The Lakewood Elementary Science Fair
By NocturneD
Note: Another random story with crack type humor. Do not say I did not warn you. Also, do not give me crap saying the characters are not in character, its fanfiction and if you do not like that. Go watch the show this is fun time.
Warning: Contains swearing, crude humor and sexual references.
It was seven fifteen am in the morning at the Read house on a fine Monday morning. David and Jane Read were already dressed in their usual clothes making breakfast for the rest of the family. The day was greeted with a glorious shine from the sun as it pierced the windows to spread its heavenly glow. Only that this glow was not welcomed to an eight year old aardvark named Arthur.
"Oh come on." Arthur moaned as the sun tried to wake him up.
It was that time again. When your entire weekend gets flushed down the toilet because your plans were changed so your parents could have a good night out and you had to spend it with your sister. It was not all bad though. Arthur discovered the wonders of masturbation after Katharine Frensky babysat for him. Arthur watched as the older woman would bend over far enough that he could see her thong peaking through her jeans. It was so amazing he thought.
"Mmm..." Arthur moaned as he remembered the exact detail of Katharine's underwear, white with a pink outline and what he thought could be a red shaped heart on the back. Then the idea of school kicked in. He had to face the music, school sucked ass but he had to go anyway. He stood up from his bed still dressed in his light blue pajamas. He looked down and found that he had an erection. "Oh damn."
He went to the restroom anyway. His sister was nowhere in sight thank god. Have you ever tried to pee with an erection? Reason why I asked because Arthur was trying to take a huge piss as it splattered everywhere on the white porcelain throne. Some of it made it into the bowl while other parts of his yellow stream blasted all over the rim and on the floor around it. He looked at his creative work and felt proud of it. He gave himself two shakes and then walked over to the sink to wash his hands then brushed his teeth but left his toothpaste spit in the sink for the next person to look at it.
"Like the time dad forgot to wash the sink out." Arthur frowned.
(Last week...)
Arthur was looking into the sink after his father used it. "Huh... These hairs do not grow on a chin."
(Present day...)
"Well I better go downstairs to eat then." The eight year old then walked down to the kitchen to see what was for breakfast. Only to find his mother face down on the table again from another night of drinking and whoring around. Arthur's dad was too busy cooking to care.
"Oh good morning Arthur." David turned around to greet his son.
"Hey dad." Arthur smiled as he took a seat. He looked at his mother sprawled out on the table, "Morning mom."
"Era...ugh..." Jane mumbled.
"Mom went out drinking again last night huh?" Arthur asked.
"She sure did." David frowned.
"EW!" DW cried from upstairs. "SOMEONE PEED ALL OVER THE FLOOR AROUND THE TOILET!"
"Arthur..." David looked back at his son.
"It was probably mom. You know how she tries to do things while she is drunk." Arthur blamed Jane.
"True." David rolled his eyes.
(Last week, Monday)
"Mrs. Read please put your clothes on!" Miss Morgan shrieked as she tried to cover up a half naked Jane Read who decided to strip infront of her daughter's Kindergarten class.
"But come on the best part is about to come up!" Jane continued to dance in her underwear and shaking her goods.
"Take off your top!" James raised his milk money for an offering.
"You got it handsome!" Jane took the little rabbit boy's money and slid it into her thong. She reached behind herself and started to unclasp her bra then suddenly...
(Present day)
"Yeah your mother is a real trooper." David walked over to his drunk wife and looked at the ankle bracelet provided by the court system. He finally finished breakfast and served it to his kids by laying the plates on top of his sleeping wife.
"Wow breakfast is great as usual dad." Arthur finished his bacon and eggs.
"Hey dad?" Dw asked.
"Yes honey?" David answered.
"Isn't it the day of Arthur's science fair?" DW giggled.
"Oh damn." Arthur frowned.
"Oh right it is." David dried his hand with his apron. "So what is your project Arthur?"
"Uh... It's top secret and I do not want to reveal it until later." Arthur answered.
