AN: This is my first Pellinor fic, and so I'd love to hear what you think about it. I thought Cadvan and Maered needed a little more development.

Cadvan supposed he had always known it. He loved Maered. But she was so nervous around him, as if she expected him to take her virtue and leave her. He wanted to have her, but he could fathom no reason for their being together. He was her teacher, her mentor and he had no place in her heart.

Watching her sleep on Silvia's couch after a long day of training almost hurt him physically. He watched the gentle rise and fall of her small breasts and the way her dark hair fell in tangled curls about her face until Malgorn came around the corner and put his hand on Cadvan's shoulder.

"We cannot all be saints, lad," He said with conviction, "But don't let her catch you staring. She'll not forgive you." With that he chuckled and walked away, but Cadvan keep staring. He felt like a traitor to his long lost love, but he could not help the way he felt. When he first set eyes on her in the cow byre he had seen only a child, a small, vulnerable girl who had not yet to even to develop womanly vestiges, but that child was gone. Almost.

She still shied away from his touch, and their kiss so long ago felt like a dream. Since then they had not so much as touched. Many young men hung around her and attempted to get her attention, but she was guarded and if one moved past her comfort zone, she would lash out or run away. It was sad that she had been conditioned to expect such depravity, but it was to be expected in a place where rape and murder were the norm. She could not relax, and she seemed broken, wishing to love but not knowing how.

He had often fantasized about her coming to his rooms late at night and letting him touch her, but those thoughts always ended him up in a shower of ice water at all hours of the night. Some young bards near the bath house would complain, but they had not been able to catch the mystery occupant yet.

The thought itself made him turn away from Maered, but he could not look away long. When he had retrieved a cold glass of water, he came back and leaned against the wall. When he looked at her again, only tenderness crossed his mind. He had mastered himself and could now look upon her without feeling uncomfortable.

Cadvan, Cadvan… Maered mumbled through the bond, Cadvan, please…

Cadvan looked with concern at the sleeping form. Without hesitation he rushed to her side and felt her forehead. Even since the dark had gone her Elidhu side had begun to take stronger control and she claimed to be hearing the Winter King's voice almost daily. He could feel no fever, but when he checked her pulse she moved into the contact and ran her lips along his wrist. He shivered and pulled his hand away, watching her.

Cadvan, she whispered, Stay with me, please. Cadvan paused and sat beside her on the floor. She mumbled something again and Cadvan looked over. This time she was whimpering and she called out the Winter King's Elidhu name. She began to struggle and Cadvan picked her up, soothing her with quiet words.

He took her to her rooms and tucked her in her bed with careful fingers. The action seemed to wake her, and she looked up with automatic terror at the one who touched her. When she opened her eyes and saw it was just him, she relaxed but looked puzzled.

"Cadvan, why are you here?" She asked sleepily.

"You were having a bad dream again," he said gently.

"Oh," she said. "Cadvan, could I ask you something?"

"What is it?" He replied, feeling suddenly uncertain. He loved to be able to answer Maered's every question, but to be truthful; some were far beyond his understanding.

"Why did you cross to the dark?" He had not been expecting this, and sat down on the edge of her bed, thinking.

"We all have our reasons," he said evasively. "I was in a very unhappy place and the Hulls were convincing. It is not the talk of night."

"Well if you won't answer me," Maered replied, propping herself up in bed, "then tell me this, why won't all the boys leave me alone? Am I terribly ugly, Cadvan?" She asked, looking suddenly upset. Cadvan had to stop himself from laughing.

"Maered, you are so grown up in some ways, but in others," He trailed off and chuckled.

"And what?" She replied pugnaciously, "stupid in other ways?"

"No, no," Cadvan became quiet and serious, "Maered, you are a beautiful woman, but you are young in some ways. The light is new in you, and so is life." When Maered heard him call her beautiful, her face darkened and she clutched the covers closer to her chest in a protective, subconscious gesture. Cadvan sighed.

"You remembered when we kissed?" She asked, gauging his response carefully.

"Yes," Cadvan replied, a little shocked that she would bring it up.

"Well I—I," Maered broke off and melted deeper into the covers.

"What?" Cadvan asked.

"Nothing, I'm just a little tired and I wondered about it. That's all."

"You don't have to be ashamed of what we did," Cadvan reassured her, eyes serious. It was Maered's turn to blush and stammer.

"I'm not sorry for it," She replied, "I just wondered about it. The boys in the village sometimes tell me about what it was like for them when they kissed someone for the first time."

"Those boys," Cadvan shook his head. "What did they tell you?"

"That it takes practice."

"Oh?" Cadvan's eyebrows rose.

"Yes," Maered said nonplus. "And I was wondering if you could help me get some."

"Some what?" Cadvan asked dumbly.

"You know, practice," She said, giggling.

"Oh, that," Cadvan looked at her hard. "You don't need it." He was fighting his own desires, and when he told her she didn't need it the familiar discomfort was beginning to return.

"But would you help me?" Maered returned in adamant tones. She gave Cadvan one of her doe eyed smiles and he felt his will dissolve.

"Fine" He grumbled. "Where and when?"

"In my rooms tomorrow afternoon. You aren't teaching and training is off for me because the new writing master hasn't arrived from the Suderain yet."

"I can't go to your rooms," Cadvan replied pointedly, "it would look suspicious."

"Why?" Maered challenged in her childish way, "You are my mentor, why is a mentor visiting his student odd?"

"I would just prefer it be in a more professional setting," Cadvan deflected again, "what about my study at three. I teach til then and I can be back for you."

"It's a date then," Maered said and closed her eyes. Cadvan winced at the word, but she didn't notice. "Good night Cadvan. I'll see you in the morning."

"Good night, Maered," he replied and closed her door.

That night it was two ice showers and on the second the angry young bards caught him.

So what do you think? I'm going to add some Maered/ Cadvan separate histories, but there it is. The first part! I'd love to know what you all think. There might be some mature themes coming up including alcohol and a little you know, more grown up stuff, but for now I just want to get the point across. Should Cadvan do it? Would he be able to control the way he "feels" for Maered? R&R and tell me!