I'll Remember

Summary: After fighting with a demon, Buffy gets injected with its poison, causing her to lose her memories of the one person she loves the most. (Bangel/Spuffy/AU/Set in season 5)

A/N: I apologize for the lack of stories, but after finishing all the seasons of Buffy and its spin-off show, I've decided to write a BTVS fic, mainly as a birthday present to a friend of mine but also because I wanted to write a Buffy story for once.

Hope you like it, Danielle! (I know what I said on Twitter but it was a lie. Hehe).

Chapter 1

The guttural growl of a vampire could be heard as it charged towards a young woman standing in the cementery, stake firmly gripped between her fingers and a taunting look captivating her visage. "You know, you vamps should really work out more. You're getting sloppy." Dodging the punch that was thrown her way, Buffy easily countered with a low sweeping kick that knocked the vampire down, giving her time to jam a stake in his chest. Buffy didn't feel like dragging out these fights tonight, mainly because there was a certain vampire she needed to take care of.

"That was the last of them." Spinning around on her heels, brown eyes met with the dark chiseled features of a young man, aiming a chipper smile her way.

"Not all of them." Extending slender arms, Buffy allowed them to wrap around Angel, someone whom she always had an attraction to ever since they first met. Seeing Angel crack a grin, Buffy wasted no time in capturing his lips with hers, kissing him fervently, allowing their tongues to collide in a wave of heated passion. Perhaps Faith was right about being horny after a good slay, because all that adrenaline was currently giving Buffy a major rush, and being around Angel only made it more intense.

"Bloody hell, can't a guy walk home without seeing you lust puppies going at it?"

Rolling her eyes at the sound of Spike's voice, Buffy pulled away from Angel reluctantly, a sardonic tone saturating her voice. "Oh look Angel, there's a vampire we haven't killed."

Holding a bag full of booze and cigarettes in one hand, Spike sighed at the sight of Buffy brandishing her stake in front of him. "Relax, love. If I wanted to hurt you I'd be intense agony right now, no thanks to those wankers who drilled a chip into my brain."

"Let him go, Buffy. He's harmless, like a declawed cat." Grinning briefly in Spike's direction, Angel turned his attention back to Buffy, knowing she wouldn't actually kill him, just beat him up a little.

"Are you done, Mr. Comedian? Because I'd like to point out that I saw a demon not too far from where we are. Ugly looking bugger, too."

At this news, Buffy sighed, knowing she was going to have to check it out and determine whether or not she needed to kill it. Not all demons were bad, that was something Buffy learned when she met Angel, who proved that vampires can be just as good as any human, and just as bad too. "We'll check it out and see what needs to be done." Turning around, Buffy started to walk away with Angel close behind, leaving a slightly pissed Spike behind.

"Hey, aren't you going to show me some appreciation for tipping you off?"

Retrieving a five dollar bill from her pocket, Buffy carelessly dropped it to the ground behind her, not once looking back towards the blonde-haired vampire.

"What kind of demon do you think we're going to face?" Angel shrugged his shoulders at Buffy's question, continuing to walk in the direction Spike pointed them in.

"I don't know. It could be anything." Angel glanced over at Buffy as she looked around, not seeing anything suspicious in sight. "Maybe Spike was wrong. I don't see any demon out here."

"Wouldn't be surprised." Buffy murmured lowly, hating the bleach-blonde vampire with a fiery passion.

A frown crawled on Angel's debonair features as a sound only audible to his ears was heard, causing his body to go tense. "We're not alone." Ducking hastily to the ground, Angel dodged the pair of green arms that shot out from behind him, doing an expeditious roll prior to jumping to his feet, dark eyes descrying the demon in front of him.

"Ouch, and here I thought I had facial problems." Buffy quipped, eyeing the disfigured face of the demon glaring angrily in their direction. "Do you kiss your mother with that mouth? Well, assuming you have a mother." Reacting quickly to the punch that was thrown her way, Buffy sidestepped the blow before delivering a swift kick to the monster's abdomen, causing it to stagger backwards for a moment. Making a quick recovery, the demon grabbed Buffy and was about the throw her when Angel cut in, dishing out powerful blows to the enemy.

"Thanks." Buffy muttered as she slammed her fist into the demon's head, seeing Angel smile in return.

Her attention quickly refocused back onto the demon as it grabbed Angel's hand, twisting it harshly. "Angel!"

