I do not own Harry Potter or any of its characters unfortunately. J.K. Rowling does.
A Chat with Dad
Severus Snape, ex-Death Eater turned spy for the light, achieved the level of Potions Master at the youngest age ever known to the wizarding world, and unbeknown to most, adopted son to one Albus Wulfric Percival Brian Dumbledore, the most powerful wizard in the wizarding world. Dumbledore was also the only person in existence that had the power to reel Severus in when he lost sight of things. The other person who had that kind of influence over Severus was Lily; however, Lily had been lost to them almost a year now, and Severus' behavior had been less than…appealing since.
Albus was sitting at his desk in the Headmaster's Office thinking back to the conversation he just had with his son and sighed. He had let this problem go for far too long. Severus was drinking far too much, drowning himself in Firewhiskey just trying to erase part of the pain he was feeling from the loss of his best friend. When Severus was not drinking, he was sulking, and his abhorrent treatment of the students was at an all time high.
Albus had neglected to attempt to correct this self deprecating behavior with the exception of friendly fatherly advice here and there. In fact, Dumbledore had put Severus to bed many nights after he had fallen asleep in a chair in the sitting room of his quarters after drinking himself into drunken stupor. Albus would say, "Son, drinking yourself into an oblivion is not going to bring her back."
Severus would only bite back at Dumbledore to leave him be, and remind him he did not ask for his help.
Albus pitied Severus for his loss of Lily and that was his mistake. So tonight, the Headmaster tried reasoning with Severus, to see if he could reach him in that manner.
Flashback
Severus entered into the Headmaster's Office, "You wanted to see me Headmaster?"
"Ahh Severus my boy there is no need for such formalities. I wish to speak to my son, not my Potions Master," Albus said with a wink gesturing for Severus to take a seat in the chair in front of his desk.
Severus rolled his eyes and took said seat. Severus was not inebriated, but there was a noticeable smell of alcohol about him. "How has your week been?" the Headmaster asked.
"You summoned me from my quarters to ask me how my week has been? Do you honestly have nothing better to do old man?" Severus bit out angrily.
The twinkle never left Albus' eyes, he expected anger from Severus. Everyone did these days he simply responded, "Well my boy I must admit I have nothing better to do than talk to you. I have other things I should be doing as far as the school is concerned, but as far as having better things to do…No son, I admit I do not."
"Damn it old man get to the point! What do you want?" Severus growled.
"What I want Severus is to talk to you. I haven't been able to have a pleasurable conversation with you for quite sometime. I would like to know how your week has been. That is all," Dumbledore answered calmly.
Severus was gripping the arms of the chair so tightly his knuckles were turning white. Albus was paying very close attention to Severus, he had not released his anger towards himself, and still blamed himself for the playing a part in his best friend's death. Quite frankly, Albus was waiting for Severus' emotions to explode, and Albus wanted them to be in his presence and not on some unsuspecting soul.
Severus looked Albus in the eye and there, Albus saw it. He knew Severus was ready for that release, and it did indeed come.
"You want to know how my week has been Dad?" Severus asked scathingly. "I'll tell you. I teach the most asinine and imbecilic students Hogwarts has ever seen on a daily basis. I teach beside those less than capable of tying their own shoes which is why the students I teach will never become more than the brainless idiots they were when they first entered the castle gates."
Yes, Severus was ranting, but Albus just let him continue. This was not what bothered Severus, but he knew if he kept talking they would reach the heart of the matter before he left his office. At least he hoped he would.
"So not only do I teach idiots and work with them too, I believe the man I call my father has finally gone around the bend as well! You call me from my quarters after classes are out and disturb the only hours of peace I have in my life to ask me how my week has been! This week has been just like every other week of my life since LILY WAS MURDERED!"
Albus still just listened on. He did not interrupt, Severus was reasoning everything out loud, finally releasing all those pent up thoughts.
"I wake up in the morning and force myself to eat something so I don't have to hear you! I avoid looking at myself in the mirror, because I don't want to see the face of a MURDERER! Do you understand that old man? Do you understand that I don't want to talk about my week because they are all the same. I wake up, she's not there, I go to bed, dream of her, only to wake up and realize I WILL NEVER, NEVER SEE HER AGAIN! SO WHY IN THE BLOODY HELL WOULD I WANT TO TALK ABOUT MY WEEK TO YOU OR ANYONE ELSE IN THIS BLOODY CASTLE! YOU LET THEM DIE!"
Severus was breathing hard. It was obvious he was blinking back the tears he desperately needed to shed. If Albus was correct in his assumptions, Severus had not cried the first tear since the night he found Lily. He held everything in. This self loathing, and self pity needed to come to an end. Almost a year had passed. Just as Albus was about to speak Severus continued.
