Future Bleak
Author's Note: Wrote this one a long time ago, but I swear two years of college had sucked every last bit of creativity outta me. So finally a little insomnia and several boyfriend issues got this little piece of work edited and ready to be posted. So here it is, read and review… please… I need encouragement to get back in the game. I wanna write, people. Leave me no choice in the matter by giving me lots of reviews. Even the evil, mean ones are welcomed. Criticism is not an enemy. Enjoy.
*~*~*~*~*~*
Logan heard the familiar gleeful scream of a young girl and stepped to his window. There she was, running around on the lawn, her arms spread out behind her like they were wings and the wind would pick her up at any moment. He smiled down at her knowingly; not all angels could fly.
She looked just like her mother; long auburn hair, big brown eyes, and delicate ivory skin. She was also energetic to a fault, and feisty; he watched as she skillfully tackled a man about three times her size to the ground, smiling all the while.
Logan's smile deepened. Yes, she was definitely like her mother.
Proud? Any man would be proud to have that little bundle of energy as his own. Logan was no exception. He loved to hear her tiny feet tromping around the mansion like she owned the place, calling for "daddy."
Logan closed his eyes against the display of the man picking up the girl, carrying her on his shoulders, and a tear rolled down his unshaven cheek. If he closed his eyes long enough he could almost make it real; he could almost pretend that he was downstairs on the lawn with his daughter, feeling the pleasant weight of her small body on his shoulders, and hearing her jovial laughter in his ears.
But it wasn't real and all too quickly he was snapped from his fantasy by a steady, comforting hand on his shoulder. Logan made a startled sniff before turning around accusatorily: Ororo. "What are you doin' here?!"
"I came to check on how you were--"
"Stop lying to me! You just wanted to see! Now you have so you can go!"
"Logan,"
"What, you here to say 'I told you so' again?! You were right; I was an asshole and those kids should be mine!"
"I know you're hurting--"
"You don't know shit! Especially about me!"
"I was right once before," His lip twitched but she never got to hear the snarl.
"You just can't stop throwing that in my face, can you?!"
"Extracting Rogue out of your life isn't going to make you feel better!" Storm said, evading his question with sudden vigor.
"That's not the point! The point is it doesn't make me feel worse…" Logan paused and took a slow breath that failed to calm him. "You think I could sit here with her every day, chatting casually?! I want her! I want those children to have my name--" He stopped abruptly and laughed sadly. "I don't even have a name to give them…"
"She needs you, Logan,"
"She understands." He said shortly, breaking her gaze.
"Have you spoken to her?"
"No,"
"Then how would you know what she understands…?! The facts are that you've been her friend since she was a child, and that she depends on you! Your opinion matters to her!"
"If that was fucking true she wouldn't have married that damned Creole!"
"You forced her into that and you know it…! How many times did I tell you that you were pushing her away?!" His lip twitched again and he growled in spite of himself. "But you just wouldn't listen. You're just so pig-headed! Now you're punishing her for your mistake!"
"It's not like that!"
"All she knows is that you're mad at her. You've avoided her every since she's arrived,"
Logan turned to her, eyes squeezed tight, his face braced in his hand as he pushed the words through his clenched teeth. "You don't understand! I can't see her! I don't know what will happen; what I'll do?!… And I need her… I need her to still respect me, to still love me… I don't want to hurt her and if she knows that this," He gestures toward the window where Remy and his daughter were still playing. "that this married and family of hers has hurt me, then it will hurt her!"
"So you're going to hide from her until she decides to go home?!" He just glared at her, but the affirmative was present in his eyes. "And what happens in five years when she comes back for another visit with two more children? You going to hide out in your room then, too?!"
"Fuck off, Storm!"
"You're killing her," She began, taking him aback. "You're meaninglessly ripping her away from her first basic family. You're more important to her than any of us… She needs you're love and approval. How long do you think she'll last like this?!"
"What are you talking about, 'Ro?! She's a strong girl—woman, and she has a family. She'll survive." She laughed softly, suddenly aware of the irony.
"You know, I forgot something in all this— while you were playing the victim." His eyes narrowed but he somehow managed to suppress the growl this time. "You two are like cats. You'll circle, and hiss, and holler, but when one of you shows weakness it's all over… You don't have to worry about talking to her, Logan. If I know her like I think I do— if I know the way you've taught her, she'll come looking for you." She smiled at him sweetly as she opened the door and let herself out.