Rushing at full speed towards the demon, Buffy attempted to knock it off of Angel when she expelled a loud gasp, feeling something sharp go through her that made her instantly weak and light-headed. It was like a thousand tiny needles poking her all at once, and even though she wasn't ready to give up the fight, her body could barely move, and something else, seemed to be slipping away. "Angel." The whispered word barely managed to leave her pale lips before total darkness clouded her murky vision.

"I think she's waking up."

"Buffy, are you okay?"

"Step back Will, give her some space."

The familiar voices of Buffy's friends could be heard coming from every angle as they look on with worried expressions painted across their faces. Forcing her eyes to open, Buffy gazed weakly up at Willow, taking a few moments to gather her bearings, coming to the realization that she was in Giles' house. "Wha-what happened?"

"You were fighting a demon and he knocked you out. It looks like he stabbed you with something but I'm not sure what." Angel responded gently as he helped Buffy into a sitting position on the couch. "Are you okay?"

"Just a little woozy, but I'll live." Relief quickly escalated into confusion as she looked at Angel, her eyebrows furrowing. "I'm sorry, but do I know you?"

"Buffy, it's me, Angel. We were fighting the demon together, remember?"

Buffy shook her head, moving her body slightly away from this mysterious man. "No, I was fighting this demon alone. You were nowhere around." She watched as everyone exchanged shocked looks with one another, her confusion and frustration towards the situation growing as the room became quiet.

"If Buffy doesn't remember Angel, then she doesn't know that he's-" Xander's sentence was cut short when Willow harshly elbowed him in the stomach, shooting him a look as he glared slightly in her direction. "A simple shut up spell would have been nice."

"Umm, Buffy," Giles made his way in front of the group, ignoring the two bickering teens. "Are you saying you have no memory of Angel at all?"

Buffy shook her head, trying hard to remember him but failing miserably. "No, I'm sorry." Her brown orbs flickered to Angel, gazing at this stranger who clearly looked distraught over this situation.

"Then, I'll get started with some research and figure out a way to reverse this. Xander and Willow, you two can stay behind to help me while Buffy and Angel track down the demon. See if you can bring it back, preferably alive."

"Will do." Buffy rose from the couch, her chestnut eyes flitting to Angel as he slowly walked towards her, feeling a little uncomfortable going with someone who had no memory of you. "Well, let's go then."

"You go on ahead. I need to speak with Giles...alone."

Buffy arched a brow in curiosity, wondering what he needed to speak to Giles for, but in the end she didn't pry. She could find this demon on her own. It was bound to be weak from their fight, so maybe Buffy could capture it somehow. God she wished Riley was still here. He was an expert on capturing demons, and even though Angel wasn't his biggest fan, they managed to get along okay. Not saying a word, Buffy turned on her heel and headed out the door, hoping the demon didn't get far.

"We can go back to my place and try and find a solution on the net." Willow offered, seeing Giles nod in her direction.

"Good. You two do that. I need to talk to Angel for a moment."

"Do you think we'll find something?" Xander asked as he and Willow headed out of the house.

"We have to. If we don't then Buffy won't remember Angel anymore."

"You say that like it's a bad thing." Xander mumbled, earning a look from Willow. "C'mon Will, don't you remember all the horrible things that guy did? And some of it was done to us, especially to Giles and Ms. Calendar."

"But that was back when he didn't have a soul. He wasn't himself then, an-and let's not forget that he has done a lot of good too. Like that time he saved us from Spike and his gang when they attacked the school, and remember those poor oppressed warriors that we fought on Thanksgiving? Face it, Xander, he has done a lot more good than evil, at least in the past couple of years."

"If you idolize him so much then why don't you marry him?" Xander muttered, picking up pace as they neared his house.

"You know I am in a happy relationship with Oz. I'm just saying that Buffy needs to remember who Angel is. Trust me, she'll thank us later."

"My day just keeps getting better and better." Buffy resisted the urge to roll her eyes at the vampire lurking in the shadows, continuing her trek through the cementery. She didn't have time to mess around with Spike.

"Go away. I'm busy."

