Chapter 1- Love has nothing to do with it
A/N: This is my first fanfiction so be kind please! Reviews are appreciated but constructive criticism only please! Thanks for reading, note the AU stuff in the summary. I definitely changed things but I tried to stay true to Kate's character
Disclaimer: I don't own Castle or the characters.
She sat on her bathroom floor with "The Stick" on the counter above her. She had set a timer for 2 minutes which she held in her hand. Two minutes felt like two hours, the seconds passing like minutes. She hated this waiting, she hated not being able to do anything about the outcome, at the end of the two minutes either her life would change forever or she would go on with her life with regrets. She thought briefly about how she did have control over the outcome, did as in past tense. If she hadn't been an idiot and slept with the playboy college kid at some other playboy college kid's party 2 weeks ago she wouldn't be in this situation. But she had slept with him, and now she had to face the consequences.
Kate Beckett wasn't one to sleep with just anyone. While she had had a wild child phase in high school she had mellowed out some when she reached college. Unfortunately just as her wild child phase had ended a life changing event occurred and had sent her spiraling. This time it really couldn't be considered a wild child phase but instead just an unhealthy reaction to her mother's death.
It had been a month since her mother had been brutally murdered, taken from the world at the wrong time. She had transferred to NYU to be closer to her father so they could lean on each other in this horrible time. Her dad wasn't there for her; he had turned to the bottle and was pretty useless most of the time. With no one to help her she began to go to wild parties and doing anything to forget about her mother for a while. That included drinking, partying, and stupidly, sex. She couldn't believe she had done it without protection, she had taken the classes; she knew where babies came from. She just thought she was invincible enough to not get hit with the consequences. Maybe she had thought that life had already thrown so much on her that she couldn't possibly have to deal with anything like this. She honestly couldn't tell you what she had been thinking because she was pretty drunk when it happened. The only thing she did remember was who she had done it with. She knew the guy was just a playboy and would probably never settle down. He would be a horrible father. No, if she was going to do this she would do it on her own, without child support or anything. She didn't need him, she didn't need anyone. She could do it, and she would if she had to.
The timer sounded and the two minutes were up. She reluctantly got up from the floor and covered her eyes so she wouldn't see. She took a couple deep breaths. I can do this; I'll work through it, whatever the outcome is. She removed a couple fingers from in front of her eyes and looked down at The Stick, gaping when she saw the results. She was pregnant. She was having a baby, and she wasn't even through her sophomore year in college.
She knew it was a possibility but she had hoped, prayed, that she wasn't pregnant and missing her period was some sort of freak thing. She sank back down to the floor with The Stick in her hand, all bravery and determination to power through and to raise the kid on her own fleeing. She desperately needed to do something to keep control on the situation. She thought briefly that the test could be false, the test was sometimes wrong, right? She knew she was probably wrong and the test was probably right. Even so she got up from the floor and went to the phone in her dorm, she was still in student housing at NYU. She grabbed the phone book that lay next to the landline and flipped through trying to find the number to the hospital that wouldn't connect you to emergency people; she needed to make certain that she was pregnant. When she found it she dialed quickly and waited for someone to pick up.
"Hello, this is New York memorial Hospital how may I help you?" a cheery woman answered.
Kate tried to calm her racing heart beat before answering "Hi, this is Kate Beckett may I speak with someone about setting up a gynecologist appointment?"
"Sure just give me a moment," the cheery woman who remained nameless answered.
After a few seconds a new woman answered "Hello this is Nurse Chloe in Gynecology I understand you wanted to speak to someone about setting up an appointment?"
"Yes I did, as soon as possible," she answered quickly looking around cautiously even though she knew her roommate was out for the night.
"Alright what's your name?" she answered typing some things into the computer getting ready to put in a new appointment with one of the gynecologists.
"Kate Beckett," Kate answered.
"Would Monday at 9:00 AM work?" Chloe asked.
Kate had to think for a little bit. Today is Friday. Monday I don't have a class until 11 AM. "Would it be over before 10:30?" she asked.
"That depends, what do you need the appointment for?"
"I want to confirm that I'm pregnant. I took a test but I just want to be sure," she said a little defensively.
"Alright, assuming you get here on time I'd say that you would be out of here by 10:30, maybe even a little earlier," Chloe said.
"Alright, can I pay in cash?" Kate asked and bit her lip. She really didn't want her dad to find out because of some kind of confirmation he got through his insurance.
"Of course," Chloe said reassuringly.
"Thank you," Kate said with a sigh of relief.
"Sure, so see you Monday at 9?"
"Yes, thank you."
"No problem," Chloe said and hung up. Kate put the phone back and rubbed her hands over her face. She really wanted to hear something reassuring from somebody.
She thought about her mom. Her mom would be at her door within 10 minutes if she said she had something serious to talk about. No questions asked. Thinking about her mom was not a good idea, when she thought about her the tears began to fall. She ran to the twin size bed that she called hers and dove onto it, sobbing uncontrollably. She didn't have anyone to talk to. Even her roommate wouldn't want to talk about something as serious as having a baby.
