update 12/22/06

Hey! I'm just reupdating this, making sure that it adheres more fully to FF's guidelines. I had offered to insert characters that reviewers requested, but no longer. Rest assured, Garet Jax will be making an appearance later.

This first chapter sucks. You don't have to read it if you don't want to.

Ben Holiday woke up suddenly. What had awoken him? Ah yes. It was Willow, singing that song that he had taught her.

"I have climbed highest mountain, I have run through the fields, only to be with you!" she screeched.

"Willow, please shut up," he said.

"You shut up. Where are you going today? For you know that I must follow you. I am yours, Ben."

Ben groaned and got up. "Today I'm going to have a meeting with the lords of the Greensward at the Heart. You know, that place where demons seem to be all the time?"

"Ah," she said. "I shall follow you."

"No, you cannot. It is too dangerous."

A loud pounding appeared at the door. "High lord, High lord!" the knocker bellowed.

"$!!" said Ben.

"Bark bark bark!"

"Drat that Abernathy! Go away!" Ben shouted. When the knocker didn't go away, Ben picked up a shoe and stealthily went to the door. He wrenched it open and whacked the person there as hard as he could. Questor Thews the court fool, I mean wizard looked surprizedly at him.

"High lord, I merely was bringing this stray dog to your attention! He must be protected from Filip and Sot, for they are coming to visit us through the tunnels that nobody is supposed to know about that endanger the foundations of Sterling Silver."
"Uh, ok. Get Abernathy to take care of it. Aren't we supposed to be going to the Heart?"

Questor Thews put his chin in his hand and in all appearances looked like he was thinking. Abernathy saw him.

"Questor Thews! If you don't have anything better to do, I would appreciate it if you took back this mole on my nose!"

"I didn't put any moles on your nose," said Questor.

Abernathy felt his nose in horror. "If you didn't, then that means, CANCER! ARRGHH!" and he ran away screaming, er, barking, or whatever.

Ben leaped down the stairs five at a time to the table. Bunion grinned at him wolfishly and chattered.

"Uh, yeah." Said Ben pretending to understand. But confidentially, he really didn't, for if he had, he would have been highly insulted.

"What's the first order of business, Questor Thews?"

"We must go to the Heart to meet with the lords of the Greensward, for Kallendhbor seems to have another evil plan to overthrow you."

"Ah, right on schedule," Ben looked at his watch. Then he threw it in a corner because it was broken anyway.

"I shall come with you, I belong to you," said Willow.

"I thought you were for women's lib?" said Ben.

"Whatever. Shut up."

So they started, Ben on his ridiculously named horse Jurisdiction, the rest walking because Ben was in a bad mood today. A black skunk with a white streak across its back watched them with blood red eyes.

"Dispatch that skunk will ya Questor?"

Questor screwed his face up and waved his arms. He meant for a shower of perfume to drop upon the skunk, but instead several bottles fell on its head. They reached the Heart where the lords were waiting.

"What took you so long? You were supposed to be here yesterday!" bellowed Kallendhbor. "Prepare to die!" he drew his sword.
"Oh goody!" said Ben. "I get to lose more of myself to the Paladin, father of Peregrine so's I can fight bad dudes!" So saying, he grasped the medallion and a white light shot out, projecting an image of a knight dude on a horseback. On horseback. On a horses's back. He dispatched Kallendhbor easily, and the rest fled screaming. Ben drew back into himself.

"Willow, I must tell you something. I am the Paladin, and the Paladin is me."

Willow looked pained, and looked from Ben to the medallion.

"You is the Paladin, the Paladin is you...but I am yours! Who am I supposed to follow around?" and the poor poor once-upon-a-time-fairy sobbed and ran off into the trees.

"Doggone, I mean drat, oh shoot! Now I can't swear. Something's wrong," muttered Ben. Just then, Nightshade appeared.
"I hate you, Holiday!" she screeched rubbing her head. She brought her slender hands up with a green pointy thing and would have done Ben in except Strabo appeared and breathed fire all over the place.

"Well, Holiday, it seems I am giving you more unrefuted favors. Don't expect any more." He finished his cow with a gulp.

"Stupid fathead!" shouted Nightshade. She summoned magic but Questor Thews the court fool, er, wizard appeared waving his arms like a windmill and a thousand cakes appeared. Strabo breathed fire and all the candles were lit, and everyone started singing the happy birthday song.

Ben looked a bit confused, and the Willow and Bunion appeared with armloads of presents, and finally Ben understood.

"Wow! Cool! Thanks!" was all he could say.

"I still hate you, Holiday, but I'll spare your life until these cakes are gone," said Nightshade rubbing her hands together and eyeing the cakes.

"I hate you too, Holiday. I'm off to get a cow, since dragons don't like cake." And Strabo flew off temporarily.

"Heck, I hate you too," said Willow.

"As do I!" said Questor Thews.

"Come to think of it, I dislike you very much also!" said Abernathy.

Bunion and Parsnip chattered.

"At least you like me," said Ben. But the kobolds looked at each other and then each bit one of Ben's shins.

"Ouch!" he cried.