Tossing a cigarette bud to the ground, Spike swept in front of Buffy, chuckling when she shot him an annoyed look. "I know why you're out here. You think finding that demon will reverse the damage it did to your noggin and restore all the puppies and rainbows aspect of your relationship to charming, hunk of a knight boytoy. Tell me, how much do you know about Mr. Tall, Dark, and Handsome? Because from what I overheard, you don't know much."

"Enough to know that I do not need to be having this conversation." Pushing past Spike, Buffy promenaded closer to the place where she had last seen the demon. It wouldn't be long until she found it.

"So I'm assuming you know about the pigs blood he keeps in his fridge, not to mention the millions of lives he has claimed over the years."

Stopping in her tracks, Buffy found herself unable to do anything but stand still, taking all of this information in. It couldn't be true, could it? "Angel's a.."

"Creature of the night, like me? You got it, pet. Except he was far worse than I ever could have been." Advancing slowly in Buffy's direction, Spike leaned in close, allowing his words to tickle the sensitive skin. "Face it, Buffy. You're attracted to the darkness. It's everywhere in this bleeding town. You just haven't allowed yourself to admit it."

"No, you're wrong." Pushing him away with shaky hands, Buffy swiftly delivered a punch across Spike's face, anger coursing through her veins. "I will never be attracted to anything evil, and if that Angel guy is as bad as you say, then, I guess that demon did me a favor. It makes killing him all the more easier."

"Bollocks." Standing up, Spike narrowed his smoldering eyes in the slayer's direction. "I'm evil, and somehow even with no emotional attachments you still can't find it in you to send me to dust city. Even after Angel went all evil and killed some of your friends you still welcomed him back with open arms once he was all soul-having again. Admit it, love. You crave the darkness, and you belong in it, with me."

Shaking her head rapidly, Buffy took several steps back from Spike, the revelation of Angel too much for her to bare. How could she be with someone like that? The only way to know for sure was to get her memories back, but did she even want them back at this point? There was no way she was truly believing Spike's every word, but he had been right about one thing. No matter how hard she tried, she couldn't bring herself to end Spike once and for all, and she hated herself for it. "I will never go into the darkness, especially not with you. I may not remember Angel, but I remember you, and you're nothing, Spike. You may think you mean something to me, but you don't. The only thing I will ever feel for you is disgust."

"Ouch. Right in the non-beating heart that still hasn't been pierced with a stake." Rolling her eyes, Buffy wordlessly walked away from him, needing to locate the demon more than ever now. "You know I'm right! You'll realize that soon enough."

Ignoring Spike's words, Buffy continued walking, swiftly doubling back and heading back in the direction of Giles' house, not yet ready to go out and grab a demon until she knew exactly who Angel is, and why no one told her he is a vampire.

"Giles!" Swinging open the door with more force than necessary, Buffy stormed into the house, scanning the vicinity for any signs of life, but not seeing any. "Great." Huffing lowly, Buffy walked over to the couch, about to sit when muffled voices could be heard coming from another room. Wasting no time, she shoved the door open, coming face to face with Angel and Giles in a middle of a conversation, but it was quickly put to a halt. "Got sidetracked?"

"I'm sorry, Buffy. I was going to come after you, but, I had a feeling you would come back, and...I'm glad you did." Rising from his seat, he made his way towards Buffy, standing inches away as a gentle tone ebbed from his lips. "Giles and I were talking..."

"I know you're a vampire, Angel." Buffy cut in, stopping Angel in his tracks as he looked at her with a bewildered expression.

"How? Are you...getting your memory back?"

"No, but I just wanted to come by and see if it was true, which now I see it is." Her hard gaze settled on Angel as he frowned, knowing he should have told Buffy sooner but it wasn't the right time. "I should kill you."

Giles let out a sigh, having a feeling this would happen. "Buffy, you don't have to kill him. He has a soul. He's not harmful to anyone."

"And I'm sure that makes all the difference." Buffy muttered sardonically, a bit miffed at Giles for not telling her either. "The only way I'll know for sure is if I get my memories of him back."

"I don't think you should," Angel responded in a low tone, catching Buffy off guard. "It hurts me more than you can imagine, but I think this is for the best. You and I were doomed from the beginning. This relationship, it wasn't meant to last forever. I see that now, and it makes it easier to leave town knowing you won't suffer because of it."

