Dynasty Warriors Who's Line is it Anyway?
Disclaimer: I do not own Dynasty Warriors, or Who's Line is it Anyway they belong to ABC Family and Koei Corporation. Now that the disclaimer is done lets move on with the fic. Enjoy!
"Good evening everybody and welcome to who's line is it anyway! On tonight's show …."
"I'm going to execute you all….. Cao Cao!"
"You have stepped on the tiger's tail and now you will pay…. Sun Jian!"
"I'm only doing this because the people forced me …… Liu Bei!"
"And the the pride of my family has sunken to a new level …. Yuan Shao!"
"Hello I'm your host the mighty Lu Bu! Come on down and lets have some fun!"
(The audience which is comprised of all of the non-playable characters and peons cheers as Lu Bu Sits down at his desk.)
"Hello and welcome to who's line is it anyway the show where everything is made up and the points don't matter, that's right the points don't matter just like how many troops my enemies have because nothing can stand against the mighty Lu Bu!"
"Except for my brothers and I" Liu Bei interrupted "Remember Hu Lao Gate."
Grrrrr, "Liu Bei if you ever mention that again I'll cut your head off and expose it on the end of my Halberd in the middle of Cheng Du square for all of your beloved people to see!" Lu Bu threatened.
(Liu Bei shuts up.)
(Sun Jian places his hand on Liu Bei's shoulder.) "Aw don't take him seriously if he hurts you he'll lose that bet he made backstage before the show with your brother Zhang Fei."
"Hah!" Cao Cao laughed. "Lu Bu can't hurt anybody and Zhang Fei can't drink any alcohol! We'll see how long that lasts!"
(Meanwhile Backstage we see Zhang Fei sitting down with Guan Yu, Zhao Yun, Ma Chao, and Huang Zhong. Zhang Fei looks like he's about to throw a temper tantrum.)
"DAMMIT!" Zhang Fei roared! "I CAN'T TAKE THIS ANYMORE! HOW LONG HAS IT BEEN! 6 HOURS? 12 HOURS? A DAY? HOW LONG!"
"Zhang Fei….. It's only been 5 minutes." Guan Yu said tiredly.
(Back on stage)
".Anyway" Lu Bu starts. Let's get the show started with a game called Press Conference! This is for all four of you."
(All four performers stand up and come onto the stage; Sun Jian grabs a fake podium sitting next to Lu Bu's desk and sets it up in the center of the stage.)
"Okay what happens in this game is Sun Jian is hosting a press conference, however he does not who he is but Yuan Shao, Cao Cao, and Liu Bei do, Sun Jian has to guess who he is based on clues given to him by the other guys."
(Cao Cao, Liu Bei, and Yuan Shao look at the card that shows who Sun Jian is. Yuan Shao and Cao Cao give a quiet laugh while Liu Bei looks a little freaked out at the suggestion the card.)
"Alright when you are ready Sun Jian start the conference."
(Sun Jian's Identity: Guan Yu announcing that he has shaved off his beard.)
"Okay thank you all for coming here tonight I will now take any questions you may have, any questions at all. Yes you in the blue."
"Yes Thank You, Ihate Shu from the Daily Conqueror". "What made you decide to do this?"
"Well it was not an easy decision but uh after carefully consideration I decided that if I did this it would help me get my dream career that I've wanted since high school."
"And what career might that be?"Cao Cao asked.
"I would rather not say at the moment." Sun Jian replied "but I'll let you now later. Anyway if that's all" Sun Jian continued "lets move on with you in the yellow."
"Yes, Su Perelite, from the Local Nobility, um aren't you worried that people will have a hard time recognizing who you are now? I mean I do not think your nickname really suit you anymore."
".Hey it's not like I'm some kind of super hero with a flashy name in disguise" Sun Jian answered "I'm just plain old me, so of course people will recognize me!" "Alright then if you're done."
(Sun Jian turns to Liu Bei)
How about you in the green, any questions."
"Thank You, Han Han from Virtue Today, I still do not understand why you did this, it was so long and beautiful. What were you hoping to achieve?"
(Lu Bu snickers at this question, and Sun Jian stares at Liu Bei suspiciously)
"Hey, I was desperate for that dream job alright!" Sun Jian exclaimed "just drop it already!" Su Perelite do you have any more questions?
"Yes, you mentioned earlier that you did this to get a new career. But I was wondering have you told your friends about the steps you have taken to get it, or perhaps maybe your brothers?" Yuan Shao inquired
"Nope, you three gentlemen are the first people to hear about this. Even my brothers do not know about what I have done or about my new career" Sun Jian answered. "Any more questions?"
