Hey! I was just reading some Sirius stories so I had to write one, 'cause Sirius is like my favorite character. So yeah!!!
P.S: yes, it is AU. No, I don't give a damn about canon. Canon is for circles (inside joke).
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Sirius Black woke up slowly. His back ached, his head hurt, his mouth was dry, and his limbs felt like lead.
"Damn hangover," he grumbled, dragging himself out of bed and over to his drawers. It was fairly early, from what he could see through his drapes covering the window, and already someone was coming up the stairs, a heavy trunk thumping rhythmically. He figured it was Harry, coming a bit early, so he ignored it and went on digging through his dresser, trying to find something to wear, as he was only in his pajamas. Still tired, he yanked off his shirt and began to pull off his boxers as he continued digging with his other hand. Then the door flew open. He whirled around, hands scrambling to pull his shorts back on, to see a girl he had never seen before standing in his doorway, hazel eyes wide and horrified.
"Who the hell are you?" he asked loudly, wildly flailing around to cover his bare chest.
"I'm, um, Claire," she began to back out of the room slowly.
"Really sorry about that, the twins told me that my room was the first off the stairs. Um, I'll just be-."
Choosing not to finish her sentence, she whipped around and raced down the hall, her trunk banging against the floor and walls and her brown hair flying behind her. He slammed the door shut, heart still pounding.
"I am going to kill Fred and George," he muttered through gritted teeth as he leaned against the wall. Finally getting his heart down to normal beating rate, he pulled on his clothes and clomped down the stairs to find the two red-heads, tears of mirth streaming down their faces and their sides heaving with laughter.
"God, I wish we could've seen Claire's face!" Fred gasped, holding his sides.
"It would've been-" George didn't get to finish his sentence.
"Absolutely horrified," Sirius growled, hefting the two pranksters to their feet. The twins gulped and slowly turned around.
"So sending an innocent young lady into my bedroom WHILE I'M CHANGING is your idea of funny?" he hissed.
"No, see, we can explain-"
"It really isn't our fault-"
"HOW IS IT NOT YOUR FAULT," he demanded.
Fred and George glanced at each other and shrugged.
"She baited us," they chorused.
Sirius arched an eyebrow and leaned back against the railway, scrutinizing the two boys.
"Do tell," he finally said.
"Well, see, a while back, she cursed us so anytime we thought of any girl-"
"We would get nasty mental pictures of Professor McGonagall."
"So we obviously had to punish her in some way-"
"And when she let slip that she thought you were hot-"
"We thought it would be best to use your room," they chorused. Sirius blinked.
"When has she seen my picture?" he asked, confused.
"Papers."
He nodded, and then walked past them into the kitchen, sending them an 'I'm-watching-you' look. Mrs. Weasley was already there, making breakfast.
"Morning Molly!" he said, forcing cheer into his voice.
"Morning, Sirius. Could you be a dear and help me set the table?" she nodded at the plates, silverware, and napkins stacked next to the sink. He shrugged and waved his wand. Everything went flying into the dining room and into place settings.
"So Molly," he began casually. "Who's this Claire girl?"
"Ron didn't tell you? Oh, she's Fred and George's friend, Claire Cullens. She was going to stay with us, but it slipped our minds completely. We invited her here; she should be coming any moment."
"She's here already."
She turned around to look at him, raising her eyebrows. Just as she was about to open her mouth and say something, Claire herself walked in.
"Good morning, Mrs. Weasley," she smiled pleasantly.
"Claire, dear! Oh, it's so good to see you! Hmmm…" she hugged her tightly and then held her at arms length, surveying her.
"You look a bit thin, dear, have you been eating enough? Not to worry, we'll have you plumped up quick enough. Have you met Sirius, dear?"
She pointed to him, sitting at the table. Claire turned obediently and smiled woodenly at him, blushing. He noticed this and decided it might be fun to mess with her a bit, see what was underneath that people-pleasing shell. She DID think he was 'hot', anyways, according to the twins. He winked a bit suggestively and her face flushed darker.
"Good morning, sir."
