Trapped
Inej dashed in between the darkened alleyways, climbed up scaffolding on abandoned buildings, and ran across the shorter rooftops of Ketterdam. It was a perfect day in the city. Nina and Jesper had convinced Kaz that they all needed a day of rest before the huge auction of Kuwei Yul-Bo's indenture. As she neared the hotel, she took in the beautiful sunset. It always surprised her how such a dirty and ruthless city could be so breathtaking for just a small amount of time.
She entered the lobby of the extravagant hotel. The interior was more elegant than almost any other place she had been in. Inej walked into the elevator when she heard a familiar voice yell "Wait!"
She held the door open as Kaz half-limped-half-ran onto the elevator. Kaz pressed the button for the top floor as the doors closed. They ascended quickly to the top of the building.
Suddenly the elevator halted to a stop. The lights flickered and then went dim.
"What just happened?" Inej asked, a bit panicked. Kaz drew out a lighter from his coat pocket and flicked it on. The small flame's light barely reached the corners of the small elevator.
Kaz looked around with a weary expression on his face. "Something malfunctioned. Maybe the power, though its possible that something else could have broken."
Inej nodded. "How long do you think we could be trapped here?" she asked.
"Well, from what I know about standard elevator systems when the power goes out, or a problem occurs, the problem needs to be fixed, and then they restart the elevator, which usually takes about two hours."
"Okay, that's not that bad. If the power was the problem, how long would it take to repair it?"
"It depends on if its a flaw with the power grid or just the hotel's power," Kaz replied.
After that exchange, Inej sat down on the cold tile of the elevator floor. Silence hung in the air. Kaz appeared lost in thought, probably pondering ways to escape or to call for help. He fumbled around with the control panel, but the lack of power rendered it utterly useless for the time being.
"I think we're stuck here. I can't seem to find a way out. We can't call for help because the control panel has no power." Kaz said with a groan of annoyance.
"At least all the planning is done for tomorrow. There's nothing we can do. My father used to tell us to just breathe in situations like these. Look on the bright side. We're not in any danger because the cables and backup cables will keep us secure for the time being."
"Yeah, it's so great that we're stuck here."
"Kaz."
Silence settled upon them again.
Kaz slid down to sit against the wall across from Inej. He kept his eyes still focused on an obscure spot on the wall. The sound of their breathing filled the elevator.
They sat in heavy silence for a while, until Inej finally asked, "Are we going to talk about last night?" Kaz still didn't make eye contact with her, but he did narrow his eyes thoughtfully.
"What is there to talk about?" Kas replied rather coldly. He obviously didn't like that topic.
Inej took a deep breath and gently said, "Kaz, why can't you touch people?" She was afraid for a moment that she was asking too much, and too soon. If she pressed too hard, he would vanish into himself, and become the cold hard Barrel boss that everyone else new. Inej was taking a certain risk here.
Kaz looked to the floor and said, "My brother." Inej thought about this for a moment. How could Kaz's brother have caused his severe aversion to skin-to-skin contact?
She looked at Kaz questioningly. Kaz let out a sigh and continued. "After Pekka left Jordie and me with no money and no hope, he succumbed to sickness. The Queen's Lady Plague."
Sorrow filled Inej's eyes. "How...how did this lead to your touch aversion?" Kaz flicked the lighter off and on. Inej sat there, waiting for his response. Silence hung in the air for a long time. The tension was so thick that it was almost palpable. She sat there uncomfortably, shifting every few minutes on the hard tile floor.
Finally, Kaz broke the silence. "Jordie had fallen ill. I had just caught the fever a few days after he did. My fever had become really bad one day, bad enough to make me lose consciousness. I was trapped in a dream world, and when I woke up… he was gone." His voice broke on the last word. Kaz's eyes glistened with raw emotion. It was an expression that Inej believed she would never see on Kaz's face, but here it was. He was letting his guard down, shattering his walls, showing his vulnerability. And he was doing it willingly.
Inej scooted next to Kaz and slowly, gently brought her hand to rest in between them. Kaz took another breath in and continued. "I remember drifting out of the fever-induced hallucination and turning to the side, seeing Jordie next to me. I looked closer and saw that his skin was grey, and he wasn't breathing." The words flowed from Kaz's lips like a waterfall, yet his gravelly tone stayed quiet. "I don't know how long I stayed like that, kneeling over his body, begging him to wake up. Eventually, the bodymen came. They put Jordie's body on the boat, and then put me among the dead, too. I was too weak to say anything, to cry out, to even move my hand. Bodies piled on top of me. I was still alive… but barely." Kaz covered his face with his hands for a few moments. Inej could see how hard this was for Kaz to talk about.
"You don't have to continue." Inej interrupted.
Kaz took a few deep breaths. She could see him gathering his thoughts. "I want to, Inej. I need to share this with someone." He let out a growl of frustration.
"Go on," Inej replied softly. The same words that fell from her mouth last night. Finish the story.
