Sasuke had always been self-destructive. His friends just didn't realize how bad it was until it was almost too late. - cheysuli.envy.nu/
Title: And You Can Stop It Anytime
Author: keitorin
Fandom: Naruto
Pairing: Itachi x Sasuke
Rating: PG-13
Warning: Abuse
Summary: Sasuke is still self-destructive, but for entirely different reasons than one would think.
Type: AU
Words: 7000
Author's Note: Itachi didn't kill the clan. Madara never got involved with him. Akatsuki might as well not exist in this fic. ...I really like writing the Uchiha family and Kakashi.
Disclaimer: I don't claim to own Naruto. I write for fun, not profit.
Written: July 23, 2008
Mirror mirror on the wall
Who's the dumbest of them all
Insecurities keep growing
Wasted energies are flowing
Anger, pain and sadness beckon
Panic sets in a second
Be aware it's just your mind
And you can stop it anytime
Jem – Save Me
"Sasuke, will you please take this over to Higairi-san? He's been expecting it." Fugaku asked of him one day at the dinner table.
Sasuke had just finished, and Mikoto was taking up his plate. He obediently took the envelope and tucked it in the back pocket of his shorts.
For what could only have been millisecond, Sasuke hoped, he hesitated.
Please…don't make me go!
He wanted to beg out loud. He really did. But as always, he knew he would keep silent and do as told.
As he stood from the table, excusing himself, he saw that Itachi was staring at him.
Did he notice? Please don't let him notice.
Sasuke mentally grimaced. If Itachi thought something was wrong, he wouldn't stop giving Sasuke The Look until he spilled everything. And he would – because it was Itachi doing the asking.
I'd tell him even though….even though…
Sasuke blocked the thought immediately from his mind and determinedly set off; purposely grinning at Itachi so as not to further arouse suspicion than if he'd avoided his stare.
He was probably overthinking it anyway. Itachi probably just thought Sasuke was feeling lazy and had hesitated because he wanted to protest or something.
Sasuke walked as slowly as he could get away with without tripping, and he made sure to pass his and aunt and uncle's shop on the way. They were always selling desserts and snacks, and always stopped him to give him a treat and say hello.
But sooner or later, he had to leave, so he started off again, waving with a last smile to them.
As soon as his back was turned, the smile slipped off of his face.
The reason why was that he'd arrived at Higairi's house. Higairi was a distant cousin. He was a Chuunin level ninja but didn't go on many missions as far as Sasuke knew. What he did know was how jealous Higairi was of his father. He'd found that out on the first day he'd met the man, and he'd been so young… but it had been so clear even then.
He tried to stop his mind from going there, but every time he walked to that man's house, he relived his first visit. It was practically written in the stars that he'd relive it again now that he'd begun thinking about it.
He was four-years-old.
"Ah, this is my son. Sasuke, meet Higairi-san."
Sasuke remembered his father pushing him lightly towards the man, his mother's hand grasping his to keep him from falling over.
"Hey there little guy." A big voice said from above him, and Sasuke raised his head to stare.
At first glance, the man hadn't seemed so bad. Sasuke had ignored him in favor of the other baby hiding behind the big man's leg.
"Haha. You want to meet my son? This is Eiki." Higairi moved his leg so that Eiki was no longer blocked by it.
Sasuke tottered over to the boy, reached over and…patted his head.
The adults blinked for a moment before sharing a laugh, while little Sasuke blinked in confusion at the strange humans and plopped down beside his new buddy, who shyly returned the hair pat.
Then his mom and dad left to some meeting, leaving Sasuke alone with the strangers.
He'd been upset at first – if he wasn't at home with his mom, he was out with his mom – until the gentle lady, Eiki's mom, sat down with them with some toys to play.
That had been a lot of fun, but then the lady disappeared in Higairi's direction, leaving he and Eiki to their own devices.
The two played well together without incident until then Sasuke had to use the bathroom. The problem was, he didn't know where the bathroom was, and Eiki was being stubborn and wouldn't tell him.
Little Sasuke headed in the general direction of the bedroom until he was standing in front of the door. It had a vent on the lower half of the door.
He knew it was rude, but he really had to go. So, looking through the slots in the vent, he tried to find the lady.
"I still can't believe you accepted him without my permission!" Higairi's loud voice suddenly boomed out, knocking Sasuke back on his hindquarters in surprise.
"I already told you… Eiki needs someone his age to play with, dear-" The lady responded. From his new position, he could see them now. They were standing by a big bed, and the man was towering over the lady, red-faced and tense. The lady was hunched in, looking scared.
"I heard you the last time – but I don't need another snot-nosed brat getting in the way, Anita! I have enough work as it is keeping everything a secret! You know how important this is for our future."
"I can take care of him-"
The lady was interrupted again, only this time it was by his hand smacking into her face. She gasped, her hand automatically lifting up to cup where the sting was.
