Inside Takuya's Head
Thoughts on Becoming a Digimon
(c) January 2004, Ryan Berke
DISCLAIMER: I don't own Digimon.
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When I first got to the digiworld, I really didn't know what to expect. All I knew was what the strange voice in my phone had told me. "My future had already been decided?"--what was that supposed to mean? It wasn't until Worm, the Trailmon, started pulling away that I realized I wouldn't be able to go home.
But before I had much chance to adjust to it, everything started falling apart around me. Tomoki panicked, and started running back down the track, trying to chase Worm without losing his balance. And then Ceruberumon appeared, and he was chasing Bokomon and Neemon, and before I knew it I was up to my elbows in strange animals. But even then I didn't have any time to think, because Ceruberumon started attacking, and all I could think of was how someone needed to protect Tomoki.
But Ceruberumon absorbed the train rail's data right out from under us, and we were falling. We landed alright, and that thing that was once my cell phone (now I know it's a digivice) fell out of my pocket, and the legendary spirit of Fire appeared to me. Ceruberumon tried to take the spirit away, and I instinctively knew that whatever happened, I couldn't let him take it. That spirit, for whatever reason, was meant to be mine.
For a moment, it was like the spirit was looking into my eyes and staring straight into my soul, and I knew we were meant to be one.
That's when I digivolved. How can I describe it to someone who's never felt it? It's like drowning in a sea of information you never thought to imagine might exist. It's image after image demanding your attention, and everything wants you to know it RIGHT NOW, but there's not enough time to think of it all. And all you can do, that first time, is flail around helplessly in your own mind, struggling to find something you can make use of.
You see everything you need to know in there, if you know where to look for it. You see all of Agnimon's--Your memories from a past long forgotten. You see yourself and other digimon sitting around a fire, enjoying each other's company as the light flickers around you. You see friends you've never seen (but somehow always known) laughing and arguing and crying and yelling and living together as only friends can. But before you can take the time to look any more into these memories, you see you and your friends fighting alongside one another, and you know what you have to do.
I remember my first (but somehow not my first) "Salamander Break" like it was only this morning. There was nothing special about it; it was the same reliable Salamander Break I'd always used in the past, and would always continue to use in the future. I knew I could count on it against Ceruberumon, because it'd never failed me before. But how did I know that?
Until just a moment later, I didn't even know if I'd be able to turn back into a human child again. Was I fated to stay as Agnimon forever? Was that what it meant for your Future to be decided for you? I had no clue.
Even once I'd become human again, it was still overwhelming. Being human was almost a relief; that sea of confusion was still there, and the memories I'd seen were still inside my head, but they weren't competing for my attention anymore. They became still without leaving me, and the memories became an undeniable part of me.
After that first time, you're fine. The memories are something that while you may never fully understand, you at least come to accept them. You learn how to weave your way through them, so you can make enough sense out of what you see to make use of it. With practice, being a digimon becomes as second nature as pronouncing your own name.
I and Agnimon, Agnimon and I, we are one. Together, we're much more than either of us would be alone. It feels like we're unstoppable, and I wonder if it's so farfetched to think that we are. We are one.
Thoughts on Becoming a Digimon
(c) January 2004, Ryan Berke
DISCLAIMER: I don't own Digimon.
--------------------------------------------------
When I first got to the digiworld, I really didn't know what to expect. All I knew was what the strange voice in my phone had told me. "My future had already been decided?"--what was that supposed to mean? It wasn't until Worm, the Trailmon, started pulling away that I realized I wouldn't be able to go home.
But before I had much chance to adjust to it, everything started falling apart around me. Tomoki panicked, and started running back down the track, trying to chase Worm without losing his balance. And then Ceruberumon appeared, and he was chasing Bokomon and Neemon, and before I knew it I was up to my elbows in strange animals. But even then I didn't have any time to think, because Ceruberumon started attacking, and all I could think of was how someone needed to protect Tomoki.
But Ceruberumon absorbed the train rail's data right out from under us, and we were falling. We landed alright, and that thing that was once my cell phone (now I know it's a digivice) fell out of my pocket, and the legendary spirit of Fire appeared to me. Ceruberumon tried to take the spirit away, and I instinctively knew that whatever happened, I couldn't let him take it. That spirit, for whatever reason, was meant to be mine.
For a moment, it was like the spirit was looking into my eyes and staring straight into my soul, and I knew we were meant to be one.
That's when I digivolved. How can I describe it to someone who's never felt it? It's like drowning in a sea of information you never thought to imagine might exist. It's image after image demanding your attention, and everything wants you to know it RIGHT NOW, but there's not enough time to think of it all. And all you can do, that first time, is flail around helplessly in your own mind, struggling to find something you can make use of.
You see everything you need to know in there, if you know where to look for it. You see all of Agnimon's--Your memories from a past long forgotten. You see yourself and other digimon sitting around a fire, enjoying each other's company as the light flickers around you. You see friends you've never seen (but somehow always known) laughing and arguing and crying and yelling and living together as only friends can. But before you can take the time to look any more into these memories, you see you and your friends fighting alongside one another, and you know what you have to do.
I remember my first (but somehow not my first) "Salamander Break" like it was only this morning. There was nothing special about it; it was the same reliable Salamander Break I'd always used in the past, and would always continue to use in the future. I knew I could count on it against Ceruberumon, because it'd never failed me before. But how did I know that?
Until just a moment later, I didn't even know if I'd be able to turn back into a human child again. Was I fated to stay as Agnimon forever? Was that what it meant for your Future to be decided for you? I had no clue.
Even once I'd become human again, it was still overwhelming. Being human was almost a relief; that sea of confusion was still there, and the memories I'd seen were still inside my head, but they weren't competing for my attention anymore. They became still without leaving me, and the memories became an undeniable part of me.
After that first time, you're fine. The memories are something that while you may never fully understand, you at least come to accept them. You learn how to weave your way through them, so you can make enough sense out of what you see to make use of it. With practice, being a digimon becomes as second nature as pronouncing your own name.
I and Agnimon, Agnimon and I, we are one. Together, we're much more than either of us would be alone. It feels like we're unstoppable, and I wonder if it's so farfetched to think that we are. We are one.