DINNER FOR ONE IN MISERYVILLE
A/N: A while ago, I made a parody of the popular vaudeville and tv sketch "Dinner For One" starring Madame Foster as Miss Sophie, Mr. Herriman as James, and four other Cartoon Network seniors as the absent guests. Just for fun and kicks, I decided to do a Jimmy Two Shoes version as well. This one's starring Heloise as Miss Sophie, Jimmy as James, and four "dark" cartoon characters as the absent guests.
If I have never heard of (or seen) "Dinner For One" before, please check out the links on my page, or just go straight to YouTube.
The Setting: A large dining salon with a table set for five people, including Heloise, who is seated at the head of the table (on the right). A stair case is seen on the right, a serving bar on the left side of the room. On the floor between the table and the serving bar is a gruggly-beast rug, complete with head. Heloise comes down the stairs into the dining salon. Dressed as a butler, Jimmy greets her...
Jimmy: Good evening, Heloise, good evening.
Heloise: Good evening, Jimmy.
Jimmy: You're looking very well tonight, Heloise.
Heloise: Yeah, I'm feeling much better, thank you, Jimmy.
Jimmy: Great!
Heloise: I've gotta say, everything looks nice.
Jimmy: Thank you very much, Heloise, thank you.
Heloise: Is everybody here?
Jimmy: Sure, they are, yeah. They're all here for your anniversary, Heloise.
Heloise: All five places laid out?
Jimmy: All laid out as usual.
Heloise: Anti-Cosmo?
Jimmy: Anti-Cosmo, yeah, he's sitting here this year, Heloise.
No one except Heloise is seated at the table as Jimmy indicates where the four invisible guests are seated.
Heloise: General Chapuza?
Jimmy: General Chapuza is sitting here, Heloise.
Heloise: Him?
Jimmy: Him, I put round here for you.
Heloise: And my very dear friend, the Grim Reaper?
Jimmy: On your right, as you requested, Heloise!
Heloise: Thank you, Jimmy. Now serve the soup.
Jimmy: The soup, thank you very much, Heloise, thank you. They're all waiting for ya. Little drop of weavil soup, Heloise?
Heloise: I am particularly fond of weavil soup, Jimmy.
Jimmy: Yeah, I know you are.
Heloise: I think we'll have sherry with the soup.
Jimmy: Sherry with the soup, yes... Oh, by the way, the same procedure as last year, Heloise?
Heloise: Same procedure as every year, Jimmy. Is that a dry sherry, Jimmy?
Jimmy: Oh yeah, very dry sherry, Heloise... very dry. Straight outta the cellar, this morning, Heloise.
Jimmy goes around the table pouring sherry for each guest. Then he walks over to the serving bar with the sherry bottle, tripping on the gruggly-beast rug head as he does so. He puts the bottle down and goes back to the table, standing behind the chair where Anti-Cosmo is supposedly seated. He lifts Anti-Cosmo's glass and makes a toasting gesture towards Heloise, who also has a glass in her hand.
Heloise: Anti-Cosmo!
Jimmy: Cheerio, Heloise!
Jimmy takes a drink for Anti-Cosmo.
Heloise: General Chapuza!
Jimmy: Ad... Do I havta say it this year, Heloise?
Heloise: Just to please me, Jimmy.
Jimmy: Just to please ya. Very good, yeah, yeah... Salud!
Jimmy drinks and clicks his heels together as he says "Salud!" and reacts in pain.
Heloise: Him!
Jimmy: (in a shrill, falsetto voice) Happy New Year, Heloise!
Jimmy drinks the entire glass for Him.
Heloise: And dear Grim!
Jimmy: (in a deep, fake Jamaican voice) Well, here we are again, mon...
Heloise: Now serve the fish.
Jimmy: Fish. Excellent, Heloise. Did you enjoy the soup?
Heloise: Delicious, Jimmy.
Jimmy: Thanks, Heloise, glad you enjoyed it.
Jimmy hobbles over to the serving bar, once again stumbling over the gruggly-beast head. Takes the "fish" over to Heloise.
Jimmy: Little bit of Lake Heinous mermaid, Heloise?
Heloise: I think we'll have white wine with the mermaid.
Jimmy: White wine with the mermaid? The same procedure as last year, Heloise?
Heloise: The same procedure as every year, Jimmy!
Jimmy: Yeah!
