One Can Hope
Author's Note: Since I've been mightily disappointed with how some aspects of Prime have been going recently (particularly with the episode "Thirst". Oh my God...), I have been working on more fics. This one's been a little idea that came to me after observing Shockwave's absence from the Nemesis to grow his Predacons like weeds in his laboratory on Cybertron. PLEASE don't go like it did in that commercial we saw... This takes place after my fic "Nevermore". An idea that was bugging me, so I just wanted to write this. LOL.
"Hope in reality is the worst of all evils because it prolongs the torments of man."
-Friedrich Nietzsche
"Do not spoil what you have by desiring what you have not; remember that what you now have was once among the things you only hoped for."
-Epicurus
By: VampireQueenAkasha
~O~
It had been a long time since he had last spoken to her.
The return trip to Cybertron to reproduce his Predacon army upon Megatron's command had yielded him some memories of what had transpired in his tower long ago. It allowed him to contemplate on his next course of action if it meant...
...seeing her again.
Shockwave turned toward the containers that housed his gradually developing specimens. They would grow rather quickly if he hastened the process, but that could pose complications for the Decepticons if something were to go wrong. He had been in contact with Megatron during the process, but felt an itch in his system to investigate the peculiar silence that he had been given from HER side. Yes, he did intend to send her to safety, but this certainly warranted investigation.
Contacting Jhiaxus was a simple task as the elder Cybertronian had made certain to allow him to reach the Twilight on the chance the war was over and he could finally join his teacher. But Shockwave had never known of the war ending soon.
A space bridge welcomed him onto the bridge of the ship where he was greeted by Jhiaxus.
"It's good to see you again, Shockwave!" Jhiaxus said, with a smile. "We were worried we'd lost you."
Shockwave glanced around the bridge, to the collection of exiles and refugees who regarded him with uncertainty. They still saw the presence of an...active Decepticon on the ship with fear. They had good reason to feel such, but Shockwave was not concerned with them.
"Is she on the ship?" he asked.
Jhiaxus nodded. "Of course. She's been traveling with us recently." He paused for a moment and a new look touched his gaze. "She still hopes."
Shockwave nodded his head. "That is her right..."
Jhiaxus gestured behind him. "She's in the cafeteria."
Shockwave said nothing more and moved passed the former Decepticon, walking down the corridors as silently as he had arrived. Jhiaxus watched him go and the smile fell from his face. He let out a sigh through his intakes and decided to let them speak alone.
As he wandered the corridors, Shockwave looked around for the location in question before stopping and glancing down.
A youngling stood in his path, a flyer, no doubt. It had small wings barely developed over a small, dark green chassis. It had been a long time since the scientist had seen a living youngling that he hadn't been called to dissect or grow in his own labs to become hardened killing machines.
This one must have had Decepticon in its encoding, but it looked entirely too innocent to be such. Also, it didn't possess the hardened features most Decepticons did.
"Hi!" it greeted in a male, chirp-like voice.
Shockwave continued to stare at it, as if expecting more.
"You must be looking for Miss Red Alert, huh?" the youngling continued. "She's in the cafeteria."
"Yes, I was told." Shockwave replied.
The youngling smiled at him knowingly. "You're lost, huh?"
Shockwave didn't answer. He didn't see a reason to respond to a brazen notion from one so small.
"It's okay. I can show you!"
The youngling gestured for him to follow and hurried down the corridors with the larger Cybertronian following slowly behind. It didn't take long before he was led into the cafeteria where he spotted the familiar shape of the Autobot he had come to know so well sitting at a table, in conversation with what appeared to be a Decepticon female. Shockwave also noticed other younglings as well as Autobots. Red Alert looked to be engrossed in something the Decepticon female was saying because she seemed rather amazed.
"Miss Red Alert!" The youngling who had led Shockwave announced his presence. "Your boyfriend's here!"
Shockwave glanced down at the young bot. "That is hardly appropriate..."
Red Alert looked up and her optics widened. She stood up and quickly moved over to Shockwave, giving him an embrace as much as she was capable of. Shockwave stood rather rigidly before glancing down at the smiling youngling who watched the scene and then to the watchers at the table. He cleared his intakes expectantly and Red Alert seemed to understand.
"Oh! Uh, can you guys give us some time alone please?" she asked, looking back at them.
"Sure. I'll just call Shrapnel and tell her little Acid Storm's been wandering around again." one of the femmes teased.
The youngling who had led Shockwave groaned with dismay. "Aww, don't tell my spark parents!" he protested.