Kaz closed his eyes and started speaking again. "I was surrounded by them. Rotting corpses. All I could feel was the decaying flesh against my skin. Jordie's body fell off of the boat. It took all my strength to drag him back onto the barge." Kaz's whole body shook as he took another shuddering breath. "At some point, I woke up with my fever completely gone. I was still weak though. That night, I gathered my strength and tried to swim away. I would have drowned. I had no other way to survive except using my brother's own body to stay afloat. The whole time that I struggled to kick to the shore, I had to wrap my hands around the corpse of my brother." Kaz's voice trailed off. Inej realized that traumatic experience forced Kaz Rietveld, the innocent boy, to turn into Dirtyhands, Bastard of the Barrel. She slid her hand closer to his.
Ever so slowly, so tenderly, Kaz moved his hand so it was over Inej's. "Look at me, Kaz." She waited to speak again until his eyes met hers. "You are beautiful because you know your own darkness and still, that alone doesn't stop you from finding your own light." she said.
"I have found my light," he replied softly. Inej raised an eyebrow suspiciously. "You, Inej, I have you. You're the light in my life. The only thing that is sacred. I...I don't know how. It just is that way. And I'm sorry that I'm this monster. I'm trying. I truly am." Inej was taken aback by his confession. It was so unlike Kaz to show his emotions so openly as he was now. "And Inej, I feel broken, like there's something wrong with me." In another world, another life, her immediate response would be nothing is wrong with you. However, Kaz and Inej had always shown each other honesty. Their relationship was built on trust and need for support, not lust or desire. Those things came second to the faith that they had in each other.
"Kaz, you are healing. Slowly, I know, but you are. I am here with you." She said. Inej slowly turned her palm to face upwards and intertwined their fingers. Kaz looked up and met her gaze. She suddenly realized how close they were. Hands interlocked, only a few inches between them. The air felt as if it was charged. He slowly leaned towards her, his eyes flickering down to her lips.
"I'm not going to disappear, okay? I'm here. I'm alive," she whispered, her breath fluttering over Kaz's mouth. Kaz was filled with desire and apprehension at the same time. What if he leaned just a little bit closer and touched his lips to hers? How would he react? Would he press closer or lurch back? He wanted to know what her lips felt like on his.
"Are you sure?" Inej asked hesitantly, eyes blown wide with desire. He closed his eyes for a moment then nodded ever so slightly. Kaz leaned in, gently pressing his lips to hers.
This. This. It was a feeling that he would be sure to lock away in his heart, for their futures were uncertain. Her lips were warm and cautious and coaxing and even softer than he had imagined. Inej planned to leave as soon as she could find a ship and hire a crew, but for now, stuck in an elevator of all places, they were together.
Kaz felt the waters gradually rise around him as her fingers grazed the side of his cheek, but their passion turned the water to steam. He suddenly felt bold, and deepened the kiss. Inej let out a soft sigh against his lips. Her hands traveled up his shoulders to bury in his hair, eliciting a low groan from Kaz. He settled his hands on the curve of Inej's waist and she shifted her weight, settling on Kaz's lap.
He pulled back for a moment, still encircled by her arms, and looked into her eyes. The sound of their breathing filled the elevator. "I know you are going to leave as soon as this whole ordeal is over, but... I don't want to lose you, Inej," he whispered.
"Kaz, you won't lose me. Yes, I will be gone for a while on trips, but I'll always come back home."
"To Ketterdam?"
"No, Kaz," she said with a smile, "to you."
He was immediately overcome with emotion upon hearing this. It was not like him to cry, but a few silent tears fell from his eyes. Inej gently wiped them away and pulled him close. He hugged her tightly, and said quietly, "There will always be a place for you here. I'll make sure of it."
Inej smiled softly into his shoulder and whispered, "I would be honored to have a home in the Slat." She thought for a moment and continued, "But you will need to use my room for someone else. There's barely enough space as is. We can't just let the room stay empty, save for a few weeks a year."
Kaz thought about this. After a minute or two, he said, "What if you put your belongings that aren't going on the ship in my room. I have enough space for it. And…. and I would enjoy your company."
"That sounds like a good arrangement, but where would I sleep?" she asked.
"I was thinking that you could sleep with me, that is, if you wanted to. It would only be for a few nights." Kaz replied hesitantly, not wanting to ask for too much too soon.
"Are you sure, Kaz?" Inej knew how precious his room was. It was his sanctuary, his place to be himself.
"I'm sure, as long as you want to." he replied.
"I'm sure."
As soon as the words left her mouth, Kaz beamed at her. Kaz Brekker, Dirtyhands, Bastard of the Barrel, was beaming.
Inej pressed a quick kiss to his lips and said, "Thank you. For being here for me. For picking me up and out of the Menagerie. For giving me the strength to be independent, and the ability to imagine a future for myself."
Suddenly, the lights in the elevator flickered on and they ascended. They looked at each other in shock, limbs still tangled together. The elevator doors opened and a familiar voice greeted them.
"I knew it!" Jesper exclaimed as Kaz and Inej sprung apart.
"You're in looooove!" Jes singsonged.
Kaz and Inej walked out of the elevator, hands intertwined, and Kas muttered an embarrassed "Shut up" towards Jesper.
THE END