"You can't do anything, you're useless! You can't even keep your legs together, and look what mistake happened."
"That's not f-fair!"
"I'll tell you what's not fair!" Higairi screamed in sudden rage, pushing the lady hard until she fell back onto the bed.
"What's not fair is how that high and mighty Fugaku is allowed to do whatever he wants, giving his oldest brat special treatment and making us work as his personal babysitter, while we 'poor people' are barely getting along! I can't stand it!"
Sasuke's eyes widened in fear at the man's words. He was screaming so loudly and acting so different than before, and the poor lady was crying as she cringed back on the bed.
Sasuke unknowingly let out a whimper as tears gathered in the corners of his eyes.He was not normally one to cry, but this scared him.
The room went deadly quiet, then there was the sound of quick footsteps before the door opened, and the angry man was staring down at the shivering form in the doorway.
"You-! What the hell are you doing, eavesdropping? Did that bastard father of yours put you up to it?!" Higairi screamed, obviously having lost it. The scent of alcohol was coming from his breath as he bent down to yank Sasuke up by his arm.
Sasuke wailed at the strong grip and tried to yank it back, but that only made the grip tighten.
"He's just a child!" The woman exclaimed, hovering over Higairi's shoulder.
"Shut up! He heard everything I said, what should I do?" He growled.
"L-let me take care of it. I remind him of his mother. If I can get him calmed down, he'll listen to me. This way, you won't gain the wrong kind of attention from Fugaku. Right?" The lady cautiously asked, placing a hand on his arm.
He seemed to think about it for a moment, and then he unceremoniously dumped Sasuke's small form onto the carpet, returning to the bedroom and locking himself in the bathroom that Sasuke could see inside.
The lady sighed in relief, taking a few deep breaths. Then she helped Sasuke and walked him back to the living room, where Eiki was watching with wide eyes and the toy in his hand halfway to the floor. The lady smiled tiredly at him and sat on the couch.
"Sasuke, are you okay?" She asked him, gently taking the injured arm in his hand.
Sasuke just looked up at her with with wide eyes. He was not much of a talker, unless it was to Itachi.
"I know, I know…" She sighed sadly, and pulled him to her to hug him gently. Then she started talking.
"I don't even if you know understand happened, Sasuke, but you can't tell anyone what you heard or saw. If you did, Eiki and I would be in grave danger… You have no idea what Higairi is apart of." She sighed, the air gusting through Sasuke's hair.
"You want to play with Eiki again, right?
Sasuke nodded hesitantly.
"Then I want you to just forget about everything that just happened and remember Eiki, okay? Eiki really likes you." She pulled away and sat back on the couch. Sasuke immediately walked over to Eiki and glomped him; reminiscent of the way the lady had held him.
The lady was sad, and Eiki had seen that. When Sasuke was sad, Mikoto always made sure to cheer him up.
The lady's face crumpled, before she rushed out of the room and shut the bedroom door. Sasuke didn't leave his spot until it was time to go, which resulted, meaning he had to use all of his willpower to hold his bladder, but he made it out alive.
After that, little Sasuke clung to his brother even more. He felt the safest with him; because Itachi didn't coddle or ignore him so much as treat him as something more. As Sasuke got older, he appreciated it.
With a shuddering sigh, Sasuke finished the memory.
Why was it that he still couldn't suppress all that? He wasn't sure if it was a curse or a blessing, really. He could say the same about his arm – no one had suspected that the reason he was in pain was not because, as Higairi said, he'd roughhoused with Eiki and took a tumble, but because Higairi had used his adult strength on a child and caused the injury.
Then, when Sasuke was a few years older and started to understand what had happened that day back then, Higairi had taken him inside the bedroom and threatened to kill his mother if he ever spoke a word of anything that went on in Higairi house. Of course Sasuke had agreed.
Then he'd spent three days in his room faking the flu so he wouldn't have to eat and could be pampered into forgetting – which was impossible, but even Itachi had spent a few hours each day with him at that time. Sasuke even suspected he'd taken time off of work. Sasuke didn't think any of them had been suspicious of what had happened, because he'd been particularly sneaky in inducing a real illness so it would be realistic. That had been unpleasant, but effective in keeping him shacked up.
Luckily, Sasuke could count on one hand the times he was asked to actually go inside Higairi's house. This would hopefully not be one of those times. After all, it was just a letter that needed delivered.
Tentatively, Sasuke knocked on the door.
Unfortunately, Higairi was home, and answered the door quickly.
"Oh, it's you Sasuke-san. Do come in." Higairi placed a hand on his shoulder in a painful grip and leered threatening down at him. To anyone watching, it would look like Higairi was politely inviting Sasuke inside.
"Sorry, Higairi-san, but my father's not expecting me to take long-"
"No worries. just come in for a minute and have something to drink. Sorry that Anita's not here, but you can say hello to Eiki – he's in his room."
