The Next Generation, The Next Beginning
(The Daily Prophet's Exclusive Interview With James, Albus, and Lily Potter!)
Linda Merriwether-Ryeson
Harry Potter, the Boy Who Lived, has long since become the Man Who Lived and started a delightful family with his Hogwarts sweetheart, Ginny Weasley. He's been living a relatively quiet life compared to his first seven years in the Wizarding World, but to be honest? Enough about him. No, instead, our main subject here will be his darling children, James, Albus, and Lily.
Why yes, you read that right. No need to to venture off to Eeyelop's Eyeglass Employments, let me tell you; that's just a waste of perfectly good Floo powder. No disrespect to Mr. Eeyelop, of course, as Edward has been nothing but perfectly nice to me, and given me my trademark glasses for no less than a few galleons, but no sense wasting what you could save, right? The Ministry's been a right old coot with Floo Powder, no idea why, but they're bonkers.
Absolutely bonkers.
To be perfectly honest, no disrespect to Mr. Potter or anything, but it quite sums up his family nicely. Oh, and there he is, looking dashing and twenty years younger than he actually is. He's waving his children goodbye, and he waves a bit at me too, albeit with his smile a little frozen; what a nice young man! And not to mention his kids, of which we all know from Witch Weekly are positively gorgeous. We have James with his tired, yet lean body—the poor dear's just been enlisted as a Healer at St. Mungos, the hospital hasn't given him a break—Albus, with his father's eyes and his father's face but his own original style—his last year at Hogwarts, we've been told it was positively hectic, but he takes it all with stride and a troublemaker's grin—and darling Lily, looking positively bubbly and wearing Muggle headphones around her neck—and no words can describe her perfectly; she's eccentric and loud and a lot like James Potter Sr. with hazel eyes alight.
In the end we laugh and circle our comfy cushions and sofas with a lighthearted air, and that's how we begin.
The Daily Prophet: Good afternoon, James, Albus, Lily! Care for a cup of tea?
Albus: Al is perfectly fine.
James: Don't mind if I do.
Lily: No Butterbeer? I'm not surprised, but I must say I'm slightly disappointed.
TDP: None, I'm afraid. The editor-in-chief was slightly afraid of what we'd do with alcohol, even with only a swig of Butterbeer, so he took them all out and hid them.
J: Possibly scared, possibly wanted them all for himself. Then again, what can you do? *sigh* If it's the latter I might have to get him a Hungover Potion.
TDP: Can that actually happen?
L: Happened with me! I remember it perfectly. No idea how, but hey, I'm Lily Potter.
A: Don't ask.
TDP: Would it be disrespectful if I said I wasn't surprised?
J, A, L: No.
J: We get that a lot.
TDP: Alright then. Let's get to the questions the chief, and the Wizarding World, wants answers to. Number One: Who—
A: It was Mum who named us.
L: Dad wanted something boring, like Bella or Jacob or whatever.
J: But Mum was psychic and predicted the coming of a horrible franchise that included sparkling vampires and a terrifyingly huge fanbase, and thought that naming us after dead people plus Auntie Luna was a lesser evil and went with that. And, well, since it was Dad, he agreed. For some reason. And Lily, if you imply anything in that—
L: I would never imply that our darling mother uses such underhanded techniques of manipulation for something as trivial as baby names. How dare you think so low of me and of Mum, James! She'd be so ashamed, she'd cast you out and not give you candy for a week!
J: If you're using the "No Candy For You!" threat, you should've used on Al. He's actually affected by that.
A: You disgrace—
TDP: Really?
L: Disturbingly so.
J: I think we're ready for Question Two.
TDP: I haven't even finished reading Question One!
A: Are you really going to tell us that the subject of who named us wasn't on the list? Really?
TDP: Well, we can now skip Question Three.
A: Thank you.
J: Question One is waiting!
TDP: Right, right. Anyway, Question One: Who is your idol, if there are any?
L: Unsurprisingly personal and surprisingly deep. These questions were sent by fans, weren't they? Oh, what am I doing, asking about that, I sent in one of the questions myself!
TDP: What?
L: Ignore that. Anyway, my idol is...well, fictional, Muggle, or wizard?
TDP: All three, perhaps?
L: Great. Fictional is Tony Stark, Muggle is Darren Criss, and wizard is Professor Longbottom. Voldemort out, bitches!
A: Fictional, Katniss Everdeen; Muggle, David Tennant; Magical...well, Florean Fortescue.
TDP: Florean Fortescue?
A: Man makes great ice cream.
J: Whatever you say, Al. Anyway, fictional, Percy Jackson, Muggle is C.S. Lewis, and Magical is...um, wow, I'm not even sure.
L: It's Teddy.
J: Back when I was nine, sure. That was a decade ago.
A: It's still Teddy though.
TDP: James, you don't have to answer that.
J: You're a very nice lady. I should give you a cookie or something. Al, give her a lemon drop. I know you have a box in your robes, you always have a box in your robes, come on, give it—
A: No! Mine!