"Alright then. Cannot wait until I see it." David smiled. It was time for school and the two kids left. Arthur escorted his little sister to her school because it was on the way anyway.
"You did not do your project did you Arthur?" DW smiled tauntingly.
Arthur sighed, "I had five months to work on it, I did nothing!"
"Well you better come up with something fast." DW giggled.
Arthur dropped his sister off then started looking around. He could not face Mr. Ratburn again after making a false claim that he was a child molester when he needed to get out of taking a big test. It was hilarious though, a swat team busting down the classroom door and shooting the teacher with a bean bag gun and handcuffed him. For some reason one of the officers tasered Binky with stun gun, other than that the kids were trying to recover from a flashbang going off in their face. Now Mr. Ratburn was back in full force but did not know who did it, but he had his ideas. Arthur looked around and could not come up with anything. So he was going to half ass it as usual. He looked down at himself and smiled.
"It might be crazy enough to work." Arthur said.
Later in the gym all the other children were setting up their booths for the science fair. Arthur just so happen stopped at the dollar store to get his supplies for his presentation. Pretty much just poster board written in black marker. Luckily he was the last child for the judges to come by and look. One by one the three judges; Mr. Ratburn, Mrs. Sweetwater, and lunch lady McGrady inspected over the booths to see which project was the best. One by one the judges marked on their clipboards a good or bad mark.
"Oh please God." Arthur looked up at the ceiling. "If there is a God, then make something happen to ruin this contest so we can go home."
Suddenly he heard loud crashing coming from outside. People were screaming at the top of their lungs. Hell he practically felt a short earthquake, or two, or three. Just then Mr. Morris the janitor bashed through the gym doors screaming.
"THERE IS A GIANT PONY OUTSIDE WRECKING THE TOWN!" Mr. Morris shouted.
"BOW BEFORE ME!" A loud monstrous shriek roared from outside. Just then another loud explosion rocked the gym back and forth.
"WHAT IS HAPPENING?" Francine screamed.
"OH GOD!" Another kid shouted.
"IT IS A GIANT PURPLE PONY WITH A HORN AND WINGS AND SHE IS PISSED!" Rattles threw his arm into the sky to point. He then pulled out his cellphone, "Youtube here I come!"
"BOW BEFORE THE GREAT AND POWERFUL PRINCESS TWILIGHT SPARKLE!" The fifty foot pony roared. She was enormous and used telekinesses to pick up a random car and chuck it at a nearby building. "I CAME HERE TO RULE OVER YOU IN THE NAME OF EQUESTRIA!" Just then an army of multicolored ponies marched behind her shooting off magic or flew through the air trying to snatch up random people.
"OH NO!" Mrs. Sweetwater screamed.
Within an hour, the entire town was enslaved to the ponies. Arthur was just glad he got out of not presenting his lame last minute project to the judges and get a failing grade. Though they were all chained up and building various monuments to their new pony overloads.
A pink pony trotted up to the giant princess pony with smiles to present, "Princess Twilight! We got news!"
"What is it Pinkie?" Twilight smiled.
"The people we enslaved have finished the monuments!" Pinkie Pie bounced happily.
"Wonderful." Twilight smirked.
Meanwhile...
"Damn it Arthur." Francine shouted.
"What?" Arthur asked.
"Somehow this is your fault." Francine accused.
"Oh yeah sure." Arthur rolled his eyes. "I just prayed to God saying I wanted something to happen so the judges did not figure out that I had no project to show. Whoops."
"DAMN IT ARTHUR!" Francine shouted.
"Well it is not all bad. They rebuilt the town and making Binky dance for something called bits."
Up on stage Binky Barnes was dancing in his underwear being laughed at by the ponies as they threw acorns at him and told him to dance better.
"Yes darling, dance more gracefully." Rarity laughed, Binky turned around with a big brownish green stain on the back of his briefs. Rarity wanted to throw up from seeing that.
