Clarke sat on a tree stump, facing east and glancing up occasionally as her hands and pencils worked to commit the sunrise paper. This was her favorite spot in the world. Still within the safety of the forest, on the edge of the clearing of wild grass. Sunlight filtered in through the trees and it made her feel infinite.
She was just about done with the sketch when she felt warm hands covering her eyes.
A year ago, that would have scare the shit out of her, but she had grown used to her girlfriend's stealthy ways.
"Hey baby," Clarke let herself be pulled up to her feet and hid her face in Lexa's neck, smiling contentedly as her lover pressed a soft kiss to her head.
"Where have you been? I thought you were gonna model for me?"
"I apologize, Clarke. I was needed in council." Lexa felt the blonde tense in her arms and sighed as she felt her push back enough to find her gaze.
"Did they come to a decision? Is there a plan? Why wasn't I called?"
Lexa took in a deep breath as she steeled herself for what she knew was coming. In her year with Clarke, she had never once let herself place the blonde above the good of her people, but never in her life had she been this close to breaking her resolve.
Her people needed her now more than ever. Children have been going missing from clans all across the Coalition, reportedly being held captive by the Ice Nation and being forced to trained in the ways of the Azgeda.
The council had debated all night, coming up with multiple approaches, but only one plan was deemed acceptable by the Commander. The one that led to the least amount of bloodshed, and the one she knew that Clarke would adamantly object.
"I do not wish to tell you this, but then I figured that the whole point of defeating the Ice Nation would be moot because you, well you would be quite angry with me." Clarke said nothing, she just raised her eyebrows expectantly, waiting for Lexa to continue.
"Our plan requires that one of our own allow themselves be captured by the Ice Nation, so that Raven's microphones can be planted."
"Okay...Wh-wait. You?" The blonde's shoulders shook in some strange combination of fear and anger
"Lexa, no absolutely not. No." Clarke stumbled backwards, dropping her sketchbook and shaking her head as the possibilities played out in her mind.
"Clarke." Lexa reach out for the blonde, but Clarke beat her to it. Grasping at strong shoulders, pleading.
"Can't you send one of your warriors? Or me. I'll go. Lexa please, you're the one that she wants. If you go, she'll never let you leave."
"I would never send one of my warrior somewhere I dare not. I'm the only one that she will not strike down at first glance. Trust me, Clarke I understand why you're upset. But it has to be me, Clarke. You know this." Lexa smiled sadly at her love, her heart breaking just a little more at the pain etched across Clarke's beautiful face. The pain in her own heart overwhelmed her and she tore her gaze away.
"Look at me, Lexa." A soft hand pulled her chin back up and Lexa opened her eyes only to lose herself in the ocean of Clarke's eyes.
"Do you see a future with me? Because that's all I see." Clarke whispered, her eyes searching, pleading.
"Clarke, I've wished for nothing more since the second I laid eyes on you."
"Then don't go on a suicide mission. Lexa, please."
Lexa smiled and gave one last ditch effort to bring some brevity back. "Technically, not a suicide mission. It's a rescue mission. You love those. No fighting, no killing."
No such luck. "That's a lie and you know it! How the hell do you plan on getting out of this alive? How do you know she won't just kill you on sight?"
"Her agendas run deeper than that, you know this," Lexa sighed. "Once we confirm the location of their hidden prison, Raven will signal Indra and she lead a rescue party to free the prisoners, and I will be among them."
"Well what if something goes wrong? No, Lexa. This is not happening."
The Commander resorted to something she knew would work, not matter how dirty of a trick it was.
"Not to relive old fights, but this is my choice. And I need you to respect it." Clarke froze with her next plea stuck in the back of her throat. She was too stunned by the flashes of memory dancing behind her eyes. Lexa, begrudgingly but gracefully accepting her decision to brave a quarantined area to try and save her people from a strange unknown disease.
"That's a low blow and you know it."
"Hey." Lexa held both of Clarke's in hers, pressing them over her heart. She hoped that her heartbeat would reassure the blonde. "Look at me, love."
Clarke raised her tear streaked face to Lexa and met her gaze.
"I will make it back to you. I promise you."
Lexa's words hung over them, and they gravitated towards each other, like they always did, their lips meeting in a promise stronger than words.
I will make it back to you.
Lexa saw the crimson sheen of the blade as it protruded from her chest before she felt the hilt of the sword digging into her back. She had been so concerned with freeing every last one of her people from the cages of the Azgeda cave that she failed to notice the quiet rage of the Ice Queen approaching her from behind.
Lexa fell to her knees as blood pooled around her. Her senses dulled and time seemed to slow, but she could still hear Octavia's cry, her scream of anguish and anger.
She could still see Indra's powerful swing as the fierce warrior avenged her Commander and friend.
She could still see the Azkwin's rage filled eyes grow blank as she drowned in her very own pool of crimson.
Lexa fell further, now laying on the floor of the cave as battle continued around her with the last few remaining Ice guards. She fought to keep her eyes open as the colors dulled to black and white.
