This is my first Clexa fic, please let me know what you think! Had to do something about that disaster since 3x07.
Lexa looks out over her balcony, enjoying the warm setting sun on her tear-damp face as her mind drifts back to Clarke. Her heart soars when she recalls the way that Clarke gently grabbed the back of her neck to kiss her so tenderly. It was a moment that she thought she would never get again. She had hoped, she had hoped so much. So, when she felt those soft lips against hers, she couldn't stop the tear that slipped out. Under any other circumstance, she would not have let a single emotion slip through her Heda façade. Especially a tear. That's weakness. That's vulnerability. But, with Clarke, she doesn't need to put on any façade around her. She can just be Lexa. That's why she loves her.
Clarke was right about something. 'Life is about more than just surviving.' The girl's presence in her life has made her want to do more than just survive; there can be love, peace, happiness and hope for a long future. Her heart sinks as she is reminded that Clarke's presence won't be a daily privilege anymore. After they forced themselves to get dressed, Clarke returned to her room to gather her things to head back to Arkadia. As much as she wishes Clarke had chosen to stay her as her guest, she has to go back to her people in hopes to overthrow Pike. Just as Lexa would have done herself, like Mount Weather. Head over heart. Maybe one day they can choose heart over head when they owe nothing more to their people. Hopefully, this attempt at peace and 'jus nou drien jus daun.' will bring that day sooner. No more betrayals. No more heart aches. No more war. Just them, Clarke and Lexa, leading a peaceful world together.
A booming gun shot in the room next to her snaps her out of her thoughts, without a second thought she sprints out of her room towards Clarke's. Her blood is already hammering in her ears as panic and fear consume her mind. Another gun shot. Her vision begins to blur making her stumble slightly but she doesn't let herself fall. Please be okay, Clarke. She scrambles to grab the door handle and yank the giant door open. Another shot is fired once the door swings open. A blood curdling scream escapes Clarke's lips as she collapses to the floor.
"Clarke!" Lexa cries, falling to her knees beside her and presses her hands down over the bullet wound just below her right collarbone.
"Guards!" She roars at the top of her lungs, over her shoulder but not taking her eyes away from the pain ridden face below her. The blonde's eyes are squeezed shut with tears seeping through the corners. "What have you done?" Lexa hisses through her teeth, glaring up at Titus.
"I was just trying to keep you safe, Heda," Titus answers gravely, holding the gun loosely at his side but keeps an emotionless face. When he warned Lexa about these feelings putting both of them in danger she never imagined him taking it into his own hands.
Tears prickle in Lexa's eyes as Clarke moans in agony below her, "It's going to be okay, Clarke. I will save you."
The loud thumping of boots signals the guards arrival, "Arrest him," she growls and nods towards Titus, standing only a couple feet away from her.
"Heda," he pleads as two guards grab his arms and snatch the gun away from him.
"Throw him in a cage for now. This will be dealt with later," Lexa demands as she presses harder down on Clarke's wound to try to slow the bleeding. Her hands are already coated in blood; Clarke is losing a lot of it. A lingering guard begins to follow Titus being dragged out of the room, "Wait! Untie him," she tilts her head at Murphy, "Then send for a healer, they need to be here now!"
"Lexa," Clarke stammers through labored breaths
"Just breathe, Clarke," Lexa whispers, trying to keep her lips from quivering with worry. "The healer will be here soon, you'll be okay." The blue eyes staring up at her are glossed over with tears.
"Clarke," Murphy says in a soft, concerned voice as he crouches down next to her and gently rubs her arm to provide her some comfort through her pain. "We should probably get her to the bed, it'll probably be easier for the healer," he suggests and glances up at Lexa.
Lexa nods slowly, "Okay, we got to be careful. I don't want to cause her anymore pain."
"Just do it and get it over with," Clarke groans, the muscles in her neck strain as she braces herself for the additional pain.
Lexa breathes out heavily through her nose then flickers her eyes up to Murphy, "Get that side of her, I'm going to try to keep as much pressure on this as possible. She's already losing a lot of blood."
A loud whimper escapes the blonde's lips as they gradually lift her up together causing Lexa's heart to twist painfully, "I'm sorry, I'm sorry." Hurried footsteps echo down the hall; that needs to be the healer. Murphy and Lexa gently lower Clarke onto the fur covered bed. Both of Lexa's hands instantly resume their previous position over the wound, that has gotten even more soaked with crimson blood during the move.
"Do your people know how t-to t-treat gunshot wounds," Clarke stutters slightly through choppy breaths.
"They will be able to," Lexa reassuringly stares at the worried blue eyes below her, trying to hold back her own emotions from spilling over. A slightly older woman with graying auburn hair bursts through the doors with medical supplies in her hand. Her chocolate eyes immediately fall onto Lexa's blood covered hands and hurries to her side as she yanks out thick bandages.