"So the next time you think it's a good idea to summon me from my quarters to have a talk about my week remember this conversation Headmaster because nothing will have changed. I will still be a murderer, and she will still be dead! Her son will no longer have a mother, and I will never have my…"
Severus didn't finish that statement. He turned on his heel and with a sharp, "Good night Headmaster," Severus slammed the door behind him.
End Flashback
After Severus' abrupt departure Albus was still seated behind his desk and thought to himself, That went well.
In all reality, that could not have went worse. Albus did get one thing accomplished, he got to the heart of the matter indeed. He found out exactly what Severus blamed himself for, and that his anger which had been unrighteously directed towards the students and staff was the result of self loathing.
If Severus were younger, it would have never gotten to this point. Albus would have handled the situation in a much different manner. In the past when his son got out of hand, Albus had taken him to task with a firm hand. It brought him back to reality, and usually caused him to shed the tears he desperately needed to shed.
The last time Albus had taken Severus to task was when he came to him after joining Riddle. Yes, Severus was grown, but again it was the only way to break through that hard exterior, that mask Severus felt he had to put on. Albus assumed that would be the last time he ever had to take a paddle to his son's backside.
Tomorrow night was Friday, Albus decided he would summon Severus to his office and speak his mind which he was unable to do tonight, and he would…seek a different method to get through to his son.
Friday night arrived and Albus knew Severus would be in a right foul mood as a cauldron had exploded and injured two of his students today.
But with Severus lately, if it was not students exploding cauldrons it would be something else, so there was no use in delaying this conversation on that account.
Just as the night before Dumbledore was seated behind his desk, and Severus entered, "You requested my presence Headmaster?"
"I did my boy. Have a seat," Dumbledore said indicating the same chair as the night before.
Severus had a seat and looked expectantly at Albus wondering just what the man wanted, and felt slightly ashamed in his actions from the night before.
"Thank you for coming so quickly. I wanted to speak with you about last night." Severus started out of his chair and began to say something but Dumbledore held up a hand to quiet him and firmly said, "Sit. Down. Now."
Albus had not taken that tone with him in a couple of years. Severus forgot just how authoritative Albus could sound without raising his voice. Severus snapped his mouth shut and sat back down.
"Thank you. Now, you shared with me what was on your mind last night, and now if you will be so kind, I would like to share with you what is on mine," Albus said very calmly.
Severus gave a curt nod.
"I have been worried about you for quite sometime son. I have seen the change in your behavior since that most unfortunate night in Godric's Hollow. Lily was your first friend, best friend, and excuse me for making assumptions, but I believe she was your only love."
Severus stared at Dumbledore. There was no point in saying anything, so far the old man was spot on in his verbiage.
"There is nothing in the magical or muggle world that can bring a loved one back once they move on to the next great adventure, and Lily I dare say would have already cuffed you in the back of the head for your abhorrent behavior towards the staff and towards the students."
Severus felt the heat rise in his face knowing it was turning red. Again he did not bother to say a word, because Lily would have most definitely planted her size six boot firmly in his arse for the way he had been treating his father alone, much less the staff and students.
"Son, as I said the other night, I miss talking to you. I miss our evening tea. I want to hear about your week. I want you to cease consuming so much alcohol as a way of drowning your loss and sorrow. As I say to you at least three times weekly—It. Will. Not. Bring. Her. Back."
Severus was now having a hard time keeping the Headmaster's gaze. Albus had not raised his voice, yet Severus could hear the disappointment in his father's tone.
"I receive multiple letters from concerned parents regarding your treatment of their children weekly, and several members of the staff have requested that I find a new Potions Professor."
Severus did speak up this time, "Then why am I still here? Get rid of me old man. It will be for the benefit of everyone."
"You see my boy, that is where you and I disagree. You are here because I want you here. You are my son first and foremost, and I want you here with me. Your knowledge in potions is unsurpassable, and as for the benefit of everyone else, I don't mind handling complaints; it comes with the territory."
Albus then in a much quieter voice said, "In all honesty I like the fact that you give Trelawney a hard time. She too grates on my nerves."
Severus couldn't help but twitch his lips upward. No one else would recognize that as a smile but Albus, possibly Minerva, but Albus most definitely would. "I miss that too son. That smile."
"On a serious note I have pointed out your distasteful treatment of staff and students. The one thing I have not addressed it your complete lack of respect for me as of late. I have let this matter go too far, and I am to blame for that. I am to blame for not having this conversation sooner. I am to blame for thinking that you just needed time and space to heal, and while you may have needed that for the first couple of months, I should have stepped in much sooner than I did when I realized your behavior was digressing instead of improving."
Severus did not like the tone Albus was using. He recognized this as his, 'I don't like what I am going to have to do, but I'm going to do it anyway voice.'"
"It has been quite sometime since I have even remotely felt the need to hold you accountable for your actions in this manner, but I believe…" Albus was the cut off by Severus.
