Dark Lord of Naboo Abridged by Uraharaisgod
As Darth Maul's head spun around from an unseen force, Obi-Wan looked disapprovingly at Anakin.
"Anakin, that was not very Paragon."
Anakin spit on the ground. "Renegade for life."
Why Dragonball Z and Star Wars Crossovers Make no Sense
"KAAA…..ME….HAAAA…..ME….HAAAAAAAAAA!" Goku yelled, as he fired a blue beam of energy, that clashed with the green beam of the Death Star.
The green beam was overpowered, and the metal sphere of doom was obliterated.
Thankfully, Vader was in his TIE, and he managed to land on Earth, where he was confronted by the orange-wearing Saiyan.
"You are going to pay for your evil ways! Get ready to-" Goku was cut off as his air supply was.
As the Z warrior fell to the ground, unmoving, Vader shook his head.
"I don't care how unkempt your hair gets, you still need to breathe."
Why Star Wars and Kingdom Hearts Crossovers Make no Sense
Sora stood, handcuffed, on the bridge of the Death Star.
No! You can't Atlantica is peaceful! They have no weapons!"
"Do you have another target? One that makes you sing 'Finny Fun?' Then name the system!" Vader interrogated.
"...The World that Never Was."
"...Nice try. I am not doing your job for you."
"Eh. Worth a shot."
"Fire when ready."
The 'world' exploded in a mass of coral as the green beam struck.
"Now set a course for Wonderland. That damn Mad Hatter tried to spike my tea with LSD last time I was there." Vader ordered.
"Yes Sir." The bridge officer confirmed.
Once the order was given, the all-but-invincible mobile space station, which for some reason was made out of chewy candy, took off into hyperspace.
Why Both Anakin and Padmé Hate 'Girl Talk'
Ahsoka and Padmé were sitting on a patio, overlooking a serene Nabooan Lake, drinking tea.
"Say, you know how Skyguy likes choking people, right?"
"Unfortunately."
"Does he ever, you know, do that in bed?"
"...I'm the only one who can wake him up in the morning unscathed, if that's what you're asking."
"No, no, I meant...in bed." She replied, giving illustrative hand gestures. And pelvic thrusting.
Padmé did a spit take, and looked at the Togruta in silent shock.
"...I was just asking, geez…"
Vader is a Momma's Boy
Clieg Lars turned to his wife.
"You know, you often talk about your boy, Anakin. What does he do? You know, career-wise?"
Shmi's brow furrowed. "I don't know, actually."
Anakin lowered his welding mask and raised a blow torch to a struggling, bound Neimoidian.
"You are going to tell me where the Separatist base is or else you will have a very intimate knowledge of what cooking flesh smells like."
The Imperial March started playing, and Anakin reached into a pocket and withdrew a comlink.
"Skywalker." He responded.
"Ani?"
"Oh, hi Mom. Is everything okay?"
"Yes, everything is fine. Clieg and I were just wondering what it was you did for a living."
Anakin's mind raced as he searched for an answer that wouldn't get him, at the minimum, a lecture.
"I'm an...accountant. Yes, I make sure certain facilities locations are recorded and that they are made to be in compliance with Republic law."
"YOU HAVE TO HELP ME! HE'S CRAZY! GET ME OUT OF HERE!" The prisoner screamed, before he was silenced by having his air flow cut off.
"Sorry about that. I swear, you tell one of the office workers that they have to work overtime and they act like it's the end of the world. Well, I'd best get this sorted out. Love you, mom. Bye."
As the Neimoidian was allowed to resume breathing, Anakin re-ignited his blow torch.
"You may have just made me look bad in front of my mother. Before, I was going to kill you as soon as you gave me the information. Now… you will not be so lucky."
Why Lord of the Rings Should Not be Used in a Crossover with DLoN
"Remember, Anakin, we are here on a diplomatic mission with the primitive world they call 'Middle-Earth.' Try to not kill anyone." Dooku lectured.
Dooku, Anakin, Clone Commander Rex of the 'commandeered' 501st, and the astromech R3-V7 exited the shuttlecraft.
Dooku strode towards the nearest person, who just so happened to be wearing a grey robe and pointy hat.
"Greetings. I am-"
"Saruman! I never thought I'd see you out of Isengard! And you trimmed your beard! Shame to see you i something other than white, though I admit those clothes do seem quite nice."
"I'm afraid there has been a misundersta-"
"Come now, I just got finished visiting Hobbiton, and I'm pleased that I have acquired enough Old Toby to spare. Come, join me for a pipe!" The old man said, not letting Dooku get a word in edgewise, as he marched off, Count in tow, to who knows where.
"Friendly locals. Why don't I go and make sure the ladies are just as friendly?" Rex said, eyeing a slender, pointy-eared blond.
"I am certain that that is a man, Rex."
"Fifty creds says you're wrong." Rex said, as he walked over to the blond.
Less than a minute later, Rex came back, sporting a black eye. He wordlessly handed over a credchip to a stoic Anakin.
All of a sudden, they heard a scream. Anakin drew a lightsaber, Rex grabbed a blaster, and the two, plus a droid, ran towards the disturbance.
There, they saw the biggest dogs they had ever seen. They saw the person who screamed hiding up in a tree.
"Wargs! You need to drive them away with fire!" The person in the tree yelled.
"You heard that, Arthree?"
The astromech tootled in response, as a military-grade flamethrower sprouted from his chassis.
...
...
The astromech yowled, as it fled as fast as its repulsorlift treads would let it, the two humans not far behind.
"Great going, sir!"
"How was I to know the woods were dry enough to catch, or that the trees are sapient!?"
Once they felt they had gained enough distance from their pursuers, they had stopped to catch their breath.
"Right on, dudes. Working that cardio." They turned around, and looked into the unfocused eyes of Count Dooku.
"That Gandalf dude was great. He let me smoke this plant, and it totally, like, lets the Force talk to me. It's all like, 'Dude, go get some food.' And I'm all, 'Right on, Force!' Now, how's all the talky-stuff going?"
"Horribly. In fact, I think we need to leave." Anakin replied.
"Aw, bummer. Say, have you guys ever like, really looked at your hand?"
"I'm just glad it hasn't been chopped off by a lightsaber." Anakin said.
"Right on. So, why do we have to go?"
"...I think Rex, Arthree and I just invented Negligent Genocide."
"Aw, bummer, dudes."