Back down near the school where the children had to work building a new school for the young ponies. Francine told Arthur to make another wish or something, whatever.
"Okay, okay. God, if you're up there. Please send us down a savior. I know I should have done my project but I decided to goof off by watching Francine's sister bend down so her underwear would show." Arthur prayed.
"Anything?" Francine asked.
Arthur blinked. "I do not know."
"HEY YOU TWO! GET BACK TO WORK!" A white unicorn stallion aimed his flashlight at the two children.
"Screw you gay ass pony!" Francine shouted.
"Oh you don't! I am captain Shining Armor and I will capture you two myself to make you work under our princess!" The white unicorn shouted. Just then a flash of light shot out from behind the pony, slowly his head started to lean forward until... it came off completely.
A young man with unkempt brown hair and green eyes landed infront of the two children, "You two, it is not safe here!"
"Who are you?" Francine asked.
"Name is Eren Jaeger of the Survey Corps." The brunette introduced himself. "Quickly you two have to leave! We'll take care of the menace here!" He pressed a trigger on both of his swords then suddenly two hooks shot out of his metal gear on his side, it hoisted him high into the air.
"Well looks like our help is here." Arthur smiled.
"Oh cool!" Francine watched as dozens, if not hundreds, no thousands of humans wearing strange gear on their hips that look like giant toasters that shot grappling hooks out of them. They were also armed with twin swords for fighting.
Arthur and Francine raced to find a better view and hot damn it was a good fight happening. Their saviors were dressed in brown jackets with a weird wing insignia on it but damn it was cool. Slash, slash, slash. Ponies and humans were fighting on even ground now, bodies were scattered everywhere.
"PRINCESS! PRINCESS!" A cyan flying pony named Rainbow Dash flew into the new palace throne room.
"What?" Twilight asked.
"WE'RE BEING ATTACKED!" Rainbow Dash shouted.
"BY WHO?!" Twilight growled.
"BY HUMANS FLYING AROUND LIKE SPIDERMAN!" Dash shouted.
Princess Twilight had enough, she was not going to lose her new kingdom over Elwood city's rescue calvary. She shot a giant hole in her wall and saw the carnage. Her ponies were falling like flies, not fast at first but then the numbers started to climb. She bit her lip until it bled and she grew ever more angry.
"THAT IS IT!" Twilight fired a spell from her horn and blew up half the city.
Meanwhile...
"Binky did you fart again?" Mr. Ratburn asked.
"It was not me I swear!" Binky was still twerking for the pony's amusement.
Back to the action. The giant pony stepped out of her palace to wander into the damaged city with bodies still everywhere. For every human she saw, she blasted them or stepped on them. Hell even picked one up in her mouth and bit down on them to split them in half.
"Oh man. She looks scary." Francine shivered.
"Damn it. I should have just done my stupid project and we would have never been in this problem." Arthur blamed himself.
ROAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRR...
An ear piercing roar filled the sky. Many of the surviving ponies, humans and animal people covered their ears to the horrifying sound. Loud footsteps could be heard, hell mini earthquakes booming through the streets. Princess Twilight growled as she was about to turn around only to be met with a giant fist to the face. The giant pony flew back and landed straight into a building. Arthur looked at the new savior, a giant humanoid, totally ripped, totally nude and stood up about forty nine feet tall, his teeth were for some reason on the outside of his face, long black hair went down to his neck and he was ready to battle.
"Grr..." Twilight growled. With no time to spare she fired a spell from her horn and hit the titan square in the chest causing him to go reeling backwards but not fall over completely.
The titan let out another huge roar as he propped himself ready to battle. And then it was on. The titan, spoilers Eren Jaeger is the titan fighting Twilight, was battling it out all over Elwood city. Smashing houses and buildings along the way. Eren sucker punched Twilight in the eye again and again only to be met with a huge head butt or a kick. Eren would not give up, he hated his new foe for what she did. Twilight tried to fly away but Eren would just pounce on her just to bring her back crashing down into the ground. Eren then picked up Arthur's family station wagon and bashed it against Twilight's face. Twilight fired back with all her might, putting Eren down harder and harder but Eren kept getting back up again.
