Hi guys, I hope everyone enjoys this one shot.

It was inspired by Celine Dion's song "My Heart Will Go On"

Enjoy!

I've always been very good at keeping my emotions to myself.

It was a genuine talent I had picked up from somewhere between the ages of two and twenty two.

Well, really it was from the moment I met her.

Two years old and I'd been forced into a play group with five curious and playful children, five children who grew up to become my best friends.

Emmett, Rose, Alice, Jasper, and Bella.

My Bella.

My beautiful, sweet, funny, smart, Bella.

Except, from the age I actually realised the difference between boys and girls I shut off my emotions about her.

I didn't know why at the time, but something in my head told me I must not treat her like I treated the rest of my friends.

When I hit puberty I realised exactly why that was.

I was in love with her. I had been since we first dared to taste the dirty sand in our kindergarten class.

Bella Swan was attached to my hip.
She was my side kick, always grinning up at me and going along with whatever I suggested we do that day.

We all spent our days together obviously, but we all paired off.

Alice and Jasper.
Rose and Emmett.
Me and Bella.

I would never have dreamed of inviting Alice or Rose over to my house alone with me, but Bella was always at my house, in my bed, snuggling under the covers with me as we watched movies, listened to music, read books aloud to each other...

Sounds romantic, right?

Not even in the slightest. We never dared bring our relationship to the next level, like our best friends had done at the age of fifteen.

Bella was too pure, too delicate.

Now don't misunderstand me, I had various dreams of kissing her, touching her, making love to her.

But we were friends, best friends.

And I would never risk ruining our friendship by trying something she clearly didn't want.

So instead, I shut off my emotions. I laughed at her jokes, I spoke to her everyday, I told her my secrets and I listened to hers, we helped each other study, we took each other to our middle school and high school dances...

But on the outside I was calm and cool. I smiled and told her she was my best friend.

Friend.

Because I didn't want her pitying me simply because on the inside I was a wreck. I was completely in love with her and I couldn't show it.

Bella would never love a guy like me. I was lanky and awkward, with hair that no matter what I did to it, it would just not stay still, and by the time I reached fourteen I just decided to let it be the wild bronze mane it clearly wanted to become.

I liked my eyes though.

But honestly that was only because one night in the forest Bella had drunkenly told me, in front of our friends and everything, that she loved my green eyes.

She even told me she missed my glasses.

Yep, glasses. I was known in middle school for being the smart kid with the black rimmed square glasses.

But by the time we reached high school, I'd gotten contacts, and I'd spent months in the gym with Emmett and Jasper bulking out my frame. I was still tall and lanky, but from the age of sixteen I had defined muscular arms and legs, and even a slight six pack going on under my shirt.

Not that anyone ever saw it.

Especially not Bella.

She, on the other hand, was the epitome of perfection.

Small in height, slim in body. Dark brown hair floated down past her shoulders to the middle of her back, framing her pale face which held the reddest lips I'd ever seen, and the deepest, brownest eyes I've ever had the pleasure to look in to.

And right now, I felt like I would never look into them again.

I knew I probably wouldn't.

I sat in my apartment, my head in my hands as I attempted to clear the fog the beer had caused in my mind.

I had just said goodbye to Bella.

Goodbye.

Those words were never meant to be said by us.

We pledged, time and time again, in middle school, in high school, even in college, that we would always see each other, we'd always live in the same city, meet at least three times a week for lunch and at least four times for dinner and drinks.

And what did I have now?

Four friends in Boston, and one...

Not.

It had been such an adventure for us, leaving the small town of Forks after we'd completed middle school and graduated from high school. We all moved to Boston to go to College, we all got apartments within spitting distance of each other.

Four years we spent there until we graduated three months ago.

Four years as the man in me pined for Bella more and more each day.
I tried to go on a date once... It lasted ten minutes. I spent the rest of the night in Bella's apartment watching Buffy reruns and eating leftover pizza from the night before.

The rest of the gang always left us to it. They didn't comment on the fact that I loved her... Though they told me countless times that she loved me too, she just had even less balls than me when it came to admitting it.

I ignored their comments, but I did let them comment my dreams at night.

But tonight I would find no solace.

Tonight I would lie awake, and I would wonder why she left.

We'd always planned on moving away after we graduated.

Her dream was LA.

My dream was her.

But she announced to us all over dinner that she'd gotten a big job with a publishing firm, the best job possible after graduating with such a high scoring degree.