Lexa recoils her hands when the healer reaches for Clarke, giving the healer all the space she needed as long as she fixes her. The woman hovers over her and probes the wound with small metal tools to assess the damage, enticing a small cry from Clarke. Luckily, the bullet appears easily accessible due to the gunshot wound being more superficial than most.
"Come on, Princess, it's going to be okay. Hang in there," Murphy whispers encouragingly at her side. There are soft snippet noises as the healer cuts open the upper right side of Clarke's shirt then deliberately cuts off the entire right sleeve, so she is able to remove the shirt later.
Princess? Is that something they call Clarke? Lexa thinks to herself as she rounds the bed to grab Clarke's hand when more cries and whimpers escape her quivering lips. "Laik yu able kom sis em au?" Lexa inquires with fear and a hint of desperation wrapping her voice. A vulnerability she very rarely allows to slip through in front of someone other than Clarke.
"Sha, heda," the healer's eyes remain focused on the hole in the Skygirl when she gives the Commander a small nod.
The bones in Lexa's hand crunch together as Clarke unleashes a death grip on her hand when the woman probes directly on the bullet. Cool metal tools scrape under the small bullet that is lodged directly under the collarbone. Finally, some of the whimpers begin to subside once the bullet seems to be entirely removed.
"Murphy," Clarke unexpectedly croaks out, opening her reddened eyes in his direction, "Octavia and I were supposed to leave for Arkadia right about now…" Her sentence is cut off with a hiss of pain when the healer applies dressing to her injury. Within a couple of seconds, she composes herself just enough, "Can you find her and tell her what happened and that I will be there as soon as I can."
Lexa shakes her head at Clarke's response, "Clarke, you are going to be in no condition to be traveling that far, especially when you will have to move that fast." The still watery-blue eyes shift down to her, they are slowly circling with guilt of failing her people again.
"I think the Commander is right," Murphy glances at Lexa briefly then back to Clarke, "Octavia will understand. You can just go back when you are in condition to travel."
Clarke shakes her head sadly, "It's not as simple as-," a sudden whine escapes the blonde's lips and she squashes Lexa's hand again when the needle starts threading through her open skin.
"There has been a kill order placed on Skaikru since the recent events. It's the best I could do for your people but you must be behind the blockade by dawn otherwise you will be killed," Lexa finishes for Clarke, when she is unable to compose her anguish to finish her thoughts.
"What's been happening? I haven't been there in nearly four months!" Murphy questions with his eyebrows knitting together.
"Octavia will explain that to you," Clarke strains out, "Just get to her, you need to get behind that blockade."
Murphy nods slowly as he processes the information, "What about you?"
"She will stay here with me," Lexa interjects and keeps her eyes fixed on Clarke's face, "I will make sure she heals properly and is safe until the kill order can be removed from your people."
Murphy takes another glimpse at their interlocked hands, having put together all the pieces since Clarke was shot. "Tell my mom and Octavia that I'm sorry," Clarke's voice cracks with culpability, her bottom lip shaking and several tears fall from the corners of her eyes.
"I will, stay strong, Princess," Murphy gives her a small one-side smile as he stands up a little straighter.
"May we meet again," the blonde whispers out through labored breaths.
With that, Murphy walks hastily out of the room to get to Octavia before she leaves. The healer is nearly done closing up the gaping wound when Lexa shifts closer to Clarke and clasps her hand between both of hers. "How's the pain?"
"Pretty bad," Clarke sniffles quietly but then a tiny amused smile tugs at the corner of her lips, "even worse when I got attacked by a panther." The brunette quirks an eyebrow at her in question while the healer begins to wrap her stitched up wound to make a make-shift sling for Clarke. Some of the ache in Lexa's heart starts to dissipate when she realizes that Clarke is going to be okay, she will be in pain but at least she will be alive. Alive and safe with her in Polis. Safe. Clarke just got shot here, with Lexa close by. She needs to do a better job at that. How could Titus do this to Clarke? To her? "When did you get attacked by a panther?" Lexa asks, needing to divert her brain from going in an endless cycle of fury and guilt.
"During those three months that I was out wandering by myself," the corners of Clarke's mouth turn down subtly at the tender memories. "But, I won," she adds at the end, smiling slightly at the green eyes staring at her.
Lexa can't help but smirk proudly at her as the healer begins to pack up her medical supplies into the bag on the floor. "Mochof," Clarke thanks her with a small appreciative smile.
"You are welcome, Wanheda," the woman bows her head respectfully at both of them before retreating out of the room and the heavy doors shut behind her. Leaving Clarke and Lexa alone in the room.