Anna was a lot like Daisy from the Great Gatsby. She couldn't take it when life got to real and you had serious things to deal with. She loved going out and having a good time and she would go along with anything but her façade shattered when faced with real problems. At least that's how Kate understood Daisy and perceived Anna. She sobbed for a good hour or so until she finally fell asleep.
Her weekend was filled with shallow conversations with Anna and hasty retreats to the campus library, where she busied herself with reading textbooks and writing essays. She got her homework done on Saturday and started to read murder mystery. She saw the justice that was received in the books was comforting compared to the limited thinking and perfect categorizing her mother's murder had gotten. If only the cops had been able to think outside the box and do some actual investigating maybe the killer would have been caught and she could rest just a little easier.
She had thought about becoming a cop so that she could solve the case and get some closure but she knew that she needed to finish college before she could even think about doing that. If she changed her mind halfway through the academy she would need something to fall back on. So she remained in school and kept thoughts of being a cop in the back of her mind.
She started a book by a new author: Richard Castle. The book was titled In Hail of Bullets and while she could tell this was probably his first book the writing was incredible and she found herself getting lost in the story, losing hours and skipping lunch. When she finally looked up from the book it was 6 PM and the head librarian was informing all the remaining bookworms and workaholics that the library was closing and they needed to leave.
Kate got up and stretched some. She had, after all, been sitting most of the day and was somewhat stiff. She gathered her stuff and the book, knowing she was too far along to put it down now. She took it to the front desk and asked the librarian to check the book out for her. She gave the older woman her student badge and thanked her when she gave the book back to her. After sticking the book into her canvas shoulder bag she walked out of the library and into the chilly February evening. The wind blew fiercely and Kate had to put her head down and pull her jacket tighter to keep from shivering.
When she got back to her dorm she dropped her keys onto the counter and hung her bag up on a hook on the wall. She pulled the book out of the shoulder bag and smiled slightly at the memory of the twisting turning plot. She was startled by a creaking chair. She turned and saw Anna sitting at her desk with a textbook in her lap and geeky glasses on her nose. Of course she had waited to the last minute to do her work for the weekend.
"Sorry didn't mean to scare you. What's that?" Anna asked when she saw the book in Kate's hand.
"No worries. It's a book from the library I've been reading all day," Kate answered walking to her bed and putting the book on her nightstand for later.
"So you want to go shopping tomorrow morning since neither of us have a class?" Anna asked changing the subject.
"No, I've got something, I'm sorry," Kate answered quickly and went to the mini refrigerator Anna, more accurately her parents, had bought at the beginning of the semester. She grabbed a microwaveable meal from the freezer and popped it into the microwave. That would be dinner.
"What?" Anna asked. The girl is persistent, Kate could give her that.
"A doctor's appointment, nothing exciting," Kate said rather annoyed. She didn't want people prying, she liked her private life and she wasn't going to openly discuss her fears of pregnancy with her air head of a roommate.
"Okay, well I'm all done with my homework and I'm going out, see you later," Anna responded closing her textbook and throwing her glasses on her desk. Apparently she had decided that that was enough social interaction with her roommate that day. She grabbed her own keys from the counter and left. Kate didn't even bother saying good bye. She grabbed her meal from the microwave and went to her bed to eat it with a plastic fork that was one of many on the top of the microwave. Needless to say microwaveable meals were a staple of the college diet.
She grabbed In Hail of Bullets and read while she ate. She read for a long time, discarding the plastic dinner tray and fork when she had finished her meal. When she could barely hold her eyes open she marked her place in the book and got up to take a shower. She took a rather brief shower, only long enough to scrub and get clean and then got out. She grabbed an old t-shirt of her dad's and some new underwear from her small dresser and got back into her bed. She rolled over to go to sleep, not bothering to turn out any lights. While being a roommate with Anna Kate had developed the ability to sleep with the lights on and sleep through just about any commotion at night. This is because Anna would often come in at odd hours of the night and would often be drunk, not caring if someone was trying to sleep. Anna usually turned the lights on when she came in, so why bother to turn them off?
Kate woke up and checked the clock on her nightstand: 8:00. Shit! She thought as she would most likely be late for her appointment. She bolted out of her bed and rummaged through her dresser for something quick to wear. She decided on a pair of jeans and a white t-shirt covered by a sweater. The outfit wasn't exactly stylish but she didn't really care. She wasn't going for stylish, she was going for quick and appropriate; it was probably pretty chilly outside. After dressing she grabbed a jacket from one of the hooks on the wall and her canvas shoulder bag. Before leaving she grabbed In Hail of Bullets in case she had to wait.
As she was darting down the hallway to the stairs she quickly fastened her short hair into a ponytail, trying desperately to hide the fact that she had woken up not 10 minutes before she had left. She left the building and hailed a taxi. After telling the cabby the address she buckled up and calmed down some. She wasn't going to be as late as she thought she would. But after she relaxed she remembered the reason for the appointment and suddenly she was just as hyped up as before when she was sprinting through hallways.