I had held her tight that night in a hug, sniffing her hair discretely as my heart swelled with pride.

And then my world came crashing down.

"The job is in LA." She'd whispered.

We all couldn't believe she was leaving, and I couldn't bare to even look at her.

Tonight we had a goodbye party for her, and I cried.

I cried like a fucking baby, because she promised she would come back and visit, and that we could come and visit her too.

"But what about our pledge?" I'd asked her drunkenly, "Does that mean nothing?"

She seemed hurt by my words, and I watched her as tears brimmed in her eyes.

Shit.

I hated when she cried. I felt like I was tearing my own world apart.

"Of course it does... But I need to get away Edward... I have to."

I didn't answer her, I just picked up my beer and took another swig.

I felt deflated. I felt like my arms would never be full again after I'd hugged her goodbye tonight and kissed her forehead softly.

I laid down quietly on my sofa, grabbing a cushion that somehow still faintly smelt like her.

And then, I let myself dream.

A place where Bella laid her head against my shoulder, her smile grinning up at me as she begged me to put on her favourite show.

A show I hated, yet I did it because I would do anything for that girl.

I woke up the next morning groggy and sore. My eyes automatically darted to the clock on the wall.

Bella would be getting ready to go to the airport. Or perhaps she was already there.

I pulled myself up, going to the stereo and putting on her favourite CD, making my way to the bathroom for a quick shower.

I moved like a zombie as I washed myself and got dressed for the day.

Making sure I had my keys and wallet, I left the apartment, not sure where I'd go, but knowing a walk would do me good.

I cursed silently as I shut the door, remembering automatically about my phone still lying inside.

I turned back towards the door, stopping suddenly as I saw the piece of paper attached to my door.

Lifting it hesitantly, I frowned as I moved back inside, grabbing my phone and putting it in my pocket before I began to read.

It was from Bella.

I knew automatically just from the way she wrote my name on the first line.

She'd been here... Some time in the last twelve hours.

My throat constricted as I made the effort to read.

Edward,
We both know that by moving to LA, we will probably never see each other again. And for that I'm truly sorry.
I'm sorry because I didn't want to ruin our friendship by moving away, but I couldn't continue to live like this.
I love you, Edward. I have done since I could walk and talk.
And the only reason I'm saying it now because I can hide behind this paper and never have to see the awkwardness on your face.
But I hope it sheds some light on why I have to go.
I wish you happiness, Edward. And I hope you find her one day.
I love you,
Bella.

I wasn't sure how long I stood there for.

It could have been seconds.

It could have been hours, weeks, months.

But I let it sink into my body.

She loved me back.

She actually loved me back.

I laughed at myself, wondering why on earth my friends hadn't slapped me and told me sooner.

Actually I was pretty sure Alice and Emmett both had on seperate occasions.

But it didn't matter now. Because now I knew.

My feet were out of the apartment a second later. I locked the door behind me, shoving her letter in my pocket as a smile broke out across my face so wide I thought it would break.

I jumped in the first taxi I saw, instructing it to go straight to the airport as I text my four best friends;
SHE LOVES ME! I'm going to the airport to get her and bring her home.

I sent them all at once, before flicking through my phone to Bella's number, hitting dial quickly.

I could stop her by phone call, and she could meet me outside the airport with a kiss.

My first kiss with Bella.

I felt giddy at the thought of her soft lips.

Holding the phone to my ear, I heard her voicemail inform me her phone was switched off.

I cursed silently, my foot tapping impatiently as I thought of my plan.

Search every inch of the airport.

Yep.

That would work.

I eventually reached my destination, shoving the money into the drivers hand before I jumped out, running straight for the entrance.

Ha, this was like something out of a movie.

Dammit, I should have brought flowers. Maybe a ring.

I ran into the check in area, passing through the crowds quickly as I attempted to see her hair, her face, anything...

But I couldn't.

I growled under my breath, finding a security guard and touching his arm quickly, "Excuse me, I'm looking for someone, and I can't find them in the check in area. Any ideas?"

The elderly man shook his head sadly, "If they aren't in the check in area then they'll have headed to departures, and you can't get in there without a ticket."

I frowned, my eyes straying to the ticket desk before I turned away from him.

"I'd check the departures list before you buy a ticket, son. She could've already left."

My heart stopped at his words, and I moved in the direction he was pointing, glancing at the screen in horror as I saw it.

Los Angeles - Status: Departed.

My heart sank.

She was gone.

Her plane had departed twenty minutes ago, and here I was... Alone.