Translation: Come in just in case the news you have to tell me makes me feel murderous and I need someone to take it out on. Oh, and Anita isn't going to get you out of this one. My son, who is as wimpy as you, won't help you either, but you can go join the club.
Sasuke hated when Higairi said one thing but meant something entirely different and threatening.
He hovered by the door, taking out the letter and handing it to Higairi's waiting hands.
Knowing from experience that he wouldn't be allowed to leave just yet, Sasuke decided to go say 'hello' to Eiki after all.
Eiki's room was on the right side of the house, off a little hallway. He probably appreciated the distance between it and his parent's room.
Sasuke knocked politely on the door and waited to be admitted.
"Come in." The reply sounded after a moment. Only Sasuke and Anita knocked, and Eiki had probably been wondering which one it was.
He looked relieved to see Sasuke.
"Oh, hey."
"Hey." Sasuke responded quietly.
Eiki had short, sandy-colored hair and wore glasses. He wasn't bad looking, but Sasuke was of the opinion that he needed more sun.
"What are you up to?" Sasuke asked, walking over to the bed and taking a seat. Eiki was sitting at his desk, which was along the wall in front of Sasuke.
"E..erm…" Eiki stuttered, staring down at a booklet on his desk. Sasuke followed his gaze and recognized it.
"The ninja academy's study booklet? Are you going to enter this year?" Sasuke asked curiously. Eiki was a year younger than him, though he knew his birthday was soon.
Eiki's face fell. "…I want to. Really, really want to. But…dad says I'm useless and probably didn't inherit the Sharingan because of my weak genes…"
Sasuke blinked.
"I don't know about that. There's a fifty percent chance that you did inherit the Sharingan. Even if you didn't, anyone can become a ninja if they want to and work for it hard enough."
The fleeting image of his teammates flashed through his head.
Eiki seemed to perk up at the words for a moment until he remembered.
"But my dad…"
Sasuke opened his mouth to answer, but before any words could come out, Higairi had slammed open the door and was gesturing with a finger for Sasuke to follow him.
Eiki looked nervously from Sasuke to his dad until Sasuke left, and he shot a reassuring glance over his shoulder that was so fake, it would have shattered if someone poked it.
Higairi led him straight into the bedroom, then closed and locked the door.
Sasuke hovered nervously by the bed, reminded of a very similar scene from years before.
Higairi had never brought him in here before. What was especially creepy was that he wasn't saying anything – wasn't even looking at Sasuke as he stalked forward and gripped his shoulders in a very painful vice. Sasuke held in a gasp, but that only made the man dig his fingers in more, until Sasuke was whimpering painfully.
The letter had not brought good news, then.
Higairi abruptly let go after several pain filled seconds, and that's when the verbal abuse reigned down.
So Higairi had only been quiet while thinking up the poison words to spill down Sasuke's throat.
When he was done, he spent a few extra minutes threatening to kill not only his mother this time, but also his whole family and his teammates. Sasuke knew that was impossible (especially his brother), but in that moment, he feared for his family and newfound friends so badly that he was willing to do anything to keep them safe.
Sasuke went home, locked himself in his room and didn't come out until supper.
He'd spent the whole time shamefully curled under his bed with his blanket, crying his head off almost literally.
Then he'd had to spend an hour trying to make his eyes look normal and to stop his face from scrunching up every few minutes in both remembered and real pain.
There was absolutely no way he was going to be able to train with his team tomorrow.
"How was training, Sasuke?" Itachi questioned him at dinner as he started eating. Sasuke couldn't help but avoid his gaze this time, feeling too emotionally worn down to deal with Itachi's piercing eyes.
"It was fine. Kakashi-sensei implied that we'd be able to start going on missions soon."
"That's great, Sasuke!" Mikoto exclaimed, smiling over at him. Sasuke managed to summon up a feeble smile. Fugaku said nothing, only nodding (which was actually a lot for him), but Sasuke was too distracted to be happy.
Please don't let Kakashi have a mission for us tomorrow.
"Sasuke. I will help you with Shuriken training after dinner." It would have sounded like a command to anyone else, but Sasuke was used to his brother's manner of speech and knew it was just a suggestion.
Damn. What can I say to get out of this?
Then Sasuke wanted to cry, because… when had Itachi ever offered so blatantly in front of anyone that he would help Sasuke? That he possibly wanted to spend time with him?
Sasuke swallowed the large lump in his throat and quickly thought of an excuse.
"Oh…I'd love to oniisan, but I'm feeling really tired. I think I'll go to bed early." Sasuke give a regretful look to his closely watching brother, and thankfully, not having to feign it when his brother would have immediately known it was fake, yawned at just that moment.
