Human Touch

by Enide Dear

A fic that spans Cid and Vincent's relationship for 30 years of friendship and unrequited love. What's it like seeing a loved one grow older, feeling time slip through your hands? Warning! This is an extremely sad fic!

Title: Human Touch
Author: Enide Dear
Rating: Nc - 17 for some violence, a character death, and cussing (not necessarily in that order)
Pairing: Cid/Vincent, doh!
Summary: Spans Cid and Vincents realationship for 30 years. Bring out the tissue paper; Here Be Fluff
Authors's note: Three part fic, ten years between each
Track and lyrics: Human Touch by Bruce Springsteen
Feedback: Will be adored and squeed over

Muses: Foolish Coconut Productions and UltraMega OK

You and me we were the pretenders
We let it all slip away
In the end what you don't surrender
Well, the world just strips away

The great airship glided over the clouds, up far beneath the stars and the yellow moon that seemed to hang just inches away. The weather was clear and the night wind cold and steady as far as Cid's experienced eyes could see. He sighed a bit in relief, put on autopilot and turned towards his one passenger with a lopsided grin.

"Well, that's it for a couple of hours." He lit a cigarette and pulled the smoke deep. "Highwind can handle herself now, and I can get me a cup of tea. We'll be in Costa del Sol at daybreak, if lady luck is with us."

Vincent bowed his head in gratitude.

"There's little I can say to thank you Cid. I wish you'd at least let me pay for fuel."

"Nah, sod that." Cid grinned cheerfully and punched Vincent friendly on the shoulder as he passed him by to get to the kitchenette. "There ain't no need to pay me for doing an old friend a favour. I needed to get up and flyin' anyway, and Rocket Town can learn to deal without its mayor for a while." He started to pour water into a teapot. "Ya want some?"

"No. Thank you." Vincent watched the captain busy himself around his ship, whistling and smoking. Cid had changed little during the few years since the Geostigma incidents; he was still the warm-hearted, joyful man Vincent had once got to learn, his hair was still as shockingly blonde, his language as foul, his eyes as sparkling. Vincent had watched him for hours, riding Highwind out of storm, calm, competent and cussing. The ex-Turk wished he could face his own storms with the same confidence. Because face them he must. He'd waited far too many years for this.

"Cid…"

Vincent turned to his old friend, who now stood opposite him in the doorway, looking out into the night sky, a cup of tea in one hand, a foul smelling cigarette in the other.

"Yeah?" Cid didn't turn, his eyes fixed on some distant star. He'd never forgotten that one time he'd truly flown amongst the stars.

"There is something I need to tell you. Something I should have said years ago."

That got Cid's attention at least, but there where no comprehension in the blue
eyes.

"What so? Don't try and tell me yer the one who stole my five star fire materia. I know it was Yuffie."

"No, that is not what I meant." It was hard, so hard to force himself that one step, to put his flesh hand on Cid's broad shoulder, sliding fingers down to where the cloth of the t-shirt ended and two of Vincent's shaking finger could touch warm skin. But he did it. And still no sign of understanding in Cid's face, just curiosity and friendship. Physical contact wasn't at all as difficult for Cid, whiles Vincent couldn't remember the last time he'd touched another humans skin. Suddenly, the words spilled from Vincent's mouth.

"I love you. I want you. I need you, Cid!"

Comprehension finally dawned on Cid's face. This was the moment, in Vincent's fantasies, where Cid either leaned his head to the side, kissed Vincent's cold fingers and proclaimed his love back – or shoved him away, swearing in rage, his fist coming down on Vincent's face.

Instead, Cid raised a callused hand, squeezed Vincent's hand, and gently removed it from his arm.

"Vince…ya don't love an old geezer like me." He said, softly but firmly.

"I…but I'm older than you are."

"Doesn't count, and ya know it." There was no anger or scorn in Cid's eyes, just a bit of confusion and that still burning friendship. "I…love ya as a friend, Vince. As a friend. Perhaps my best friend, but not…" he said awkwardly. "...ya know," he ended lamely.

It must have been that moment of weakness, Vincent thought later, on many, many sleepless nights. He was bewildered, out of his mind with sudden loss, and grief and anger, and….Chaos took him.

With a strength that belied the frail-looking body, Vincent grabbed Cid and threw him down on the kitchen table. His metal hand knocked the tea mug away to shatter on the floor, the cold, constructed hand closed around Cid's right wrist, pinning it above his head. Cid's shocked face stared up at burning red eyes as Vincent threw himself on top of the captain; harsh hot predatory kisses sucked at his face and neck.

