Taking that baby from the forrest was the worst decision Iruka had ever made. He couldn't believe the hokage was trying to foist the child off on him. "Tsunade-sama, you have no idea why this child was dumped," he tried. "It may be a danger to the village!"
"Then why did you bring it here, Iruka-sensei?" She sounded amused but her voice had a sharp undertone.
Iruka shook his head in frustration. "It's not my decision to make!"
"Ah, but you made it anyway. You brought it to me and that means this village is now responsible for the well-being of this child, and I am giving," she lifted the blanket for a second, "him to you to care for Iruka-sensei."
"But I don't know a thing about caring for babies!"
"Neither does any other first time father or mother. This is something you learn by doing, and I am asking, no, ordering you to do this."
Iruka looked down at the ground for a moment, biting his lip, and then he looked up determinedly. "I have the right to refuse a mission if I don't think I can complete it successfully."
Tsunade's eyes became a little colder. "You do. And I have the right to ignore your refusal, especially if I think that you are being motivated by your own comfort instead of the good of this village."
Iruka grit his teeth. How dare she accuse him of-
"You are the logical choice for this task Iruka-sensei. You're good with children. You know where this one came from, which is classified information from now on by the way, and your job is one of the most stable ones in this village. I'm giving you permission to take the child to class with you and I'm pulling you off mission desk duties. No missions either for the foreseeable future. If anyone asks, the child is yours."
Iruka sputtered. "Mine? But-"
"Like I said, Iruka-sensei, I don't want anyone, aside from those who already know, to know where this child came from and under what circumstances it was found. The child is yours, make something up. You can say it's the result of a one night stand with a pretty civilian who can't raise the child herself."
Iruka looked at the ugly baby in Tsunade's arms. A 'pretty' civilian?
He was once again struck by the sheer ugliness of the baby. The boy's eyes seemed too close together and his hair was patchy. His eyelids looked swollen and the rash on his face didn't do much to improve the look either. Also, babies weren't supposed to be skinny. They were supposed to be fat and round. The boy's arms and legs seemed too long for the little body, and you weren't supposed to be able to see its little ribs like that.
Iruka felt a pang of guilt for his uncharitable thoughts. The state the poor child was in should cause pity, not revulsion. And Iruka did pity him. But the urge to take care of it, to hug it and comfort it…it just wasn't there. The boy was like a little bird straight from the egg, bony and fragile, and…ugly. It didn't invite touch. If ever there was a child whose face only a mother could love…this was it. And Iruka was no mother.
"You're dismissed Iruka-sensei." Tsunade said to him.
With a barely concealed huff Iruka turned to go. He was halfway through the room before Tsunade's voice halted him.
"The child…Iruka-sensei."
Gritting his teeth he turned back and took the baby from her arms. He was sorely tempted to be rough with it, to make Tsunade rethink putting this burden on him. But the kid was helpless, and unhealthy, and abandoned, and however much Iruka felt like it, he couldn't kick someone when they were already down.
He gently slid his arms under the fragile bundle and lifted it – him – out of Tsunade's arms and marched out of the office.
He was out of the building before Tsunade's other comments hit home. No more missions, and even worse…no more mission desk duty. How the hell did she expect him to pay not only for his own living expenses but for a child too, on his teacher's salary alone? He could barely get around on that when he was on his own. The boy would need diapers, and baby food, and …stuff.
He supposed he could clear out one of his boxes with books. With a large pillow for a mattress and some towels for bedding it would make a suitable bed. And how old were babies when they were ready for normal food anyway?
Iruka sighed. He hadn't lied to Tsunade. He really didn't know the first thing about children this age. He only got them when their little brains were already partly functioning. The kids he worked with could be reasoned with. They responded to rewards and punishment. They could talk to him and explain what they wanted or needed and why they were upset or why they were happy. They were housebroken. They were nothing at all like this little bundle of stinking ugliness.
Earlier that day
His mission had been a simple one. Easy money. Drop off the scroll and return. The first part of his mission had gone off without a hitch. He'd delivered the scroll to the person who fit the description and knew the codeword at the exact time and place that had been agreed upon. The sand ninja would take care of it for the rest of the journey.