"That was a great speech, but why don't you tell me the real reason you don't want my memories of you to return?" A touch of anger entered Buffy's voice as hardened irises narrowed deeply onto Angel's chiseled form. "You're a vampire, which means you've done terrible things in your past, things that you wouldn't want me to know about, hell maybe you've done awful things to me and the fact that I have no memory of it puts your mind at ease. That's why you don't want me to remember you."

There was no denying that a part of Angel was glad Buffy had forgotten all the evil things he did to her and her friends, things he would never be able to take back, but it didn't make things easier on him. "That's not the reason, Buffy. It's far from it."

"And I don't care what it is. If you're going to leave, then do it fast." Giving Angel one last look, Buffy spun around and headed out the door, needing to get away from him, and everyone else for awhile to have some time for herself and clear her thoughts.

Brushing a few strands of hair out of her face, Buffy continued walking away from Giles' house, wanting to get as far from them as possible. It was bad enough that they didn't tell her about Angel, and now they didn't want her to remember him at all. But she had to know. If he had hurt her or her family and friends, then she had a right to remember it, even if regaining a memory of a blood-sucking demon isn't at the top of her to-do-list.

The cool summer breeze blew around Buffy's petite form as the darkened sky continued to occupy the area, allowing the undead to roam freely without worrying about the sun, but they were the least of the slayer's worries. All she wanted to do was find the demon that made her forget Angel and kill it, but that was easier said than done. She had no leads, no clues on how to find this thing or a method of killing it. All Buffy could do now is retrace her steps, and try to remember where she last fought it.

The sound of a twig snapping caused her to roll her eyes, knowing who was lurking in the shadows behind her. "You were a lot more stealthier when you were trying to kill me."

"And you, are a lot more sexier without nancy boy hanging onto your shoulder." Emerging from behind the tree, Spike's smirking face came into full view, along with a bottle of whiskey gripped tightly in his right hand.

Buffy crossed her arms, shooting the advancing vampire an annoyed look. "How many times do I have to reject you until you take a hint and leave me alone?"

"C'mon love, we've been playing this tune for awhile now. Pick something else already. We both know you're wanting to take a peek of the other side, but your sickening love for Angel cakes prevented you from doing that, until now."

"I don't love him." Buffy snapped. "And I will never love you. Just because you think you're better than him or any other demon on this planet doesn't mean that you are."

"And what about you?" Spike countered, his herculean frame now inches away from the young girl. "What makes you better than the lot of us? You may not remember, but I remember you and Angel being together. Sure he had a soul but that never changed the fact that he was still a demon at the core. You felt safe with him, I get that, but love isn't about playing it safe. It's wild, and dangerous. It consumes you until there's nothing left. It's passionate, and leaves you craving more each day, and you wanted it, but were too scared to leave your safety net, until now. You don't know who he is anymore, so stop with the bloody excuses."

Although a large part of Buffy knew Spike was just saying these things to mess with her head, a part of her, a very small one, questioned his speech. An all consuming love did sound overwhelming, and a tad ridiculous, considering you had to burn out at some point, but with no memory of Angel and the love they shared, Buffy found herself moving herself closer to Spike, staying quiet for a few moments before finally speaking. "You're wrong."

"Am I? Try saying those words in a bit more convincing way, slayer." Wrapping his malleable fingers around her bare arm, Spike used his speed to pin Buffy to the side of an old crypt, his face looming in front of hers. "You can only fight the temptation for so long."

"You're right, but at least I can hurt it." Kneeing Spike harshly in the groin, Buffy broke free of his hold and threw the blonde vampire away from him, prior to charging at him again and grabbing his leather jacket, picking Spike up roughly and pinning him against the crypt, her brown orbs glaring harshly at Spike's laughing visage. "You're a real piece of work, slay-"

Not allowing Spike to finish his sentence, Buffy crashed her lips against his, kissing him roughly and passionately as he eagerly kissed her back, a bit surprised by her actions but he wasn't complaining. Transversing masculine digits through the slayer's hair, Spike pulled Buffy closer to him and deepened the kiss, reveling in the sensation of Buffy's body against his own. "Still think you're too good for me, sweetheart?"

The words were muffled but they were enough to make Buffy pull away, a look of shock crossing her visage, hardly able to believe that she and Spike actually kissed.

"Oh god..."

"I believe the word you're looking for is demon." Suddenly shoving Buffy away with all his strength, Spike took a mean right hook to the face from that same monster that attacked Buffy earlier. Groaning in pain, he managed to leap to his feet, watching Buffy do the same. "This demon is gonna die."

