A/N: Probably a two or three part thing. Not much to it. Mostly when I write nothing makes sense. This is one of those times. This is not a very good story.
We'll Keep You in the Photographs
Summer is when Kurt's mom died, when Kurt's hands pressed harder into the wheel than they ever had before, when Blaine's dad drew circles in the sky to show the wrong, when Blaine lit a fire under himself and waited to burn away. Summer is when Kurt finds a full moon in the center of the sky that casts light all across the roof and Blaine shakes away the regret that crawls into his veins. On the first day, Kurt smiles and Blaine smiles and they all smile because they don't know and even if they did, even if they did know, they would still smile because that's the way to hide.
And Kurt thinks the world is boring, except for Blaine, is what he says, and Blaine nods his head like he understands. Kurt wants to leave and do something new, he wants to let the old be old, except for Blaine, is what he says next, and Blaine nods his head like he doesn't know Kurt will leave without him if he can.
Summer is when the silence of the night closes in and Blaine wakes up sweating his terrors and forgets where he is, like he never knew. Summer is when Kurt leaned his cheek against Blaine's sweltering shoulder in the darkness because at night it's easier to feel what he feels. And Blaine says don't touch me because he's afraid of the feeling settling in his chest. And Kurt says he's sorry and pulls away because Blaine remembers his nightmares but not the place he sleeps on cold nights when his father forgets about him.
Which is in Kurt's arms in the moonlight.
The demons follow like a lost puppy, but Blaine knows that they aren't lost, that this is where they belong. Something claws at his chest, something that wants out to play.
He stifles it all and drags on, breath shaking like a flag in high wind. When Kurt presses his fingers into Blaine's hips and he feels Kurt's breath on his throat, through his skin and warming his bones, he pulls back. When Kurt looks up, Blaine shakes and stares and arches from Kurt's sorry to what's wrong to it's okay to talk to me and back to sorry again. Green blue black black blue green. Kurt's eyes are the ocean from surface to sea floor to surface.
One summer night is when Blaine's wide-eyed ghosts light a fire and crack him in two for the taking. It's when Blaine shoots up like a rocket ship that will never make the stars and pulls enough air in to kill him from the outside in. It's when Kurt moves through the night time and sees by stars to quiet his nightmares and twists his fingers through Blaine's strongly enough to kill him from the inside out. Through Blaine's whispered don't touch me to Kurt's whispered I already did to Blaine's body on his and skin on skin and the rush in Blaine's ears just telling him to figure it out before you kill him too.
Throats close and eyes roll back and hands cling to nothing forever and ever and ever until the world wakes up.
The world will never wake up.
Kurt thinks the night is exciting and he loves Blaine, is what he says. Blaine thinks the night is dark and he loves Kurt, but he doesn't say so. He keeps his mouth closed and leans his head onto Kurt's chest, hands still gripping tightly to skin or sheets or air or nothing.
Summer is when the weight of Blaine's silence presses down on them like a heavy cloud and Kurt cries like Blaine never wanted him to and why don't you be honest with me, he says. Blaine drives a hand onto Kurt's chest and wants him to feel perfect always and he can't ruin him, ruin this, ruin perfection.
They're pulling apart his bones and he shudders onto Kurt like he never wanted to.
Summer is when Kurt kisses him with so much pain that he pushes him away. Summer is when Blaine's eyes hurt and his throat is leaking so that he can't breathe.
Summer is when Blaine runs so far and fast and long that he can taste blood and when Kurt finds him he tastes it on his mouth too.
Fall is when Blaine's bones rattle one final time and he breaks and tells Kurt, tells him help me love you for real and I need you to know me and Kurt tells Blaine, tells him I'm holding you right now and don't be scared and the whole world shudders to a quiet stop and Kurt presses down onto Blaine, shaking, sighing.
Fall is when Blaine finds his body fits exactly with Kurt's the way he always wondered, and the galaxies light up in front of his eyes, shifting and twisting around each other like snakes. A blinding flash of sunlight marks the end of an era but Blaine doesn't know what era that is, because his bruises ache just as much. But when Kurt kisses them just softly enough, they shift like the stars at night and dull just a little bit.
In between summer and winter there is fall and in fall, Blaine feels like he's falling through stars and clouds and rain and trees and never hitting the ground. The days grow shorter and the nights grow longer and Blaine feels smaller than he ever has before save for when Kurt presses down against him, bodies flush. But it's all very quiet now, because Kurt can taste Blaine's demons through his lips.
This fall is when Blaine feels badbadbad because Kurt doesn't owe him anything, but he tries to give him everything and Blaine hides his face in his trembling hands in shame. This fall is when Kurt curves his hands around the back of Blaine's neck and pulls him in until Blaine can feel his breath ghosting over his mouth. You're okay is what he tells him, voice soft like the autumn wind, I've got you.
Blaine's skin starts to feel the tug of his bones and his joints start to unhinge with the pressure of his pain.
One fall night is when the fire lights up under Blaine's eyelids and he can feel the blinding heat and Kurt can feel him move and hears him when he says please stop this and knows he doesn't mean just the dream. He knows Blaine wants the hurting to go away for good and to stop tearing apart the walls inside his head.
Blaine's fingers start to hold instinctively to hold onto Kurt too tightly and he has to pull back because he's leaving marks like he never wanted to. And for the first time Kurt sees Blaine cry, actually cry, because it's really starting to eat him on the inside and the wounds are showing with vivid colours.
Kurt holds him close like he loves him because he does. And the sky rips open down the middle, it starts to snow harder than Kurt can remember it ever snowing. The stars won't show for months now and the missing constellations will burn holes in Blaine's eyelids so he can see everything everywhere all the time and Kurt doesn't know how to protect him.
So on the first winter night Blaine pulls back from Kurt's skin, face flushed, hand splayed on Kurt's chest and sweltering from the inside out. On the first winter night, it snows and snows and snows and the sky won't let up until Blaine does.
Kurt thinks Blaine is so sad and it hurts, is what he says. Blaine thinks he himself is so bad and it hurts more than anything, but he doesn't say so. He keeps his head on Kurt's chest, waiting for his heart to slow to the same steady beat Kurt's has.
It never does. His heart races until Kurt falls asleep and stops watching him through wide eyes.
Fall lets the ghosts shift around to knock on the doors.
A/N: This… was not supposed to sound as sexual as it does. That was just me not paying attention. It's not even about that. I guess my present-tense metaphorically-stimulated writing in this is inspired by other things. Does that even make any sense?