If this test was positive she was definitely pregnant, and her life would definitely change. She thought about how long she could keep this from everyone. She also thought about who she would tell. She didn't really want to tell Anna, but she would probably have to, she was living with her. She probably could go without telling her dad, he wouldn't care. It would probably be another reason to drink: My daughter is a pregnant teen. There wasn't really anyone else that she would have to tell. Well, she would probably need separate housing if she had a kid, with all the other idiots who got knocked up in college.
When the cab pulled up to the sidewalk in front of the hospital she paid the cabby and got out. She walked quickly into the building and went up to the front desk to ask for directions. The cheery woman who was most likely the person who answered the phone on Friday gladly told her exactly which elevator to take and every turn she would have to make to get to the waiting lounge of the Gynecology department. She hurriedly followed the woman's instructions and got to the waiting lounge 20 minutes before her appointment, plenty of time to do the paperwork and fret.
She got checked in by Nurse Chloe and took the clipboard full of paperwork she had to do. She sat in one of the uncomfortable chairs far from anyone else in the waiting room and began her paperwork. When she spared a glance at the other patients in the room she immediately regretted it. Most of them had their significant others with them and the two that didn't had older women, presumably their mothers with them. She looked back down to the pages and continued writing.
Once she finished the paperwork she gave it back to Nurse Chloe and sat back down. Kate waited for a second with her head in her hand, ready to sit and be bored for the next 10 minutes before she remembered the book in her bag. She smiled a little and retrieved the book from the canvas bag. She began reading and, like the day before, got lost in the pages and lost track of time. She barely heard the nurse call her name to come back.
"Katherine Beckett?" the young woman called from the door that led to all of the small, private rooms. Kate looked up from her book and quickly put it away, rising and going to stand with the woman at the door. The woman didn't look much older than Kate. When she reached the door the woman greeted her "Hello Ms. Beckett I'm Nurse Parish, will you please follow me?"
"Sure," Kate said quickly and hurried after Nurse Parish. They walked into one of the small rooms and Nurse Parish instructed her to sit on the table.
"So how old are you?" Nurse Parish said trying to strike up a conversation while doing the first routine tests.
"Nineteen," Kate said nervously, not wanting a rude response about how she was so young to be thinking she was pregnant.
"Really, I'm twenty- two. I'm doing my residency here for medical school," Parish responded lightly.
"You're going to be a doctor?" Kate asked, gladly continuing the light hearted conversation.
"No way, I don't want to screw up. I'm going to be a medical examiner," Parish answered laughing a little.
"Isn't that more of a male dominate profession?" Kate asked curiously.
"So? Doesn't mean a woman can't do it, does it?" Parish answered defensively.
"No of course not, I want to be a cop, Homicide in fact," Kate said quickly.
"Wow! So are you in the academy?" Parish asked quickly changing subjects.
"No, I'm going to finish my degree in college so I have something to fall back on if I decide part of the way through the police academy that I don't want to be a cop," Kate said.
"That's smart of you," Parish said finishing all of her tests and getting materials ready to take Kate's blood. She cleaned and readied Kate's arm for the IV. "This will only pinch a little," she said before inserting the needle in the woman's arm. Kate flinched a little but then relaxed.
It didn't take too long for Parish to get enough blood for the test. When she had she bandaged Kate's arm and left promising to be back soon with the results. Kate nodded and returned to her book. Only this time she was too worried to read.
Nurse Parish returned a short while later with the results. Kate was pregnant. When she heard this information Kate put her head in her hands.
"Hey, don't worry. Everything will be alright. What about the father? Between the two of you I'm sure you'll be able to go to college and take care of the kid," Parish said attempting to be reassuring.
"No, he's not in the picture. He's a douche and he would never be a good father. I'm not even going to tell him," Kate said looking up at Parish.
"I'll get the doctor, you'll need to schedule regular appointments. Hey, why don't we go out together so we can talk? I'm sure you need to," Parish said taking Kate's hands.
"Thank you Nurse Parish, I really do," Kate said attempting to smile.
"It's Lanie, and girlfriend it's no problem. I'd love to help you, I can't imagine what I'd do in your situation," Lanie said and grabbed a pen. "Here's my number, call me later so we can go out," she said writing the number on Kate's hand.
"Okay, thanks again," Kate said smiling. Lanie smiled as well and took her stuff to go. When she had left Kate smiled to herself. Someone, a complete stranger, had offered to help her just by letting her talk. She definitely needed it and just thinking about it made her feel a lot lighter, like a weight had been lifted.
The doctor, Dr. Collins, came in and introduced herself. She walked Kate through everything that would happen in the next 9 months and helped her schedule the next appointments. Collins directed Kate to pay at the front desk and sign the receipts and she would be free to go. Kate did so and left the hospital feeling surprisingly care free. Just the thought of being able to talk to someone made her less stressed.
A/N: I'm sorry for all of the narration, I'll try to add more dialogue in the next chapter. I know there'll be some because Lanie and Kate are meeting to talk. I'll only update once I have some sort of positive reaction to the story so review! Thanks!