A/N I am reposting this as I have it betaed. I might rewrite parts of it but I'm not sure yet.
Renee's POV
I never liked Charlie being a cop. Sure I knew when I started dating him that's what he wanted to be and when I married him I knew he was starting his new job right after we got back from our weekend away. But I never liked it and I tried talking him out of it all the time but it was useless. His dad was a cop and he was going to be a cop. His dad was killed on duty and I guess Charlie wanted to be just like him.
Now I have an 11 month old daughter and the love of my life is dead. I can't handle this. I never even wanted kids. I love hern but I know I can't raise her alone and I don't have any family.
So I drop her off with my best friend Alison. Alison is a natural mother and when her little boy's dad ran out on them she started an in home daycare and she makes good money. She keeps Bella for me when I feel like I am about to go crazy. Alison and I grew up together along with Tina, who also has a little boy. While Tina and I are friends we've never been super close like me and Alison. Tina is more standoffish until she wants something. And then she'll stop at nothing to get whatever it is she wants.
Her little boy's father is the reason my Charlie is dead, but I don't blame her. She had no idea he was running around doing drugs and robbing gas stations. It's actually made us closer because we both lost our husbands.
After I drop her off with Alison I go back home and then I call Alison and tell her I can't take this anymore and I'm going to shoot myself, please take care of my Bella. I do love her; it's just not enough.
Alison of course begs and pleads for me to not do this. Bella needs me.
But she really doesn't. She needed Charlie. She doesn't need me.
I hang up and shoot myself before I can hesitate, before Alison can show up to stop me.
I love you Bella, it just wasn't enough.