"Vince, what the Hell!" he yelled, struggling to get free, but Vincent was far stronger. His flesh hand groped Cid's chest, tore at his clothes. The pants opened and were pulled down so Vincent could fondle his limp cock; Vincent's body was pushing and twisting against his. Cid swore and yelled; Vincent was silent as the grave.

Suddenly, without warning, Vincent snapped back, once more in control of his body. He stared down on Cid's red, aghast face, the captain's skin red with bruises from lips and uncaring hands; he was standing between Cid's legs with his friend's pants and underwear drawn down to his knees, but Vincent was still dressed. He'd regained control not a moment too soon.

More frightened and disgusted with himself than he'd ever been, Vincent tumbled backwards, away from his abused friend, stumbled and fell to the floor.

"Vince!" Cid struggled to get upright. "Vince, ya okay?!"

Vincent barely heard the words; the shock of what he'd almost done was locked into his brain as he knocked his head hard against a cupboard, scrambling to get a firm footing on what suddenly seemed a treacherous floor. He couldn't meet Cid's eyes, he couldn't face what he'd done if he'd had perhaps five more minutes without control. Vincent turned and fled.

Cid tried to catch him, stumbled on his pulled down pants, and swore as Vincent ran past him.

Highwind was a big airship but far from big enough; desperate to get away Vincent pulled out Cerebrus. The sound of three shots echoed far too loudly in his head as they tore through the metal husk of the ship; he grabbed the raw edges with both hands and pulled; the construct hand left shredded metal in its wake and he tore and ripped until the opening was big enough to squeeze through. Cold nigh wind rushed at him, made his hair and cloak billow after him and as Cid entered the room, still trying to hold his pants up with one hand, Vincent jumped.

"Vincent!"

Cid saw the tiny red and black figure get smaller and smaller, even as the Chaos deamon took over and wings sprouted from Vincent's back, and swearing worse than ever he ran back to the steering wheel. Highwind was far too big and slow to catch a demon, but he'd be damned to Hell and back if he didn't try.

When Vincent woke, dull pain throbbed through his body, a steady beat to tell him he was dangerously hurt. But other sensations penetrated as well; he was lying on a lumpy but clean mattress, there were cotton bandages around his chest, and his flesh hand was held between two callused palms. Slowly he opened his eyes.

He was back on Highwind; he had no recollection of how that had happened. He was lying on a mattress on the steering room, but it was quiet, the engines turned of, the airship still. Apart from the bandages and the blanket covering him to his chest, he was naked. Cid was sitting next to him, no cigarette in his mouth but a cup of cold tea by his side. The captain held his hand between his own and from his bruised face, worries shone down on Vincent. Hot, red tears of shame started to trickle down Vincent's face.

"I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry Cid, I didn't mean to…"

"Hush. Vince, ye've broken a lot of ribs. Don't try to speak." Cid squeezed his hand firmer.

"I can't…I can't stay. I'll leave…" he couldn't even bring his limp body to react.

"Yer shot full of morphine, Vince. Yer not going anywhere." Cid sighed and loosened one hand so he could sip the bitter tea. Then he stroke back Vincent's long black hair. "It wasn't ye who hurt me, Vince. I ain't that daft, ya know. It was that thing inside ya."

"Chaos."

"Yeah, whatever. It saved yer life though, when ye jumped like a crazy man." He sipped the tea again. "Took me hours to find ya and when I did…yer was pretty badly messed up. But yer back now, and I'll take care of ya."

"But…"

"No Vince, no 'but', no nothing. Yer my friend, not that deamon. I ain't holding that against ya, and I never will. But Vince…." His eyes grew a shade colder, his voice loosing a bit of warmth. "If ya ever – ever – hurt Highwind like ya did again…I'll chase ya down, pin ya down, shave of all that hair of yers, and use to wipe my ass or for grease cloth. Do ye understand?"

Numb with too many emotions, Vincent nodded. Warmth returned to Cid's face and eyes and he grinned his lopsided grin, caressing back Vincent's locks from his forehead.

"That's good. Now just ye lay here, and I'll take care of ya. Whatever business ya had in del Sol wil have to wait a few days at least. Alright? Good. Now try to sleep some. I'll watch over ya."

So you've been broken and you've been hurt
Show me somebody who ain't
Yeah, I know I ain't nobody's bargain
But, Hell, a little touch-up
And a little paint….