The femmes and other youngling wandered over and the one who had spoken scooped him up in one hand. "Come on. It's recharge time anyway."
"No fair! I'm not tired! Just five more nanoklicks?"
"No."
"Three more nanoklicks?"
"No."
"Two more nanoklicks?"
"No."
"One more nanoklick?"
The conversation faded as they left the cafeteria and Shockwave could still hear it going on in the distance. He turned his attention to Red Alert now. For a while, they said nothing to each other and simply stared before Shockwave's antenna twitched once.
"You...seem to be well." he said.
Red Alert chuckled softly. "Yeah..."
"Jhiaxus kept his word then."
"He has."
Shockwave made a barely perceptible nod. "I am pleased to hear that."
A smile lit Red Alert's lips. "I'm pleased to see you."
Shockwave was silent for a while before responding.
"And I you."
O
She slept so peacefully.
Shockwave watched as Red Alert slept in the crook of his weapon arm, clinging close to him like a sparkling would to its mother. They had returned to her room where they had allowed one another a chance to become reacquainted with their touches. Shockwave approved of this and so long as he was being honest, it seemed logical to release tension to guarantee a good work practice. But he did enjoy her touch and he was particularly pleased with the way she seemed content with his own technique to grant her release.
His optic wandered around the comfortable setting Jhiaxus had given her. His old mentor had certainly kept his word when he said she would be properly cared for. Shockwave hadn't received such things since he had been a senator from a time since passed.
Then, he felt Red Alert shift and he looked down, watching as her optics opened.
"It's nice waking up to you." she said, smiling up at him.
Shockwave watched her and reached down, lightly touching her cheek with the same had that had been responsible for bringing her to such wonderful levels of ecstasy. She simply moved her head so that she could place a proper kiss to his fingers.
"Your sexual appetite for me is still rather perplexing..." Shockwave murmured quietly.
Red Alert couldn't resist her soft chuckle. "Why do you say that?"
"I was under the assumption that it was obvious."
"I thought we'd been passed that by now."
Shockwave didn't respond, but he did run one claw down the length of her lower jawline to her chin. It was a gesture that made Red Alert close her optics with a murmur of content and reach up to hold his hand to her face. She wanted to hold him there longer, but knew his visit had to be brief.
Red Alert smiled and glanced down. "That was Acid Storm."
"What?"
"That little bot who led you to me, that was Acid Storm." Red Alert explained. "He was born not too long ago. His parents had requested that I help in the process."
Shockwave didn't see what the relevance in this was. "You are a doctor, so their request would be logical."
"Yes, but that isn't why I brought it up." Red Alert chuckled softly. "His parents were an Autobot and a Decepticon."
Shockwave glanced down at her, mildly taken by that knowledge.
"There had been complications in his birth," Red Alert explained. "But he is quite healthy. His mother was a Decepticon who wanted to name him after her friend who had died in the war. I'm sure you knew of him. Seeing life born from two opposing factions live strong and healthy gave me hope. The hope that nothing is impossible."
Shockwave seemed to contemplate this, understanding her reason for such a response, though he had no way to really give her one that she obviously wanted. "I suppose it would be logical to feel hope in anything if it means success."
Red Alert closed her optics and let out a sigh.
"That sound is there again..." Shockwave murmured and his monotonous vocals took on a mildly exasperated pitch. "The noise you make when you are thinking too hard."
She actually smiled now. "I'm that obvious?"
"Yes."
"Okay." Red Alert shifted from under him and rolled over so that she was now lying on his broad chest. "I was just thinking about how much I'd want you to stay here with me. I've been worrying every nanoklick wondering if any time we speak might be the last time."
Shockwave didn't reply. But he did reach beneath a subspace in his side and produce a small device in his claws, holding it up to her. Red Alert's optics narrowed at the sight of the thing and she reached out, glancing once at the Decepticon before taking it into her hand.
"I developed this transmitter during my project for Lord Megatron." he informed her. "My duties take priority in the Decepticon cause, but I realize that your safety and...perhaps even happiness is also a priority to me. This will allow you to monitor my spark functions in hopes that you will not spend your cycles concerning yourself over my safety. I have assured you otherwise, but I understand it is in Autobot nature to ignore - Yes, it's true. Do not look at me in such a way."
Red Alert let out a sad sigh. "It's the only way, right?"
"That's correct."
She didn't seem happy, but considered something before a smile lit her lips. "So you came because you missed me, right?" she asked affectionately.
Shockwave's antenna twitched once. "I had a moment's reprieve from my duties and felt it logical to satisfy your worries with my presence." he answered.
