Darker Secrets Have Been Kept

Baralai's Story

by Rikku-Hoshi

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This is a story I wrote for my cousin, quite some time ago. I'll give you just a little brief bit about it. You see, I originally started this story in early November of 2004, which was about a year ago. I wrote the first chapter, and then put it on hiatus. Then, in late December of the same year, my cousin requested that I write her a fanfiction starring Baralai. Being that I had already started this one, I decided to continue it for her. Now...If you don't know already, you should know that I LOVE the Japanese artist Gackt Camui to death. I even joined his fan club! Being that I love him so much, and his music inspires a great deal of my writing, I decided to choose a song to fit the mood of this story and listen to that song, and then name my chapter after it. So, each chapter is named after a Gackt song. Anyway, I'm rather proud of this story, but sometimes I worry that it doesn't make much sense! ;; I'm so proud of it, though, that I just may make a fansite for it! What it would be is a little 'about' and it would probably have downloads to the Gackt songs I used. Anyone interested? Well then, without further ado, I shall allow you to finally read chapter one! Enjoy!

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Chapter 1: Lust for Blood

A strange smile formed on my lips as I watched out the window as the rain fell on people below, who hurriedly tried to find their way to someplace safe from the water that was falling from the dark clouds high in the sky. Maybe my smile was one of amusement, or perhaps the smell that rain always brought was something I thought of as pleasant, I cannot entirely say. All I knew was that there was indeed a smile on my face.

I played with my upper lip in thought, watching as the busy streets below quickly became desolate with a strange eerie glow from the streetlights that cast shadows and lit up rain.

At the current moment, I was standing outside myself, although under an overhead roof that kept me safe from the rain, on the balcony of the fifth floor of the Bevelle Temple. This floor had once been where Lord Mica himself had lived, three years ago.

Sighing, I made my way inside the cold, desolate halls of my floor of the temple, thinking how, really, I was more than likely one of the only people in the huge temple for the night. Not that it bothered me.

I was a loner; I always had been, always would be. I didn't know why I enjoyed being by myself, but I did, and that was that. I didn't need friends, and hadn't needed them for quite some time now. What...Three years already since I had been friendless?

Three Years Ago...

"My name is Baralai," I had said, quite stubbornly, actually, to that commander who

thought he was in charge. 'Thought' was the perfect term for someone like himself. He had dark, unruly hair that went everywhere and fell all the way down to his shoulders.

'Disgusting use of authority', I had felt to myself, watching as his dull blue eyes searched me over, 'I know exactly what he's thinking. What does some Yevon Priest want with the Crusaders?'

That's exactly what came out of his mouth then, too.

"What does some Yevon Priest want with the Crusaders?" he snorted, reading my thoughts.

"You know, my thoughts exactly," I answered, almost in an annoyed tone, "What does a Yevon Priest want with the Crusaders?" Now it was my turn to snort, but I simply just shrugged and said, "This Yevon Priest doesn't know what he wants." Then, I walked past him, toward the barracks to collect my assignment.

That is how I, Baralai, the so-called 'Yevon Priest' made his way through the gates of the Mushroom Rock Road onwards to the Crusaders' Headquarters.

The barracks were as unruly as the young men who resided in them, and our overseer was the exact opposite of what one would expect an overseer to be.

The stereotype of an overseer is a large dark-skinned man, his muscles large and bulgy, and his mouth always chewing on something. Our overseer was as different from this stereotype as could be.

Sir Whip was his name, and many simply would cringe at the sound of his name and ask to be in different barracks. But Sir Whip was a small man, smaller than myself by far, with small little arms and large eyes. His hair was so short that there was barely any hair at all on his small misshapen head. He had large black glasses that would constantly slip down his nose, and most importantly, he wouldn't have known strict if it had ran up to him and stole his glasses.

Sir Whip was a wimp. That was all there was to it.

Most of the young men in my barracks were just a wimpy as Sir Whip, but all of them laughed at me, saying I was the wimpiest among them. I took everything that came to me. The lack of friends, the scorns I received from my commanders in training, and the rumors that everybody told about me.

It's true...Even I myself had no idea why someone like myself had signed up to join the Crusaders. Especially since I knew secrets about the Crusaders that even the highest ranked officers didn't know.

After all, I was Baralai, son of...

I broke off my thoughts then, shaking my head, leaving the rough rocks of Mushroom Rock Road three years ago and returning to where I stood now, alone in my chamber of the Bevelle temple.

Swallowing, I shook my head again and again to regain myself, before finally walking away from my room, and back to the desolate and dark halls of the temple.

My boots clicked very softly on the stone floor beneath me, but I ignored the sound, as I often did. My mind was elsewhere, however, and no matter how hard I tried to bring myself back to the cold halls of the temple, I found I couldn't.