Ten years later

"Fuck it all. I just wish I had a cup of tea." With a sigh, Cid sat down on the hard rocks a kicked half-heartedly at the pile of rocks locking them in. The cave they had been excavating was big, but seemed a lot smaller now that there were no way out. He lit a cigarette, glad at the little flash of light, and then nodded at Vincent, who sat a bit away, his red eyes seeming to glow like the cigarette – butt's ember.

"Yer alright there Vince? It's just a few hours – the night at most. Cloud and the other's will miss us and get to dig us out as soon as they can."

"I…" Vincent didn't know what to say.

During the years he'd visited Cid at Rocket Town, sometimes to beg a ride with Highwind on an important mission, sometimes as a friend. Cid had visited him as well, in Nibelheim. None of them ever spoke of the night on Highwind, of the attack, of Vincent's proclamation of love. Sometimes when Vincent came unexpected to Rocket Town, Cid had a woman there, but it was always a new woman. The captain seemed content with his love for the skies, for Highwind and flying. Vincent was not content, and always lonely away from Cid, but he never brought up his love again. Cid liked women, and that was it. Vincent was more than thankful for the forgiveness and friendship the old captain offered.

After all, he'd tried to rape the man.

That one night had replayed itself in Vincent's head a thousand times, how everything could get so wrong, the stark terror of it happening again. But Chaos was a clever beast. It waited, lay dormant, until he was at the most vulnerable.
Like now.

"Vince?" A hand on his shoulder and Vincent jumped, shrank away from the touch even through the cloth. Cid looked down on him. The captain had got older, his blond hair almost grey on his temples, his voice hoarser with too many cigarettes. But he was still as strong as ever, as warm and caring and he crouched effortlessly before Vincent in the dark.

"What's wrong? Here, I found a lamp." With the cigarette butt and some cussing, he managed to light the wick. Soft, yellow light lit parts of the cave.

"It's…it's inside me tonight." Vincent said, so low it was almost inaudible. He didn't need to say what; they both knew what he meant. "And it is getting stronger. And there is no way out of here for you."

"Shit, Vince." Cid stubbed out the cigarette and, totally unexpectedly, put his arms around him. Vincent's face pressed against the strong chest, against cloth that smelled of engine oil and tobacco and of Cid. Sinewy arms surrounded him, held him close. Cid's stubble scraped the side of his face. "Is there anything I can do? Can I help ya?"

"Tie me down. Chain me down, before it gets loose." His voice was muffled against Cid; his face was getting warm. He realised that he'd put his own arms around Cid's waist, holding him closer. He realised that he was wetting Cid's shirt and chest with tears of fear.

"I don't go carrying chains in my pockets, Vince. Or rope. There's nothing here but rocks."

"Then knock me unconscious. That way I can't hurt you."

"There's no way in Hell I'll hurt ya like that." Cid loosened his grip a bit, slid down so that he could look into Vincent's face, unchanged for the twenty or so years they'd known each other. Burgundy tears ran heedlessly down pale cheeks.

"Please," Vincent whispered. "You'll hurt me more if you let me do this to you."

"There's another way, damn it. There's always another way." The captain scratched his hair under the goggles, chewed his cigarette-butt. At any other time, Cid's unquenchable optimism would have cheered Vincent, now it frustrated him. They were loosing time quickly.

"Damn it Cid," he hissed, "Just…"

"Another way," Cid stubbornly proclaimed, leaned forward and pressed his lips against Vincent's.

It was a clumsy kiss, an awkward and sloppy kiss, gentle and tender but very nervous, and Chaos fled howling from it.

Gaping with shock, Vincent looked up into Cid's nervous eyes. The captain unconsciously licked his lips.

"Look Vince, I can do this, if it's what it takes to keep ya sane. But ya have to tell me what to do. I've never been with another man before. Tell me what to do, what ya want of me, what ya need. Let me help ya, if I can." He suddenly looked a bit embarrassed.

"That is, if ya still want me that way, of course…"

"Cid…" Vincent felt his blood rushing through him, nervous, eager, desperate. Yes, this would help. This would keep Chaos away. But…"The only difference is that instead of a demon, it would be me, raping you." There, he'd said it.

To his wonder, Cid grinned.

"Ya can't rape me, Vince, yer fool! I like ya far too much for that. Come now. I can see it in yer eyes; that friggin' demon is coming back. Now, tell me what to do."

"Kiss me." He pulled his hands over Cid's strong body, through the hair to remove the goggles, as Cid unbuttoned his cloak and spread it beneath them. He felt so naked without the deep collar to hide his face is, but there was a raw naked look on Cid's face as well. "I will…need you inside me. Later. Not now. But…later."