Red Alert could only laugh softly and rest her head against his chest, feeling the spark pulse beneath it. "Will you stay for a little while?" she asked.
"For a little while." he answered, resting his hand on her shoulders.
"Until I fall asleep?"
"...very well."
Satisfied, Red Alert held her arms around him and snuggled into his body to get comfortable.
"...I love you."
The words that she uttered made his spark stop somewhat. Surely she understood his feelings toward her. Surely she didn't expect him to respond, did she? She knew how he felt, so was it vital to even speak? It wasn't as if they were difficult words to say. It wasn't like a curse or a forbidden phrase. But the more he tried to speak the same words, his processor would not allow it - could not allow such a betrayal of his logic. Thinking them was obviously different from speaking. But there were indeed positive feelings toward her. He knew there was. He wouldn't allow himself to see her if there wasn't. He had even given her that message.
But he couldn't speak those damnable words.
She had no response to his silence and when he looked down, she was asleep.
O
Shockwave reported back to the bridge where Jhiaxus waited for him. The two mechs stood side-by-side, staring into the vastness of space.
"You will leave then?" Jhiaxus asked quietly.
"Yes."
Jhiaxus understood and nodded his head. He was quiet again before inhaling somewhat. "I crossed paths with Ultra Magnus recently." he told the Decepticon, "When you had first returned to Megatron. I'm certain you've faced him on Earth."
"Not personally." Shockwave replied. "But Lord Megatron has faced the Wrecker commander."
"Hm." Jhiaxus' features clouded in thought.
Shockwave was silent before glancing at his old mentor. "He was the executioner of your mate."
"That he was."
"He lives, so it is logical to assume you failed to terminate his life functions." Shockwave said.
Jhiaxus sighed and glanced down. "It was on a backwater planet." he replied. "We'd been traveling and received word of a group of renegades under siege by scavenger Decepticons. Apparently, Magnus had also received the same news because he was there."
The heavy rainfall did not impede Jhiaxus.
The mud was slippery, the rain drenched him, but his swords blurred through the air, slicing through the enemies who charged at him in droves. Red Alert and the medics of the Twilight moved to assist the victims wounded by the troopers who had ambushed them. Hot Shot was making an effort to avoid laser fire and scavengers who attempted to take a shot at him before he took a few out.
"You'll be okay." Red Alert told a wounded bot.
Jhiaxus smiled somewhat at the sight before he looked up at the sound of engines. A dark blue spacecraft hovered through the clouds. The lightning that lit up the sky allowe dhim to make out the details of the ship; smooth contours, twin engines as well as familiar coloring.
Red Alert caught sight of the look in the former warlord's gaze before her own widened. She too recognized the ship.
Jhiaxus' features took on a darker appearance; those lips pulled back as he bared his denta, showing those dangerous fangs. His yellow optic irises narrowed and he let out a monstrous snarl. He could see the shape of the pilot, make out the form of the face that had cursed his memories.
"MAGNUS!" Jhiaxus roared, transforming into his jet mode and taking to the skies after the ship.
Hot Shot and Red Alert watched him flee to the skies in pursuit of Ultra Magnus' ship. "Oh slag!" Hot Shot cried. He looked at Red Alert. "Red, bring him back here!"
Red Alert transformed and drove after Jhiaxus, attempting to keep pace with him through the mud and rain. "Jhiaxus, stop!" she shouted.
But Jhiaxus hadn't heard her. He took several shots at Magnus' ship that eventually blew out his engines. The ship plummeted from the sky and crashed into the trees. Jhiaxus quickly transformed as soon as he landed and surged after the ship in a furious rampage. Ultra Magnus was climbing out of his ship to meet the former Decepticon, readying his hand-cannons.
"Jhiaxus!" Ultra Magnus whispered, his optics brimming with many emotions. "Finally, you show your face after what you've done."
"What I'VE done?" Jhiaxus snarled, readying his swords. "The greatest mistake I could have ever made was ever allowing you to live for the sin you've committed!"
Red Alert struggled to drive through the mud before she transformed and watched as the two mechs engaged in brutal combat. Ultra Magnus attempted to take shots at Jhiaxus, but the other mech spun his swords wildly, deflecting each shot. They shredded trees and Red Alert had to jump to avoid being obliterated by them.
"Both of you, please stop and listen!" she shouted over the storm and violence.
Ultra Magnus could see that his cannons were useless, so he resorted to using a wrist sword that slid out from his left arm. He swung and slashed, punched and kicked, but Jhiaxus evaded the moves with the grace of a youthful bot. They grappled in the rain, their movements slicked by the mud and filth of the planet.