Remembering her hands are still covered in now dried blood, Lexa releases Clarke's hand to grab the bowl of water that the healer left behind. She spills the cold water over her hands then wipes them off with the extra strips of cloth on the table. The silence allows Lexa's mind to wander and begin to wrap in guilt again. If it weren't for her carelessness, this would not have happened. She doesn't care if loving Clarke is unsafe for herself because now she is living and not just surviving. But, is this love going to make it unsafe for Clarke?
Lexa sucks in a heavy breath through then takes a seat on the bed, she uses a wet cloth to wipe off the dried blood on each of the blonde's hands. "We are going to need to change the furs on this bed since they have blood on them now."
"I can live with it for a night," Clarke grimaces when she attempts to shrug, momentarily forgetting that she will have limited use of her arm. "Or I can just sleep on that big chair, it's big enough for me."
"Don't be ridiculous, Clarke," Lexa shakes her head, not meeting those blue eyes, "you will need to have a comfortable sleep in a bed and I will be sleeping on that chair because I am not going to leave you alone tonight."
Though the Commander's tone is relatively even, Clarke can hear the subtle shake to it. The wobble she can always hear when Lexa believes she has to bury her emotions away. With her left hand, she stills Lexa's hand, that was cleaning up blood that had dripped down her body, then laces their fingers together.
Misty emerald eyes flicker up to her face, "I'm sorry," she whispers, "If I had known that Titus would attempt to harm you, I would've done more to keep you safe." She holds herself back from adding what if I hadn't come in that second or what if Titus had shot her in a more fatal spot. She has to since she knows she would not be able to suppress the tears from gushing down her face by talking about those heart-wrenching possibilities.
"You have already done so much to protect me and to keep me safe, probably more than I deserved," Clarke speaks firmly as she holds Lexa's eyes, finally showing her full appreciation for everything the woman has done since she arrived in Polis. "But, you need to let me protect you too. If I had known how much your safety was at risk because of me, I would've left."
Lexa shakes her head; her heart would've broken if Clarke had left Polis because she felt that she needed to protect her. "Titus is just a firm believer that love is weakness and that to be commander means to be alone."
"I thought that was your philosophy?" Clarke raises her eyebrows in surprise. When Lexa stays silent and her eyes drop down to their laced hands, Clarke pieces it together. "Did Titus teach you that? Because of Costia?"
"Yes," Lexa answers in barely a whisper, "I didn't believe it for the longest time. Even after her death. But, when you hear it so much when you're in pain, you start to believe anything that could make the pain go away." A few tears leak from her eyes and she brushes them away with her free hand.
Clarke gives her hand a comforting squeeze, wishing she had the strength to lift herself up and brush the tears away herself. "And what do you believe now?"
Those shimmering green eyes stare thoughtfully at her for several moments, "That love is strength. At least my love for you is. It gives me strength to do things that I have been too scared to do before." She blushes slightly at her admission, even though she is sure Clarke knows that she loves her.
A wide grin spreads across Clarke's lips as she watches Lexa turn a light shade of black with her confession but then sighs, "Ai hod yu in seintaim, Leksa."
The words catch her by surprise, she didn't expect to hear them back anytime soon or at all. She was positive that her feelings for Clarke were much stronger; since the spewing hate and rage after the Mountain. As they the words start to sink in, her lips stretch into a beaming smile then she leans down to place a tender kiss on the Clarke's lips. Clarke unlaces their fingers to reach up and cup the side of Lexa's face to continue the kiss slowly. After a couple of seconds, Lexa pulls her lips away but lets her forehead rest against Clarke's damp forehead. There is something slightly comforting about feeling Clarke's breath on her face, a treasure that could have been so easily ripped away from her tonight. "I'm going to tell the guards that you need some new furs in here then I'm going to grab something to sleep in, I'll be right back," Lexa says then slips off the bed to head towards the door.
Once the door clicks shut and there are soft orders spoken in Trigedasleng outside, Clarke forces herself to sit up but winces when her right arm accidentally moves too quickly and a sharp pain shoots through her. Thankfully, she is left-handed but only having the use of one arm is still detrimental. Before getting off the bed, she unbuckles her boots and kicks them off to the side. Both boots making a small thud when they hit the ground. She shuffles over to the small wardrobe, where she keeps the few clothes that she has. None of the clothes are going to be particularly easy to get on, especially the nightgown that she has been wearing to bed since she has arrived here. One of her undershirts and comfiest pairs of pants would have to do for tonight. Her free hand grips the bottom of the fabric of her shirt to try to pull it up her torso but fumbles when it gets caught on the sling.