"Then once he's dead, you're next." Buffy snapped harshly, still feeling horribly disgusted with herself for getting caught up in the moment like that, but she hated herself even more for having secretly enjoyed Spike's lips pressed against hers. The pull towards him was strong, and the urge to kiss him again was even stronger but right now she had more important things to worry about.

The green-eyed demon shot a nasty look in Buffy's direction as she smirked, watching the monster charge towards her. At the last minute, Buffy leapt into the air, doing a front flip and allowing her feet to connect with the demon's face, causing him to stagger backwards, unable to block the blow that came from behind. Emitting a guttural growl, the demon turned its attention onto Spike, descrying the smirking vampire. "C'mon ugly, don't tell me that's the best you got. I can go all night."

Buffy could see the demon getting agitated with Spike's every word, causing her to sigh. "Do you really have to get him mad?" Taking her focus off of the demon was all it needed to deliver a swift kick to Buffy's stomach, before throwing her against a tombstone. Expelling a low groan, Buffy rose to her feet, anger radiating off her in waves.

"It usually brings out the best in people. I should know." Giving Buffy a knowing look, Spike chuckled softly at the death glare she shot him.

"You have no idea how much I hate you." Dodging the punch that was thrown her way, Buffy expeditiously rolled across the ground and stood up, delivering a hard kick to the demon's abdominal area, and another as Spike jumped the demon from behind, grabbing the muscular neck and twisting it until a snap was heard, followed by a loud tear as Spike ripped its head clean off, watching it roll towards Buffy, whose features twisted in disgust at the gursome sight. "Was that really necessary?"

"Not all demons die from a broken neck. You should know that by now, slayer."

Buffy flaunted a sardonic grin. "Thanks. I'll keep that in mind when I chop yours off."

Stepping over the deceased corpse, Spike ignored the warning flashing in Buffy's carmel irises, making his way towards her casually. "You should relax. I helped you kill the thing that made you forget about soul boy."

"I never asked for your help. I could have killed it."

"You still have no idea, do you? You need me, Buffy, just like I need you." Spike's tone grew softer as the words rolled off his velvety tongue, his hand extending out to touch the side of Buffy's face, stroking her long curls for a moment before frowning a bit, noticing Buffy wasn't doing anything to get him away from her. "Slayer?"

"Angel..." The faint whisper left Buffy's lips as she started to remember everything about her boyfriend. From the first time they met in that dark alley up to where they had been kissing in a cementery. Everything came rushing back, making Buffy sick, remembering what had transpired at Giles' house. "Oh god, what have I done?"

Spike's gaze lingered on Buffy's shaken form, not understanding what she was whispering about, but he had a pretty good guess that she was starting to remember Angel. "You remember him, don't you?"

"Everything." Walking away from Spike, Buffy ran dexterous digits through flaxen locks, shame and guilt consuming her, mainly for what she did with you. "How can I live with myself, knowing what I did?" Fixating her gaze onto the vampire before her, sheer-cold hatred ran through her veins like fire. "You bastard."

"Now now, don't you go and blame me. You kissed me, remember? If you want to blame anyone, blame yourself."

At this point, Buffy wasn't even listening to Spike's words. All she could think about was Angel and the horrible guilt she was feeling inside, even though a small part of her was pissed that Angel could give up on them like that. No, she was going to fix things, she had to.

Seeing Spike still lingering next to her, Buffy resisted the strong urge to reach out and beat him to a bloody pulp. Killing Spike would have to wait until her and Angel were back on good terms. That's all that mattered to Buffy, not some all consuming love with a soulless demon.

Seeing Buffy walk away, Spike reached out to grab her arm, only to be met with a devastating blow to the face, sending him crashing down to the grass and dirt below. "Do not touch me again. The next time I see you, I'll kill you." This time, Buffy felt like she truly met it. They were no longer idle threats, but promises Buffy intended to keep. She needed to rid herself of the small part of her that reveled in Spike's touch, that was constantly begging for more. That side of her would never escape again. Not as long as she was with Angel.

The End

A/N: Whew, it's finally done! I hope you all liked it despite it being my first BTVS fic. I love both Spuffy and Bangel. They're both awesome ships and I may write more about them in the near future. Thanks for reading. :)