"Are you feeling alright, Sasuke?" Mikoto, ever the concerned mother, leaned over and touched her forehead to his. Normally, Sasuke would blush and back away with a "moooom, you're embarrassing me" remark, but tonight he was content to let the warmth of his mother's skin glide gently with his own.
"Hmm, you do feel a little warm. Why don't you take a bath first, and then I'll bring you something cool to drink."
Too tired to protest at the babying treatment, he scuttled off to do as told.
He had the prickling sensation in his back the whole way that told him his brother was watching him.
That night, Sasuke didn't think he got a wink of sleep, too in pain and too scared of nightmares to settle in one spot.
The next morning, Sasuke got up a little earlier than usual. It wasn't like he was sleeping, so he might as well get ready, right?
Thankfully, Itachi wasn't around when Sasuke walked the halls to the bathroom.
He stripped off his clothes to get cleaned up, but found himself distracted by his reflection in the mirror.
He found himself hating what he saw, which shocked him a bit. He'd always liked that he so closely resembled his brother.
But now, the shadows under his eyes, the paleness of his face, the ugly bruises on his shoulders and-
"Nng!" Sasuke gasped, realizing with a shock that he'd stopped breathing. His nose was starting to hurt, then run, and his eyes started to prickle.
What am I doing? I can't cry here!
Sasuke hurriedly turned the water on in the sink and dinked his head under it. The cold water felt good on his warm head, and then it felt numbing after he'd been under for a few minutes.
"Sasuke, what are you doing?"
The sudden voice from behind startled him so bad that he jerked his head up, but in a flash remembered his bruises predicament and tried to stop – only to smash his head into the sink spout. Wincing in pain, he decided to just use the excuse of his wet dripping hair to stay hovered over the sink low enough that the mirror's reflection wouldn't tell his secret.
"Don't scare me like that, niisan! I thought you were out. Also, can't you knock?"
"I don't leave for another few hours. And stop trying to distract me with another question."
Shit. Why do I have to have a genius brother? How have I even kept this is a secret from him that long? …Easily. I was never beat up this much, even with training.
"Sasuke..."
"What? Oh. I just didn't like how greasy my hair felt, so I wanted to wash it."
That was the hardest thing Sasuke had ever had to do – not blurting everything out right then and there.
There was no response for a moment, and then a towel was thrown over his head.
"You'll catch a cold if you don't take care of yourself." Was all Itachi said before Sasuke assumed he left. Just to be safe though, he carefully rearranged the thankfully big towel to cover most of the visible damage.
He quickly patted his hair dry and dressed in his clean clothes. There was no way he could pretend sick now – Itachi would suspect, even if he did say himself that Sasuke would catch cold. Colds didn't catch that fast, however.
Sasuke grabbed an apple and departed before Itachi could ask anything else, and headed off to his team's meeting spot – the bridge.
Not that it mattered what time Sasuke arrived – Kakashi-sensei was always late. Sasuke wondered if the man slept in, or really was doing what his excuses said he was.
Still, how many times could one get lost on the road of life?
Apparently, many.
Sasuke arrived at the bridge, only to see he was the first one there. It was a relief – as much as he very secretly enjoyed the company of his teammates (Naruto especially was a great motivator – Sakura was good moral support), he liked the time alone to gather his thoughts before he had to deal with their…strong personalities.
Sasuke slipped off his sandals and climbed over the other side of the railing to sit on the edge of the wood, then dangled his toes into the water. It was surprisingly warm, and Sasuke found himself enjoying it.
All too soon, however, his peace was ended as he heard Sakura's girly voice humming a tune as she headed his way. He quickly gathered his shoes and slipped them back on.
He couldn't risk his reputation as a jerk being changed to someone who actually liked to do silly things sometimes and relax, now could he?
"Sasuke-kun!" Sakura "kyaa'd" and practically skipped over to him. Sasuke backed away immediately and leaned back against the bridge.
"Good morning." He let out briefly; knowing if he didn't it would only make her talk more, trying to fish a response out of him.
Sakura beamed at him, opening her mouth to reply, when-
"OHAYOU, Sakura-chan!" The loudmouth Naruto sang as he trekked over to join them.
Sakura glared at him and turned the other way, making the orange-wearing boy pout. Then he spotted Sasuke and decided a game of 'see who can glare the longest' was in order.
Guess who won?
Sasuke had just won for the fifth time (Naruto couldn't stop snicker, and therefore lost every time) when their irresponsible sensei finally appeared in a cloud of smoke.
"Sorry, I-"
Before Kakashi could even get past "I" Sakura and Naruto were yelling at him, "Liar!". Sasuke even mustered up a glare, but that was more because he was feeling irritable because he was in pain then for having to wait on Kakashi.
"Right…" Close-eyed, Kakashi scratched his slightly red cheeks. "Well! Today, we're going to try something interesting."
