AU. What if Riza had died when her neck had been slashed?

Disclaimer: I do not own Fullmetal Alchemist.

Roy lay on his couch, looking at nothing in particular. He could see again, but did it really matter? He had blantly refused to get his eyesight back until almost everyone he knew persuaded him into it. He finally did it for—

No. He couldn't think about that.

They were coming back.

The memories.

The sound of blood splattering to the floor caught his attention. A small gasp escaped Hawkeye's mouth as she fell to the floor. His eyes became so wide his pupils were a small dot, as he realized what the doctor was trying to do.

"No! Lieutenant!" Roy screamed, thrashed around, but the Bradley experiments held him back and he could bare move a muscle. He looked down, shadows hiding the murderous expression in his eyes.

She was dragged carelessly, like a bag of potatoes, to the large, chalk transmutation circle, crimson smearing across the dusty floor. Words from the psychotic doctor swam around Roy's ears, but he could only partly distinguish them. All he could think about was her, her limp body her half glazed eyes staring into him, telling him not to do this for her.

Please, he thought, don't close your eyes.

"I won't commit it!" he yelled. "I'm not committing human transmutation!"

Suddenly, he got an idea. Grabbing one of the swords holding him, he stabbed one of the Bradleys in the upper arm and escaped running to get to his subordinate. But then, he spotted it.

The small bottle, topped with a cork. The philosopher's stone. Before he could reach it, he was thrown back, Selim—or Pride—looking at him, evil showing in his dark eyes. Wrath came over and stabbed his hands with his two swords. They were forcing him through the gate.

Roy saw the young Xingese girl. "Please! Please take care of her!" She stared back at him, and blue light blinded Roy's vision as he went into the Gate.

That had been the last he saw of her. Turned out he hadn't gotten to her in time, and she had died of blood loss.

He had killed her.

He got up, leaning on the arm of the couch, and slowly got up. Alchemy notes were scattered across his coffee table, most scribbled out with pen. He trudged to his kitchen, not taking long since he was now in a tiny apartment. He stared at his refrigerator, not feeling very hungry. But she would've made him eat.

He clenched his fists; he didn't want the memories back. A knock sounded, but he ignored it, hoping the visitor would go away.

They knocked again. He closed his eyes and wished it gone, but when the door was kicked down, that's when he whirled around.

"What the hell?"

"Well, I figured it you wouldn't let me in, I'd do it myself." Roy knew that voice… oh god. He sweatdropped, looking at the golden-haired ki—well, he really wasn't a kid anymore, considering he practically had a wife…

"What do you want, Fullmetal?"

"Just here for a friendly visit." Yeah, right. What does he want to mooch off of this time?

Ed noticed the broken bottles. "You should really stop drinking so much."

"Don't tell me what to do, pipsqueak."

Ed grit his teeth, but ignored the wanting to kick his superior officer out of the window. He got nosy, inspecting more of Roy's living area. "Hey, what are all these alchemy notes on the table for?"

Roy held in his breath. "Wait a minute, don't look at—" He had to stop him from looking at those papers!

Ed scanned them quickly, and grimaced. "Human transmutation?"

Roy twitched, sputtering out, "You wouldn't understand!" He immediately regretted it, wanting to just shove the words back into his mouth.

Ed dropped the notes, the few papers he had been holding flutter onto the floor. "And what do you mean, exactly, by 'I wouldn't understand'?" He took his eyes off from the scattered papers to look Roy in the eyes. He took off his left shoe to reveal a metal foot. "Do you see this? This is the result of wanting my mother back. And Al, his entire fucking body was gone! And hell, you went through yourself, didn't you? You were blinded! Why do you want this?"

Roy stared at his feet. "I…" He looked back up. "I just want her back…"

"And you think I don't want my mom back?"

"But I have a theory, and it might work if I just—"

Ed came up to Roy and tangled his fingers around the collar of the older man's shirt. "Goddamit, Mustang! Don't make the same mistake I made! She is never coming back. No love, or strength, or hard work can bring her back from the dead. If she was here, looking at you now, she'd be disappointed. And would she really be satisfied that you sacrificed something of yourself because you tried, and failed, to bring her back? You know she's not like that. Get your ass up and make her proud! This country needs you!"

Roy pushed Ed away, and Ed gave him an angry look. "What's the point? I didn't realize how much I needed her, I… I loved her…"

Ed's eyes softened, but just a bit. "Al and I loved our mother, too, but that can't make her come back. Make a change to this country so that when you see her again, she won't have to pop a cap in your ass for being an idiot."

"Fullmetal, you know I don't believe in God…"

Ed huffed. "Get over it, that speech was inspirational! Just come back to the office so I don't have to hear about your whiny ass anymore!" He stomped out of Roy's apartment, forgetting his shoe on the floor in the process.

Roy sighed, picking up the loose papers Ed had dropped. "Maybe he's right… Can you see me, Riza? I'm sorry for being such a dolt…" He sat on his couch, organizing the notes, and staring at them. "I'm sorry that it's my fault you died… If I had been just a little bit quicker, you'd still be here…" He snapped, the weeks of careful research burning in a matter of seconds and reducing to a pile of ashes. He then looked at the door, and quickly fixed that. Looking at his coat hanging on the rack, he grabbed it, thinking.

Should he really go outside after this long?

Looking back at his musty-smelling and bottle-infested apartment, he pulled on his jacket, and closed the door.

Fresh air had never smelt so… fresh. And even though it had felt like a lifetime inside, the world around him had barely changed. Fall leaves littered the sidewalk, people walked around like they had something they needed to do.

The cry of a bid got his attention, and so did a white, gooey spot on his crisp and black coat, too.

"Must be Hawkeye saying for me to get a life," he mumbled. "Fine, I got it! I'll stop moping around!"

I hope you like! To be honest, this is longer than I expected it, and a little happier, too. Not that I'd make Roy commit suicide or anything, I was just going to end it on Ed walking out, but the rest soon same.

Anyway, I'm wasting my life on tumblr and it's almost 12:30 in the morning on a Sunday night.

Ehh, who needs sleep, anyway? xD Leave a review, they satisfy my sweet tooth!

*suddenly remember homework*

… oh god.