(Cao Cao raises his hand)
"Yes Ihate Shu anything else you want to know?"
"Yes, what have you done with the silk bag you used to have to cover it up?"
(Lu Bu starts turning red trying to keep himself from laughing, but is failing miserably)
Sun Jian gives Cao Cao a confused look but quickly recovers and replies "err I don't know what you are talking about."
"Oh I think you do." Cao Cao cockily says.
"You know Ihate Shu." Sun Jian started "for someone who's about 2 feet shorter than me, and is unarmed you have a lot of guts getting all snooty to me! THE FORMER LORD OF THE BEAUTIFUL BEARD!"
(Sun Jian then starts stroking his chin and chest impersonating Guan Yu, Lu Bu starts laughing hysterically at this while Cao Cao hides his face form the cameras trying desperately to not let anyone see him smile, because Sun Jian looks like such an idiot doing a Guan Yu impersonation.)
(Lu Bu taps the buzzer)
"All right Sun Jian I think you've figured it out, who are you?" Lu Bu asked
"Okay" Sun Jian started "I think I'm Guan Yu and I'm announcing that I have shaved my beard off."
"Yes!" Lu Bu exclaimed as the four performers return to their seats. "That was great, 1000 points to Sun Jian for his wonderful Guan Yu impression"
(Sun Jian smirks and starts doing winning gestures)
"hmph" Yuan Shao snorted "This is below my dignity, how on earth did I let you talk me into this Lu Bu!"
"Shut up Yuan Shao, and let's move on to one of the best games here on Dynasty Warriors Who's Line called scenes from a helmet!
(the four performers move to either side of the stage, Cao Cao and Yuan Shao move to the left while Sun Jian and Liu Bei are on the right.)
"How this game works is I'm going to pull suggestions out of this helmet that have been provided for us by the audience before the show of things that they want to see their lords act out for us. We've kept only the good ones and have put them in this helmet. Alright let's begin starting with…
(Lu Bu pulls a piece of paper out of the helmet.)
"Things found in Sima Yi's appointment book"
(Sun Jian walks out onto the stage)
"8:00, plot to kill Zhuge Liang, 8:30, plot to kill Zhuge Liang, 9:00 plot to kill Zhuge Liang, 9:30 plot to……. BZZZZTTT (Lu Bu cuts him off with the buzzer)
(Sun Jian walks off the stage and Liu Bei walks on)
"7 PM pick Zhang He up for date, 8PM dinner with Zhang He, 9PM make out with Zhang He" BZZZZTTT (Lu Bu hits the buzzer)
"Good one Liu Bei" Lu Bu commented "but if that's all lets move on to… Unusual 21st century television programs for Pang Tong to make a guest appearance on."
(Cao Cao walks onto the stage)
Cao Cao trying his absolute best to do a Pang Tong impression but horribly failing says "well I'd like to vote Zhuge Liang off the island" BZZZZTTT
(Liu Bei and Sun Jian are snickering at Cao Cao's impression as he walks off the stage after which Sun Jian walks on.)
Sun Jian doing a half decent impression says "Well yes I would have to say that that is my final answer." BZZZZTTT
(Yuan Shao walks onto the stage)
"Enough talk" Yuan Shao starts to strike a few poses then brings his arm close to his body and begins to motion drawing cards of his wrist, his cape has started to flow by the work of some unknown force ,and doing an even worse impression than Cao Cao'syells "LET'S DUEL!" BZZZZTTT
(As Yuan Shao returns to his place Cao Cao has turned his back to the audience but we see him breathing very hard, Liu Bei has covered his face with his hand, Sun Jian has mysteriously ended up on the floor and Lu Bu is in tears.)
"HA! HA! HA! Heh! Heh! phew! Aw oh my god that was funny. I didn't know you had it in you Yuan Shao!" Lu Bu says after a struggle to regain his composure.
