"Andraste's knicker weasels, what have I done?" his mind screamed at him. He could feel the opinions of Justice as well and they were not so much different from his own at the moment. "I shouldn't have kissed her, shouldn't have promised to come to her tonight, but the wall of my resolve disintegrated when I heard those words from her, "I don't want you to resist", and maker help me, the look in her eyes. I can't fight this any longer.
Kneeling by a puddle of water that had collected on the dirt floor, he peered into it trying to see his reflection. "Stupid, stupid!" he thought as he rose, running his fingers through his hair and tentatively sniffing under one arm and then the other. "Stupid" he groaned again looking down at his travel stained robes and then further down to his worn boots. He sniffed again and lifting up one booted foot and then the other he realized that the local stray dog must have left a present in the middle of the street again and that he had stepped right on it without even noticing. "Just great" he moaned, "If I am to go to Hawke tonight, it can't be like this
This time his feelings were much more than just the usual "meet me in the dark later tonight" kind of romance and for once he felt completely out of his depth, so after many starts and stops and back and forth's he finally decided to ask Varric's advice on how one gussies up for a woman, since the dwarf seemed quite the Casanova with the ladies. Anders had originally thought to go the Blooming Rose to get a bath, as he knew they did offer that service, but they usually tried to include this feature with a more intimate package deal, one that he was not willing to agree to. He had treated too many of the Rose's patrons at the clinic to know that sometimes one got more than their money's worth there and not always in a good way. Besides, he wanted no one's company but Hawke's, every other girl paled in comparison to her, so in the end he made due with a barrel full of rainwater in the alley behind the Hanged Man.
It was Varric who suggested the rain barrel. "Fish out the dead rats and try not to think about what might have already sunk to the bottom and you should be fine" he said with a laugh in his voice. He had seen the signs in Anders long before the mage would even admit to his feelings for Hawke, and Varric would slyly tease him about it every chance he got. And now, it was just too delicious that Anders was here, as nervous as a boy before his first kiss, and to have him asking for advice as well. The dwarf could hardly stop the gleeful smile from taking over his entire face. "You're a lucky man Blondie, I don't know what Hawke sees in you sometimes, you tend to whine a little too much for my taste and you're nowhere near as handsome as me." the dwarf slung at him as the mage retreated out of the back door to undertake his meager ablutions. After awhile Anders came back in, squishing a bit in the boots, but at least looking clean and somewhat presentable. "Thanks for the advice Varric, I owe you a tankard of ale the next time I come by." "No problem, just don't break her heart if you know what's good for you " replied the dwarf, shooting a warning look at Anders as he walked out the door and into the night.
It seemed a long, long walk in the darkness up to Hightown. So many times he thought about turning around, pretending all this had never happened. He wasn't sure if it was him or Justice or a bit of both thinking these thoughts but after a while the feelings passed and although still nervous, he was now resolute in his desire to be with her tonight. After that, he found his way quickly to her house and only paused once outside the great door when his mind, in a panic started wondering whether her door would even be open to him tonight. Maybe she had come to her senses at last and by locking her door she would lock him out of her heart as well. "Well there's only one way to find out and that's not going to happen standing on her doorstep" he muttered to himself as he opened the ornate front door and walked in.
It was dark and very quiet inside, somewhere off in the distance he could hear Sandal playing with Hawke's Mabari hound, but here at the foot of the steps to her room everything was still and silent. He swallowed down his nervousness and quietly climbed the stairs until he came to the point where he could see her doorway. With relief and a little trepidation he saw that the door was indeed open, but he still could not see where Hawke was in the room. He went forward a few more steps until he was almost directly beneath the doorway and then he saw her. His breath caught in his throat at the sight of her, so strong, so beautiful, the edges around her blurring as if this might all be a dream. He took another tentative step into the room and Hawke, stirred out of her vigil of waiting and wondering, looked up and realized that he had come, that he had kept his promise.