hand, and they half-reclined side by side, looking up at the night sky.
"Beautiful," Buffy murmured, as she watched stars pulse. "I forget to look up. Kinda takes you out of yourself doesn't it?"
"Well, when you're out hunting for things to kill, looking up can be hazardous to your health," Spike noted. "But it is....beautiful." His gaze switched to her profile, perfectly lit from the light that spilled from the house.
Buffy didn't return his look but reached her hand over and touched his, where it rested next to hers on the worn wood of the porch. She smiled as she caressed his skin with her thumb. His eyes turned down to follow the movement of her hand.
Spike swallowed hard and squeezed his eyes shut for a moment. A glimmer of tears threatened to spill out, but he blinked them back quickly.
"You wanna hear something gross?" Buffy asked, laughing lightly.
"Hm?" He took another drag on his cigarette before tossing it into the yard with the others.
"I was talking to Faith earlier. She and Principal Wood did the nasty last night - in MY bed!"
"No kidding. Can't say it surprises me. That Faith is a gas burner just waiting to be lit."
"Think she's a hottie, eh?"
"Didn't really notice. The girl's not my type."
"Really? What is your type?" Buffy cast a sideways glance of amusement.
"Oh....someone a little less sweet-tempered. A bit more overbearing and violent. More of a tiger than a shrinking violet like Faith. Ow." He sat up and rubbed his shoulder where a Slayer-fist shaped bruise would be appearing soon. "You know, someone who really demonstrates her emotions but never talks about them."
Buffy rolled her eyes, then sat up and leaned her shoulder against Spike's. "Hey, what are the chances we could get my bed back for tonight? Kick the invalid Slayer out onto the couch. Would that be bad?"
"We?" Spike snuck a tentative arm around her back and drew her even closer.
She leaned her head against him. "I-I know whatever it is we're trying to grow here is fragile. But tomorrow.....could be the end of everything. One or the other or both of us might not make it through and......" Her voice cracked.
"Ssssh. Not gonna happen. There's plenty of time."
"No. No there isn't. If I'm still around after, I don't want to be thinking 'if only' and 'I wish'. There's too much wasted time for us already because of me. I want to be with you tonight."
Their fingers entwined, snaking together, while Spike's other hand stroked her hip where it rested. He rubbed his cheek against the top of her head.
"If it's really what you want," he finally said, "could be my cot in the basement is free."
"The girls have taken over everywhere. I say it looks like Mrs. Hanneman next door is gone for good. Let's go have some privacy." She turned her head to look up at him. "We'll tell Willow and Giles we'll be over there if they need us."
The 'we' and 'us' struck Spike speechless. He nodded agreement and Buffy climbed to her feet and reached out a hand to help him up. She opened the back door and called in to the kitchen, "Will, Spike and I will be next door at Mrs. Hanneman's for a few hours. If something comes up, send someone over." and let it fall shut behind her without waiting for a reply.
Again, she stretched out a hand to him and he took it dumbly. She led him through the damp grass to the darkened house of her elderly neighbor. Buffy knocked on the door, but it was hardly worth waiting for a response it was so obviously deserted. With a push of her shoulder, she cracked open the door.
"Wait." Spike held her arm as they paused on the threshold, and she turned to face him.
"I..." He appeared to be searching for lost words and Buffy waited patiently. "I...."
"Spike speechless? This is a first!" she teased, trying to diffuse the tension.
"I just..... Thank you," he muttered and leaned in to place the softest whisper of a kiss on her lips. It was a world away from their passionate gropings the previous year, but it melted Buffy's knees in a heartbeat. He stepped back again, and she raised her hand to lightly caress the side of his face.
"At the risk of sounding all Heckle and Jeckle, no Spike, thank YOU," she said, smiling sweetly. "You've given more to get us here, wherever here is, than I ever did." She suddenly grabbed him and gave him a fierce, bone- crushing hug, burying her face into his chest. He was taken by surprise but rallied quickly and hugged her right back, running one hand up to cradle the back of her head and stroke her always shiny clean hair.
Finally Buffy pulled away, blushing and a little tear stained, and for the third time that night, took him firmly by the hand. "Come on," she said and led him in to the empty house.
End