I found myself on the lonely apartment, our apartment. The lights were off, nobody was here.
I felt like I was at 'home' in my highschool years: coming home towards a bleak place, a place that it feels more cold than myself. It just felt wrong, it felt like a memory playing again, coming back to the present, just to haunt me. I felt like a wave of air had hit me. It felt wrong, it was wrong.
The place that had so much warm and a comfortable sensation, like it was safe.. It was lovely, now it resembles a perfect copy of a bleak and cold place. It was so wrong.. I didn't think that I would felt this again, I thought that this wouldn't happen ever again but I was wrong... I'm always wrong.
I shook my head to disperse those thoughts out of my head, it wasn't time to let those memories to mess with me. I just closed my eyes, in the middle of that darkness, breathing slowly and clearing my mind, convincing my mind that this is just temporal. This place will come back to what it was like: safe, warm and lovely, because she will come back, we will come back, like we always do.
It was just a little fight, a short break up, we give us a day or two and then we come back and everything is alright again. It was the way we were, we couldn't be angry at each other for too long, we couldn't be separated from each other for too long, we belong together.
That is the way that we were, we needed each other. Or I must say that, that was the way that we were.
That was the reality that I was blinded to see, I was confident in that it was just another fight between us and that we only needed some time alone and give us some space to chill out and then we will come back together and make like this never happened. It wasn't the first fight that we had, that was true but it never got too out of control, till this one.
This was the fight that caused this.
But at the moment I didn't realize that. I was angry at first but then the anger just fade out as the days progressed, I recognized my mistake and I knew that I was wrong. I knew that I had to apologize but at the moment I couldn't, I didn't know how to.
That was two days ago, today I hoped to come here and find her here and so, I could amend this, so we could go back to be together, like we should be. But once again, darkness has greeted my visit to the apartment.
Feeling defeated, by my hope being crushed, I went into the bedroom of our apartment, not bothering to turn on the lights to see where I was going, I knew the way by heart at this point. I only hoped to wake up tomorrow and see that the brunette with those nice cheekbones had come and make her mine again... With that in mind, I fell asleep.
If I had turned on the lights, I would had found that little thing, that was left on the little coffee table, awaiting for me. The one that will destroy my heart.
-/-
Beep... Beep...
Beep... Beep...
The nonstop annoying sound of my phone slowly was filling my ears, causing me to wake up, I groaned and turned around, ignoring it.
But, whoever that was trying to contact me was persistent, suddenly the irritating sound of a new message stopped, only to be replaced by a melody, whoever it was, now, he or she was calling me. As my mind was waking up, it recognized the song that was playing, Cat was the person who was calling me.
I mumbled and cursed Cat while with my hands I fumbled through the bedsheets to find the phone. Whatever she needs to tell me, it's better that it to be important.
"What?" I spat out immediately that I answered the call. I didn't want to deal with her, or with anyone before I can get my coffee.
"What happened?" She answered, replying my question with another.
I didn't respond to her question, I didn't know about what she was referring about.
"What happened? Jade" She repeated, expecting an answer from me, but I don't know what she is talking about. I notice how her voice was stern.
"About what?" I asked her, clearly confused.
"You and Tori" she only said. That only left me a little more confused.
"What about her and I?"
"Tori came by.. A-" She started to say but I interrupted her.
"Tori and I had a fight.. One of our many fights, Cat. Don't worry about it, today or tomorrow we will be okay again." I said, rolling my eyes. My petite redhead friend sometimes worries too much about pettiness.
When I finish saying that, I hear my best friend sigh. I raise my right eyebrow.
"Jade... "
I didn't like the way that she said my name, I felt a bad feeling that coursed through my back. I finished putting on my boots, I stand from the bed, ready to make my way out of the bedroom.
"She came by... Tori came by yesterday at night.."
"And? C'mon Cat, spill it out" I hurry her to tell me, I was not liking nor one bit of this.
"Tori came by... Tori came by... She says to say goodbye... Jade" She said with a low voice, nearly a whisper but I heard it clearly and I shook my head not believing what I just heard.
"What are you talking about, Cat? This is a really bad joke" I said, faking a nervous laugh but the bad feeling only increased and when Cat didn't laugh or say anything for a few seconds, I dreaded, I was afraid of what I would hear next.
"When she came by, I don't why, but Tori just smiled and mentioned something about how you were right..."
Each words that my friend was saying were a punch on my stomach but what came next was the one that killed me.
"She said: I might not be seeing her soon" Cat said sad, worried for me. When she said that, I feel like my world was coming down, crashing right here, I felt like my legs were shaking, about to fail me, I tried to hold myself by the wall but I fell to the ground.
It was a cold bucket thrown at me, thousand of daggers digged on my body, on my heart.
I barely heard the next thing that my friend said.
"I've got a few things I've been waiting to do"
I would have snarled, that clearly was a excuse but I had not strength, I was too shocked... She left... She left...
"Jade... I looked outside at the car in the drive and the suitcase was on the back seat inside... " Cat said.
Sure it's so she can't look out behind at the road.
But I no longer listen, I'm lost in my crumbling world.
"I don't know why Tori came by, but I could see by the look in her eyes...Tori'd been driving 'round the town for a while..."
Playing with the thought of leaving.
I just hang the fucking call and threw the phone away with a lot of force, It crashed to the wall, breaking the display of the phone and disassembling it. I didn't care.
I didn't care. I felt like my heart was being torn apart.
I had not strength enough for nothing, so I stayed in the ground of the hallway, crying.
She left... She left me..
-/-
After hours, I manage to get up from the floor, with wobbling steps I go through the living room, using the wall as a support, I stretch my right arm to search for the switch of the lights. When I turn the lights on, I'm greeted by a little thing that caught my attention.
It was something that I couldn't recall it being there before. A little white envelope on the coffee table of the living room.
After that I manage to get to sit on the couch I grabbed the envelope, it didn't have anything written on it: no sender or recipient.
When I opened it, I found a letter inside. A letter from her.
She had left that letter.