"Morning, Claire. Found your room alright?" he wiggled his eyebrows at her, smirking. She seemed stunned for a moment, and then her face relaxed into a grin when she realized he was goading her on.
"Yes, and I might add that the view is EXCELLENT."
With that, she smiled at Mrs. Weasley again and walked across the kitchen to the refrigerator. Was it just Sirius's imagination, or was she swinging her hips a bit more than necessary? He shook his head, chuckling.
'Two can play at that game, Ms. Cullens…' he thought. As Mrs. Weasley exited the room to get something to flip the pancakes on the stove with, Claire bent over to get something from the fridge. He walked over to her and discreetly ran his hand along her backside. She shot up straight, her eyes confused, and glared at him. He just grinned and brushed his hand along her cheek and rubbed her neck gently. He felt a shiver run along her neck and he grinned. He still had that Marauder's charm. Then he leaned in next to her and breathed, "Do I make you horny, babe?"
She gasped quietly. Then, with surprising strength, she took his shoulders and shoved him up against the fridge. She then leaned in so close that their lips were brushing, and murmured, "Wouldn't you like to know…"
With that she backed off and smirked at him, then sauntered into the dining room. He stood against the refrigerator, surprised and a bit shocked.
"I've been out of the game for too long," he laughed and shook his head.
"Well, Claire, if it's a game you want, it's a game you'll get."
"SIRIUS BLACK!" he jerked and faced the door, where an angry Mrs. Weasley was standing, clutching a fleshy-looking piece of string one hand and a red-faced Claire by the ear in the other.
"I never though I'd find a use for these Extendable Ears of Fred and George's, but I suppose I have," she shot an icy glare at him.
"What've I done this time, Molly?" he held his hands up in a gesture of compliance.
"Sirius Black, don't play sweet with me! I heard you trying to seduce Claire, and somehow, don't ask me how, you got her to play along! Really! I ask you!"
She dropped the Extendable Ear and, still dragging Claire, latched onto Sirius's ear and dragged them both into the dining room, where Harry had just arrived. He stared at the scene in front of him. His godfather and friend were both being dragged by their ears by an irate-looking Mrs. Weasley up the stairs.
"Um, Mrs. Weasley, what's going on?" he asked, brushing the soot from his robes and dragging his trunk into the room.
"Never, you mind, Harry dear," she said kindly to him, and then continued dragging her captives up the stairs.
"Mrs. Weasley, please let go, you're really hurting me-"
"Owowowowowowowow-"
"Fred and George will wonder where I've gone off to-"
"Owowowowowowowow-"
"Mrs. Weasley, honestly, there's no reason for this-"
"'No reason'?" she hissed, stopping in front of the attic door. "Claire Cullens, he is twice your age! And Sirius Black, you should know better than to take advantage of a defenseless young lady!"
"Yes, I know, but how's locking us-"
"No, you're going to be in different rooms," she said triumphantly, and then sniffed the air.
"My pancakes!" she cried, horrified, and then released them and raced out, locking the door behind her. Claire ran to the door and jiggled the handle.
"Mrs. Weasley! Let me out!" she called, but the only sound she got back was the sound of feet running down the stairs. She took her wand out quickly and tapped the door handle, saying "Alohamora!" but nothing happened. She whirled around to face Sirius.
"Explain," she seethed through clenched teeth. He just shook his head.
"This attic used to be used as a torture chamber. Mum and dad would lock Muggles and the like up here to let them wither and die. Just in case they were Muggle-born witches or wizards, they placed a charm on the attic that only they knew. The answer's somewhere up here, but it's such an obvious phrase that no one would think of it," he explained, leaning against a wall.
"So we're basically stuck here?" she screamed and buried her forehead into her hands.
"This is your fault, you know," she mumbled. Sirius looked at her incredulously.
"MY fault? Who tried to seduce who first?"
"SEDUCE? Oh, dream on!"
And thus began the start of the great attic adventure.
A/N: Okay, props out to my friend Heather for helping me with a couple of the phrases I needed!
REVIEEEW!