A/N: Ok, I had this idea and it was really pissing me off. So i had! to write it but reading it through, I'm just not thrilled with it, but i don't know how to fix it without completely! restarting and well that just requires effort.
Disclaimer: Yes. I do own it.
I'm lying here in my room, well my room from now on, the creamed walls splattered with a mysterious multi-coloured stain. I can't tell the time but by the orange glow warming the sky, I know it was dawning and that meant it had been roughly 6 hours since it happened. since i made the mistake of kissing him. Letting my guard down, ending the game. I, Samantha Puckett had gone and shown my, disgusting, revolting, horrifying feelings to the one and only Fredward Benson. The worst of it was; I could of gone on. Sure, day by day it got harder, but that doesn't mean I couldn't of done it; continued to ignore my feelings, the love, the heart break. But that speech...
He'd always loved giving the inspirational, gun-ho speeches. Made him feel powerful, wise, but the more he spoke. The closer we were. The less I cared about the danger, the consequences. But that speech pushed me over the edge, him so desperately trying to get me to open up, show my emotions, push my ego to the side and like someone, and it was the wrong person he was pushing me towards. I couldn't help but go over his speech; break it down. over and over again. My head filled with his words.
"I Know it's scary to put your feelings our there" Did he?...Did he though? Freddie Benson, is know for many things but holding back his emotions is not one. He didn't hesitate when he first saw Carly to declare his unrequited love for her. He never had a fear to ask a girl out; even if rejected. He never held back his emotions, whether fear or anger; usually towards me, or Love; to Carly. He didn't know the fear of putting this feelings out there because. He didn't fear it.
"Because you never know if the person you like is going to like you back" and isn't that the truth. 5 years. years. I have tortured that boy. A week. One week. Is how long we knew each other before his declaration of hatred towards me. I didn't need to know Freddie hated me because I already knew it. I wasn't just in my head it was plastered across his face, in his eyes. On his body from every bruise and bump it'd given him. We were barely friends, our friendly conditional at best. The condition of whether we were friends with Carly. So, how? how would it be possible he liked me back?
"Everyone feels that way" If his face wasn't so serious, i would of laughed. The absurdity of that statement. He had never felt that way, or Carly, sure on the occasion she'd be nervous, but she knew. knew that any guy would grovel at her feet. The feet of the perfect Carly Shay, brunette, pretty, smart, Star web-show host. Maybe it was the Bushwell that was the conclusion I had come to. Carly, Freddie and Spencer never had a problem with there feelings. Never had a feeling they couldn't show, or weren't willing to.
"but you never know what might happen..." I didn't let him finish. Maybe i should of. But the look in this eyes, the believe that anything in the world could happen. It gave me the split second of hope that maybe; just maybe. He could like me back, and before i could speak. Before he could continue. I grabbed him by the shoulders and crashed my lips into him. 11 seconds. 11. Was how long it took to ruin my life. I hadn't just killed our "friendship". I hadn't just told the world my darkest secret. I had done something much worse. I had listened to the nub. I had done exactly what he told me to. Tell the person I loved, I love them, he just didn't expect me to love him.
It is now broad daylight. A new day. The people of Ridgeway now free from the school, free from pictures drawn on their foreheads. But i am trapped. Trapped in this room, tho, I had asked for it. Trapped by my mistakes, tho, I had caused it. I plan to stay here. Live my life with the people I am truly alike, but i know i won't. Sooner or later they'll come. It's only a matter of time really. We have iCarly in 4 days so of course they'll come, but I will still be going over it. Breaking it down in my head. How he could give me a speech that fit so perfectly for me. I will continue breaking down the speech, as it itself broke down me.
Review! please!