The World Is So Big

by Lenneth le-Fay

The world is so big. The world is so big. So big. So full of light. And yet we still feel alone. We watch others, lovers. And write about it. Even when we can barely see the keys we always type on through our tears.

The world is so big. The world is so big. So big. So full of light. And yet we still feel alone. We watch others, lovers. And write about it. Even when we can barely see the keys we always type on through our tears.

There's so much happiness. But so much grief. Nothing lasts forever. We were taught that from birth. Raised to be so cold. Yet why do we feel so much grief?

I think I know. It's because we were so happy. There was so much love. And then the sun disappeared. How could something so alive be gone? How could one person cause so much grief?

I would have followed you into the dark. But now I can't. And my God, I hate you much. I hate that I love you so much. I tried not to care, but I always did. I pretended not to, kept it close. And it stayed there close.

When I was alone, I let it go. When I was alone, I cried myself to sleep. Rocked myself back and forth to your gentle song. To your dying breaths. Longed for arms around me. But never let anyone see I needed them.

I convinced the world I was alright. Even myself. I believed one day it would be. But you aren't there to keep me believing. Maybe I'll tell you, after this day is over. When the next one comes, maybe I'll see you.

But it's been such a long day.

We were so close. So happy. So much light. It's only fitting I never see light again. You know, I can see the keys I'm typing on now. Because my tears dried. I can't wipe them, and they'll remain on my face until someone comes.

And then I'll come back to you. And hide them again. All those moments, you were there. I worked so hard. And we were together. Until it was ripped away. Those memories won't go anywhere.

In the end, I'll come home to you. Because even though we never were, we were the best. The only love story that made me this heartbroken. The only people who made me feel this much. The only ones who I ever cried this much for.

You showed me the greatest happiness, the deepest rivers, and lows. Ripped my heart out. Put it back. You emptied me of tears and hardened my heart. Because I'll never cry after seeing something like this.

The clouds will pass us by. Each day dawns darker. Your smile was so sad. But so kind. I'm rocking myself to sleep now. Again. Again. This grief is so addicting.

You never had enough time. I could never write without meaning it. It's never just a story for me. They were always part of my heart, just as much as the realities were.

Maybe more. Here, I'll be someone. There, I'll be the one I want. You've carved out a part of my heart, and you're the only one who can fill it back. But even if you came back, could you?

You took my tears, and you won't share. You think it was your time to die? Maybe it was. I don't care. I still need you.

I remember you when you looked so young. Innocent. Sweet. And I hate that the world took it from you. You were a king. All of you. So much power. In love, in happiness. So much might, kindness.

Heaven had a plan for us. It was the wrong one. I'll wake up one day. But for how long will I be alone?

You were there when I felt pathetic. Alone. Stupid. Worthless. You reminded me I'm not. Reminded me that there was something for me there. You showed me a life worth living. I'm putting a puzzle together. Of you and us and me and everyone.

Each time I see you, it feels new again. Even as people, you hated each other. Then, you knew. Right when you became friends, you didn't. And here my tears end. But I won't dry them this time.