Eren finally had enough, it was time to end this. He looked down Twilight, Twilight eyed him down as well. Slowly readying themselves for their next attack. Eren decided to make the next move and raced over to the princess who then decided to do the same with lowering her horn as well. The battle was going to be a close one, all eyes on them and...
"Oh yeah... kiss me Eren." Twilight moaned.
"Gra..." Eren growled as he started to french kiss the pony.
"Huh?" Arthur asked.
That's when Arthur woke up to find his sister playing in his room. DW somehow took his Attack on Titan figurine and started playing with it alongside her princess Twilight Sparkle pony doll.
"I like you Mr. Eren." DW talked for the pony doll.
"Thanks. I like you too princess Twilight Sparkle." DW as well talked for the titan action figure. "Will you marry me?"
Arthur could yell at his sister for waking him up as well as taking one of his new action figures he imported from Japan but he was too tired. He had to wake up and take a piss as usual. He got to the toilet and found out he had an erection. He decided to piss anyway and damn it, it sprayed everywhere. He looked at his handy work and smiled, then went downstairs to find his mom passed out of the table again. But he felt proud of himself, today was the school science fair.
Later that day at the science fair. Arthur had his project ready behind a giant sheet covered, still he was nervous as the judges; Mr. Ratburn, Mrs. Sweetwater, and Mrs. McGrady were walking around marking down good or bad marks. Many projects they were impressed with, others disappointed in. Like Binky demonstrating a new toilet he built by actually taking a crap in front of the judges grossing everyone out. Brain did something he would surely win for, Buster just scooped up a cup of dirt and that was it. Francine grew a penis somehow. Muffy in return somehow made breast implants safer as she showed hers off, she was instantly disqualified for reasons known.
Next up was Arthur.
"Well Arthur." Mr. Ratburn smirked. "I hope your project is somewhat interesting."
"Oh it is." Arthur smiled, he then turned his attention to a CD player he brought and pressed play. Soon the song, "Walk the Dinosaur" could be heard as Arthur ripped off the sheet to reveal his mother in her underwear as she started dancing around the gym. Many gasps were heard, but many cheers happened.
Open the door, get on the floor
Everybody walk the dinosaur
Open the door, get on the floor
Everybody walk the dinosaur
"TAKE OFF YOUR TOP!" Buster shouted raising money.
"SURE THING!" Jane read shook her huge breasts wildly to the crowd. She reached behind herself and undid her bra, letting it fall down. The crowd cheered as she revealed her watermelons!
Open the door, get on the floor
Everybody walk the dinosaur
Open the door, get on the floor
Everybody walk the dinosaur
Later...
"Third place goes to... Francine Frensky for growing a dick!" Mr. Haney announced on stage. Francine raced up the stage with her new addition, hell she even slapped Prunella in the face with it.
"Okay. Second prize goes to... Alan Powers for discovering a cure for cancer!" Mr. Haney proudly waved the red ribbon.
"WHAT?!" Brain shouted in disbelief, he refused the red ribbon.
"And first prize goes to... ARTHUR READ for his.. uh... For making us grow erections!" Mr. Haney then waved the blue ribbon to Arthur. Arthur and his mother, who was still just in her thong walked up on stage. He bowed before the crowd then gave the red and blue ribbons to his mom to cover herself. She placed them over herself while her back faced the audience and she proudly shook her large breasts side to side as she turned around.
"Thanks mom." Arthur smiled.
"Anytime honey." Jane smirked.
"Another successful science fair." Mr. Haney announced.
"Oh man the floor is going to be all sticky." Mr. Morris frowned. Later that day, Jane was arrested and put under house arrest for exposing herself to a bunch of kids.
The end...
Note: Oh for the love of God, you got one strange story right here.
I do not own Arthur, My Little Pony or Attack on Titan