I cursed myself with a shake of my head for letting myself slip into the past–something I had spent the last three years desperately trying not to do. Once I slipped back, it was nearly impossible for me to bring myself back to reality.

Closing my eyes, I could only lean against the stone wall and sigh. There was no way I could ever forget anything that had happened in my past, no matter how hard I could try to. For now, the only thing I could do was remember...

"We're looking for the strongest, and perhaps smartest, and therefore most talented members of this rank to join up with what will become the most notable of the Crusaders. As of now, they will be known, and forever more as the 'Crimson Squad'."

When I heard the man who had come to our rank to tell us this, I grew extremely excited. This would be my chance to finally prove myself. This would be my chance to finally become something. Of course, if I knew what I knew now, I would have eagerly jumped out of the way, and allowed some other fool to take my place. However, at that time, that fool was me.

There was so much I knew, so much that others didn't. The Crimson Squad, however, was one of the only mysteries of Spira that I didn't understand. Or...Perhaps I had...

I had worked hard; harder than anyone I knew ever had. Harder than my trainers, even. My goal wasn't to defeat Sin, as everybody else's hopes were. Defeating Sin was impossible. Well, perhaps not 'impossible', but for a Crusader to defeat Sin...Well, let's just say I'd believe that I was a squirrel before I'd ever believe even for a second that a Crusader could defeat Sin.

I had realized my purpose some time ago. I couldn't be who I was. I had to get away. I had to get away from my childhood, my home, my faith, and the things I'd stumbled across over the years. I thought the Crimson Squad was my way out. But instead, the Crimson Squad just reentered me to the secrets of my past.

My thoughts broke off as there was a knock on my door. I jumped, and the dark surroundings of that hazy day in Mushroom Rock where I had joined the Crimson Squad disappeared. I was in my bed chamber of the temple, where I had first lost myself. The knock on the door repeated itself, and, shaking my head, did my best to regain myself, and I went to open it.

Out the door stood one of the priests of the temple, and I felt myself trying to calm down, as I realized that thinking of past events had really shaken me up. Badly.

"Yes?" I said, probably sounding annoyed, for I know I looked annoyed.

"There's a caller here to see you," the priest said, obviously not noting my annoyed tone.

"Who is it?" I said, probably sounding yet more annoyed.

"It's a young man...Hm...I forgot his name already," the priest just said, and, honestly, appeared to be feeling as much ennui toward me as I was feeling toward him.

"Well, tell him I've retired to bed," I just said, attempting to shut my door.

The priest, almost acting reluctant to see me leave, grabbed the door, and said, "This caller says he needs to talk to you now."

Sighing, I gave a disgusted sort of snort, and said, "This had better be worth my time."

"It seems to me," the priest said, "That this caller is here for something related to the Lady Yuna, I believe."

"Oh?" I just said, raising an eyebrow, "And what does the Lady Yuna want with me?"

I wasn't trying to be nasty, necessarily, but it did come out that way.

"My Lord, if I may," the priest said, an annoyance ringing in his voice, "But the Lady Yuna is the one who defeated Sin. You really shan't speak of her in that tone."

"I meant it not," I said, sighing, "It's just late...I'm very tired."

"I understand," the priest said, although to me, it appeared as if the priest had other things on his mind than my tiredness.

Reluctantly, the priest led me down the narrow, candle-lit corridors of the temple, and down the staircase to the main floor, where a young, blonde-haired man was standing with his back to the stairs, looking at some statue.

"May I help you?" I said, although, try as he might, his voice still sounded annoyed.

The young man turned around, and crossed his arms across his chest, looking at me. He appeared to be about the age of twenty, but looked quite boyish.

"Are you Baralai?" he said, his blue eyes looking straight into mine.

"Yes, I am," I just said, also crossing my arms across my chest, "What can I do for you."

"My name is Tidus," the blonde said, and leaned against the wall. If anyone looked to have an expression of ennui, it wasn't I, but this Tidus.

"Oh?" I just said, although for some reason, the name Tidus did seem to ring a bell somewhere in my mind.

Tidus yawned, as if waiting for me to recognize him.

"Do I know you?" I said, my annoyance showing.

"Well, you should," Tidus said, giving me a look that I took as one of disgust, "I'm Lady Yuna's...Er...Ex-guardian."

"Ah...Now your name sounds familiar," I said, "I suppose I've heard of you. What brings you here?"

"Well, it's about Yuna," Tidus said, still looking at me with that same bored and disgusted look, "She seems to have come across something in a scripture that's been bothering her. But I haven't the slightest clue what it is."

"Oh?" I just said, giving Tidus the same look of boredom and disgust that he had been giving me.