*~*~*~*~*~*
He snuck down the stairs with a duffel bag thrown over his shoulder all the while unaware that he was being watched. She followed him cautiously, using the stealth tracking techniques that he had taught her all those years ago.
He paced to the garage, moving quickly and not quite as quietly as his sneaky behavior would merit. Sloppy, he was being sloppy. 'All these cushy years at the mansion has severely impaired your touch, Logan.' She mused, sadly.
As he slipped into the garage, Rogue strolled up to windowed door and watched him walk to his bike, a grin spreading wide across her face. She waited until he was deeply engrossed in mounting his bag before she adeptly snuck up behind him, throwing a blow.
He blocked it skillfully, falling into a combative stance. Upon seeing that it was her, he relaxed and turned back to the bike; he was wasting time. She attacked again, coming at him with the persistence of a mule. He managed to block this blow also and turned to her, a worn, haggard expression on his face.
"Leave me alone," He said, his voice lacking his trademark threatening edge. He realized that he sounded more like a scared little boy trying to ward off a bully than a predator reaching the last of his patience. Rogue grinned evilly.
"You running from a fight?"
"I don't have time for this, Rogue!" She smiled at the use of her alias. 'Nice touch; keep it all business, Wolverine.'
"Where you goin'?" She asked, removing most of the threat from her stance.
"Out." He said shortly, turning back to his bike.
"With luggage? Looks like you're runnin'," He looked at her angrily over his shoulder.
"I don't give a fuck what it looks like!" She winced from the power of his words and he briefly noticed the hurt confused look in her eyes. If he pushed the right buttons he could make her run…It had to be done… "Don't you have some kids to look after?!" He added with just enough conviction to make it appear a mere product of annoyance.
She snapped then, her eyes wide with something that unquestionably was not fear. She was mad, she was pissed, and definitely not going to run; he had miscalculated somehow.
She jabbed at his shoulder forcefully and screamed at him with more than just anger; she felt betrayed.
"How the fuck would you know?! It's not like you care enough to meet them!" He saw it on her face at the moment, the rage, the pain. This is what he wanted to prevent. "I used to think that I meant something to you once,"
He covered his eyes with his hand, massaging away the pain that was fast forming between them. 'God,' He prayed. 'Don't let her do this.'
"But I guess you're obligation is up, huh? Is that it?!" He looked over at her, keeping his eyes blank. She couldn't react if he didn't answer. She dropped his gaze, frustrated, and began to pace. "What is it, Logan?! Damn it! I mean, things were never this bad between us. I know that towards the end we started to pull away from each other, but my God! How can you not want to talk to me— to meet my children?! Don't you still care?!"
She had tears in her eyes and she stopped pacing to stare him in the face, imploring him to answer. Against his better judgment he gave her one. "I still care." He whispered, his voice so strained she barely heard him.
"Then what is it?" She gestured toward the bike and his botched midnight escape. "Why are you running from me?"
"I-I…"
"What?" She asked, desperation staining her voice.
"I can't do this." It was nearly a sigh and as he turned to mount his bike, he realized it was the only thing he could do… But Storm was right. They were like two cats and he had just shown weakness.
She kicked him square in the back and he toppled over the bike taking it with him to the garage floor.
"What the fuck are you doing?!" He asked as he watched her circle around the mess that he and the motorcycle made on the floor and stand in front of him.
She gave him another kick, this time to the jaw and he fell to his back, sliding a foot or so on the waxed floor. He heard her heeled boots clicking on the tile as she made her way to him again, but over it her sobs rang out… as she pummeled him, she cried.
He got to his feet before she reached him and put his guard up. She threw punches and kicks, which he managed to block without taking his eyes off her face— her sweet, innocent face, which was turned into a mash of tears, pain, and distress.
"Stop it!" He yelled at her bitterly. Her response was a backhand across his face, followed by an upper cut to his ribs. As he bent over in agony, she kneed him in the stomach and tipped him over.
"Get up!" She commanded, her voice high and clouded with tears. He mindlessly wondered how she managed to kick his ass when he knew with utter certainty that she could barely see him. "You coward! You heartless bastard, stand up!"
