Support
She's standing in an arena, surrounded by empty seats. At the far end, she can see Matt. He's beaten and bloody, his body covered in bruises. She feels her heart catch into her throat as she opens her mouth to call to him.
His expression is panicked, he doesn't seem to see her. And then there's blackness, thick and slimy and it seems to be coming from all angles. It grabs him by the legs and quickly climbs up his torso, wrapping like a heavy hand around his neck.
His face turns pale and blue. He's suffocating.
"Let him go! Let go of him!"
He reaches out for her but she can't move, her feet rooted to the spot. The blackness seems to be pulling him down - he's sinking, going further and further until there's nothing and he's completely gone.
She wakes up sobbing. Every part of her trembles and she's exhausted as if she'd just run a thousands miles.
It takes Pidge a moment before she's able to recognize her surroundings. The room she'd been given in the Castle of Lions is messy, though she'd only been living in it for a few days. Tools and mechanical parts are scattered all across the floor, though in the dark she is unable to make out any specifics.
There's a thudding in the hallway … the sound of a stampede and then there's voices on the other side of the door followed by knocking. Several voices call for her and she knows she should tell them, but …
"I'm alright. Go back to bed!" she shouts from her bed and the others go quiet for a moment as they process her response.
"Are you sure?" She recognizes the monotone … Keith.
"Let us in for a minute!" Lance.
"I'm fine!" This time her tone is sharper, more irritated. She knows they're only asking because they care, but having them pity her would be too much. "Go to sleep. I'll see you in the morning ... for practice."
There's a murmur of conversation that she can't exactly make-out but after a moment they seemed to reach consensus. She sighs with relief when she finally hears their feet retreating.
She waits a few moments longer until she's sure they're gone and then, using her pillow to muffle the sound, she dissolves into sobs once more.
She's barely begun to cry, when she hears a soft knock on her door. She goes ramrod straight at the sound. How had they come back so quietly? Surely, even barefoot, she would've heard them outside her door?
When she doesn't respond, a single voice, "Can I come in?"
"Just you?"
A soft chuckle, "Just me."
She lets out the breath she hadn't realized she'd been holding. She'd prefer not to have anyone see her in such a state, but she knows trying to force Shiro to leave would be next to impossible.
He'd probably sit outside my door all night. She thinks, And then everyone else will ask questions about it in the morning.
She sighs, "I guess," and recites her code.
The door open with a soft ssshhh and her room is filled with a brief flash of light.
He chuckles again as he takes a quick look at the mess. "Okay. We're gonna have to work on this."
She knows he's just trying to break the tension, but she doesn't have it in her to smile. She's perfectly still, as if just one movement will cause the waterfall of tears she can feel threatening to fall come to fruition.
Pidge had never been good at the emotions thing - whether it be her own or dealing with someone else's. Many a time she'd found herself with a classmate, a possible friend, and even a relative on the verge of tears and had been unable to provide any comfort at all. It was as if her body seized up and her brain stopped functioning the moment she saw tears in someone's' eyes. And when it came to her own emotions she was either robotic or an absolute mess, never able to find a middle ground.
There's a soft click as he turns on her desk lamp and then she can feel a slight dip in the mattress as Shiro lowers himself onto it. She knows it's childish, but she turns away from him, unable to face him for fear she'll start bawling. He doesn't say anything, doesn't even comment on the rude action, just sits and waits.
The silence sits between them, heavy and seemingly never-ending.
"Are you still there?" she asks after a while, her voice has grown hoarse and she can feel her face flush. She can't believe how transparent she's being. With a loud, thick cough, she clears her throat as Shiro responds softly, "Mmhm."
"What do you want?"
"To make sure you're okay."
His tone is nothing but kind and sympathetic, but she can't help feeling angry. She doesn't need his pity, nor does she want it.
"I'm not gonna kill myself or anything," she retorts, the words coming out sharper than she means to. "You don't have to babysit me."
If he's taken aback, his tone doesn't show it.
"Okay."
She doesn't expect him to actually leave and when the mattresses dips again as he stands, the fire within her dissipates.
She can hear him turn, his heavy footfalls echoing as he moves across the bedroom floor.
"Shiro, wait!"
The words are out of her mouth before she can process them.
He stops and sighs, she can't tell if he's relieved or irritated.
"Don't go, please."
For the third time, she can feel the mattress move.
"What the matter, Katie?"
He says her name so softly and so kindly that her stomach lurches. She wants to embrace him then … wants to bury her face in his chest and sob, but she clutches her sheets instead, hoping the thin material would act as an anchor.
"I had a dream."
"A dream?"
"A … nightmare," she corrects. She nibbles her lip as she adds, "A bad one."
"About Matt?"
This captures her attention. She turns to him then and in the dim light from her desk lamp, she can see the worried expression on her leader's face. His brows are furrowed and his kind eyes are watching her in a way that reminds her of her brother and how he'd used to look at her the same way when she'd come home from school with bruises and tears in her eyes.
He knows.