But when she finally let her eyes fall closed, her world exploded in color. Her mind's eye blessed her with brilliantly golden hair, eyes that were bluer than the sky, and an impossibly bright smile. Despite everything, the Commander left her body with a smile and one final breath of a name.
"Clarke"
When she woke, Lexa was no longer lying dead in a cave, but standing in the middle of a forest with nothing but the moon for light. She turned to find a young girl, bent over and gasping for breath.
Lexa smiled sadly as she approached the frightened girl to fulfill her final duty as Commander.
Lexa had been asleep in the tent she shared with Anya when she felt it. It was a surge energy unlike any she had experienced before, and it felt as though every inch of her were bursting with raw power. Her eyes shot open and she leapt out of bed, dressing quickly for the cold without waking her mentor and slipping out into the forest, still gasping for breath. What is happening to me?
Lexa stumbled to towards the nearest tree and leaned a hand against the rough bark, the other grasping at her chest as she bent over and fought to fill her lungs.
"Breathe deeply, young warrior. You are well." Lexa whipped around at the voice, instinct guiding her hand as she brought her knife to hover above her attacker's neck. As soon as she met the gaze of the owner, however, Lexa quickly tossed the weapon aside and knelt to bow on one knee.
"Heda." Lexa was at a loss for words, frozen in shock from both the sudden appearance of her Commander in the middle of the night, and the energy she still felt surging through her body. She simply lowered her head further.
"Forgive me, Heda. I did not know tha-" The dangerous, elegant, beautiful woman interrupted the younger girl's plea with a mere wave her hand.
"It is forgiven. Now rise." Slowly, Lexa rose to stand tall, her back impossibly straight and her head held high in the presence of her leader. Still, she had questions and she wanted answers.
"If I may be so bold, Heda, what business have you in TonDC. We just received word of unrest in the western nations. Surely this matter requires the Commander's attention more so than the training grounds of TonDC, Heda."
The women before her ignored the query, choosing instead to circle around Lexa as if she were evaluating her. The girl held still and strong staring straight ahead until finally, Heda spoke.
"I know you." A pause, as the woman searched through the records of her mind.
"You are Aleksandra kom Trigedakru. You are the second of General Anya." At this, Lexa faltered slightly. To be acknowledged by the Commander is a great achievement.
"You honor me, Heda." Lexa watched the older woman as she came to a stop directly in front of her, piercing, aged grey eyes bore into young and eager green.
"I am Freya. Just Freya now." Lexa faltered yet again at this. Freya could see the confusion painted across the young girl's face but she kept going, knowing that she would soon understand.
"Ai gonplei ste odon. My fight is over and I no longer hold the Commander's spirit, Aleksandra." Lexa stumbled backwards as if realization were physically weighing down on her, finally. Still, Freya pushed forward.
"You have felt it. It flows through you now, Heda." Lexa's eyes shot back up at this new title, her rational mind fighting against what her heart and her body already knew to be true.
"But how? No, this cannot be. The spirit only passes when the Commander dies…" Lexa gasps as she finally realizes what is happening. Her pleading green eyes searched Freya's knowing grey. The older woman merely smiled sadly and held out her hand, daring Lexa to reach out and find out for herself.
Hands still shaking, Lexa slowing brought the tips of her fingers to those of held in front of her.
It wasn't that she felt nothing. No, she felt a spiritual energy surge through her once more, almost as powerfully as when she first woke that night. But on the tips of her fingers, she felt nothing. And in her heart, she mourned the death of her Commander.
Once again, Lexa felt words fail her, unsure of how to one could even begin to comfort the dead. So instead, she whispered, "The legends of the Commander's passing are true."
Freya nodded, head still held tall and proud. "Yes, but our time together is limited. If there are questions you wish to ask of me, now is the time."
Lexa's jaw hung open, thousands of questions bubbling in her throat.
"Why me? How? How am I to lead this nation? I've yet to see real war, I am a second, still. My training is incomplete."
"A warrior's training is never complete. We learn from everything around us. We evolve and we adapt, and you will continue to do so till you take your final breath as Commander."
Panic still ran rampant in Lexa's chest as she paced, her worries spilling out of her now in rushed pleas. "But war is brewing in the north. And our people suffer still in the depths of the mountain. How will I lead our people when I know not where to begin, or what to do? I am not fit to lead."
Freya planted herself in front of the frightened girl and forced her to meet her eyes.
"Do you love your people, Aleksandra? Are you willing to sacrifice yourself? Your soul, your life, your happiness, for the good of your people?"
Lexa swallowed her panic and lifted herself to her full height. She may be unsure in some of her capabilities but of this she had no doubt.
"Without question, Heda." Satisfied with this answer, Frey nodded firmly.
"Then you are fit to lead. This is what it means to be Heda. This will give you the wisdom and the strength to do what is necessary."
Lexa held Freya's fierce gaze as she willed her body to quiet. She composed herself and willed her mind to accept her new reality as complete silence fell upon the forest.
The pair stood, content in the stillness, until a voice called out to them
"Leksa? Leksa is that you?" Lexa turned to see her mentor approaching her from the edge of the forest.
"What are you doing out here, Leksa? Dawn is still hours away." Lexa's eyes flitted between Anya and Freya in confusion.
