Chapter 1

The sound of rain pitter-patters against the window of his room, cocooning him in the allure of safe solidarity; the Amegakure winter never fails to match his sour moods. With its mercurial clouds and waterworks, the reason he moved here in the first place, Sasuke frequently finds himself confined on any given day. He appreciates it. The slick rainfall helps ease his mind from anxiety. Anxiety that drove him to coop up in this small apartment in the middle of dreary town in the first place.

Never having been one to enjoy irony, he found that he has become the person he had once belittled. Weak and helpless.

Glancing out the window, he takes note of the two rain drops seemingly racing each other towards the mossy sill. How pointless it all is… what is the point of falling if you will still be beaten by the other raindrops, he mused quietly.

The memory of once being bedridden, just like he is now, surfaces his mind. Unlike today, he had been stupidly hospitalised for some stupid accident involving Naruto. That idiot… For someone who grew up miserable, Naruto sure was stubborn in remaining buoyant no matter what happens. They had gotten into the mess because the idiot refused to leave him be that day. Naruto would never understand his pain. The idiot forever clinging to his side, professing their friendship for the world to listen to with that stupid grin on his face. Even when bandaged and encased in cast, Naruto's optimistic spirit never dims –unlike his own.

Sitting by his side had been Sakura. Her pink hair long and tangled as she nervously combed through them with her fingers. If it hadn't been for her interference, he and Naruto would have fallen off that cliff –their rough-housing never fails to escalate perilously. Bottom lip quivering Sakura attempted to berate him with trembling words. He did not know what to say to calm her hysteria, he was never the one gifted with words.

The palpable awkwardness choked him as he attempted to soothe her distress but he would rather comfort her –no matter how much it pained him- than allow her to sob any further. Bandaged hand reaching to grasp her hand and an apology on the tip of his tongue was interrupted by the door swinging open to reveal his mother and brother. All he had managed to say was a stunted "Aa", but he was still glad for the interruption. Now to face the next hurdle, he was not looking forward to his brother's disappointed looks.

Mother had immediately rushed to his side, followed by a more sedated Itachi. He had expected for her to reprimand him for his silliness and perhaps some tear work, but all that came was a harsh slap. The sound of her slap resounded the room before he felt the stung of it on his cheek. She had never laid a hand on him before, he stiffened in shock before hesitantly turning to see her cold fury so blatantly displayed in the burrow of her brows.

Sasuke's focus slowly shifted from his furious mother to his wordless brother, looking for an explanation in Itachi's sympathetic gaze. His brother simply shook his head before turning away from Sasuke and their mother.

It was then that Sasuke realised that Sakura was still very much present as she hurriedly shuffled to leave. The view of her small back was an image to be imprinted on his mind from that day on –he never saw her nor Naruto again after that, he suspected his family had something to do with their sudden displacement.

The sudden flash of thunder reels him back from him reminiscence of the day his life changed. After his short hospital rendezvous with Naruto, he had come home to… well, not home but it was obviously where he and his family lived. Mother and father had ceased speaking to each other, every dinner they shared was eaten in silence. He had tried to query Itachi on the sudden change in his parents but his brother merely shook his head before sadly promising "I will tell you another day". When that day is Sasuke would never know.

It was safe to say that whilst he had lived the rest of his childhood in muted contentment, the standoffish ambience in his home never quite allowed him to be at ease. He noted that, for some unknown reason, his mother's warm smiles had ceased to come and were instead replaced by her forced grins, or rather he should call them grimaces. It was also during that time in which his father became more obstinate in Itachi and Sasuke's discipline, augmenting his expectations from them.

Father had made it no secret that it was to be expected of them to one day take over the then growing business that his parents had carefully established and nurtured. As the younger child, Sasuke had been less concerned with his future duties. Why would he when Itachi was there to take the brunt of their father's supposition?

That was why no one had taken in stride Itachi's sudden elopement more than Sasuke. It was when he was in his senior year in high school, Itachi was so very close to completing his MBA when suddenly, responsibility to be heir to his parents' conglomerate empire had fallen on him. The sheer thought of him, just Sasuke, taking over such responsibility had sent him careening into a panic attack.

Never had been shed more tears before, not even as an isolated child. The burning of his tears felt as if they were carving grooves trailing from his eyes to his chin. His anguish had dulled just about all of senses. It was just him drowned in fear, fear, so much fear. He wasn't meant for this, it should have been Itachi, not him. The world closed up on his as his breathing ceased and air refused to be inhaled.

Sasuke gasped for air but none, not even an atom, had relieved him of this asphyxiation. It felt as if an invisible hand had taken a grasp of his slim neck and refused to let go. Soon enough, his housekeeper had found him writhing on the floor, face turning purple, as she hurried off to call an ambulance.

He lost awareness soon after but later woke up to light flashing in his eyes. The verdict, announced by a nurse with a hint of pity in her voice, was that he had gone under a panic attack. In his short blackout, he had dreamt of the girl with spring in her eyes and a boy with the sun in his smile. How long has it been since he last saw them?

As soon as the scent of antiseptic and latex broke through his haze, Sasuke jerked awake from his stupor went under another asphyxiation –no, panic attack, he had heard the nurse called it.

It wasn't until much later that Sasuke's perturbation was confirmed to be anxiety and a panic disorder worrisome enough for his father to agree that he needed to recuperate somewhere far away to calm down –to snap out of it and come back a man, Sasuke thought grimly. Out of acrimony, Sasuke had chosen to leave for Amegakure, hoping that the constant rainfall will bring him some bouts of tranquillity and perhaps some fucking peace of mind.

Yet here he is, bedridden, fighting a losing battle against his own mind. He had started off as a functional human, able to do the simplest task for himself before slowly succumbing to his darkness. The numbness he felt in his fingers began spreading like poison in his veins, day after day. In no time, it had marked itself a permanent fixture in his as he felt his heart growing numb in the face of the unforgiving future and the cruel present.

He was damned for failure and disappointment. It was only a matter of time before his father would dismiss him as useless and dispose of him too. Just like how his mother did to him, all those years ago. Back in his happy days with his Helios, Naruto, and his Persephone, Sakura. Sasuke would never admit it in words but he sorely misses them. After all, it's the thought of Sakura's embrace and Naruto's grin is all that keeps him from ending it all. Back when the days when life still held meaning and nothing seemed as hopeless as they did now.

Suddenly feeling stifled in the heat of his duvet, Sasuke tosses it aside before climbing out of bed and onto the warm wooden floor. The floor's heating warms his feet but the air's chill still raises goose-bumps on his pale skin. He notes that besides the thin layer of dust settling over his furniture, everything else seems rather untouched –neat, even.

He doesn't do much nowadays besides laying in bed and gawking vacantly at his phone, watching and reading meaningless things over and over again; neglecting his life. He has become his nightmare, he is languorous. Therefore, it didn't sit well with him that his life wasn't on a hold, despite being stuck in this state of inertia. He still had to attend school but Sasuke, for some lacklustre reason, can't seem to find it in him to care. Attendance is important –only because his parents' are paying the tuition- but his effort in class has been dwindling slowly as time passes.

At this rate, he would rather disappear than disappoint his father any further. What a disgraceful son he is. Why he was expected to be heir to the Uchiha clan is something he would never understand.

In the midst of his contemplations, Sasuke fails to hear the harsh knocking on his door. Obviously, the other person has had enough of Sasuke's unresponsiveness and had decided to let themselves in.

"Sasuke!" hollered an old familiar voice.