Disclaimer: The characters and situations which this story concerns to not
belong to me; they are the property of CLAMP. The manga X is the exclusive
property of CLAMP and no profit is being made.
This is dedicated to the small number of lovely people who reviewed my two Schuldig pieces - I know understand the craving for reviews mentioned by most of the fanfic writers I've come across!
Radiance
Does anybody notice the value most humans place on emotions?
Feelings are supposed to guide your life. Take you down the wrong or right path to salvation or damnation.
Funny, I seem to have done well enough.
The Sakura gets my soul no matter what - so why should I even bother? It's pointless.
Of all emotions, love is supposed to be the most powerful. The strongest force in the universe.
I don't believe that; why should I? I, who have never felt, have done well enough. Why should I place trust in the size of another humans conscience or metaphorical heart?
All emotion does is cause problems. If you let emotion run your life, you're balanced on the edge of a knife. Sharks circle one side, and heavenly fields the other. But the sloping edge leads to the sharks.
As long as you remain emotionless, you are balanced. You are immortal.
If you don't love, you can't be hurt. You cannot be betrayed; you cannot be consumed with feverish revenge.
Subaru-kun is all emotion. He came to love the face I presented to him - I broke him, and it was no different from shattering a glass.
I felt nothing for him. I knew I would not, though the Bet was made when I was young and foolish. I understood nothing then.
I killed his sister because she loved him. She loved everything and it got her death.
The man who loved her wanted to kill himself. But his destiny was foreordained, and he is not allowed to die until the end.
Emotion is only a weakness.
Pity, charity, revenge, hunger, joy - all are weaknesses.
Love is the greatest weakness of all, because it is two-faced.
I am free of emotion.
I am free of weakness.
I am free of love.
I am not free of life.
I let Subaru live. I let him chase me; I let him find me, though his goal must be to kill me.
I am curious.
Subaru-kun was life. He was radiant with it, and it spilled over into anyone near him.
Even now, ravaged and broken as he is, Subaru-kun is still life. It is muted, but it is there, rolling in waves with hatred and burning desire.
It doesn't fit, it isn't logical.
Subaru should not have that. How can he possibly still be alive? I have taken everything from him, and he seems to recognize this.
So why does he live? To kill me? Probably.
But revenge, which is often hollow, cannot be so full of life.
A romantic would term it love.
Love is weakness and this is Subaru's strength, all that holds him back from total blackness. All that holds him back from being like myself.
Would that be so bad? Perhaps then we would understand each other. He is a pretty toy, after all. It would be amusing.
But it cannot be love. Love merely destroys. He is already an example of that. Love destroyed everything he had.
I destroyed everything he had, using that as a channel.
Still, I am drawn as always to that brightness.
I do not understand. I do not want to understand.
It would be easier not to think, not to be curious.
I have no emotion, and I do not love. I will stay away and forgo my curiosity. A toy is not worth so much of my time.
I will stay away.
That night, Fuuma appeared on the balcony of his apartment, glancing cockily over the edge of his glasses, a small smile hovering on his lips. "Rainbow Bridge."
The next day, he died in Subaru's arms.
It is a wonderful thing to be killed by the one who loves you most. Or by the one you love.
This is dedicated to the small number of lovely people who reviewed my two Schuldig pieces - I know understand the craving for reviews mentioned by most of the fanfic writers I've come across!
Radiance
Does anybody notice the value most humans place on emotions?
Feelings are supposed to guide your life. Take you down the wrong or right path to salvation or damnation.
Funny, I seem to have done well enough.
The Sakura gets my soul no matter what - so why should I even bother? It's pointless.
Of all emotions, love is supposed to be the most powerful. The strongest force in the universe.
I don't believe that; why should I? I, who have never felt, have done well enough. Why should I place trust in the size of another humans conscience or metaphorical heart?
All emotion does is cause problems. If you let emotion run your life, you're balanced on the edge of a knife. Sharks circle one side, and heavenly fields the other. But the sloping edge leads to the sharks.
As long as you remain emotionless, you are balanced. You are immortal.
If you don't love, you can't be hurt. You cannot be betrayed; you cannot be consumed with feverish revenge.
Subaru-kun is all emotion. He came to love the face I presented to him - I broke him, and it was no different from shattering a glass.
I felt nothing for him. I knew I would not, though the Bet was made when I was young and foolish. I understood nothing then.
I killed his sister because she loved him. She loved everything and it got her death.
The man who loved her wanted to kill himself. But his destiny was foreordained, and he is not allowed to die until the end.
Emotion is only a weakness.
Pity, charity, revenge, hunger, joy - all are weaknesses.
Love is the greatest weakness of all, because it is two-faced.
I am free of emotion.
I am free of weakness.
I am free of love.
I am not free of life.
I let Subaru live. I let him chase me; I let him find me, though his goal must be to kill me.
I am curious.
Subaru-kun was life. He was radiant with it, and it spilled over into anyone near him.
Even now, ravaged and broken as he is, Subaru-kun is still life. It is muted, but it is there, rolling in waves with hatred and burning desire.
It doesn't fit, it isn't logical.
Subaru should not have that. How can he possibly still be alive? I have taken everything from him, and he seems to recognize this.
So why does he live? To kill me? Probably.
But revenge, which is often hollow, cannot be so full of life.
A romantic would term it love.
Love is weakness and this is Subaru's strength, all that holds him back from total blackness. All that holds him back from being like myself.
Would that be so bad? Perhaps then we would understand each other. He is a pretty toy, after all. It would be amusing.
But it cannot be love. Love merely destroys. He is already an example of that. Love destroyed everything he had.
I destroyed everything he had, using that as a channel.
Still, I am drawn as always to that brightness.
I do not understand. I do not want to understand.
It would be easier not to think, not to be curious.
I have no emotion, and I do not love. I will stay away and forgo my curiosity. A toy is not worth so much of my time.
I will stay away.
That night, Fuuma appeared on the balcony of his apartment, glancing cockily over the edge of his glasses, a small smile hovering on his lips. "Rainbow Bridge."
The next day, he died in Subaru's arms.
It is a wonderful thing to be killed by the one who loves you most. Or by the one you love.