"Only you can see me Aleksandra," Freya reminded her. "Only you can hear me before I pass on. No one else."
Lexa gave her a ghost of a nod as she turned back to Anya. "No one. I apologize if I woke you, Anya. Please, rest. I will return shortly."
Anya searched her surroundings quickly. This wasn't the first time Lexa had snuck out of her tent in the middle of the night, but this time Costia was nowhere to be found. Anya eyed her suspiciously but nodded in agreement regardless.
As her mentor retreated back towards the village, Lexa turned back towards Freya as the older woman broke the silence once again.
"There is one last thing I wish to warn you of, Aleksandra. I led our people fairly, but I failed to achieve greatness." Freya hung her head slightly, ashamed of the truth she shared with her successor.
"I hid behind the laws and traditions to which our people hold so dearly. But to fight change is to fight the very nature of the earth. You must be visionary. You are the Commander. Should you see fit to change the ways of our people for the better, then command it so. This is what it means to be great."
Freya stepped closer and held Lexa's gaze, willing her to embrace the immensity of her words with her eyes. "You are not like me. No, you were born with greatness, Aleksandra. With grace will you govern, and with greatness will you lead."
With one last smile, Freya motioned for Lexa to close her eyes, and the girl obeyed. Seconds later, she felt another wave of energy surge through her, and she knew. She knew before she opened her eyes that the weight of thousands rested squarely on her shoulders, that Freya was gone and that she was alone.
"…You were born with greatness, Athena. With grace will you govern, and with greatness will you lead." Lexa smiled proudly at the girl who stood tall in front of her as she echoed the words of her predecessor, and Athena nodded in acceptance of her duty.
"You have learned all there is to learn from me. Now there is something I require of you."
Clarke knew. She knew before Octavia could even opened her mouth. The warrior wore her grief all over her blood stained face.
"No. Please God, no"
"Clarke."
"NO. This isn't happening. This can't happen. Where is she?"
"Clarke you don't want-"
"Where, Octavia!" The blonde's voice trembled in anger. Her whole body shook with it. Clarke clung desperately to anger. The alternative would destroy her.
Tired and defeated, Octavia opened her mouth to answer but she never got the chance. She perked her ears up, and signaled for Clarke to be quiet.
"We're not alone anymore," the warrior whispered. Octavia reached slowly for her knife, before whipping around to fling it at the intruder.
The young girl dodged the attack fluidly, raising her hands in a sign of well-meaning.
"Who the hell are you?" In the back of her mind, Clarke knew this girl deserved a more civil greeting but her mind held no room for civility. She stared at the little warrior expectantly, waiting for her to speak. She was nowhere near prepared for what came out of her mouth.
"I am Athena kom Trikru, and the Commander is wishes an audience with Sky Heda."
"What?" Clarke whipped around to face Octavia, somehow knowing that she would be able to explain. She was right.
"Oh my god."
"Octavia what's happening? What the hell is she talking about." Octavia's suspicions were confirmed when she searched Athena's eyes. The girl's head was held high and her face expressionless, but her eyes were swimming with the truth. Octavia nodded in understanding, and Athena turned to leave.
"Octavia! Please, what was she talking about." The blonde grabbed the other girl's arms shaking her out her daze. Clarke was bursting with anticipation and she was a breath away from completely losing it.
"Clarke there's no time to explain. All you need to know is that Lexa is here. She can hear you."
Octavia smiled sadly, raising a hand to wipe away the tears Clarke didn't know were falling from her own eyes.
"You can say goodbye."
Octavia turned to leave her alone, and without anyone else around, Clarke sobbed, allowing the immensity of her grief to take over.
The Sky Commander was broken, doubled over from the pain of grief and guilt and regret. Brought to her knees by the void of love lost.
Tears flowed freely from Lexa's eyes as she ghosted her hand over Clarke's cheek, wishing in vain that she could wipe the tears away, that she could touch her love again, that she could feel her warmth.
But she couldn't. That privilege was reserved for the living.
Instead, she knelt in front of the woman who held her heart in hers and drank the sight of her in. She knew not where her spirit would take her next, but she was determined to remember everything about Clarke, just in case her memories were allowed to accompany her.
"You lied to me. You promised." The weak accusation came out in a strangled whisper.
Despite herself, Lexa let out a breathy laugh at the blonde's stubbornness till the very end.
"Even if I wanted to apologize, you couldn't hear me. So I won't."
"Please don't leave me."
"I don't have a choice, niron." Lexa's tears had stopped falling. She had no more left to give. She could feel a tug in her soul and knew that her time was almost up. She held one hand just barely over Clarke's cheek, the other on top of one of the blonde's own, and she said goodbye.
"You are by far the greatest thing that ever happened to me in all my years on this earth. The fact that I get to die knowing that I was loved, not just by anyone, but by you? It's the epitome of a fulfilled life. She lied to me, Clarke. I wasn't born with greatness. Loving you was my greatness, Clarke. Being loved by you was my saving grace."
"Please. Please come back to me."
"And I will love you forever. May we meet again."