I hung my head, and the security guard put his hand on my shoulder, "She's only on a plane, son. You can always catch the next one." He chuckled.

My head snapped up, and I smiled at him widely, "You're right."

I yelled a quick thank you to him, darting back out the doors and grabbing a taxi home.

The traffic was heavy at this time of the morning, and it took me longer than usual to get back to my flat so I could pack a bag.

I did so quickly though, ignoring my phone as it began to buzz in my pocket.

I didn't have time. I had to get to Bella.

I shoved my essentials into a carry on, before searching my wallets frantically for my credit card.

And then I realised Emmett had it, because he'd stolen it from me last night in an attempt to get me to stop drinking.

I growled, cursing him silently as I locked up the apartment once again, my carry on in my hand as I ran the two blocks to Emmett's apartment block.

The main door was unlocked as usual, and I climbed the stairs two at a time until l reached the fifth floor.
I swung his apartment door open quickly, my breath coming in a rush as I dropped my bag on the floor, "Emmett I need my card, dude."

He was standing with his back to me, his eyes on the TV.

"Emmett." I called his name, taking a few quick steps towards him as the tension in the room suddenly descended on me like a cold blanket.

He turned his head towards me, and I watched with widening eyes as the tears streaked down his face, his expression contorted with pain.
"What's happened?"

He blinked a couple of times, "I knew as soon as you text me that you wouldn't catch her, her flight was already leaving..." He paused, and his hands shaked a little, "Please tell me I'm wrong and you got Bella."

I felt panic begin to creep up on me as I took in my best friend.

I began to shake my head slowly, and he let out a sob before turning his attention back to the TV.

I followed his gaze, my heart rate increasing and my palms beginning to sweat as I watched the scene unfold before me.

The newscasters voice resounded in my ears slowly, almost like she was speaking the words to hurt me.

Breaking News: The World Trade Centre has been the victim of a terrorist attack this morning after hijackers claimed two planes headed from Boston to Los Angeles in an attempt to crash them into the Twin Towers.

The scene played out in a box over her right shoulder, showing smoke bellowing out of one of the towers.

The north tower was struck first by American Airlines Flight 11, causing fear that the south tower would be struck soon after.

I turned to Emmett, my voice frantic as I struggled for a breath, "That might not have been her flight." I shook my head, "It can't be."

"It's not." Emmett whispered, "Her flight was United Airlines Flight 175..." He swallowed, "I teased her last night because it's an odd number and it's meant to be unlucky."

He shut his eyes quickly and my own transfixed back onto the TV.

Due to the controversy of the first tower being hit, onlookers began to film the World Trade Centre and consequently caught the South Tower being hit by United Airlines Flight 175.

My heart stopped beating.

Just like that, I was dead.

We have the footage.

And I watched as the little box on her shoulder took over the entire screen, frozen in place as the plane, her plane, smashed right into the tower block.

My mouth was hanging open, I couldn't breathe as I imagined what had happened.

The reporter took over again;
Victims in the 175 Flight are reported to have rang their loved ones just minutes before the plane crashed. I'll have more news in a few minutes.

The screen changed, moving into adverts as if it was the simplest thing in the world.

As if the world wasn't falling apart right this second.

Emmett was sitting on the sofa now, his sobs finished but his face still wet as he stared at me with caution.

"Edward?" He spoke my name slowly.

I couldn't register anything.

I couldn't see in front of me because of the blur of tears.

I couldn't breathe because my body was on lockdown mode and wouldn't even think about using my organs.

She was dead.

She'd confessed her love for me, and now she was dead.

I'd watched her die.

Her plane went straight into that building, there was no hope for her survival.

I knew that already.

The scenes on the TV changed again, showing people running towards the towers, attempting to help. The pictures were live.

Firefighters and police men donned their gears and shouted out instructions to each other in slow motion. Others stood by and screamed for the people they knew inside.

Onlookers were throwing themselves at the rubble, clawing for any sign of life, while victims threw themselves from their office windows high above, hoping for a quick death so they didn't burn instead.

But my girl. She was already gone...

Everyone has felt love at some point, whether it be their mother, or father, or sibling, or lover, or someone who is kind to you when you have nothing else...

The very unlucky ones have felt the loss of that love, and let me tell you, it crushes you.

You feel like your insides won't work, like your heart can't move the blood around your body and your lungs won't give you air.

Your hands shake.

Your eyes water at the simplest thing.

You smell them in your favourite restaurant.