He pretended to comply before sweeping her legs from under her. She landed on the floor with a sob and he covered her body with his, holding her wrists on either side of her head when she tried to resume battering him.
"Stop fighting me!" He commanded, nearly choking when he decided at the last minute not to say her name.
"Go to hell, you bastard! Get off of me!" She tried to knee him in the groin but he had taught her that trick and was prepared for it.
"Baby, I have to leave," He whispered, pressing his head to her throat. He couldn't fight her and his feelings for her at the same time. When he won one battle it meant losing the other.
"So go! Get the hell outta here! I don't care!" He held her, kept holding her, until her fight was gone and she wrapped her hands around him, sobbing uncontrollably. He sat up and pulled her into his lap.
"I'm sorry, baby… I really am." He whispered as he rocked her. With a backdrop of whimpering, Logan lost himself deep in thought. His plan had failed, he had single-handedly witnessed the downfall of the one person he had ever truly been in love with, and he ultimately had nothing else to lose…
But then a thought occurred to him. 'And I need her… I need her to still respect me, to still love me…' It was what he said to Storm. He knew her, if he left she could never respect him. And love? That would be out of the question. He had really hurt her this time and eventually that pain would turn into hate…
Yes, she would hate him for sure. But honestly, what was he running for? He couldn't say to spare her feelings anymore; it was too late for that. His only reason for running now would be personal, enigmatic in its simplicity… And not even he was willing admit that…It'd be cause he was scared, on some elemental level at least.
He looked down at the buddle of soft deadly skin and whimpers in his arms and vowed if he did anything for the rest of the night it would not involve hurting her any further.
Planting a small kiss to the hair laying across her forehead, he softly whispered her name. "Marie?" She looked up hesitantly, her frame still trembling from her cries. "Can I meet your family now?"
A smile contorted her face, and she actually began crying again, an eager nod giving him his answer before she was able to speak. "Yes," She threw her arms around him in a quick hug and then stood up, mindlessly helping him do the same.
She grabbed his hand and pulled him along behind her as she wiped her face aggressively, removing the last physical signs of an emotion she no longer felt. She pulled him out of the garage and up the stairs to the living quarters, him following obediently without word.
Once they had stopped in front of her bedroom, which he had recognized as one usually reserved for the high-class sponsors of Xavier's, she turned to him and briefed him quietly.
"Okay, you're going to have to be really quiet now," He smiled at her, unable to remember himself as anything but taciturn, and glanced at the watch on her wrist. It was well past one in the morning.
"Yeah, the kids are asleep, right?" He didn't know much about children but he was pretty sure that anything past midnight was not an appropriate bedtime. She giggled and rested a friendly hand on his shoulder. He truly had no clue.
"Yeah, but I was actually more worried about you waking Remy. He's a light sleeper." Answering Logan's questioning glare, she added, "It's a new addition, after the kids."
He smiled tightly, a buried pain surfacing and eliciting a reading stare from Rogue. He pointed to the door, trying to redirect her attention, and she turned to it remembering her mission and losing interest in Logan's previous expression.
Carefully opening the door, she led him inside to her unsuspecting family. The room was dimly lit and glancing to the bed, Logan took witness to a sleeping Remy.
He had what appeared to be a journal at his side, his pen laying dormant in the center; a silk purple robe barely hanging on his shoulders, and at the bottom of a toned chest and rippling abdomen was the waistband of a matching pair of silk boxers, mostly hidden, to Logan's relief, by a heavy comforter.
Marie smiled at his slim sleeping form as they moved to a room on the side of the bed whose door was left slightly ajar. They slipped into the room, Logan blindly leading the way.
He faced her suddenly, feeling the need to jab at her mate, even if that individual would never find out. "Still a pretty-boy, huh?" She chuckled lightly as she closed the door behind herself.
"Yeah, but he's my pretty-boy. And if anyone else touches him, I'll kick their ass!" Logan raised both eyebrows and took a step back.
"Yes, Ma'am!" Turning back to face the room, Logan moved to the center, standing in between a crib and a small bed with wooden bars surrounding the mattress. He looked back to her, pointing at it. "You afraid the kid's gonna run away?"
