A You Won

A You Won't Be Mine

Won't Be Mine

A HP Song fic By Kristen Bays

Lyrics from "Won't Be Mine" by Matchbox Twenty

Disclamer: I don't own Remus Lupin, Sirius Black, Severus Snape, Voldemort, Dumbledor, anything magical, or the song Wont be mine…they belong to JK Rowling and Matchbox Twenty, respectively. The only things I own are some clothes, some CDs, a computer, copies of the HP books, and an over active imagination. I honestly don't know where this fic came from or why the hell its so depressing…well actually I do know, I was driving home from school and the song "Wont be mine" started playing on my mixCD and this was the first thing that popped into my little brain. If you have never heard this song you should! Its by Matchbox Twenty off of their "Mad Season" album. It's the last song on the cd and if you listen to the end of the track after about 2.5 minutes of silence you'll get to hear a shweeeeeeet symphonic version of the songs main melody.

Oh. And I have to rate this "R" cause Sirius is a potty mouth and likes to say the f word a lot. Plus it deals with some mature themes like suicide (No one dies though!)

Parts 1 and 2 take place some time before Prisoner of Azkaban, Part 3 takes place sometime before book 4 but its not specific. If you havent read book 4 yet, part 3 might not make since cause you don't know that Snape was a deatheater…oops.

Anywho…on with the fic!

Part 1/3: Remus Lupin

Take your head around the world

See what you get

From your mind

Out. I had to leave. I had to get away from everything. From Gordric's Hollow where I had lived next door to the Potters, from England, from my memories and regrets, from my guilt. I still to this day blame their deaths on myself. If only…. But I digress. Hindsight is always 20-20. After Sirius' trial and imprisonment in the hell the wizarding world calls "Azkaban" I left Great Britain. I didn't really care where I went.

The first ship leaving port that I found was headed for Russia through the North Sea so I took it, stowing away until I was found and kicked off. For a while I lived in Romania, helping the local wizarding folk ward off pests and unwanted magical nuisances. That is until they found out what I was and booted me out. From there I traveled south, to Turkey and Greece, then on to Israel and Egypt.

For a long time I bandied the idea 'round in my head to go farther east, to India and China. I had always heard tales of great wolf packs that had made their way to the Himalayans and were living quite peacefully out of the jurisdiction of human kind.

Human-kind. Haha. I suppose that it's funny after all the time I spent with humans I can't think of myself as one. Even my human name marks me as an outsider. Lupin. Wolf. It's almost as if fate branded me to be sub-human from the beginning. Sometimes I wonder if my parents were strong in divination.

Write your soul down word for word

See who's your friend

Who is kind

I never made it to the orient. I was somewhere living on a street in Iraq when I saw a group of Europian wizards on holiday discussing modern affairs in a café. I eavesdropped a bit, long enough to realize that they were discussing a book that one had read. Hairy Snout, Human Heart by an anonymous author. The wizard that had read the book was a critical reviewer for a well-known literary house, Horatius Literary. He "was forced" to do a review of the book, in which he "Labeled it for the foolhearty tripe it was"

"Honestly, who would ever believe that a creature like a werewolf would be capable of human emotions"

I nearly died in that moment. The anonymous author was myself. The book was written over the period of 3 summers during my time at Hogwarts as a type of therapy suggested by Albus Dumbledore. It was my own personal account of living life and growing up as a werewolf, a "sub-human" in hopes that "human-kind" would read it and understand.

Silly me…wanting to change the world in 400 pages.

It probably didn't help that a great deal of the subject matter discussed in the book was my own personal love life…after all, having a girlfriend meant letting her be close enough to know what I am. And what woman could love a monster.

I've resigned my self to the fact I will never find love

It's almost like a disease

I have the worst disease known to man. A disease that physically takes away your humanity. A disease that wont directly kill you ever. One that is nearly impossible to live with. I cant live with. Not anymore.

I know soon you will be

Over the lies, you'll be strong

You'll be rich in love and you will carry on

But no – oh no

No you won't be mine

Now I run again. I just want it to end.