"Alright." Cid's whisper was as faint as his own voice.

"And Cid…you can close your eyes if you want. If you want to pretend…I'm someone else."

To that Cid only smiled, turned around and blew out the candle. Darkness covered them; perhaps the captain thought he was doing Vincent a favour, thought he hid his hard closed eyes from his friend as he pushed Vincent down on the cloak and started to undress him and kiss him. Perhaps he'd forgotten that Vincent's red eyes saw as well in utter darkness as in daylight. Vincent tried to shut out the pain of that rejection, and almost succeeded. This was far closer to his dream than he'd ever thought he'd be, and if this was the only way it could be, then so be it. Chaos fled under Cid's hands and mouth and warm strong body and together they chased it through the night.

When they fell asleep in a tangle of arms and legs, Vincent could almost forget how hard Cid's eyes had been shut.

"Cid…?" Cloud looked down on the captain cradling Vincent on the cold hard floor. The ex-Turk was sleeping still, so exhausted he hadn't even heard Cloud break through the cave wall.

"Shut up." Cid readjusted his grip, and Vincent pressed his face closer into the junction between Cid's shoulder and neck. It was cold and clammy in the cave apart from where their bodies touched. Cid hated cold. "Don't ya wake him."

"I just didn't think you…"

"He needed it. And it ain't none of your fucking business anyway. Now scram. Give me five minutes to wake him before you get back in here."

Silently Cloud left, and Cid turned towards Vincent and shook his shoulder gently.

"Wake up Vince. Get up. They're coming through and I doubt they want to see our scrawny naked asses when they get here."

Burgundy eyes opened slowly, taking in the cave, the darkness, the warm presence beside him.

"And anyway I'm freezing my balls off. I need my pants." Cid untangled himself, not rudely but with a firmness that stated that this was the end of what had happened. Vincent lay still on the cooling mantle for a few minutes, staring into darkness. And then he rose as well, and started to pull on his clothes.

I ain't lookin' for praise or pity
I ain't comin' round searchin' for a crutch
I just want, someone to talk to
And a little of that Human Touch
Just a little of that Human Touch

Ten years later
"Cid! Cid!" Vincent ran over the dusty , heading straight for Cid's small house, dwarfed many times over by the giant airship hovering close by. "Cid, I need to get to Wutai…" his voice trailed of as Cid came out from the workshop next to Highwind and he stopped, besides himself.

"Hey Vince!" Cid smiled and threw away the mechanic gadget he'd been holding, drying his hands on his t-shirt in a familiar gesture. "Long time no seen!"

He stepped up to the ex-Turk and embraced him, but it was all Vincent could do to return the hug. Yes, it was along time since he'd last had the opportunity to visit his best friend, but surely, it couldn't be that long? Time went fast when it didn't change you, and there were always much to do. But time hadn't passed Cid by. The pilot had got old, his hair now grey and brittle under the goggles, his weathered face wrinkled. In Vincent's arms he felt small and frail, and although he still smelled of tobacco and engine oil, the radiant warmth was gone. Cid pulled away and grinned at him, apparently unable to read Vincent's shocked eyes.

"Wutai, eh? Guess that will serve as good as anyplace. I've been searching high and low for ya for almost two years, and now ya show up at my own damned doorstep! Come on, help me load her up. We can go in less than an hour. Just let me grab some cigarettes."

"Cid, that…wont be necessary. I'll find some other way to get to Wutai." Vincent couldn't believe it, had troubles even looking at Cid.

"Ain't no faster way and ya know it," Cid said cheerfully, brushing aside Vincent's misgivings. "Get yer ass on the plane, Vince."

Cid flew them straigh to Wutai; a three days journey. He didn't let go of the steering wheel for more than a few minutes at the time, he didn't put on autopilot and he didn't sleep for the entire journey. He just stood at the wheel, staring out, drinking and smoking and not talking much. But Highwind few as smooth as ever; Cid's hands may shake when they lifted a smoke or a cup or squeezed Vincent's shoulder friendly, but they were the same strong pilot's hands as ever, and stead as rock on the wheel.

Cid never asked where Vincent had been these past years, and Vincent didn't explain. It wasn't important.

They arrived much sooner than Vincent had expected, and he said so as Cid put Higwind down and they moved down the stairs to stretch their legs. Cid nodded and sat down on the stairs, an old man again now when he was on the ground.

