A/N: Hope you guys enjoy this one. It's really angsty and kind of lemony but not fully because I like to write fics which reflect on something/a relationship.
Some spellings are different to how Americans spell things because I am English, so they are not wrong, just written in British English.
FYI: This takes place a couple of years after the start of Katekyo Hitman Reborn! The boys are still teenagers in this and what they have has been going on since not long after the first episode.
Disclaimer: I own nothing, except for the storyline. Anything you recognise is not mine (a fact which I am very sad about!)
He knows it is wrong. Wrong to let himself be used like this. But he loves Hibari and if this is all the beautiful Prefect is willing to give him, he will take it, savour it. He isn't gentle, he never is, and Yamamoto is in pain. He doesn't mind though, because for this moment, he is whole. He lets Hibari thrust into him aggressively, preparation unthought-of. The taller teen knows he's being used, knows in his heart that the violent boy above him doesn't care about him. He knows that it is in the cloud's nature to be alone, knows that he cannot be tied down.
But he knows that he is the only one Hibari uses like this, knows that the only one to feel the raven haired Prefect's body against their own is him. This gives him a sense of hope that maybe, just maybe, Hibari feels something for him too. Maybe he does care.
"Don't get your hopes up, worthless herbivore," punctuated by a harsh bite to the join between his neck and shoulder, a growl amidst Hibari's slightly laboured breathing reminds Yamamoto of his place, and easily extinguishes the glint of hope in his eyes. He works hard to hide the pain in his eyes at the smaller teen's words, but he knows that Hibari must have noticed. Hibari notices everything.
It is these moments with Hibari, these violent encounters filled with passion and lust and frustration and pain, that Yamamoto truly hates himself. He hates that he lets himself be a fuck-toy for the boy he loves. He hates Hibari too, for doing this to him but he cannot truly hate the Prefect because he loves him.
As Hibari thrusts harder, the pain increases and Yamamoto feels broken, but he wouldn't be able to stop himself even if he wanted to as he comes over the black silky sheets of his bed, the ones he went to buy because Hibari hated his favourite blue ones. Hibari comes soon after, filling Yamamoto and making him feel like a whore when he pulls out, zips up his black slacks and strides out of the room with barely a glance at the shattered pieces of the dark-haired boy who loves him. Barely a glance at the damage he causes every time this happens. Yamamoto sometimes entertains the thought that maybe this is because the Prefect feels guilty for what he does, but then he sees the disgust in his grey eyes and knows that the Prefect doesn't feel at all, not for him anyway.
As he watches his love leave his bedroom, he remembers how this all started with a maturity and weariness in his hurt eyes that he never possessed before. Yamamoto has loved the Cloud Guardian for a long time, watching the violent teen from a distance in his precious Namimori until the Prefect noticed that he was the subject of the Rain's attention. Their first time, Yamamoto's first time, was not long after that in a supply closet in school after Hibari caught the baseball player alone after practice. It was rough, aggressive and it hurt but Yamamoto did nothing to stop it because the boy he loved wanted him back. But he didn't want him back, as Takeshi discovered later when it seemed like nothing had changed between the pair.
When confronted about it by the ever-smiling Yamamoto, Hibari simple laughed in his face and told him that feelings were herbivorous, that he was just a fuck, nothing more. Yamamoto fled the reception room in floods of tears that day, feeling truly worthless for the first time in his life. After that, he let Hibari take him whenever the Prefect wanted to, and he came to rely on those moments of pleasure and pain as they were the only times he felt anything but numbness. His calming, easy smile faded and eventually disappeared, with the worried glances cast his way by the other Guardians and Tsuna proof that he has changed. He can't bring himself to care though, and as long as he has these moments with the boy he loves, he will keep living for them.
Everyone can see, Yamamoto included, that he is breaking apart with every time he is used and then thrown away. Everyone has told him to stop this, stop allowing himself to be used, but he is too far gone.
He knows he is fading more and more each day.
He smiles for the first time in a while when, still watching the door his love strode out of minutes ago with misty eyes, he thinks that maybe Hibari will miss him when he's gone. Yamamoto hopes he does, because it would mean all of this pain is worth it.
Fin.
Review please? If you don't, that's okay, but I've never had a review before... (gives puppy dog eyes) ;)