Iron Daug
By Sharan McQuack, Launchpad's wife.
Inspired by a recent Marveldisney movie. Yes, I've read Iron Man's comic books occasionally.
Please, please, please don't sue me.
Giz is wearing his new solar-powered suit. The suit he originally wore is now on display at the Mansion.
One day, the Beagle Boys came to see Flintheart Glomgold.
"We heard on the grapevine youse bankrolled some bad guys in Saint Canard. And gave them weapons. We was wondering if youse do that for us. We have been trying to rob the Money Bin of your enemy, Scrooge McDuck for some time. But that blasted Gizmoduck stops us every time. We was thinking: what if you build your own Gizmodaug and we use him to rob the Bin? You get a share of the take. That way YOU look clean." Big Time proposed.
"I have a better idea- you can keep anything you can steal from the Bin. But I get control of Duckburg! I will do as you ask and make an iron daug of my own. Once you have emptied the Bin and Scroogie is broke I can control Duckburg!" Flintheart replied.
But Flintheart was thinking:
()() If these idiots think I believe they can rob the Bin even with my help, after all the times they've tried and failed...but this way my Iron Daug can rob the bin and frame them!()()
Flintheart considered the idea of his own version of Gizmoduck - he was already calling it Iron Daug in his head. At first he considered wearing the suit himself, but quickly discarded the notion.
()()When would I have TIME? We zillionaire industrialists are WAY too busy! Beside, we PAY people to do dirty jobs like that. Could it be a remote controlled robot? I'd still not have the time to control it myself, which means I'd have to trust whoever controlling it. Might as well hire somebody to wear a suit! It's more straightforward()() Flintheart thought.
He ended up choosing a Beagle, Battlemachine Beagle(1)a dusty colored beagle, who was willing to double-cross his family.
"You will work for me rob the Bin, empty it . I'll give you 90% of the take (2)for yourself alone. You won't have to share it with the rest of your family. " Flintheart began.
"And remember- I have a "panic button". If you try to keep all the money or otherwise double-cross me, I'll destroy your suit- with YOU still in it!" Flintheart threatened.
"Hey, I've been trying to go solo from my family for quite some time. They're a bunch of losers. You got a deal." Battlemachine said.
Flintheart explained how to work the iron daug suit. Battlemachine Beagle donned it, and as Iron Daug, went to rob the Money Bin.
Meanwhile, Launchpad was talking to Gizmoduck. Giz was then on duty at the Money Bin and was mumbling to himself and otherwise acting upset and angry.
"What's wrong?" Launchpad asked him.
"Mr. McDuck is thinking of hiring other "people" to wear the g-suit and be Gizmoduck, so Gizmoduck can guard the Bin 24/7! He says there's no point in hiring security guards that aren't on duty 24/7! So he wants to hire at least two more people to take shifts wearing the g-suit! Maybe even make two copies of the g-suit for them to wear!" Giz replied.
"But...they could use the g-suit to rob the Bin instead of protecting it!" Launchpad objected.
"THAT'S WHAT I TOLD HIM! He says the Money Bin has been Gizmoduck-proofed! I'm not so sure about that! He says he thinks he can find other security guards honest enough to wear the g-suit! I'm not so sure about that, either!" Giz said.
"Neither am I. That's an awful powerful suit you wear, and I should know, I've worn it myself a few times! Even an honest person could be tempted by all that power, especially considering the sheer amount of moolah in the Bin!" Launchpad replied.
That evening, when Gizmoduck was NOT on duty, Iron Daug struck at the Bin. He had found out Giz's schedule and decided to try robbing the Bin in Giz's absence. Launchpad and I had worked a good deal of overtime flying cargo that day and Mr. McDee let us crash in one of the MANY spare bedrooms in the Mansion (3), especially since we were going to fly again first thing in the morning.
But our sleep was ended by a series of LOUD BANGs and BOOMs.
"What NOW?" I asked.
"Somebody must be trying to rob the Bin! I better look into it!" Launchpad said.
And he went to do so.
"Be careful, dearest! And remember, protecting the Bin is NOT your job!" I replied.