L: And people wonder how I didn't turn out all lady-like or vaguely sane. Well, you have your answer folks! I live with these people. And Dad. And Mum. And an owl that goes positively mad at the sight of snow. Wonder how she gets through looking at a mirror in the morning, seeing as she's a snow white owl. I mean, she's a snow white owl.
TDP: This is delicious!
A: You devilish fiend, James. If only this wasn't going to be published, then I could say all the things I want about you and your unsavory behavior.
J: Alas, poor Yorick. Also, Lils, that totally counts as an entry in Department of Redundancy Department. I don't care what you say.
L: You butt trumpet!
TDP: Alright, now that I'm done with that positively delightful lemon drop, thank you—
L: Did Al just whimper?
J: Yes.
TDP: —Let's proceed to Question Two! Though it's really more of a dare, to be honest, hope you don't mind. Okay, here it is: State four random facts about each other. Like, Al and James state facts about Lily, two each. Let's start with James. Al, Lily, if you please?
J: Oh no.
L: One, even though he's a Gryffindor, he's the one with the most number of books in his bedroom.
A: Two, he will occasionally throw knives if you annoy him.
L: Three, he hates maroon, like Uncle Ron.
A: Four, he has a stuffed turtle sitting on his bed, given to him by Teddy.
TDP: James, Lily?
J: Okay. One, he's scared of statues.
L: Two, he's kind of in love with Scorpius Malfoy.
A: What.
J: Three, he set the Christmas tree and the house on fire more than once.
L: Four, he doesn't know that Scorpius loves him back. Not yet, anyway.
A: Lily, you're don't know what you're talking about.
L: Al, you don't know what you're feeling. I'm just helping.
TDP: Okay, last one! James, Al?
A: One, she loves Starkid unconditionally.
J: Two, she reads fanfics when she thinks nobody's looking.
A: Three, she confused holly for mistletoe once.
L: I was just getting into the holiday spirit!
A: The holiday spirit of shoving me and Scorpius into a closet with holly, sure.
L: That was a joke.
J: Four, she has never worn a dress in her entire life.
TDP: Wow.
L: I know, right? Like, I'm almost sixteen years old and I haven't worn a dress yet. I really hope I don't wear a dress until the day I die.
TDP: What if you decide to get married?
J: She prepared for that.
A: Yeah, she's wearing a tuxedo. If she wanted to, she could probably force her poor husband into wearing the dress.
TDP: One hell of a wedding.
L: Damn straight.
TDP: Question Three—er, Four, sorry: What is this Starkid you keep talking about? Now, really, that's a good question. You always mention it, and when asked you don't give an answer. Well, except for—
A: It's a Muggle thing?
J: Classified?
L: Best not to give Dad a heart attack seeing as it would be very bad for his health when he finds out?
TDP: Yes. Although admittedly, I only just heard the last one. I hope you could supply us with an answer?
A: Sure. It's a Muggle Thing.
J: Classified.
L: Best not to give Dad a heart attack seeing as it would be very bad for his health when he finds out.
TDP: Alright. Question Five: Can you three really sing?
A: Yup.
J: Sure.
L: Want a sample?
TDP: Why not?
L: Ooh, I know the perfect song: Underneath these stairs, I hear the sneers, I feel the glares of my cousin, my uncle and my aunt.
J: No, Lily, you stop right there.
A: Can't believe how cruel they are, and it stings my lightning scar to know that they'll never, ever give me what I want.
TDP: Lightning scar?
L: It's a song about dear old Daddy. Anyway, where was I? Oh, right.
J: Don't say another word.
L: I know I don't deserve these awful rules made by the Dursleys here on Privet Drive~!
A: Can't take these stupid Muggles, but despite all of my struggles...
J: Lily, Al, honestly.
A, L: I'm still alive~!
J: Silencio!
TDP: That was a nice song. Right here is supposed to be me asking, "Any last words?" but seeing as they can't speak...James, I do believe you have to lift the spell. Please. Wait, no, don't, I think I will cry if I hear another word.
"You disgrace," Al says to him, much, much later when the interview is over and the spell is lifted. "You gods damned disgrace. We were about to sing a kickass solo of Get Back To Hogwarts, and if you were nice to us, you could've had joined too. But you weren't. You cut us off. You disgrace."
"Hate to agree with him," Lily grudgingly admits, as she plops down into the seat across him, "But it's true. Can't believe you Silencioed us, broski. You know that's going public; Daily Prophet and all. So, with all intents and purposes; you unholy disgrace to our kind and family, may you live miserably alone and without any food or lover."
"I can live perfectly fine with my books then," James points out, an eyebrow raised. "And let's be honest here, you two possibly would've sent the poor girl crying her heart out by the end of the interview if I hadn't butted in, so excuse you for that."
Lily crosses her arms in defiance. "I am being honest. I am a Hufflepuff. I am all about all things good and justice and whatnot." She sniffs, over dramatically and so Lily-like that it almost physically hurt to see. "How dare you imply that I am anything less than what I have just said."