You feel like it's them hugging you when someone else tries to give you comfort.

You see them on a busy street, just for a spilt second, but it's definitely them.

You hear them in the laugh of a random person on the train.

You search.

You search so god damn hard, but you can't find them.

Because they're gone.

And Bella was gone.

I sunk onto my knees, watching the TV screen as they replayed the scene of the South Tower crash one more time.

I couldn't go through that loss of love with Bella. I couldn't live with never seeing her again.

I know before, when I thought about her going to live in LA, I believed my life had been turned upside down, and I would never see her again... But now there was no possibility of that. I couldn't jump on a plane and find her.

I couldn't wrap my arms around her, sniff her hair and kiss her forehead.

My body collapsed into a pile of screams and tears as I realised I could never see her smile again, never hear the tinkle of her laugh, never high five her when we make a good joke, never hug her, never smell her scent, never stare into her brown eyes.

Ever.

It was an impossibility. I couldn't do it.

I could not be without her.

I thought about her right now, her body burning in the remains of the plane.

Was she looking down on me right now? Was she with me?

"WHY!" I screamed suddenly, pushing Emmett's arm away from me, "WHY HAVE YOU LEFT ME!"

Of course, I didn't get an answer.

I'd never hear her speak again.

I pulled her letter out from my pocket, ignoring as my keys and phone fell onto the ground beside me.

"You love me!" I shouted towards the ceiling, my heart squeezing in my chest as my throat constricted roughly and tears seeped from my eyes, "You wrote it right here in this letter and now what? You've left me? You promised me you'd never leave dammit!"

My head dropped as I sobbed, and images ran through my head which made me grit my teeth in anger at myself.

She must have been so scared. I could imagine her gripping her seat and crying as the hijackers took over the plane. She probably prayed.

Bella was always the religious one.

She probably asked God for it not to hurt too much, because Bella would never be so selfish to wish herself free if this was meant to be her fate.

She probably crushed her eyes shut as the plane took impact.

She probably listened as her heart stopped beating.

"Edward."

Emmett called me roughly, shaking my arm.

I turned to him desperately, "I missed her by twenty minutes... If I had've woken earlier... Gotten dressed earlier... Left the apartment and gotten to the airport earlier... I COULD HAVE SAVED HER." The words trembled on my lips, "I called her from the taxi... She was probably up there with those hijackers scared shitless and I was trying to call her! I couldn't protect her and I promised I always would!"

Emmett stared at me, his lips closed together as tears trickled down his cheeks at my words. He let me vent, before he placed something into my hand gently.

I frowned, looking down at it.

My phone.

I just sat dumbfounded, wondering why he was giving it to me, before he began to speak in a broken voice.

"They said people on the 175 rang their loved ones before the plane hit the tower." He paused, "It crashed at 9:03."

He didn't say anything more, instead he just clicked the button to light up my screen.

And there it was.

One missed call: Bella 8:59
You have one new voicemail.

I blinked at the screen a few times.

Bella had called me.

Bella had called me to utter her last words... I could have spoken to her, heard her voice one last time... I could have comforted her, told her it was going to be okay, she just had to be brave... I'd tell her I loved her, that I'd never love anyone else, and she should know that.

But I didn't.

I ignored the call because I was packing my bag.

I ignored her when she needed me the most.

I let out a scream, throwing my phone against the wall before I crushed my head into my hands, sobbing as Emmett tried to console me.

"I love her Emmett! I can't be without her!"

I lifted my head quickly, it was 9:40.

"This time an hour ago she was alive!" I cried, "And now she's gone! We will never see her again, Emmett! And she died thinking I didn't love her!"

I heard footsteps on the stairs quickly, and I realised I had been shouting with Emmett's apartment door wide open.

I guessed automatically that it was the rest of the gang coming over, and Emmett nodded at my silent question.

Everyone would be here but her.

And we'd sit and mourn her.

I let out another cry, shutting my eyes and clenching my hands into fists as I tried to fight the pain.

All the while the footsteps got louder.

They were running.

I tried to breathe, shaking my head slowly as I whispered, "Not my Bella. NOT MY-"

"Bella?!" Emmett's word filtered through my mind and caused a dash of pain, but my eyes snapped open.

And there she was.

The air stopped travelling around my body. My blood pounded in my ears as I stared at the figure by the door.

My head snapped to the TV quickly before moving back to her again.

It couldn't be.

I took her in, with messy hair and flushed cheeks from running up the stairs. Her chest rose and fell quickly as she tried to catch her breath.