I ran after him with my camera. As soon as I saw the clown in the gizmoduck-ish armor trying to rob the Bin, I found a safe place where I could take photos with a zoom lens.
The Trins (with lots of help from Launchpad) had built a treehouse in a tree between the Mansion and the Bin. I climbed the ladder to the treehouse and took photos from there. I could see everything, but I was hidden by the tree.
I'm not as brave as Launchpad, nor as strong, nor as big. That's not LAUNCHPAD's fault and it would be silly to be mad at him for that.
Mr. McDuck had already run into the Bin and was planning a WARM welcome for anybody who managed to breach it's defenses- with his surplus WWI tank and probably a few other surprises I don't know about. (And I'm not sure I WANT to know about.)
Launchpad watched as the self-styled Iron Daug tried to rob the Bin. The ordinary security guards and the booby traps couldn't even slow Iron Daug down. So far nothing Iron Daug hit it with so much as scratched the Bin. That couldn't last long.
()()OK, now what do I do? Something tells me all the water in Duckburg Pond ain't going to short-circuit that bum! Wait a minute! If the "iron" part of his name is literal, I have something in my plane that might work!()() Launchpad thought.
Launchpad ran to where one of his planes was parked. Launchpad had picked up a delivery for Hairy Harrison, the junkyard dog, late that night and was supposed to deliver it first thing in the morning. A brand-new electro-magnet. (4)
Launchpad had to unpack it, carry it to the Bin and plug it in to the Bin's emergency generator (5)
Well, the thing worked. Luckily, coins are made of non-ferrous metal and weren't affected by it. The iron and steel of the Bin itself was embedded deep in reinforced concrete and could not be affected by a magnet. But Iron Daug was.
The Iron Daug suit had enough iron in it to be drawn towards the magnet. Iron Daug kept trying to fly away, the magnet kept trying to pull him down. Launchpad wasn't sure how much more the magnet could take before blowing. Then Gizmoduck showed up and Launchpad had to shut the thing off before the magnet could affect Giz.
Giz and Iron Daug fought. Boy, did they fight! Launchpad wondered what he could do besides sell tickets. The two armor-clad animals were about evenly matched. Iron Daug's armor was heavier and stronger. Giz was faster and more maneuverable.
The security guards could no longer shoot, they might hit Giz. They also shut off the booby traps lest they trap Giz.
But Launchpad couldn't stand being left out of good fight. He ran to where Mr. McDuck has the original g-suit mounted on display. The gizmos have been removed from it, but Launchpad figured a: Iron Daug don't know that and b: he'd do better without the fancy doodads getting in his way.
Launchpad managed to put it on,(6)and jumped on Iron Daug.
"ANOTHER Gizmoduck?" Iron Daug asked.
"Thought there was just one Gizmoduck, didn't you?" asked Launchpad, running a bluff.
How the bleep was Iron Daug supposed to know there's only one Gizmoduck?
Well, the two of them fought Iron Daug...until Iron Daug broke and flew away.
"I'll be back!" Iron Daug said.
"launchpad, thanks...but what are you doing in that thing?" Giz whispered.
"I can handle this stupid suit a lot better without all the gizmos and gimcracks getting in my way!" Launchpad replied, delighted to have discovered that.
"You could get killed!" Giz screamed.
"So could you! I had to do SOMETHING!" Launchpad replied.
"Don't do that again! It's MY job! Look, I'm grateful, but Mr. McDuck is ALREADY thinking of adding another Gizmoduck! Do you want the job?" Giz asked.
"NO! Especially since he'll insist I use a g-suit with all the bells and whistles!" Launchpad replied.
"You can handle that on a plane." Giz said.
"True. But I prefer flying without them. Why do you think I like the Joyrider so much? It's just flying." Launchpad replied.
Meanwhile, Iron Daug was reporting to Flinty.
"TWO Gizmoducks?" Flintheart asked.
"It makes sense there'd be more than one! One couldn't be on duty 24/7!" Iron Daug said.
"Is it possible? Scrooge is so cheap! Would he hire two Gizmoducks?" Flinty asked.