"Dad! You cannot seriously be suggesting…well you can't think that you can just…I am far too old for that to even be a consideration!" Severus said indignantly.
"Oh but I am very serious my boy. It has always been a most effective reminder and form of discipline for you, and that son you cannot disagree with," Dumbledore reasoned.
"But I am not a child!" Severus exclaimed.
"No, you are not. Nor were you a child the last time I put you over my desk," Dumbledore said.
"But…But that was different. I knew I needed help, I knew I made a mistake, and I didn't ask for it. I knew that…" Severus stopped in mid sentence seeing that instead of making a case, he was in fact digging his own grave.
"Ahh, so you do see the similarities. You realized this time that you needed help, that you needed guidance, and yet again you did not ask for it. Instead you chose to be disrespectful, you chose to blame others, and take your frustrations out on everyone around you instead of just speaking to someone about what was really bothering you," Albus finished.
Severus hung his head in defeat. He had been a right arse to everyone, especially Albus. He knew his Dad absolutely hated punishing him, but that's part of why Severus loved him. Albus was consistent, and even followed through with promises when he hated them.
He told Severus years ago that he did not care if he was a grown man, he would take him to task for his actions and hold him accountable. Severus never argued, he actually liked that sense of security, although he hated the feeling of vulnerability that came with it sometimes.
Albus reached in his desk and pulled the paddle out. It was in the same place he always kept it. Severus stood from his chair and removed his robes without instruction and draped them over the chair.
Severus met Albus' gaze. Severus had to give it to the man, he never belittled him or tried to embarrass him. Albus simply said, "Over the desk son."
Severus was sorely regretting his actions. It hurt him to think of how Lily would feel about his actions. He knew she would not approve, but that was part of what pained him—She would never again be able to cuff him in the back of the head and tell him to remove it from his arse.
Severus lowered his chest to the wooden surface and braced himself for what he knew was to come. He knew it would not be gentle, but he knew it would be done with care.
Albus placed his left hand on the small of Severus' back and Severus closed his eyes in anticipation. Albus raised the paddle in his right hand and brought it down swiftly across Severus' backside.
Crack!
Severus involuntarily sucked in a breath. He had forgotten just how much that hurt, and how much strength that old man had behind his swing.
Crack! Crack! Crack! Crack!
Severus could feel the sting through his trousers. It was not unbearable… yet.
Albus delivered five more to the center of Severus' backside.
Crack! Crack! Crack! Crack! Crack!
Severus could not suppress the yelp as the next set came down hard on his sit spots.
Crack! Crack! Crack! Crack! Crack!
Crack! Crack! Crack! Crack! Crack!
Albus paused taking in Severus' form across his desk, assessing his current state. A few tears were leaking out of his eyes. Albus could see that he was almost where he needed to be. He knew from past experience the spanking was not the cause of those tears, but they did help in getting them to flow.
With an inward sigh, Dumbledore raised the paddle once again and delivered a series of ten swats, alternating between the center of Severus' bum and his sit spots.
Tears were flowing freely and Albus decided to bring the spanking to a close.
Crack! Crack! Crack! Crack! Crack!
The last five were delivered, and Severus' limp form did not move from the desk. Albus, just as he always did rubbed comforting circles in Severus' back until the sobs subsided.
Albus helped him into a standing position and took Severus by the chin to look him, "You are not responsible for Lily's death. Do you understand?"
Severus nodded his head yes.
"Now you say it," Albus instructed.
"I…I…I can't. I feel like…" Severus began only to be cut off by his father.
"Did you cast the Avada Kedavra?"
Severus replied, "No."
"Did you not come to me when you found out who the prophecy referred to?"
"Yes."
"They were betrayed by their own friend. True or not?"
"It is true."
"That's right my boy. You. Are. Not. Responsible. Now you say it," Albus instructed again.
"I…I am not responsible for Lily's death," Severus said quietly.
"That's right my sweet child. You are not responsible for the act of that monster. You are not responsible for their murders. You are only responsible for your actions," Dumbledore said.
Severus nodded in understanding, "Now, I will be checking on your eating schedule, and I will have a house elf monitor it if I feel the need. I will also be keeping an eye on your alcohol consumption, and if I feel it is getting out of hand you and I will visit here once again. Am. I. Understood?"
Severus could not help the small smile that graced his face at the threat. No matter what he did, or how lost he felt, this man—his Dad would be there for him, through the good and bad. "Yes sir."
Severus put his robes back on and Albus put his arms around Severus' shoulders. As they were exiting the Headmaster's Office Dumbledore asked, "Now, do you suppose there is anything we can do about all those letters I'm receiving. I don't mind really except for the howlers…"
Well there this is my second Albus/Severus fic. Let me know what ya think. Please take the time to leave a review :)