"I will be a couple of days." Vincent said. "Can you wait for me?"

Cid shook his head, spreading smoke.

"Not this time, Vince."

"Oh. Well, I'll come to Rocket Town soon." He tried to smile. "We have a lot of catching up to do."

Cid sighed and leaned back, closing his eyes.

"I won't be going back there either." He opened his eyes, the same icy blue eyes as ever, and Vincent could see that the fire in them was gone, that fire that had been the very core of Cid. They were still warm and gentle and caring, but there was nothing more in them as their eyes met.

"Look Vince, there's something I need to do. I've been searching for ya for two damned years to do so, and I won't get another chance. I'm old Vince." He sipped on his tea, shrugging. "I was always the oldest human on the team, apart from Barret, and Barret has got grandchildren and what not to keep him around. I've never had any family but ya people on the team, never felt I needed more either. Especially, I've had ya, Vince." He smiled up, but Vincent couldn't smile back. Cid went on. "I'm old and I'm tired now. Nothing is as fun as it used to be." He fiddled with his teacup and poured it out on the green Wutai soil. "Tea don't taste a shit anymore." He stubbed his cigarette, absentmindedly placing the butt behind his ear. "These fucking cigarettes and time are doing what even Sephiroth couldn't; they're killing me. I can't even do mechanics; my eyes are too bad and my hands are too shaky. I only got two things left. Flying Highwind….and ya, Vince."

"Cid…is there…is there anything I can do?"

"Sure as Hell ain't, Vince. No more than there were anything anyone could have done for Aeris." He shook his head. "But I ain't taking this anymore now. I can still fly, and fly I will. As far up as she will go. As far up as I can take her. Get as close to the stars as I can, just once more."

"But the Higwind is not a rocket, Cid. She won't be able to take the pressure…."

"I know. The engines will go first, I figure. Will be one Hell of a bang. They'll rip the ship apart good enough, and whatever is left will burn up in the atmosphere, or land in the sea."

"And you?"

"A captain goes down with his ship, Vince."

"That is stupid! Cid, don't. I'll take a leave, I'll come live with you for a while, you'll see it will all be better."

Cid snorted.

"There's a lie. Next time ya come to visit, I might not be able to eat real food anymore. I might not be able not to piss myself. I won't be able to fly. I won't put ya through that, Vince, and I sure as Hell ain't going to put myself through it. No, I've made up my mind." Cid rose up. The spear in his hand, his beloved Venus Gospel, seemed heavy and he used it more as a crutch than a weapon. "But there is something I need to do before that."

Leaning his spear in his arm, he grabbed Vincent, pulled him close, pushed his lips against Vincent's. It was a warm, strong kiss; in his arms Vincent could feel the Cid he's once known, the rough body trying to be gentle against his, the radiant fire of life that burned in him. Memories flooded back, memories of their night in a cave, of compassion and understanding and a friendship that was love.

"I…I love you, Cid."

"I know. And I know I never loved ya the way ya wanted to, Vince. But that doesn't mean I didn't love ya at all. Ya know that, right? Awww…don't cry." Callused fingers wiped at his tears. "I wanted to say good bye to ya. I've put this up for two years so I could do that. Ya tell the others, if they want to know, right? Here." He pulled back a bit and with a quick motion broke the dog tags hanging from his neck, pressing the warm metal into Vincent's flesh hand. "Take these, ya might need them. Now, Vince…this is good bye."

With one last wipe at the tears on Vincent's face, he turned back to Highwind. Somehow his steps seemed lighter, the spear in his hand no longer a crutch, his back as strong as ever. He was whistling something, some happy melody. Vincent couldn't move as Cid started up the stairs to his ship. Halfway, the captain stopped and turned.
Perhaps it was the distance, and the cloud of tears in Vincent's eyes, but the years seemed to have fallen of Cid. Once more his eyes were sparkling with joy, his hair was blond and tousled with wind, his hands as safe and strong as ever.

This was the Cid in Vincent's mind, the Cid of a thousand adventures, the swearing, cussing, compassionate man that he had loved so long. Cid grinned, wide and lopsided, and waved his steady hand. And then he turned again and walked the rest of the stairs without looking back. The engines started, the hatch closed, and Higwind rose, ponderous and slow, but as smooth as silk.

Vincent stood staring as the Highship rose, higher and higher over Wutai waters, he stood staring as it became a dot in the distance, and as the clouds hid it.

When the sudden blasting light came, it was like a short flash over the heavens and waters.

And then it was gone.

The End