"REALLY? Like what, huh Kakashi-sensei?" Naruto enthused, practically hopping on the spot. Sasuke smirked at his idiocy while Sakura glared at the blond irritably.
"Well, Naruto, I'm glad you're so excited to learn. But I can't tell you if you don't let me finish." Kakashi pointed out.
Naruto just pouted again and crossed his arms.
"So what we're going to do is try gathering chakra to a specific part of our body – the hands." The man declared, raising his own up and clenching it into a fist.
Naruto went off on another tangent while Sakura asked why learning that would be useful, basically summoning up what Naruto was trying to get at.
"Some of the best moves are done with chakra to the hands. Healers rely on being able to move chakra to their hands to heal both external and internal damage. So while even if you don't need to know it now, it's useful to get a feel for it for when you need it in the future."
"Kakashi-sensei!" Naruto raised his hand like he was still in class, but didn't wait for a response. "Can we, you know, get a demonstration?"
Sasuke had to admit, he was curious as well what their sensei could do.
Kakashi seemed to think on it for a moment before shrugging. He started walking and gestured for them to follow.
In full curiosity, the three students followed after him until they stopped at the stump of a dead tree that had broken off.
"What-" Naruto started, but Kakashi stopped him with a waved head, indicating that they should move back. Sakura ended up having to drag the clueless Naruto back by his jacket, but the boy hadn't minded because his crush had 'willingly' touched him
Just as Sasuke finished rolling his eyes at them, before their astonished eyes Kakashi's hand burst with electricity. He then took the hand and slammed it down into the tree trunk.
Damn, it never stood a chance. Sasuke thought as the ground split in two with the force of the attack and the tree stump was crushed into little pieces.
Of course, Naruto was the first to speak.
"Wow! That was awesome, sensei! Can you teach me?"
"Ignore Naruto. That was really awesome, Kakashi-sensei!" Sakura agreed, clasping her hands together.
Sasuke just nodded, hands still buried in his pockets from when he'd first arrived on the bridge.
"That was called Chidori, and is one of the many attacks that can be performed with chakra to the hands, though Chidori has some drawbacks that make it nearly impossible for non-Sharingan users to use it. " Kakashi stood back up into his usual position, putting his own hands into his pockets.
That sounds interesting…
"What we're going to do is much simpler than that, but you'll get to hit a tree by the end of the day. Just don't get too good at it – the trees will cry." Kakashi drawled lazily, left hand twitching towards his vest pocket – obviously much rather wanting to read his book than explain to them what to do.
Does he ever quit? Sasuke narrowed his eyes at his teacher.
"So basically what you do is the exercise we tried the other day, only concentrate the chakra to your hands. You'll know you're successful when you punch a tree and it shakes."
With that, Kakashi stalked over to the nearest tree, jumped right up into it and sat down on a sturdy trunk, back against the tree.
Naruto grumbled under his breath about not remembering what the exercise had been, and surprisingly, it was Sakura who reminded him.
Sasuke was just glad to be able to sit down and relax.
I wonder if I can get away with meditating until the end of the day…
Once settled onto the soft grass, Sasuke started concentrating on letting his thoughts go. When a new one would pop up, he'd easily let it slip through and fade away, like cupping sand and letting it flow through his fingers.
He was just about to get to the chakra part when the dobe's loud voice jolted him out of his peace. While he was thankful that it made more time pass, he was annoyed that his peace had been disturbed. He sent a scowl in the other boy's direction before returning to his meditation.
Only this time, he couldn't concentrate at all. The wrong thoughts were coming to his head.
"You-! What the hell are you doing, eavesdropping? Did that bastard father of yours put you up to it?!" A painful grip on his fragile shoulders.
"You want to play with Eiki again, right? A coaxing, feminine voice.
"You're nothing but a little weakling who can't even lift a finger against me! You'll never be anything! You can't touch me!" Verbal abuse that made his ears feel like they were bleeding acid.
Before Sasuke knew it, he was hunched forward on the ground, trying to clutch both his eyes and ears at the same time. Then he added his mouth to the list when his stomach suddenly gave a queasy lurch.
"Sasuke-kun?" Sakura asked worriedly from the right.
Damnit… He'd forgotten where he was and let his weakness show.
"I-I'm alright." Sasuke started, already thinking up an excuse should she push him for a proper answer – and she would. Naruto was frowning over at him, probably in annoyance.
"Sasuke, what's wrong?" Kakashi's voice came from behind him, startling him.
Now Sakura was staring at him even more. It wasn't often that something caught Sasuke off guard, even their teacher – who hadn't been trying to hide his presence at all.
"Nothing. I'm fine." Sasuke said firmly.
"Have you practiced enough?" Kakashi questioned, book already back in his vest.
Sasuke mentally sighed. Maybe if I get it over with, I can go home early.