Red Alert had seen enough. She reached into her subspace and removed a flash grenade. She activated the detonator and tossed it between the two mechs. They stopped their fighting long enough to see it before it went off, unleashing a bright flash that blinded animals in its path.
Jhiaxus and Ultra Magnus had shielded their optics. When they regained their senses, they looked at Red Alert in disbelief.
"Red Alert, what in the name of - " Jhiaxus began.
Ultra Magnus glared at her. "Keep your distance, soldier. This is between me and him!"
Red Alert approached them and shot the blue Autobot a look. "With all do respect, take your head out of your aft and listen to me...sir." she snapped.
Ultra Magnus looked stunned by that.
"If you want to point any weapons, point it at the one responsible." Red Alert told him.
Ultra Magnus nodded coldly. "Fair enough." He aimed his cannon at Jhiaxus.
"Stop!" Red Alert said, placing her hands out between them.
She looked at Jhiaxus. "How did you feel when Eros died? Did you cry?"
Jhiaxus glanced from Ultra Magnus to the female Autobot before nodding in response. His features twisted in pain.
"And you." Red Alert looked at Ultra Magnus. "When your daughter died, did you cry?"
Ultra Magnus' harsh features melted and he let out a soft sigh. "Yes... I did."
"Liar." Jhiaxus spat bitterly. "You took her life. It meant NOTHING to you!"
"Listen!" Red Alert ordered. "I don't know what happened. I wasn't there, so I can't speak on either of your behalf. But what is true is she is dead. You both loved her, didn't you?" When she noticed their stony looks they shared, she also saw that it was a mutual agreement. At least as far as she could see.
"More than my own life..." Jhiaxus said softly.
"Then would she want the two most important mechs in her life fighting like this?" Red Alert asked. "If she were here, she wouldn't want to see you kill each other. No matter what either of you do, she will still be dead. If it were me, I think I'd be pretty fragging disappointed. So what say the two of you just shake hands and go your separate ways?"
Jhiaxus and Ultra Magnus shared gazes for a moment.
"My daughter would have lived had you not corrupted her..." Ultra Magnus whispered. "You made a grave mistake involving yourself with my family."
"But I loved her!" Jhiaxus hissed, glaring coldly at him. "Was love my mistake?"
"Yes. In this war...it was."
Jhiaxus looked furious for a few moments more before he chuckled softly. "You know, when we were alone, I offered to take her away from the war." he told the Autobot. "I told her I could whisk her away to freedom. Perhaps it was selfish of me, but I wanted no harm to come to her. But she refused. Even then, I didn't understand it, but she believed she could try and convince you to stop the fighting. An impossible feat, but we both know how Eros was; she believed she could do anything. I can only imagine her disappointment..."
Ultra Magnus' hardened features relaxed somewhat.
"Come on, Jhiaxus..." Red Alert said gently, taking the larger mech's arm. "Let's just get back to the ship." She looked toward Ultra Magnus now. "I'll see about getting your ship fixed and then you can be on your way."
Jhiaxus merely nodded his head and started to follow the medic back in the direction that he came, but paused and glanced back at Magnus.
"Oh, Magnus?"
The Autobot commander faced him.
"I hope you live a long life."
Jhiaxus looked toward Shockwave and the mech had no response.
"I will return to Cybertron." Shockwave finally replied, turning to go.
"Wait." Jhiaxus turned and retrieved something from a compartment at the controls before offering it to Shockwave. It was a tablet.
Shockwave stared down at the offering before taking it. "What is this?"
"Read it when you return. It was written by Red Alert."
Shockwave nodded his head. "Very well."
He raised his wrist, typed in a few codes and a space bridge was produced behind him. Jhiaxus watched him sadly as Shockwave turned to go. "Farewell, my student."
Shockwave returned to his laboratory, surrounded by tubes filled with Predacon life. He passed each one of them, switching on the tablet. There was a stream of writing that he read to himself.
Shockwave,
I don't know if you'd ever read this, but I need to be honest with you, which is more than I know anyone has ever been. When I told you I would wait for you until this was was over, I meant every word of it. But I don't know if you're ready to leave that all behind for me. I know that you feel liberated from your emotions, but I've seen how you are with me and I don't want to burden you. I hope the day comes where we can be together and when it does, I will be there. Always.
Love now and always,
Red Alert
Shockwave stared down at the writing for a long time.
He had planning to do.
There were not just clones of the Predacons he developed those passing days.
Alongside them were clones of himself.
O
Note - Shockwave's avatars were developed in the Prime Beast Hunters comic.