Office Ponies
By: JumboPretzelMan
Chapter One: Fountain
"What the hell Jim?" Dwight Schrute was a salesman, and he had just come back from the annex to see his desk was covered in cyan pepper. This wasn't the first time it had happened either.
"Why are you blaming it on me? What have I ever done to you?" Jim Halpert, also a salesman, said that sarcastically of course for he did *almost* foolproof pranks like this on Dwight almost every day. His Girlfriend Pam Beesly - who was the third of the three salesmen - was across from him snickering at Dwight's reaction to the silly prank.
"Alright, alright, calm down my itty-bitty children. I'm sure this is all a misunderstan- *a-A-ACHOO!* Jesus, Jim! You really outdid yourself this time. What is all this crap? Red pollen?" Deluded boss Michael Scott was the regional manager of the Scranton branch for the paper company called Dunder Mifflin.
"Michael, Jim covered my desk with cyan pepper and as punishment, I demand that you fire him." Dwight always thought he had high authority because of how amazing he was at his job. However, in the end, he had just as much as anyone else in the office.
"No, Dwight, I can't fire him for putting cyan pepper on your desk for the seven-zillionth time. Just let it go!"
"I am not letting anything go! Find that and many other tips to being a great leader in my book, Dwight Schrute's-"
"Shut up about your stupid book! No-one cares, ya dork!" Michael knocked the book onto the floor. Dwight had been promoting the book for weeks. It only had 3 downloads on amazon anyway.
"Alright, you two, in my office. Now!"
"Yes sir!" Dwight said enthusiastically.
As they entered the office, Michael was looking… different. He had on a different tie, it looked like he had a new haircut, and it looked like he got plastic surgery… No, he probably just woke up like that and forgot to shower. "Jim, Dwight, what the hell is wrong with you guys? Why can't you just be friends?"
"I can't make friends with my enemies, it's against my hatred for Jim."
"Do I need to take you two to the My Little Pony world to make you learn about friendship?" Michael said, with half- sarcasm and half seriousness as if to confuse them.
"Oh, yes, you should. That would be awesome. I always wanted to meet Twilight Sprinkle." Jim didn't watch My Little Pony, but Cece did.
"Wooooaahhh! Jim likes My Little Pony! Hear that everyone? What an egghead!" Michael needed all the attention he could get.
"Michael, Are you on drugs?"
"Shut up, Dwight! God, why are you so strict about drugs? I mean what if I was on drugs?"
"Then I would turn you into the police. It's part of my duty as a volunteer sheriff's deputy-"
"Shhhhh! Do you hear that Dwight?"
"What?"
"That's the sound of nobody caring. Hear it?"
"There's plenty of people who care about drug use. In fact, 43,000 people died from drug overdoses this year. That's why it's important to not use drugs if you want to be a good leader. That reminds me-"
"No no no no no. no. NO! No more leadership book crap!"
Jim interrupted before things escalated, as they always do. "You know what? I think you should take us to the My Little Pony world. It would be a great break and a valuable lesson for all of us." This has got to be good, he thought to himself.
"You're totally right! Totes! All aboard the work bus! In like 10 minutes though. I need to call them first." The work bus was a bus that held up to 20 people and has desks, chairs, internet, outlets… It was like a boss's paradise. Or a teenager's, either way it suits Michael well. Sure enough, it was there 10 minutes later .
"OK, time to go to the My Little Pony world everyone! Exited?" a few of them snickered, not knowing what he really meant by it. "And heeere weeee gooo- no wait…" he tried timing it with the bus, and ultimately failed. Multiple times. "And… gooooo!- OOF!" He slipped and fell because he forgot to sit down. There was a loud thud and a laugh from Stanley and Phyllis who were both sales representatives that loved to laugh.
"Michael, are you okay/ You fell right on your tailbone, you could've fractured-"
"Shut the hell up! God, you're so annoying! Just shut your mouth before I make you! I don't want your stupid sympathies!" Toby Flenderson always cared about Michael, although Michael hated the man who worked at human resources.
"Michael, you need to be nicer to Toby. He just wants to make you feel better." Said Angela, one of the accountants.
"Yeah, go easy on him." Oscar, also an accountant, was on Angela's side of things most of the time because… to put it short, they had a bad past and he feels the need to be nice to her.
