DISCLAIMER: It's Paramount's galaxy.
AUTHOR'S NOTE: C/7. Seven and Chakotay's daughter writes a letter to her friend on New Talaxia after the death of her parents, and Alixia responds. Set in the universe described in "That Good Night," two months since the events in that story.
I wrote this a couple years ago as the last "letter" in my story "Dear Alixia", but felt at the time it didn't fit with the other letters so left it unposted. Rediscovered it the other day and edited it to post separately. Still not so sure about it, but here goes anyway.
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ALIXIA'S RESPONSE
Stardate 98087.4
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Dear Alixia,
It's been a little over two months since my parents both died at their home in Belize here on Earth. First off, thank you for your friendship and please thank your brother for all he's done for the family. He has been so kind. I'm sorry I haven't answered any of your calls. It has been a difficult time. I was sorting through some old data cubes and came across our letters to each other. So long ago and far away, it seems like another life. I thought, perhaps, I'd try to write instead.
Oh Alixia. Each day, their loss still feels fresh, like an open wound that won't heal. I wish I could go back and visit them more often, listen to their stories, ask them about the Ventu or Voyager or our adventures on the Sacagawea when I was little. At least call and talk to them more regularly. But life kept happening and getting in the way… my work, the kids, our busy schedule, and now I'm filled with regrets. I'm not even sure I remember what we talked about during our last conversation. And beyond that, there is this overwhelming feeling of emptiness.
Icheb, Jaxa, Mezoti. They all have grieved as well, and are still grieving, but they are somehow healed by that. I haven't been. I wake up and grieve all over again. And then I'm mad at my siblings for not caring enough, but of course they do. It's irrational, I know, but I can't help myself. It's raining now, and getting colder. The leaves have all colored and fallen and the trees are bare, like bones. The season and weather fit my mood. Colin has been so understanding and patient, but I'm mad at him for that as well. I know it's unfair, and I don't let it show. He loved my parents too and cared about them. He's everything he should be… a perfect husband and father. I'm really trying to put on a happy face for them, but it's hard. I know he's worried about me. How can I snap out of this depression?!
Is death the end? Are they gone forever? All of who they were as individuals and together now lost? I think of the stories your father used to tell us when we were children. Over those subspace connections and that wonderful summer I came to visit. Do you remember when he took us to that hollowed out asteroid near New Talaxia that had been converted into a greenhouse? We took that trail that meandered about the perimeter and called it The Great Forest. It seemed so much easier when we were young. We believed what our parents believed. Warm and comfortable and safe. Our lives stretched out before us and death was abstract and seemingly far away. And then we got older, questioned the faith of our parents, and charted our own course. As it should be. For me, I was becoming a scientist and thought that faith and reason were antithetical. At least that is what I was led to believe, and I didn't want to have faith of any sort. 'You have faith nonetheless,' my father used to say. It was frustrating to me and I didn't understand what he meant at the time, but now I think I do. There are some questions that can't be answered with science. It's not a matter of discovering a new theory or making a more precise measurement. There are some things that are simply unmeasurable and outside of any scientific discipline. And so I simply ignored questions in which my faith in science provided no answers.
I've been giving these sorts of questions a great deal of thought lately. Life and death. Meaning and purpose. The eternal questions. I wonder what your thoughts are on these subjects. Do you think my parents were met at the Guiding Tree? Perhaps it was my father's Spirit Guide who met them and they were led to a reunion with their ancestors. My ancestors. It's what I'm imagining anyway. Is it different for them since they are human? Or is there just nothing after death? A vast and endless nothingness. Our consciousness here one second, and then gone the next.
Icheb is so analytical like Mama, and yet believes there's something more than our physical being, like Papa. He even goes on those vision quests, like my father used to do, and has a frustrating confidence and faith. And Jaxa too, in her own way. She's become more and more interested in the beliefs of her people and the prophets. She claims it's more out of a historical curiosity, but it's clear she takes it seriously. I don't know about Mezoti. She internalizes so much, but I think she's probably like Mama. In everything, she's like Mama. And even Mama left the possibility of some existence after death open, but I think that was more wishful thinking in her later years. Or was it? I don't know. I've always felt grounded in reality and not one for mysticism and spirituality. It provides me little comfort now.
I do want you to visit, if you have the time. Perhaps that's exactly what I need. You are one of my oldest and dearest friends. I know your teaching schedule is tight at the university and would understand if you couldn't get away. When you do eventually come, we could walk on the beach where my parents used to walk, maybe even swim with the dolphins. The house is just as they left it. We're going to keep it in the family, each of us stay there from time to time. There are so many memories of them there, although I haven't yet mustered the courage to spend the night. We could talk of the past and of the future. Of empires and of dust. Of what it means to be alive and to exist at all. We could tell stories about our parents. And maybe of the Great Forest, and of Heaven.
Love,
Ixchell
… translating to Talaxian …transmitting…98087.5
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Stardate 98087.5
Dear Ixchell,
I will be there on the next transport.
Your friend now and forever,
Alixia