She laughed and moved over to him, nudging him closer to the bed. "She gets wild in her sleep; rolls a lot,"
"Oh, so she's like you," He murmured, remembering the occasions when they shared a bed after nights fitted with nightmares.
She pushed his shoulder playfully and looked down at her daughter. Logan followed suit, looking at the back of the auburn haired munchkin that reminded him so much of Marie earlier. He reached down and pushed the hair from her cheek, eyeing her impish face with a smile.
"Her name's Ally," Marie whispered, leaning over his shoulder. He ran his hand down along her spine, rubbing her small cotton encased back.
"How old is she?" He asked, a sudden stiffness clouding his voice.
"Five, and Remy spoils her rotten." She said smiling.
She moved to the crib on the other side and pulled him with her. The baby within it could have been no more than three months old. Logan stared down at the fragile creature, thin red hairs sprouting from its little head, and was struck silent with emotion.
He hesitantly reached down and abruptly caught himself, stopping his hand in midair. "Can I touch him?" He asked without turning to look at her, his voice strained.
"Well, you've already tainted the other one; I say go for it," She said jokingly from behind him. "His name's Michael," He gently ran his fingertips over the little skull and back and, as his hand begun to shake, pulled it away, resting it on the crib's railing.
He felt as if he would break him with his touch and in the nursery Logan vaguely remembered something he had seen on the Discovery Channel one sleepless night. It was a program on predatory cats; lions. When a male finds a female that he wants to mate with and she has already had cubs, he would kill them; slaughter the little innocents that were created by another male simply because they weren't his.
Why had that come to him now? Here?
"His middle name's Logan," Marie piped in, severing his train of thought as she rested her forearms across his hunched shoulders and stared down at her son. "Remy wanted to name him after himself, but I figured one cocktail in the family was enough."
He smiled despite himself and his dark thoughts, tears searing his eyes. Finally.... It was time he recognized it; he was not an animal.
"Yup, there he is; Michael Logan LeBeau." Logan actually choked at that and she rubbed his back gently. "It's not that bad, Logan." She laughed, stepping in front of him. "It gets really cute when you hear Remy say it. He calls him My-kail. And poor little Ally," She paced to the side of the sleeping girl, and continued.
"He suckered me into naming her Madeline, or as he says it Mag-a-lynn. It's all really adorable, though."
"I'm sorry, Marie," Logan cut in, his voice suddenly too serious in the light atmosphere. She stopped laughing and stared at him, pensive. Not even Remy called her that. He had somehow deemed it something too personal to get into; he'd never even brought it up.
But the moment was gone as she thought again of her husband's accent. "It's okay, Logan. I mean, I know I struggled through French in high school but I'm really starting to--"
"No, I was talking about the garage and this whole week… I'm sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you." She met his eyes, a sincerity there that only a few actually got to see.
"It's okay, Logan. You have your reasons, right?" He nodded slowly and grabbed one of her hands, "Yeah,"
"Well, at least it wasn't some senseless male pride thing," He stared at her not entirely sure that it wasn't. But when she shrugged he forgot the issue all together. "Anyway," She began, breaching the subject. "I have a confession to make…"
She twisted her hand and switched its position with Logan's, holding his in hers now. "I didn't come back just to introduce you to my family—uh, the rest of it, anyway." Logan smiled at that; it always seemed to awe him how close he was to her. She considered him family, and he alike.
"Then what?"
"Well, New Orleans is boring. Okay, not quite boring, interesting maybe. But it's just not home—to me anyway. So I convinced Remy to come back to the mansion. I mean, if you're okay with it and everything—"
"Of course! I'll get to see some more of you… and your little ankle-biters." Marie laughed and pulled him into a huge hug. Logan memorized the embrace, savoring the feel of her body pressed to his, almost so lost in the sensation that he didn't her hear speaking.
"Logan?"
"Hmm?"
"…Will you ever tell me why you're so afraid of me?" Logan wasn't entirely shocked by the question; she was always so perceptive when it came to him, but her voice was that of the young girl he hadn't seen in nearly 11 years.
'Afraid,' she would think that. Truth be told, what he felt was so much more then fear that it damned near amazed him. There was pain and some fundamental need to protect. But all boiled down… 'afraid' about summed it up.
"Someday, Marie," He whispered soothingly against her temple. "Someday in the future."
~ Fini