"Yes." To prove it, Sasuke walked over to the tree Kakashi had previously occupied. Sasuke gave himself a moment to calm his nerves from the previous scare, and then gathered chakra to his palm. A warm feeling crawled through his veins, gathering in his arm. It felt interesting, and good – like dipping his toes in the water. It was surprisingly easy to mold the chakra into his palm. When he thought he had a sufficient amount, he aimed at the middle of the trunk of the tree – and slammed his first into it.
The tree did just as Kakashi said it would - plus a smattering of leaves reining down - but unfortunately, so did Sasuke.
His fist only smarted a little – it was his shoulder that screamed in pain. Sasuke himself shook like a leaf as it racked through his body.
Oh god, I have to get it under control. Sasuke mentally whimpered as he relaxed the shoulder and straightened up.
As he turned around, he caught Kakashi's gaze and knew he was in trouble.
"Sasuke-kun, that was awesome! You looked so cool! But are you alright?"
"I'm alright, Sakura. I just didn't realize it would hurt that much, is all." Sasuke admitted truthfully.
"Haha! Nice job, Sasuke. I bet I can do better than you." Naruto taunted, walking up to the tree for his turn.
I can't really bring myself to care right now, usuratonkachi.
"Kakashi-sensei, since I did it, may I go home early?" Sasuke faced his teacher, using his best 'bored' voice.
"Ah, okay." Kakashi shrugged. Sasuke unconsciously let his shoulders sag a bit in relief, and his shirt, which had sagged down when he punched the tree, slipped off his shoulder.
Sasuke quickly jerked it back up and stalked away, horrified that Kakashi had seen the bruises.
No… No. You're overreacting again. Kakashi may be a pervert, but he wouldn't go so far as to look down his male student's shirt.
Sasuke feverishly repeated that all the way home, where he went straight to his bedroom and locked himself in for a nice, long, and hopefully nightmare free nap.
He was napping a lot lately.
Sasuke woke up a few hours later, not sure what had woken him. He'd managed to sleep for a little bit at least, but his shoulder felt even worse than ever, and he wondered if he should put bandages on it.
"…Sasuke."
Sasuke jerked at the voice from beside his bed.
Ah, so that's what woke me. The sound of my door being unlocked and opened.
"Niisan, you remember what I said about knocking instead of just barging in? That applies to locked doors, too." Sasuke rolled over to face his brother, and immediately froze.
Itachi was wearing his 'if looks could kill' expression, but it had never been aimed at Sasuke, even when he'd peed on Itachi's bed-sheets when he was really young and distressed after a nightmare.
"We need to talk."
"Um, okay." Sasuke sat up and made room for Itachi to sit. After they were both settled, Itachi slowly started speaking.
"Your sensei came to talk to me." Sasuke's eyes widened. "He said you acted very strangely today."
"I-"
"Don't interrupt." Itachi said firmly, and Sasuke closed his mouth abruptly.
"He said you've acted like this before, but it was nothing serious. However, today, he told me that when you did the chakra-palm exercise, something was wrong. He couldn't see your face, but he recognized the signs of pain. Then, as you were leaving, he saw beneath your shirt." Itachi stopped talking and turned to stare at him.
Sasuke shuddered and wondered if there some escape.
Please let there be an escape. Mom? Dad?
"No one is going to save you, Sasuke. Take off your shirt." The abrupt subject change startled Sasuke for a moment, until he took in Itachi's last words.
Maybe I can make up a sufficient excuse. Pfft, like what? 'I ran into the doorknob'?
Unfortunately, that only served to remind him of Anita, and he couldn't help the cringe that escaped him then.
"Take off your shirt, now."
Sasuke could see he wasn't going to get out of his one.
Very, very reluctantly, not to mention slowly, he started taking off his shirt. Impatiently, Itachi grabbed where Sasuke's hands were holding the shirt and helped him.
The next few tense minutes were spent in absolute silence, except for Sasuke's nervous breathing.
"Who did this to you?" Deadly calm voice.
"N-no one-" Rushed words.
"Damnit, Sasuke!"
Shocked, Sasuke stared at his brother, who had stood and was staring down at him in such anger, and yet that murderous glint was not meant for him.
Not once had he ever heard his brother curse, and he'd be willing to bet his entire allowance that Itachi never had.
Sasuke shuddered and tried to cover himself up, but Itachi slapped his hands away.
"If you don't tell me who did this right now, I'll go get father and we can do it the hard way." Itachi stated coldly.
For the first time in his life, Sasuke found himself scared of his brother, and he didn't like that one bit.
"I…I." Sasuke swallowed, trying to get the words out that he'd been keeping in for so long. "…"
In frustration, Sasuke lept off the bed, Itachi looking ready to pounce if he tried to run – but Sasuke was just pacing the floor.
Finally, taking a deep breath and steeling himself, Sasuke spoke his abuser's name.
"Higairi."