"Yeah. She came here about a week ago, and read some scriptures. Ever since, she's been actin' pretty weird. I'd like to see the scriptures."

"Well I'm sorry, Sir," I said, stretching out the word Sir, for I wasn't entirely sure this Tidus deserved even that title, "but I can't just allow anyone into the scripture room."

I suppose here it was when I noticed that the candles that lit the front hall were glistening off of wet specks all over Tidus' outfit, which appeared to be some sort of blitzball uniform. His hair was dripping wet, and there was in fact creating a small puddle upon the stone's floor.

Tidus' disgusted face suddenly transformed into a large scowl, and he took a step toward me, wearing not only that scowl, but a look of distress, which surprised me.

"You will let me read those scriptures," he said with his mouth clenched tight. He hands were in fists, which at first scared me, but I just sighed and remained calm.

"Sir," I said, shaking my head, "It's late. Besides, only certified members of Yevon can enter the scripture room."

"There is no Yevon!" Tidus said, crossing his arms, "Besides, something's bothering Yuna, and I'm going to find out what it is!"

"Why don't you tell me the scripture number and I'll have one of the lobby men look it up first thing tomorrow morning, and then send you back a report," I just said, holding my voice still. I didn't know why, but there seemed to be a terrible intermixing of our vibes. Tidus was giving off a terrible air around me, and I supposed that actually, I was probably giving off a terrible air to him, as well. I could tell right then and there that we would never be anything other than enemies.

There weren't a lot of people that I felt this way around. Actually, there were only a few who had ever given off such an air about them. Thinking back on this, I swallowed, as I remembered one man in particular...

"This is your captain."

Those words shot me out of my daydream, as I looked around the sunny desert of Bikanel Island. Ahead of me stood a man dressed all in red, and a man who appeared to be very strict. He was supporting himself by a cane, and glanced around at all of us from behind a pair of half-shaped glasses, with dark, squinty eyes behind those glasses.

"That man can hardly stand up, let alone be a captain!" I heard a blonde next to me say. I turned around and looked at the blonde, noticing there was an eye-patch strewn across his right eye.

"You," the captain said then, pointing to the blonde, "Will be on my side."

The blonde just gave a little bow, I supposed to be funny, and went and stood by the captain.

I couldn't help but yawn then, for I had been standing for some time. However, this captain caught me in the act, and said, "You, Priest boy. Over here as well."

The men around me snickered, and I just frowned and went and joined the captain and the one-eyed blonde.

There were other captains, I realized who were also choosing two men for training. There were also a series of recorders positioned around us, all catching what they could in their sphere-cams.

The recorder who appeared to be focusing on us was a female, but she looked almost to be a man. Her hair was short and gray, somewhat like my own, except not nearly as much of a brilliant platinum. She wore dark clothing, and seemed to focus on nothing other than her recording. She didn't even catch me looking at her.

The captain said then, in a gruff voice, "My name is Nooj. I have been assigned your captain."

"Wait a minute," the blonde said, "I've heard of you! You're that death-seeker, Nooj. Am I right?"

The captain gave a gruff little snort, and turned to me.

"What is your name, Priest boy?" he asked.

I could tell right away that I would not like this man. I could also tell right away that he would not like me. We were both giving off terrible vibes.

"My name is—."

"So can I see the scriptures or what!" a voice suddenly shot at me, slapping my thoughts of the past out of my head, and bringing me back in front of the blitzball player.

"No," I said, then, quite calmly, "You may not."

"And why not?" the blitzer just said, almost in a whiny voice.

"Because...I am the head of all of the temples," I just said, "It is late, I am tired. I am going to bed. Goodnight to you...See that you are escorted out the door."

The blitzer gave me a look of a pout, but his eyes shown at me with hatred. Finally, he said, "How close are you to Yuna?"

"Lady Yuna?" I just said, turning around, "What do you mean?"

"I said, 'How close are you to her'?" the blitzer just repeated, crossing his arms again, and looking at me thoughtfully, although in his eyes still shown that same look of hatred.

"Not very," I replied, "I barely know her."

"Then why does she come here every week?" Tidus then said, still with hatred shooting out of his eyes.

"To read the scriptures, which I allow her to do," I just said, and a small smile appeared on my lips. I couldn't help it...That smile wasn't at all a pleasant one, but I couldn't help but have it spread.

The blitzers complaints slowly began to melt into the air...

"Do you mind if I read some of the scriptures?" Lady Yuna asked, as she stood up from her seat across from my desk.

"Not at all," I had said, although at the time I had been much more interested in my papers that were sprawled out across my desk.

"May I have the key then?" the young lady said, giving my a smile.

