Everybody thinks it's just a silly infatuation that will go away with time. They say it is just a crush you have with the only girl who has ever said no to you. A girl who didn't fall to your feet after you smiled at her. Someone who doesn't swoon over you at your wink. But it's not. It is so, so much more and nobody realizes that, not even Remus. It is not a joke and it will not go away with time. No, she makes it impossible to leave her.
Everything about her fascinates you. Her every movement is like one of the books she reads during the winter holidays. She never goes home, you notice. Always stays back, and so do you. Her every move, every swish and every flick is carefully presented and executed, almost like she has practiced it a million times. She looks like a perfect princess.
She isn't, though. Far from it. She has so many flaws, you notice. Many people just glance at her and move on, but not you. Never you. You don't just glance, you observe.
You see that she has to pause a moment before doing something, almost like she has to remember what she has to do. She never lets her hair out of the messy bun you see everyday. She doesn't show her feelings, she bottles them up (just like you). You know, one day she will break and so will you and you will need each other. She cries too less, but later, you get to know, this is because she had exhausted all her tears up when she lost her parents when she was eight and her sister kicked her out for being abnormal after they found out she was a witch. Since then, her home is a little room in the Leaky Cauldron where she works during summers. Her smile, although enchanting, never quite reaches her eyes. It is almost like her face is a carefully constructed mask, made to conceal her emotions.
It wasn't easy, opening up to you, but she does it anyway because, although you don't realize it yet, it is not a silly crush for her either.
It kills you to look at her everyday, pretending that everything is fine. That you just want to be friends. But it isn't. You want more, so much more, but you will never push her. You continue looking at her with the same adoration everyday. Her smell intoxicates you and you swear that sometimes you can catch her faint smell in your clothes (later, you get to know after returning from a gruesome quidditch practice, this is because she steals you clothes and wears them without telling you.)
You don't say anything, so as to not hurt her. You want to be with her every second of everyday, not because you want to protect her, she can do that herself easily, but because you are scared. Scared that someday she will break and nobody will be there for her. She is only 17, after all.
It was early November of their 7th year when it happened, and it's so sudden, you almost think it's something else.
You were sitting in the Head Dorms doing their homework - a 12 inch long essay on incorrect use of Felix Felicis - when suddenly she drops her quill and presses her knees to her chest and wraps her arms around herself like she is trying to protect herself from evil. You look up, shocked and scared, because you have no idea what to do. So you move closer and wrap your arms around her in what you hope is a comforting manner and she releases herself and clings to you. Her tears falling on your shirt, and you don't mind because she needs it. You need it. So you hold her till her sobs subside and even after that because the feeling of her wrapped in your arms is what you has been dreaming about for so long and you don't let go and neither does she and you both stay in you own little world.
In the morning, when you wake up because of the sunlight passing through the windows, you notice that both of you slept on the couch that night. Although you don't realize when, you both had shifted so that both of you were lying down with your arms around her and her head using your chest as a pillow. Just like you want to sleep every night. So you look at her, while she sleeps, simply because she has never looked this peaceful. Her eyes are closed and you can see her, albeit different, but beautiful red eyelashes. Her mouth is slightly parted and it takes all of your will power to not bend your head down and kiss her. When she stirs, she notices she isn't in her bed and looks up to your smiling face. She blushes and jumps, but you keep on holding her because you have never been this content. She apologizes, for last night and you say that she shouldn't be, because you are always there for her. She says that she needs to go get ready for today. And you are about to ask her what's stopping her. But then, you realize that you still have her wrapped up in her arms, so you blush and apologize and she laughs and for the first time, you notice, her eyes are bright and smiling, too. You did that for her and to you, this is your greatest achievement.