Today was a day for firsts.
Sasuke added 'guilt' to the list of things Sasuke never expected of Itachi.
Sasuke had relayed the whole sad story to him, and Itachi had promptly blamed himself.
"I should have known something was wrong when you started clinging to me." Itachi muttered.
"Hey!" Sasuke said indignantly. "I would have either way, because I love you."
Then he realized what he'd said and blushed. Men did not admit such things out loud, even to their loved ones.
Itachi seemed to deflate a bit and held out his arms out to Sasuke, who just stared at them before Itachi pulled him in himself into a warm embrace that left Sasuke wondering why he hadn't done it sooner.
Sasuke felt safest and happiest when he was with his brother, even though he didn't get to spend as much time as he wanted to with him.
"I'm sorry, Sasuke."
The tone made it clear that Sasuke wasn't to argue about the words.
"I have to tell otou-san."
"What? No! You can't!" Sasuke jerked back in horror.
"Why?"
"Because…because… he threatened to hurt mom, and- and my friends. And what about his wife, and Eiki? They didn't do anything wrong. I don't want them to get into trouble. And then there's the group he's apart of…" Sasuke brought his knees up to his chin and buried his head down.
"Sasuke, do you trust me?"
"Of course I do!" Sasuke jerked his head back up to stare at his brother.
"Then trust me on this. We can take care of it. Everyone will be fine. The first thing we'll do is get the woman and son out, and station ninjas to guard your teammates just in case he manages to get word out to his people."
Itachi leaned down to Sasuke's eye level. Sasuke thought he was going to ruffle his hair or say something else, but instead, Itachi leaned forward and gently kissed his forehead.
Sasuke unexpectedly flushed at that. He had not been expecting that at all. Maybe a poke, but never a kiss…
"I love you too." Itachi stood up, all business again. "The sooner we make a plan, the sooner we stop him from hurting anyone else."
The next few hours were torture for Sasuke, having to show his bruises to both his horrified mother and father, who both went into the same guilty stage Itachi had.
Always the same question:
"Why didn't I notice it?"
Sasuke's reply:
"Because I couldn't let you."
It went around in circles for a while there until Itachi put a stop to it, bringing them back to the topic at hand.
With Itachi helping, it didn't take long to come up with a plan.
Now it just needed to be executed.
Sasuke was having an extremely hard time falling asleep that night; he couldn't stop worrying about everything.
Eventually tiring of tossing and turning, he slipped out of his bed and down the hall to his brother's room.
It was completely dark inside, but Sasuke had done this often enough when he was younger to have memorized the layout.
He carefully crawled onto the bed opposite where Itachi's still body was resting and let his body relax into the sheets.
Much better.
"Sasuke." Itachi's quiet voice made him turn his head to face the direction he thought Itachi's was.
"Mm?" He questioned sleepily.
"…" Itachi reached across the bed and pulled Sasuke closer to him, and Sasuke let out a little startled noise. Soon, he'd been rolled over and spooned, but he hadn't been too attached to his previous spot, so it was okay.
Besides, Sasuke felt like he fit perfectly in the groove of Itachi's toasty warm body, and it was only a matter of seconds before he was out like a light, Itachi's breath a light tickle against his ear.
Sasuke nervously rang his hands together. Itachi had been sent to Higairi's house a little over thirty minutes ago now, henge'd as Sasuke and carrying a fake letter from Fugaku.
Sasuke knew perfectly well that Itachi could take care of himself, but that didn't stop from thinking about all the things Higairi could be doing to him, like he'd done to Sasuke.
He was sitting inside the living room, along with Fugaku and Mikoto, sipping tea and staring blankly at the walls, eyes continuously returning to the clock.
Another minute went by.
Then another…
And another…
A few more…
Sasuke was actually startled when the door opened, having paid too much attention to the clock and not enough attention to the door.
"U-um, excuse us." A timid voice that Sasuke recognized said.
"Eiki?" Sasuke stood and looked over to see the younger boy standing in the doorway with a jumpy expression on his face. His mother, Anita, looked even jumpier.
"Sorry for intruding, b-but…" She trailed off, catching sight of Sasuke. She blinked rapidly in confusion, swaying on the spot, and Mikoto immediately jumped up to guide her to the couch to lie down.
Sasuke gestured for Eiki to come sit next to him and proceeded to explain the situation.
Once the other boy understood, he seemed to very relieved, but still a bit worried.
Sasuke knew the feeling.
It was another fifteen minutes before Itachi entered the room, dragging along the body of Higairi. For a moment, Sasuke was worried that that's what it was – a body – before he realized that the man was still breathing, just unconscious.
He had a large bruise swelling over his face and blood coming out of various cuts, but he would probably live.
"Niisan!" Sasuke exclaimed in relief, running over to check for any injuries.