"No, Angela, I will not be nicer, and no Oscar I will not 'go easier on him'. That's what she said!" Michael smirked.
"Michael, that doesn't"
"Shut up Dwight, I say what I want. It's a free country. If I want to say something, or kill someone I will. O.J. Simpson."
"Not a real quote." Jim mumbled.
"I met O.J. Simpson once. We played checkers." Creed Bratton-the undoubtedly weirdest of the bunch-was wanted for committing many crimes- but no one needs to know that.
"Sure, me too Creed. Now stop talking or you're fired!" A few sighs arose from the tired employees.
There were spontaneous events that occurred in between then and arriving at their destination. This included people falling out of their chairs, coffee cups spilling, etc. But the biggest and best one was when Jim pulled Dwight's chair out from under him when he stood up because when he sat down, he missed his chair and shook the ground so violently, the vibrations carried his ceramic coffee mug off the table and spilled the flaming hot coffee all over his suit and tie. But besides that, it was a peaceful ride… until they got to their destination.
"Here we are!" Michael sounded nervous, but most of the time that meant he was excited.
"Why are we at a fountain? And why is it here in the middle of nowhere?"
"Why, to become ponies of course!" Michael said in a slight accent to pam.
"Michael, what are we really doing here?"
"I told you, We're going to the land of Equestria because of Jim and Dwight! I read that there's a portal in a fountain that goes to the My Little Pony universe. This is your punishment Jim and Dwight!" Pam was concerned with what Michael had planned but just shrugged it off as another one of his jokes. "What we're gonna to do is jump in that fountain and it will turn into a portal that makes us ponies!" Nobody believed him of course.
"Alright then, you go first. We'll wait for ya." Stanley hudson was the laughing type. He liked two things in the world… watching stupid people do stupid things and crossword puzzles.
"Fine, I will, since all of you are non-believers. You know if nobody believed in jesus, addition wouldn't exist." Michael then stepped off the bus before anyone could respond and slowly started walking towards the fountain, constantly looking back to see if they were watching. And boy, were they. He had finally approached the 'portal' and was now getting ready to jump into it. "Alright, see ya on the other side, suckas!" He then jumped in the fountain only to be disappointed by the feel of water splash against side him. "What the… I could've sworn… Eww, it smells like dead fish! Blech! Gross gross gross gross gross!"
"That's probably because you just jumped on them all. I did that once, but it was because I couldn't afford dinner." Everyone looked at Meredith in disgust. She was probably the craziest one of the bunch.
"I think I just have the wrong one. Driver, set the coordinates to the fountain in the park!"
"I can't use coordinates, what sort of universe do you live in?" The bus driver replied in an obnoxious attitude.
"Whatever, go to the one at the park! You know where!" The bus driver just sighed and closed the doors with a squeak as Michael got back on the bus, drenching the floor with water.
"Michael, don't you think this is a waste of company time? We could be doing important things." said Phillis.
"Like what, curing cancer?"
"Not cool, Michael."
Five minutes later, they had arrived. "Alright, let's hope this one works. If it doesn't, oh well. We'll just go to Equestria in our imaginations or something." He then exited the bus and walked toward the new fountain-which was slightly smaller and wasn't currently on-and jumped in, expecting another hard ground, which is what he got. "Damn it, I really shouldn't believe those stupid articles. Let's go back to-" In amazement, his body fell straight through the water as if there was nothing there in the middle of his sentence.
"What the hell just happened?" Dwight, baffled by the sight of this, was going crazy. "More importantly, how deep is that fountain?"
"I don't know, but we're wasting time if he's drowning. Let's go!" They then followed Pam off of the bus and gathered around the fountain. She put her hand in it and realized that there was no water there at all- it was some sort of illusion. "Well, someone has to go in there. I'll go."
"Are you sure you want to do this Pam?" said Jim, concerned.
"Yes, Jim. I'll be fine. What's the worst that could happen?" She then put both of her feet on the ledge and jumped in… Poof! She was gone.
"What the hell? I'm coming Pam!" Jim then did the same.
"Oh yeah! Magic portal y'all!" Said Kelley, as she jumped in too.
And then, one after another, they all jumped in the magical fountain, Their physical bodies slipping from reality and into another dimension, or rather another land… Equestria.