"Actually," I just said, looking up at her, "There are two scripture rooms. One is off limits even to me. No one knows where the key is."

"If you give me permission, I'm sure my cousin could get it unlocked," the ex-summoner said, a mysterious glint in her eyes. I had known from the beginning that this was the scripture room that she was referring to.

In the Bevelle temple, there are two libraries of old scriptures and spheres. One is for public viewing, and is the one we leave unlocked. The other...Well, it is locked, but I wouldn't necessarily say that the key cannot be found...

"You see, Lady Yuna," I then said, "The lock has been attempted at before. There is a curse that will be put on your cousin if she attempts to break the lock. It is protected by magic."

The Lady Yuna just gave a determined smile, and said, "You don't really believe that, do you?"

I sighed loudly and leaned back in my chair, eying her, and said, "I do believe it. That's why I haven't bothered to attempt at opening it."

"Well, I think it's worth a shot," Yuna just said, "Please allow me to?"

I gave a little laugh, and shook my head, and just said, with a wave of my hand, "It's alright with me, but it's been nice knowing you. So long!"

Yuna's smile instantly fell into a frown, and she said, "Are there any scriptures on summoners in the public library?"

I smiled to myself, knowing I had succeeded in dragging her away from the locked library, and said, "Yes, the whole south wall is dedicated to just those scriptures. Read all that you would like."

Yuna just gave me a disappointed smile, and then headed out of my study, toward the scripture room, I supposed. I knew she would still attempt to get into the locked one, but I knew very well there was no way she'd ever get into it.

A few days later, Yuna came rushing in with a frightened look upon her face, telling me that she had discovered a secret scripture room.

"Really?" I said, although I have to admit I acted as if I didn't care, "And what was it that you found?"

"Well...The wall opened, and there were even more scriptures inside!" Yuna said, biting her lip, "I hope I didn't hurt anything..."

"No, no," I just said, shaking my head, "I'm sure it's nothing. Did you look at the scriptures that were in there?"

"...No...I came straight here."

"Well, it might be dangerous in that new chamber. Why don't you go on home, and I'll take a look? It's probably nothing, after all."

"Yes, of course. Thanks again Baralai!"

"Sure thing," I just said, and again pretended to be very interested in my work.

I waited until she was gone before I smiled to myself. Then, I slowly stood up. I had been waiting to look in this scripture room for a very, very long time now...

"So anyway, she's going crazy 'cause she thinks she saw something, and..."

Slowly the main hall of the Bevelle temple came back to Baralai's vision, as the blitzer continued his complaints.

"I'm sorry," I said, interrupting the young man's ramblings, "But I haven't the slightest idea what you're even talking about. Not only that, but it's late. I would like to go to bed."

"Listen here, Pretty Boy," The blitzer said, grabbing my collar. We were about the same height, with me just being slightly taller. His eyes were an icy cold blue, and I wondered if they were ever calm. They looked fiery and rebellious to me. The blitzer continued.

"Yuna hasn't been the same since she came here. What have you done to her?"

I couldn't help but laugh, which made the blitzer–Tidus was it?–glare at me even more. I laughed harder then, and said, "What? Do you think Lady Yuna and I have a 'thing' for each other? Is that it?"

Tidus' grip loosened on me, although he still sneered at me.

He crossed his arms across his chest then, and said, "She sure comes here a lot, don't you think?"

I smiled again, and said, "Why yes, I suppose she does..."

"Why?" the blonde demanded then, his voice echoing through the empty halls.

"To look at the scriptures," I just said.

"What's so interesting about a bunch of musty old scriptures?" he asked, although it seemed to me as if it wasn't really an answer he wanted.

"To some people, they are very interesting," I just replied, "They are the only thing we have left of Spira's past, being that Trema destroyed all of Spira's spheres..."

"I don't need some lame history lesson," Tidus just said, shaking his head, "I just..."

"You just need to leave. Believe me, I have no interest in Yuna."

Tidus gave me this weird look of defeat, and then gave me this thoughtful look, and said, "You know, I just think you should know that I think you're odd..."

I smiled, and said, "That's fine, because I find you to be odd as well. Now goodbye and goodnight."

I led him to the door, where it was still raining quite heavily. He gave me one last strange look, and then exited, leaving me to myself.

I shook my head with a scowl on my face, and walked toward the scripture room. Tidus' coming had suddenly reminded me of something that needed to be taken care of–preferably before Yuna's next visit.

I smiled on my way to the scripture room, knowing there were secrets in there that could only be found if one knew how to find them...And I knew exactly how and where to find them.

Tonight wouldn't be a typical night. It would be a night like no other...The night that all of Spira's secrets would come to me. The night that I would finally end my lust for blood. Spira's past–my past–would all be revealed tonight.