"Why not? Considering the amount of money in the Bin? And does he pay Gizmoduck any more than he pays his normal security guards?" Iron Daug asked.
"It must have been some sort of trick." Flinty said.
"Maybe. But I'm bringing my family with me next time. If I have to share my split of the take, so be it." Iron Daug replied.
Meanwhile, Mr. McDuck was talking to Gizmoduck. Launchpad had made himself scarce lest Mr. McDee see him in the old g-suit and try to make him wear the silly thing all the time.
"That Iron Daug almost robbed my Bin! And you weren't on duty, and it took you too much time to get here! That proves I need two other people to wear the g-suit in shifts!" Mr. McDuck stated.
"But boss..Iron Daug has a suit like mine and tried to use it to rob your Bin! What if whoever else you hire to wear the g-suit does likewise?" Giz asked.
"Nonsense. I'm a very good judge of character. Won't happen." Mr. McDuck said.
So Mr. McDuck put an ad up for security guards, "very special duty". He carefully interviewed top applicants, checked references carefully, etc. Iron Daug saw these ads and guessed what was on Mr. McDuck's mind.
On the first day of the newbie's new job, Iron Daug and Big Time ambushed him right outside the Mansion.
"You've been hired to wear the Gizmoduck suit, ain't ya? Well, there's been a change of plans! I'll be wearing it! I'll be Gizmodog again! I figured out I must of said something to cause the suit to fly onto me. There's some sort of code word, ain't there? What is it? Talk, or else!" Big Time threatened.
Mr. McDuck had made sure the new guy was honest. Mr. McDuck had forgotten to make sure new guy was brave. New Guy wasn't scared of Big Time, but Iron Daug was another matter. He talked.
"The word is "blattersnipe." New Guy said.
However, they were right next to the Mansion and the g-suit "heard" the secret word and flew onto the new guy, who was still in panic mode. He tried to run and accidently knocked Big Time unconscious. Iron Daug did not feel like dealing with Gizmoduck again. Not even a rookie Gizmoduck, not when there was nothing to gain. Iron Daug flew away.
Hardly had he left, did the new guy remove the g-suit and hand it to Mr. McDuck.
"I quit! This job is too dangerous! Oh, you might want to change the code word! I think Big Time knows it!" New Guy said and he left.
Mr. McDuck called the cops who came, and took Big Time off to prison hospital.
Mr. McDuck was back at square one and was starting to wonder if this was such a good idea after all. But he is VERY stubborn and did not want to give up on the idea just yet.
So Mr. McDuck hired two of the new applicants to be ordinary security guards and picked two veteran security guards who had been with him for years to wear the g-suit. I shall henceforth refer to them as One and Two. Somehow Mr. McDuck didn't think the fact that both were a tad long in the tooth was important.
Older people often have a little trouble learning and adapting to new technology. Mr. McDuck knew the two vets were honest and brave. Mr. McDuck didn't realize they'd have trouble learning to operate the VERY complicated, convoluted g-suit. And trouble remembering which button does what, especially since the buttons are only numbered with no indication of what they do and are as randomly placed as possible.
So they talked to Launchpad.
"Why are you asking ME how to work the gizmoduck suit?" Launchpad asked.
"Er...Aren't YOU Gizmoduck?" One asked.
Not wanting to start THAT again, Launchpad set them straight.
"What makes you think I'm Gizmoduck?" Launchpad asked.
"You're the hero type." One answered.
"Tell that to Disney! No, don't bother, my wife Sharan has tried till she's blue in the face! Not that she didn't know they wouldn't listen, she just expected them to ignore her." Launchpad said.
"So...you're not Gizmoduck?" One asked.
"NO! I've worn the g-suit a few times, as a favor to the REAL Gizmoduck. I am NOT Gizmoduck. I've never even seen the instruction book. So I'm afraid I can't help you learn how to work the silly thing. I stank at it. But maybe I can help you build some booby traps of your own...just in case that thing backfires on you." Launchpad said.