His return trip was where everything had gone to hell.
It was the crying that stopped him. At first he thought some animal was trapped somewhere. Careful to avoid possible traps he'd searched through the surrounding forest until he came upon the source of the angry wailing. It was a baby. An unhealthy and skinny looking thing. For some reason the child had been placed within a large circle of stones, strange designs drawn into the earth around it. The baby was naked, and definitely not pleased with its situation. Iruka couldn't blame him. It was autumn and nearing the evening. The ground was cold and wet.
Ignoring the child for the moment, Iruka scouted the forest surrounding the clearing thoroughly. He couldn't detect a human presence there at all. The child had been, for all intents and purposes, abandoned.
He debated with himself for a while. Should he take the child? It would undoubtedly die here if left alone for much longer. If the cold of the approaching night didn't do the kid in, some animal would probably be attracted to it.
Finally he made up his mind. Tensely he stepped into the circle, expecting something to happen. But nothing did. He was closer to the child now. Close enough to see an angry rash on the kid's body.
This was the unhealthiest baby he'd ever seen. Feeling slightly revolted Iruka reached out to lift the child up.
The second he touched it, the child stopped crying. Iruka was so startled by the sudden lack of noise that he jumped back. Chastising himself for his jumpiness he reached out again. The child opened its eyes and Iruka halted. He half expected the eyes to be completely black or completely white. Something unsettling, something to explain why this kid was here, abandoned. There had to be some reason. But aside from its ugliness Iruka couldn't see anything wrong with it.
Carefully Iruka picked the boy up. The baby was so fragile…he was afraid he'd break it if he was too rough. He would take the child to Konoha, bring it to the Hokage and she would decide what was going to happen to it.
Iruka watched desolately as the baby blew spit bubbles and weaved its arms about in his new baby crate. Iruka's books were stacked in a corner.
Shizune had dropped by not long after he came home, bringing some kind of formula, and showing him how to prepare it and feed the baby. She'd frowned at the crate but he'd glared at her, daring her to comment.
It was almost morning now and Iruka felt bone-tired. He should probably try to get some sleep. With a sigh he pushed himself up from the couch, slowly moving towards the bathroom. He would just brush his teeth and-
What the hell? Iruka nearly threw up as a horrid sewer-like stench filled his apartment. For a moment Iruka was tempted to just walk to his bedroom, close the door and go to sleep. But the baby started to make whiny, fussy sounds, probably a prelude to actual crying, and Iruka knew he couldn't put off dealing with this.
Breathing through his mouth he bent down and picked up the baby. At least whatever kind of toxic waste the thing had crapped out…it hadn't seeped through the blanket yet so his pillow slash baby mattress was still clean.
He brought the baby to the bathroom and stood there a little while, debating with himself about how to handle this.
Finally he put the baby down on the floor for a minute as he filled two buckets, one for the soiled blanket, and the other for the baby. Quickly he created a clone and together they held the baby as they dunked its bottom into the bucket a couple of times.
When there was more crap in the bucket than on the baby he opened his window and emptied the dirty water onto his downstairs neighbours' flowerbed. Baby crap is probably no different than any other fertilizer.
Iruka and his clone repeated the process until the baby was clean and then wrapped it up in a towel.
With the baby back in its –his- crate, Iruka turned his attention to the soiled blanket. It took considerably more effort to get the smell out of the blanket than it did to get it off the baby. But thankfully he could use boiling water and strong detergents on the blanket.
By the time he was finished the sun was rising and Iruka dropped down on his bed, exhausted.
Whiny little sounds emanated from the next room.
Groaning in defeat Iruka rolled off his bed and made for the living room. Almost as soon as he entered the baby stopped fussing. It was like the boy had bonded to him somehow, only crying when it was away from him. Creepy
The baby blinked blue-greyish eyes up at him.
"You're a freak." Iruka told it softly.
The baby made a spit bubble at him and made a spastic move with its foot, like it was kicking something.
"At least you've got the right attitude." With a sigh Iruka picked up the crate and carried it to his bedroom, putting it right next to his bed. "Now go to sleep."