"Crazy-ass honey badger, then?" Al asks, almost bored by the entire thing.
Lily puts her hand over her heart, and James rolls his eyes. "Hufflepuff Code of Decree No. 157, I am nothing less than a crazy-ass honey badger. Honey badger don't care. Honey badger gets what he or she wants. If you are a Hufflepuff, you are automatically a crazy-ass honey badger by default."
"I wonder what that says about J.K. Rowling," Al drawls, because like Lily who is no less than a determined Hufflepuff who might be slightly out of it, Al is nothing less than the sarcastic Slytherin that makes snarky remarks and sashays his way into class. He may or may not make people drool because of the latter, but no one cares about them.
Except Scorpius and by Scorpius. Scorpius cares about them because they are just blatantly staring at Al's rather nice behind, and Gryffindor or not, he still has that trademarked Malfoy Grabby Hands that scream, "Mine, mine, mine!" Plus, he's kind of important because, well, Al kind of maybe too scared to admit it, loves him.
I digress. In the meanwhile, Harry Potter is making his way down the stairs, along with his beloved wife, Ginny. Let it also be known that our dear Linda was not making this up; Harry is no less than forty-one, but he still looks like he's twenty-six without any moisturizers or beauty enhancing charms involved. He doesn't need it, really, he's Harry Potter, come on.
Ginny constantly reminds him of it, loves him for it, and he blushes for it. Harry's blush is adorable, so she kind of loves him for that too. So she kisses him on the cheek when that happens. He blushes harder for that. She kind of wishes she could just lock him up in a tower somewhere where she could just chain him to her bed with chains. Alas, she's been told by her loving husband that she is a sadist. So she keeps her fantasies for herself.
However, they did not come down to brag about their sexual prowess. That would be very awkward for all of them involved, James would possibly cry, Lily would definitely take pictures, and poor, innocent Al would be left in an everlasting horror, trying to desperately mimic the anguished howls of the damned.
Which brings us to Harry's groan of, "Oh dear sweet Merlin!" upon touching the floor of the living room in which his three little devils were currently seated upon. Ginny followed soon after, but it was muffled by her face palm.
Apparently, Lily thought it was a good idea to turn her eldest brother's hair a lovely shade of turquoise. Al had then realized that obviously this was not enough, and decided to exchange James' The Silver Chair with an avocado. In which case James had promptly screamed at the sudden appearance of a fruit instead of his beloved book, and his younger siblings laughed. Evilly.
As in, as evil as when they were planning to kidnap goblins, kind of evil. Honestly, that takes quite a lot of skill, why does nobody realize that?
This is the sight that greeted the parents when they had come down from a rather nice and fruitful, ahem, "nap." Harry looks at his children, sighs with a deep kind of regret you'd expect from Snape, walks slowly to where the three of them were bickering with each other over who gets to name said avocado (and, hey, that's normal, right? You know, that his kids fight over naming fruits. That's, um, that's normal and expected, wasn't it?), and bops each of them on the head in an affectionate sort of way only he can do.
Ginny shows her affection by rolling her eyes. He considers himself a step, or even a few, above his wife in that aspect.
"Kids," he starts with that, and he says it with a mix of pride, disbelief, and the plain urge to laugh, "what the bloody hell did you do?"
Al looks at him there, with so much innocence on his face, and if he had his suspicions before, it's all confirmed. They did something alright. "Dad, it was just an interview. We didn't do anything."
Harry, Ginny, and even James raises an eyebrow at him.
"Al," Lily starts, and they all know it's not going to end well, "I don't know about you, but The Daily Prophet's most insane journalist almost cried on us. She handled an interview with Auntie Luna, and we were still somehow worse than that."
"We were not," Al insists.
James opens his mouth there, and says smoothly, "I heard she was planning to quit."
There is a silence. Then Lily starts to laugh, James is smirking, Al is glaring at the ground, muttering, "Zero percent approval rating, damn," Harry sighs, and Ginny whistles. When the four start to look at her, she just says, with a coy Slasher Smile that chills their backbones:
"What? I was just thinking that you three inherited your interviewing skills from your father."
A/N: Did I just write that? Did I, did I really just write a pseudo-sequel for Interviews Went Wrong? Oh my gods, I am a disgrace to humanity. I have three more exams to take, five more articles to write, a contest to prepare for, my bed to fix, and this is what I do? Heck, this isn't even any good! What am I doing with my life, honestly, what the hell, me? You goddamn disgrace. You goddamn freaking disgrace.
And why, yes, there are references to pop culture. Well, not as much pop culture but shameless love for Tumblr obsessions, but Tumblr pop culture nonetheless. Also, why yes, these are intentional. Any Title Drops of certain Tropes are also intentional, since I spend quite a lot of time there when bored.
And, well, wow, nonsense, what was I thinking? Anyway, I hope you enjoyed. See you next time; Voldemort out, bitches!