Later, Iron Daug showed up when they were about to change shifts. Iron Daug carried a device Megabyte had created to jam Gizmoduck's gizmos. I think Iron Daug hoped to swipe the g-suit after One had taken it off and before Two could put it on.
The veteran security guards saw Iron Daug coming. One was in the g-suit and tried to use his gizmos against Iron Daug, but the jamming device was causing them to "blink": sometimes they worked, then they didn't. So he forgot the gizmos and just tackled Iron Daug and fought him hand to hand.
Fortunately, the jamming device was causing Iron Daug's suit to go wonky, too. That wasn't supposed to happen, but this was a brand-new device and brand-new devices often have bugs in them. Iron Daug kept trying to "tune" the device to affect One alone.
Two had enough experience to be able to shoot at Iron Daug whenever the faux-gizmoduck was in the clear. Two also grabbed the gun by it's barrel and hit Iron Daug with the gun butt ala the late Fess Parker when Two couldn't shoot lest he hit One.
But there was method in his seeming madness. One and Two had rigged a special booby-trap surprise for Iron Daug. By hitting Iron Daug with the gun butt, Two drove Iron Daug into standing on just the right spot. Once Iron Daug was in position, Two gave the signal and the trap was sprung.
Launchpad, in his copter, drew up hidden nets, made of very strong metal and magnetized. They only attracted metal that actually touched them and One in the g-suit was very careful NOT to touch the nets. Iron Daug found himself tangled up in the heavy nets. The more Iron Daug struggled, the more tangled and trapped he became.
Launchpad soon hoisted Iron Daug high up in the air and flew him to Duckburg Prison where Iron Daug was arrested on several counts of attempted robbery. Then they removed the iron daug suit (with a blow torch)and THEN untangled him from the nets.
"Launchpad, how did you defeat Iron Daug?" Mr. McDuck asked.
"By remembering I'm a pilot. I stuck to what I'm good at instead of worrying about what I'm not good at. Beside, I had help. I couldn't of caught Iron Daug without your security guards. They want to go back to being normal security guards. They aren't good at being Gizmoduck, either." Launchpad said.
"But I need Gizmoduck on duty 24/7!" Mr. McDuck objected.
"Fenton had an idea about that. Why don't you hear him out?" Launchpad asked.
So Mr. McDuck went into his office to listen to Fenton.
"I was talking to Donald. You hired him to housesit the mansion next door in exchange for him living there free. He's expected to fix the place up and keep trespassers and squatters away. But there's a pool house at the far end of the property and people keep trespassing or trying to squat there. And Donald can't be two places at once or fix both the main house and the pool house." Fenton began.
"Donald wants me to sublet the pool house under the same deal you gave him. I stay for nothing, fix the place up and keep away nogoodniks. I'm trying to talk Mom into selling the trailer so we can both move in there. [ ()()And she's trying to get me to propose to Gandra so she can move in with me. And I'm trying to work up the nerve to do that.()()]" Fenton continued. (7)
"Do I have your permission to do that? If I'm living next door, you don't have to hire any more Gizmoducks. I'll be able to get here in nothing flat." Fenton finished.
"Good idea. It was harder than I thought to find another Gizmoduck." Mr. McDuck replied.
The End.
(1) Warmachine (aka James Rupert Rhodes- er- didn't he used to be called "Dusty"?) joke. Told ya I've read Iron man comic books.
(2)SURE you will.
(3) We live on the other side of Duckburg, so he does that a lot. My Aunt Jane and Uncle Leonard were in town and were spoiling our kids. What, Mr. McDee is the only great-uncle able to do that? (In case you've been wondering why "I" haven't been in some of my recent stories- four kids to take care of.)
(4) Don't you love how heroes in fiction have just the thing they need to defeat the bad guy and it's always ready and it always works?
(5) Of course the Bin has an emergency generator to protect it if there's a black-out!
(6)Without the gadgets, it can't respond to the word "Blattersnipe". It also can't prevent anybody from just putting it on. Which is a lot easier with all the gadgets scooped out.
(7) OK, should he or shouldn't he? And should Mr. McDee change the code word (and to what?) or just put in a voice recognition device so it only responds to Fenton's voice?