Daisuke Jigen was sat at the window of Lupin's hideout. He gazed at the rain trickling down the window pane and sighed. He was alone with his thoughts. He felt himself being dragged into an imaginary place, a dark abyss of emptiness, of emotionless and endless plight. What had he done with his life? He had always wanted to become a surgeon, have a nice family and live out in the countryside. Yes, he wanted to be someone who could save lives, yet he had taken so many of them with his very own gun. Where was his righteous path to enlightenment?

When would he be able to see himself in the best light possible. His potential beamed from inside him and he gave a wry smile as he reminisced about the times he'd spent with Lupin, Goemon and Fujiko on their various missions. Jigen's momentary smile faded as he took the gun which was nestled inside his jacket pocket and stared at it for a while. He gazed back through the window pane and out onto the wet, dark street, illuminated only by a dim light dancing on the puddles like fairies on a pond.

There was a knock at the door and Lupin entered, wearing a different outfit today – Black, all black, no yellow, no white, no red – just black. Lupin watched Jigen, who was still staring out of the window, without flinching even a little at the sound of Lupin entering.

'Jigen…..' Lupin began.

Jigen continued to stare out of the window, emotionless.

'Hey …. Man' Lupin tried again. 'Ji….' He stopped.

Jigen spun around angrily. 'Just what the fuck do you want, Lupin?'

'I uh ….' Lupin stuttered. Before he could finish the sentence, he noticed a tear rolling down Jigen's right cheek from underneath his fedora. 'Jigen?'

Jigen took off his hat and covered his face with it to hide his uncontrollable tears.

'What's up?' Lupin said.

Jigen shuddered in an attempt to stop the tears prematurely. No effect.

'Just ….. leave me alone .. Lupin' Jigen remarked, his voice trembling in despair and now very much full of emotion.

'No…' Lupin mustered up the courage to say, 'I won't …'

Jigen's tears began to dry up as Lupin approached him. 'W-why?'

'Why what?' asked Lupin.

'Why're you bein' so damn nice to me? Now that you've seen me cryin' like a frickin' baby .. just…. Just go!' Jigen murmured.

Lupin took out his handkerchief and wiped the remaining tears from Jigen's face, placing his crumpled fedora on the chair beside them. 'Because …. you deserve a good friend, Jigen'

'Just …. A friend?' Jigen replied.

'Of course! What else were you think-' Lupin was stopped short by Jigen grabbing onto his jacket and burying his face into the soft material.

'I-I don't know how to say this, man…..' Jigen was more serious now.

'Huh?' Lupin seemed to understand, but surely this was all because Jigen was just having a hard time. A friend in need is a friend indeed, right?

'Help me, Lupin…….I just can't express myself properly.' Jigen continued.

'Geez, Jigen, what has gotten into you?' Lupin looked surprised now. 'I mean …. You, you can't be serious, right?'

'So you understand how I feel?' Jigen looked into Lupin's eyes and somehow, instinctively, Lupin stroked Jigen's soft, black hair, letting every strand run through his fingers. 'I don't believe I'm saying this, but ….' Lupin started, '… I guess I've always admired you the most, Jigen…even if I happen to see you crying … nothing's wrong with that… it's human nature after all.'

'I would only let you see me cry, Lupin ….. because I trust you not to tell Goemon … and because .. well…. You mean a lot to me…. Really.' Jigen took Lupin's hand and pressed it against his crotch. It felt hard, really hard, like a block of wood.

Lupin pulled an extremely disgusted face, yet somehow it looked full of excitement at the same time.

'See what I mean, Lupin…… You mean a fuckin' lot…..' Jigen replied.

Lupin felt physically sick, but his fingers instantaneously reached for the zip on Jigen's trousers. Shaking, Lupin crouched down and stuck his mouth around the hard, smooth, silky ……

*Click*

Lupin opened his eyes to find the barrel of a gun pointing down his throat. Jigen laughed and pulled off his face mask.

Zenigata!

'What the-? Pops?' Lupin whimpered.

'Well, well well ….. wait until Interpol hear about how I caught ya' Lupin! With my trousers down and a gun in your face … which, let's face it, you thought was a penis!'

Zenigata took the gun from inside his pants and cocked it *no pun intended* pointing it more directly at Lupin's forehead. Lupin looked dazed. 'So …. If you're pops, where the hell is Jigen?'

'At the police station, with Goemon' Zenigata smiled and looked proud of his achievements for once.

Lupin suddentlly had impure thoughts about Jigen and Goemon and only then did it occur to him how much that would hurt. He cooperated with Inspector Zenigata for the first time, and walked handcuffed to the Police Station with the team of officers assisting him. They arrived at the prison cell and Lupin saw Jigen and Goemon sitting at opposite ends of the room. Jigen was puffing away on a cigarette and Goemon was inspecting his sword… how much more phallic could you get?

'Where the fuck were ya'? Couldn't ya' think of an ingenius plan to rescue us?' Jigen mumbled through his cigarette.

As soon as Lupin was uncuffed, he walked into the prison cell, followed by an evil glare from Goemon's side of the room. Jigen stood up, keeping his head pointed toward the floor, his fedora concealing his eyes as usual. Lupin walked towards him casually and taking his fedora from his head, flicking his cigarette onto the floor and embraced Jigen passionately in a ten second kiss. Jigen winced uncomfortably and pushed Lupin away from him.

'Shit, man! What the frickin' hell was THAT!' Jigen yelled.

'Just a little something I figured out'

'Like what? Like I'm the love of your life?' Jigen joked.

'Something like that' Lupin responded.

'But ….' Jigen couldn't really think of a retort in such a bizarre situation.

'But I'm a guy, you're a guy… hell! We're all guys!' Lupin said, cowering closer to Jigen. Jigen froze, taking another cigarette from the box in his pocket. Lupin took the cigarette from his hands and broke it in half, letting the tobacco fall onto the hard surface beneath them.

'I just wanted to …. Have a cigarette…'

'I tell ya' what, Jigen …. How about you smoke…. THIS!' Lupin unzipped his trousers and pulled off his underwear to reveal his admittedly rather sizable penis. Goemon freaked out.

'LUPIN! What's happening? Ughh!' he yelled.

Lupin grabbed Jigen's head and forced it towards his penis. Jigen was literally going to throw up! He began to choke.

The guards outside of the prison cell wretched in total disgust until they had to remove themselves from view of the event. They ran to the bathroom to finish their sickness and repulsion there.

Jigen could not move, he was in a headlock.

Lupin threw a bunch of keys to Goemon. 'Now, Goemon!' Goemon smiled and ran over to the steel bars that confine them in the cell. He managed to unlock the door and after checking that the coast was clear, he signalled for Lupin to follow.

Lupin slipped his underwear back on and zipped up his trousers and dragged Jigen along with him. Jigen was splattering everywhere and could not regain his breath, especially considering he was being jolted around by Lupin in an attempt to escape prison – plus the penis thing.

The three guys made it back to the hideout safely, without being caught by Zenigata and co.

'L-LUPIN!' Jigen shouted after getting his breath back, 'WHAT DO YA THINK YOU WERE DOIN THERE, MAN?'

'Oh nothing, it's just that pops gave me that fantastic idea! Great plan though, wasn't it?' Lupin giggled.

Jigen took out his gun and pointed it at Lupin's head. Goemon drew his sword and positioned it across his neck.

'Aw, come on! Don't get jealous now….'