There is a soft creak when Lexa pushes back through the doors in her black nightgown with the slight up to her hip. She meets Clarke's frustrated eyes when notices that she is struggling to get dressed by herself. The blonde drops her hands in defeat when the other girl appears in front of her with a tiny sympathetic smile and those affectionate emerald eyes. Lexa is careful when she moves the cut fabric over the injury, then Clarke lifts her left arm to allow the shirt to be pulled over her head. The ruined shirt is thrown aside and Lexa is handed the undershirt that needs to be put on. "Tomorrow we will find you some clothes that will be easier to put on," Lexa notes while she slips the top over Clarke's head, letting the right strap dangle loosely at her side.
Clarke nods with a low, "Okay."
Lexa notices a pair of pants that are laid out as well, "Do you want those on instead?"
"Yeah, if you wouldn't mind. I just want to be out of these clothes and those will be more comfortable to sleep in," she looks down at the ground, feeling incredibly weak that she is unable to dress herself.
The Commander's hands undo the button and zipper of the girl's pants then pushes them down until Clarke is able to kick them aside near the discarded shirt. "Hold onto me while I do this," Lexa instructs kindly when a pair of soft black pants is handed to her. Clarke grasps onto Lexa's shoulder with her left hand while the waistband is held open to allow her to step in each pant leg at a time.
"There," Lexa remarks as she finishes buttoning her pants then giving Clarke a slight smile.
"Thank you," bashful blue eyes finally look up from the ground then she tilts her head forward to plant a thankful kiss on Lexa's cheek. Such an innocent kiss leaves a burning sensation on her cheek and her stomach erupting in butterflies. An abrupt knock on the door breaks the sweet moment that they were falling into, Clarke sighs, "Come in."
Two handmaids walk in with new beige colored furs in their hands. Clarke takes a couple of steps away from the Commander, unsure if this would be deemed as inappropriate by others. And not wanting to take that risk after tonight. The handmaids remake the bed in less than a minute before silently withdrawing out of the room. "Are you tired, Clarke?" Lexa asks as she follows her towards the bed.
"I'm tired but the pain might not let me sleep that well tonight," Clarke exhales heavily when she lifts up a layer of the fresh furs then slips between them.
"Well, I will be right here if you need anything," Lexa reminds her and goes to settle in the large chair near the bed but a hand grabs her wrist.
"Don't be ridiculous, if you are really going to stay here with me, you can sleep in the bed. I'm not going to force you to sleep on a chair," the sky girl rolls her eyes, in disbelief that Lexa honestly thought that she had to sleep on a chair after they had sex earlier.
A shy smile and blush spreads over the brunette's cheeks, "I didn't want to push your boundaries, I didn't know if that would be too much for you." She walks to the opposite of side of the bed and climbs in between the layers, the fresh furs feeling incredibly soft as they brush against her exposed skin.
Clarke has to stop herself from instinctively rolling on her side to face the other girl, opting to lie on her back. "What will be said if it gets out that you are spending the night with me?"
The furs ruffle as Lexa adjusts to get comfortable on her right side, "It's not of their business. I am their Commander, they are not to question my decisions," she states in a stern voice and Clarke lolls her head to the side to see intensity filling the deep green pools staring at her. Lexa takes a moment to swallow hard, "I will not fail you, like I did Costia. No more harm will come to you," her serious voice shaking faintly with the fresh guilt and lingering pain.
"What will come of Titus?" Clarke questions hesitantly, assuming that Lexa must feel betrayed as she did when Gustus betrayed her a couple months back. All to protect her from Clarke and the Sky People. Her heart aching with responsibility for the sacrifices Lexa has committed on her behalf. Maybe she does need that protection from her.
"We will see of that tomorrow. You need rest, Clarke," Lexa states lovingly, but the blonde just groans in response.
"I will try my best to rest," knowing that the ache and discomfort in her shoulder and chest is going to make it awfully difficult to get a restful sleep. "Reshop, Heda," Clarke whispers sarcastically.
A playful smirk pulls at the corner of Lexa's lips then this time, she rolls her eyes and lifts her head to softly peck Clarke's lips, "Goodnight, Clarke."
As predicted, it is a long time before Clarke is able to fall asleep, there is a constant throbbing in her upper chest and shoulder. Sleeping on her back has never been the most comfortable position for, she longs to curl up on her side or flip onto her stomach. There are soft murmurs coming from the girl next to her, she watches her carefully, preparing for Lexa to wake herself up from a nightmare. Instead, the sleeping girl slides an arm over Clarke's stomach and inches closer to her until her incoherent murmurs turn into even breaths. Clarke smiles, feeling almost as peaceful as Lexa looks. The arm hung loosely over her stomach and the steady breathing against her neck eventually lull her to sleep.
Translations:
jus nou drien jus daun: blood must not have blood
Laik yu able kom sis em au: are you able to help her
Sha, heda: Yes, commander
Mochof: Thank you