Jimmy goes over to get the white wine, once again stumbling over the gruggly-beast head. He gets the wine bottle and fills each person's glass. As he pours for Anti-Cosmo, he has an imaginary, silent conversation with Anti-Cosmo, then pours him some more wine as if it had been requested. As he takes the bottle back to the serving bar he fails to stumble over the gruggly beast head. Then he heads back to the table and stumbles over the gruggly beast head.
Heloise: Anti-Cosmo!
Jimmy: Cheerio, Heloise, me gal.
Jimmy drinks the wine from the glass of each guest as he toasts/greets Heloise.
Heloise: General Chapuza!
Jimmy: Do I havta, Heloise?
Heloise: Jimmy, please!
Jimmy: Salud! (Clicks heels together and again reacts in pain. )
Heloise: Him!
Jimmy: Happy New Year, Heloise!
Heloise: Grim!
Jimmy: You look younger than ever, love! By gum, you look younger than ever, mon, younger than ever! Ha, ha, ha...
Jimmy is now showing the effects of his many toasts, weaving about and hesitating as he rounds the table. He takes Heloise's plate.
Heloise: Please serve the eagle!
Jimmy: Yeah...
Jimmy stumbles over to the serving bar, tripping over the gruggly-beast head. He brings the chicken to Heloise, wobbling as he does so.
Heloise: That looks like a very green bird!
Jimmy: That's a lovely chu... chuk... chicken, tI'll tell ya that, a lovely...
Heloise: I think we'll have champagne with the eagle!
Jimmy: Champagne, yeah... Same...same prosheeed-ure as last year, Heloise?
Heloise: The same procedure as every year, Jimmy!
Jimmy stumbles over to the serving bar for the champagne, again tripping over the gruggly-beast head. He pours champagne for each person, now wobbling and weaving even more than before.
Jimmy: Heloise, me gal...
Heloise: General Chapuza!
Jimmy: Do I havta, Heloise?
Heloise: Jimmy!
Jimmy: Salud!
Jimmy tries to click his heels but misses and dances about for a moment.
Heloise: Him!
Jimmy: Happy New Year, Heloise...
Heloise: Grim!
Jimmy: To one of the nicest little women... hic... to ONE OF THE NISCHEST LEETEL WOMEEEN! - that's ever breathed, that's ever breathed... Not now Billy, can't you see I'm raising a toast?
Jimmy makes a loud burping sound, then grabs Heloise's chair, almost tipping her over backwards. He somehow manages to take her plate of eagle over to the bar, stumbling over the gruggly beast head as the plate flies up in the air.
Jimmy: You want some chocolate?
Takes a bowl of chocolate over to Heloise, zooming past her and half-way up the stairs, then back down to her.
Heloise: I think we'll have port with the chocolate!
Jimmy: Oh, no! Sa... same procedure, sa... same procedure as last...
Heloise: Yeah, the same procedure as every year, Jimmy!
Jimmy gets the bottle of port and returns, shakily, to the table. He has difficulty pouring the port, sloshing it all over as he attempts to pour for Heloise and her guests. Finally, he takes a swig from the bottle as he hops over the gruggly beast head. He then returns to the table, wobbily.
Heloise: Anti-Cosmo!
Jimmy: I'll get you for this, Timmy Turner...
Heloise: General Chapuza!
Jimmy: Salud!
Heloise: Him!
Jimmy: (Spills glass) I'm sorry, Heloise, sorry. (Scoops the spilled port off the table cloth into his glass and drinks.)
Heloise: Grim!
Jimmy accidentally grabs a flower vase, removes the flowers and drinks from the vase. Then he grimaces as he realizes what someone else has been doing in that particular vase:
Jimmy: Huuhh, damn you Cerbee!
Heloise: Well, Jimmy, it's been a wonderful party!
Jimmy: Yeah, it's been pretty enjoyable.
Heloise: And now I think I'm gonna retire.
Jimmy: You're going to sleep?
Heloise gets off her chair and grabs Jimmy firmly by the collar.
Heloise: No! As I was saying, I think I'm gonna retire! Capishe?
Jimmy: Yeah, I hear ya. By the way, the same procedure as last year, Heloise?
Heloise: The same procedure as every year Jimmy!
Jimmy: Well, I'll do my very best!
Helose: You'd better!
Stil holding him by the collar, Heloise drags Jimmy up the stairs, and they disappear off-stage.
The End