"Consider it a rare honor Lu Bu." Yuan Shao replied
Man I'll be dreaming about that for weeks. Alright moving along" (Lu Bu pulls out another suggestion) "Times when flipping a coin is NOT an appropriate method of decision making"
(Cao Cao walks onto the stage)
Alright, heads we chain the ships together, or tails we don't." (pretends to flip a coin) "Heads, all troops start chaining the ships together." BZZZZTTT
(Yuan Shao walks onto the stage and signals for Liu Bei and Sun Jian to join him)
"Heads Yuan Tan is my heir or tails Yuan Shang is." (Pretends to flip coin), "Tails, congratulations Yuan Shang you are to be my successor when I die" Yuan Shao says as he shakes Liu Bei's hand. BZZZZTTT
"Pretty much sums up both of your demises doesn't it? Next we have…. heh heh, Before Huang Gai's defection plan and the fire attack, other strategies Zhuge Liang and Zhou Yu considered using at Chi Bi"
(Liu Bei walks out onto the stage)
Liu Bei doing an impression of Zhou Yu "it's so simple if we just give Lu Xun some matches and unleash him on the Wei fleet our victory is assured." BZZZZTTT
(Liu Bei walks off and Cao Cao walks on)
Cao Cao doing a Zhou Yu impression "We are clearly out matched and have no hopes of victory, let's just give him the Qiao sisters and surrender so we can spare ourselves the humiliation." BZZZZTTT (there is much wailing and booing from all members of the audience who have no affiliation to Wei.)
(At this time back stage we see Zhou Yu with his sword in hand being restrained desperately by Sun Ce and Sun Quan as he tries to make it to the main stage to kill Cao Cao for his last comment.)
"Zhou Yu!" Sun Ce yelled "calm down it's just a game it's not like it actually happened!"
Still struggling Zhou Yu snapped "I don't care if it's a game or not! Cao Cao will pay for making fun of me like that!"
(Zhou Yu manages to break free of their grips and runs off with Sun Ce and Sun Quan hot on his tail. Meanwhile back on stage with our unsuspecting performers)
(Liu Bei walks back onto the stage)
Liu Bei doing a Zhuge Liang impression "We shall place Zhao Yun, Gan Ning, Ling Tong, Taichi Ci, Guan Ping, and yourself lord Zhou Yu at the front of our fleet and have you do a hoedown, that should be enough to unnerve Cao Cao's army and destroy their will to fight." BZZZZTTT (Lu Bu is silent but the members of the audience with no affiliation to Wei are cheering loudly)
(Sun Jian walks onto the stage)
Doing a Zhuge Liang impression "after I call the southeastern winds we shall give Zhang Fei the beans and position him at the head of our fleet with his back facing the Wei fleet." BZZZZTTT (Lu Bu taps the buzzer but he cannot stop laughing, Liu Bei gives Sun Jian a weird look)
Still trying to control his laughter Lu Bu reaches into the helmet and pulls the next suggestion that reads "The real reason why Liu Bei was so eager to recruit Ma Chao at Jia Meng Gate"
(Liu Bei looks incredibly nervous as Yuan Shao steps onto the stage)
"Wow he lives up to his reputation Handsome Ma Chao." BZZZZTTT
(Liu Bei has started to sweat)
(Sun Jian walks onto the stage and signals Cao Cao to join him)
Cao Cao starts pretending to take off his clothes and Sun Jian gapes in awe at the sight and says "Damn! So that's why they call you Ma Chao the splendid!" BZZZZTTT
(Liu Bei has turned a light red and is shaking slightly)
(Cao Cao steps onto the stage)
"I want to grab his spear"BZZTBZZT BZZT(Lu Bu hits the buzzer multiple times indicating the end of the game.)
(Liu Bei has turned a light shade of purple and is shaking and sweating like mad)
"That was terrific 1000 points to Liu Bei for having to endure all that stuff about Ma Chao."
(Liu Bei starts calming down, and his breathing and color have started to return to normal)
(Meanwhile back stage we now see Ma Chao with his weapon in hand trying to get to the main stage to kill Cao Cao but he is being restrained by Zhao Yun and Jiang Wei.)
"Let go of me!" Ma Chao raged "He's just given me yet another reason to kill him" "Ma Chao!" Zhao Yun pleaded "please you must control yourself, don't lose your head over a taunt!"
(Meanwhile back on stage all of the performers have returned to their seats)
"All right everybody we'll be back with more Dynasty Warriors Who's Line at a later date! Keep checking for updates!" Lu Bu yells before the first intermission starts.
Will the show be a hit? Will Zhou Yu and Ma Chao extract revenge on Cao Cao? Who will win the bet between Zhang Fei and Lu Bu? Find out this and maybe more when the next chapter of Dynasty Warriors Who's Lineis it Anywayis posted!
So how was that? Did I do a good Job? Please review and give me your opinion, all comments and suggestions are welcome.
Just in case you have not figured it out yet all of the sentences in italic mean someone is doing an impression, and all of the bold letters are the suggestions.