"I'm fine, Sasuke. I think Higairi is a lot more damaged than I am." Itachi said in amusement, watching Sasuke fuss over him.
"I know, it's just…" Sasuke let his hands fall from Itachi's shoulders, were he'd been checking for bruises.
It's just that I don't want what he did to me to happen to you, even though you would never let it happen like I did. Sasuke finished mentally.
"I know." Itachi swiped a thumb over the back of Sasuke's neck, and then turned to their parents to initiate part two of the plan.
Interrogation.
From the insane glint in Itachi's eyes, Sasuke had a feeling who would be taking part in it.
Anita and Eiki stayed back at the house with Mikoto while Fugaku and Itachi took Higairi to the prison, while Sasuke walked over to the bridge to see if Kakashi had arrived yet. He only went close enough to see if he could spot the taller man, but there was only Sakura and Naruto, looking around as if trying to find someone.
Considering I'm usually the first one there, I bet I can guess who.
Sasuke turned back and headed for the village. Itachi had told him where to look if he couldn't find his teacher at the bridge, so he headed to the man's apartment.
He knocked on the door for a few minutes, but when no one answered, he decided that either the man wasn't home, or was deaf.
Too bad. I wanted to see the inside.
The next location had made Sasuke look at his brother in confusion, but Itachi had insisted that the man would be there, if not at home.
So Sasuke walked dutifully to the Konoha gravesite. He'd only been here a few times before to attend the funerals of distant relatives, and the time when the Sandaime had taken his class there and given them a history lesson and imparted wise words onto them.
Sure enough, Kakashi was hunched right in the middle of all the graves, in front of the plaque dedicated to those who'd lost their lives in the line of duty.
Sasuke found himself hesitating, not wanting to intrude upon the man's obviously private moment.
As he was trying to decide whether to stay or go, however, the choice was made for him when the older man suddenly appeared in front of him.
"Something you need, Sasuke?"
"Kakashi-sensei…" Sasuke trailed off, remembering how Kakashi was the one who'd told Itachi on him.
"If you want an apology, I'm afraid I can't give one."
"Um, no. It's not that. Actually, I should probably thank you." Sasuke awkwardly shuffled, stuffing his hands in his pockets.
"Well, you're welcome. I have a feeling that's not the only reason you came, though."
"Actually, it's not. I just wanted to tell you that I won't be coming to training for the next few days. Clan business, and well…" Sasuke hoped he wouldn't have to say it.
Bruises.
He was still oddly ashamed and vulnerable about the abuse, partly because of the verbal abuse that had been piled on and partly because people he respected were the ones who found out about it. Mostly, he was ashamed at his own weakness.
"Ah. Okay then."
That was that. The two went their separate ways and none the wiser.
When he arrived home, the interrogation was apparently complete because Itachi was sitting at the kitchen table, sipping tea. His parents, Anita and Eiki were nowhere in sight though.
Maybe Mikoto was showing them to their guest rooms.
"Sasuke." Itachi called him over, setting down his mug.
"I found Kakashi at the graveyard, like you said." Sasuke told him, coming to a stop in front of the older boy.
"Ah, good. I wanted to tell you that the interrogating went well. The 'group' he was talking about was actually some of the Uchiha clansmen as well as people from other clan's planning a rebellion against Konoha. We're still trying to root them out, but it will be done. Without you, we would never have known."
Sasuke turned away. "I would never have told if Kakashi hadn't seen…" He said guiltily.
"Sasuke, look at me." When Sasuke didn't comply fast enough, Itachi took Sasuke's chin in his hand and made him.
"You did what you thought was best. If you hadn't had me and father, not to mention Kakashi, things might have gone the way he said."
"But…if I could have just been strong enough to protect myself…"
"No, Sasuke. Yes, you are a ninja, but Higairi is Chuunin level. You can't except to be able to fight him off just yet. But trust me, you will be able to soon, I promise." Itachi said firmly.
Check: Itachi speaking more than a few sentences at a time.
"Thanks, niisan. And sorry that I didn't tell you sooner."
"I was really worried about you, otouto. Next time you're hurt, I want you to come to me immediately. Swear on it."
Itachi frowned, as if remembering something unpleasant, before he reached up and gently placed his hands on Sasuke's shoulders.
"Okay, I will."
"Swear, Sasuke." Itachi said firmly, staring into same dark eyes. For a moment, Sasuke was lost in them, until a shake from Itachi reminded him to answer.
"I swear."
"Then we'll seal it with a kiss."
Before Sasuke could even wonder if he was playing with him, true to his words Itachi leaned forward and pressed his lips to Sasuke's. It wasn't weird at all. Sasuke had wondered if Itachi's lips were as warm as his body, and they were.
From the moment the small bundle of Sasuke had been handed to his brother, he'd had the privilege to know that while Itachi came off as cold or unfeeling to people who didn't know him, he was actually very warm underneath.