And her eyes, those brown eyes I thought I'd never see again.

They were staring right at me.

"Edward..." She whispered softly, but I didn't respond.

How could I?

There was a ghost in Emmett's living room.

"I didn't get on the plane." She croaked, tears dripping down her cheeks, "I couldn't leave. I made a promise to you that I'd never leave you."

My body shook suddenly as a new round of tears began to take over me. I rose to my feet quickly, and Emmett moved out of my way as I half ran towards her, stopping only to grab her and haul her into my arms.

I squeezed her.

She was here.

She was whole.

I pressed my face into her hair.

She smelt like Bella.

Not rubble or fire.

I pushed her hair back from her face, pressing my lips to her forehead.

Her skin was warm, soft... Alive.

I moved her coat out of the way, placing my hand over her heart.

It was beating.

"Oh Bella." I sighed, shutting my eyes as I breathed with relief, "I've never been so scared of anything..."

"I'm so sorry, Edward." She cried, "I didn't even get halfway to my gate before I turned around and left the airport... I tried to call you... I tried your apartment..."

"Don't ever leave me again." I growled lowly at her, "The thought of not seeing you... Not talking to you... I would've killed myself."

"Don't talk like that." She snapped.

"I love you, Bella. And that means I can't live without you."

She stopped breathing, a faint smile playing on her red lips, "You love me back?"

"I always have... And the thought of you dying on that plane and not knowing how I feel about you.." I shook my head, "I love you and I intendto spend the rest of my life by your side... If you die, I die."

She opened her mouth to speak, but I didn't give her the chance to start because I placed my lips on top of hers, and softly, gently, lovingly, gave her our first kiss.

When I pulled back I didn't get the chance to look at her face, because she nuzzled against my neck quickly, whispering that she loved me.

"Umm..." Emmett started quietly from behind us, "Do you mind if I get a hug?" We turned to look at him, "I kinda thought you were dead... And my plane joke didn't seem so funny after I saw it crash into a building."

Bella smiled softly, letting go of me before running into Emmett's bear hug, and I watched as he cried softly into her shoulder, "Never again, Bella." He warned, his tears wetting her hair, "Road trips from now on."

Bella started to agree with him, before we all heard three pairs of footsteps on the stairs, running frantically.

I stepped out into the landing, watching my friends come towards me with horrified and heartbroken faces.

"It's okay!" I shouted quickly, "She didn't get on the plane."

They stopped right in front of me, shock flitting across their faces before I pointed inside to the apartment.

Alice's face turned angry, "Son of a bitch, I didn't know what I was going to do without her!" She began crying again, running straight into the apartment and grabbing Bella in a tight hug.

Rose and Jasper were right behind her.

Once everyone had calmed down, we sat together on the sofas, paired off as normal, and this time Bella kissed me lightly and I wiped away her tears as we watched the news reports.

She whispered prayers to herself quietly, hoping for the safety of those still alive and inside, and praying for those who had lost their lives to the events of the day.

"It could have been me." She whispered about two hours later.

Yep. There was the shock we were waiting for.

Emmett handed her a coffee straight away, and I rubbed her back soothingly.

"It's wasn't though." I tried to be supportive, but in my own head I could imagine nothing but the love of my life at the bottom of that pile of rubble.

"I was walking behind an old couple on the way to my gate." She started slowly, "The old man was holding her handbag in one hand and her hand in the other... They could barely even stand." She stopped for a moment, fighting tears, "They were discussing their trip... It was for their 70th wedding anniversary... And the little old lady just stopped suddenly, right in front of me, and she looked at him and she told him she loved him." Bella stayed quiet for a long moment, "And he just smiled and said he loved her too." She shrugged, "And then they continued walking... And I turned and left the airport."

"It was them that made you leave?"

"No." She admitted, "I already knew I wasn't making it onto the plane, but it was as if they were a sign." She glanced at the TV screen, "They were on my flight."

She burst into tears suddenly, and we cried with her as we watched the scenes unfold on the TV and I held onto her tight.

"They're safe now, Bella." I told her, "And at least they went together... That's perfect in my eyes."

She turned her head onto my shoulder, looking at me softly, "I love you, Edward Cullen."

"I love you too, Bella Swan."

She sighed and shut her eyes.

"Marry me."

In loving memory of all the lives lost 9/11/01

I hope you guys enjoyed reading, and I'd really love to hear your thoughts.

Please review and let me know what you thought?