He can read her like a book and it's terrifying.
She gulps, "That obvious, huh?"
He shrugs and though the look in eyes is still worried, he offers her a small smile, "I'm a good guesser."
She casts her eyes down at her sheets, her face flushing.
He takes in her frustrated expression and replies, "There's nothing wrong with having a nightmare. It happens to everyone."
She frowns, shakes her head, "I'm a paladin, I don't have the time."
He laughs at that.
"We can't help what we dream, " he gives pause and then adds, "Or how we feel."
"It's selfish."
He seems surprised by that.
"It's selfish for me to be worrying about my own problems when the fate of the universe is at stake."
He doesn't respond and they sit in silence for a moment. She can feel his eyes on her and she silently wills him to say something anything to make the uncomfortable feeling go away.
"Come here." It's not an order, but a request.
Feeling as if she couldn't get any more pathetic, she shifts over and curls up into his chest. He sits still as a statue.
He waits another moment until she's found a comfortable position and then asks, "Can I touch you?"
She nods.
His hand gently presses against the small of her back as he rubs small circles into her skin. She's too far to turn back, too tired to be embarrassed.
"Shiro..."
He cuts her off, "It's okay. I won't tell."
"Thank you, but ... that's not it."
"Oh?" He pauses for a moment and she doesn't know how to ask him to continue. It was such a reassuring feeling, being close to someone. Pidge wasn't much for romance, she'd never really wanted a boyfriend (or a girlfriend) like others her age. It wasn't that she was against it, just that she never felt a want for that kind of relationship with anything else.
Her feelings for Shiro were the same as those for her family. He was more than a friend, surely, but his affection towards her was parental and she craved it in the way she'd craved such attention from her parents (and even Matt at times).
Though she knew he had his struggles, he radiated the same energy as her father - as if he knew everything - every question and it's answer, every song, every story ...
"I want to be a paladin, I want to be a part of Voltron but …" she trails off and buries her face deeper into his chest. She can feel his heart beat against his ribs, the pattern rhythmic and gentle. "Matt would do the same for me and if I don't do something … if I don't help him soon … hell, if it's not already too late - "
The nightmare still lays fresh in her mind's eye - Matt dissolving against a black background, always steps away, but just out of reach.
"It's not!" Shiro's tone is authoritative as if stating fact, "Matt's alive, Katie. He's out there."
She tilts her head and looks up at him, tears streaming down her cheeks, "But how could you possibly know? "
She expects him to repeat his earlier response ("I'm a good guesser") but instead, he says, face stern,
"I met your brother. I saw what he was capable of, Katie. He loves you and he knows you're waiting for him. He's out there, I'm sure of it. We just need to find him."
"We?" It hurts to use her voice, her throat feels as scratchy as sandpaper. She pulls away from him, realizing the time for comfort has passed, and readjusts herself so she's sitting criss-crossed across from him.
"Once we figure out what it is we need to do to stop Zarkon, I promise you I'll help you find your brother. I know it's hard to wait, but I promise Katie, we'll find him and your father too." He offers her his hand to shake to solidify the deal.
"Shiro," her voice is a whisper as she slips her hand into his. His grip is strong and she tries to match it.
"Just hold on a little longer, Katie. Can you do that?"
She nods.
"And I'm here, whenever you need me. I know the other paladins would feel the same way, but this can stay our secret."
"Please."
"Okay."
There's a sense of finality about his response and she's torn, because she doesn't want him to leave and yet she's nervous to ask him to stay. But as he starts to stand she grabs his arm, "Can you stay … just for a bit?"
He offers her another kind smile, "Of course." He stands to switch off her light and then settles at the far end of the bed and leans against the wall, one eye closed and the other watching as she curls up in bed.
"Do you want me to tuck you in?" His tone is teasing. He laughs.
She sticks out her tongue and curls up in her blankets.
"'Night Shiro."
"Goodnight Pidge."
It doesn't take long for her to fall asleep.
The scene swims before her, at first blurry, but slowly it takes shape and the image becomes sharper. At some level she knows it's just a dream, but Matt's there and he's smiling, his arms stretched wide for her. It feels as though she's moving through pudding as she starts toward him. She's trying to run, but every movement is heavy and slow.
She calls out for him but he doesn't respond.
With each step forward, he seems to move back.
"Matt! Please! Wait for me!"
But he's still moving, further and further back until he's practically gone altogether.
She feels a sob catch in her throat as he disappears. Her body runs cold as if all the feeling has drained out of it. She falls into the slime, feels it consume her body just as it has consumed her brother … but then there's light.
A bright flash and she feels strong arms around her middle lifting her up and up and up and she hears his voice, hears Shiro, as he says, "Get up. Come on. Let's keep going."
She can't see him but she can feel his presence, can feel him place her back down on solid ground and put his hands on her shoulders.
"Lead the way, Katie!"
And then her bayard is in her hand and with one swipe, the slime seems to move away as if frightened.
She takes a step forward and feels Shiro beside her.
"I'm with you! Let's go!"