The Inevitable Crisis
Chapter 1-The Aftermath
Disclaimer: I don't own FFVII CC
Keep Calm: So, on to the Second Installment of the Search for Freedom series!
Autumn: Angeal...
Zack: *whimpers*
Keep Calm: Yeah, I know, very sad :( I always hated the fact that Angeal died. So this is going to be a very sad chapter, kind of, and a little bittersweet. Bits of humor (I hope) and please do not hate me for updating sporadically.
Oh yeah, and the man mentioned when Angeal talks about as his father is whom I suspect Gillian married after Hollander and wanted a good example for Angeal in his life instead of a twisted scientist. The Buster Sword had to come from someone, right?
And Gillian said that the sword has been in the family for generations. So why not his side of the family? It's less likely to be Gillian's side, but you never know I suppose...
Also, in this second story, I will only have 1st POV for Autumn, and 3rd POV for the rest. Having so many 1st POV's is a little dizzying for me, so this way it's a little easier.
Autumn: I present Chapter 1~Adjusting
"Grief is not as heavy as guilt, but it takes more away from you." -Veronica Roth, Insurgent
"...and that is why you must hold fast to your dreams. Dreams, and honor," Angeal lectured, his front facing the gushing fountain in Sector 8.
It was late in the day when the sea of bustling Midgar residents thinned to a steady trickle. The brunette sitting on the bench yawned quietly. "Yeah..."
"Autumn, you need to keep listening when I'm telling you something important. This is the fifth time," Stern, glowing blue eyes rounded on her bored form, her chin beginning to slide from underneath her propped hand.
"Right..."
"Autumn," Angeal sharpened his tone, his muscled arms crossing over each other.
Suddenly her bright sapphire eyes jumped to life, clouding with guilt. "Oh, sorry Angeal. What... what were you saying?"
Another sigh escaped the esteemed SOLDIER's lips, his fingers rubbing his throbbing temples. "Things you clearly don't care about. Maybe I should just hand you over to Sephiroth and Genesis tomorrow."
Immediately the 3rd Class was on her knees, fingers laced tightly together as her puppy eyes gazed up at her mentor. "NO! Please, I'm sorry, I'll pay more attention!"
"Hmph, right. Like how you said you'd pay attention the last five times?"
Autumn's face flushed in response. "You've been keeping count? What kind of... ugh, okay, I know I haven't been paying attention lately, but it's the basically the same lecture every time. When am I going to learn something new?"
Angeal snapped his attention back to his student. "It isn't about repetition; it's about getting principles through that thick skull of yours. If you really want to become a 1st, you have to have dreams and honor."
"But why? Can't we just get to techniques and materia control already?" The 3rd questioned, shooting up from her begging position.
Strands of hair began to free themselves from her ponytail, a few stray passer-byes glancing at them either oddly or in rapt admiration. It wasn't every day they saw a revered 1st and his pupil - who was also the only female to make it into SOLDIER so far - out in public.
"You really want to hear the backstory that comes along with this explanation?" Angeal quirked a brow, the corners of his mouth tilting upward.
"Sure, why not?" The brunette shrugged, seating herself on the bench once more.
"You're definitely one of my rarer students to be more fascinated with my stories than with my lectures."
"What can I say? Stories are waaayy more interesting than listening to people rant."
"I never agreed not to hand you off tomorrow."
"You mean ditch me so you can go home and water your plants?"
"You know, sitting here and telling you a story is completely optional for me. I could just make you keep fighting yesterday's data while I sit and read a good book."
"... I'm sorry, please begin." The brunette replied, sobering.
"*sigh* It started back when I still lived in Banora. As you already know, I was poor, so resources were very limited. I grew to appreciate what I had, and my dreams of living a better life, and a way to support my mother, kept my determination burning. If I hadn't held onto my dreams, I wouldn't be here right now."
The brunette's face twisted in confusion. "Okay... What about the honor part?"
Angeal raked a hand through his swept-back hair. "My father was a soldier - before the program SOLDIER was established - a long time ago, but before that he was just a simple blacksmith. To obtain his rank, he didn't pull any strings or cheat his way in. He kept his honor and worked hard at it. Honor, in my family, is highly valued. It is what the Buster Sword represents.
"My father inherited it from his father, and so on, and ensured it never went through wear, tear or rust. Honor is something you should value, too. Someone who has no honor has no compassion or heart. You should always do what you feel is morally right, Autumn. Don't let others decide that for you. If I hadn't had my dreams and honor, my life would've probably been very different."
"So, I have to remember I don't have to be indecisive."
"If that's all you got from that, you're officially as bad as Zack."
A smile played at Autumn's lips. "I'm kidding! Okay, so I should value honor because it defines me as myself. If I just follow what everyone else is doing, and just blend in, I'll begin to forget who I really am. And then the consequences, later on, could affect my life entirely, especially if I don't follow my dreams. Right?"
One of the corner's of Angeal's mouth curved upward in a smirk. "You're starting to get it. But you've still got a long ways to go."
Her cheeks puffed in protest. "What? I should be a 2nd by now! Zack's already one!"
"Zack's been training longer than you. And he just got promoted. You, on the other hand, are still pretty naive and learning the ropes. Anyways, we both need to go home for the day. Don't expect me to go easy on you tomorrow just because I shared a part of my past with you. You need the training."
"I know. I've been relying on hand-to-hand combat too much instead of my swordsmanship. I barely made it out of that fight with Harvey alive." Autumn sighed, blowing her segmented bangs out of her face.
Angeal chuckled, roughly rubbing the top of her head as he stood. She grunted in protest, swatting his hand away.
"Ugh... night Angeal," The 3rd grumbled, beginning to walk the opposite direction where her apartment was located.
"'Night. Remember: embrace your dreams. You need them if you want to accomplish anything."
"Yeah, yeah."
Location: Modeoheim en route to Midgar, Shinra HQ
Cloud
The ride in the chopper was heavy with silence. Cloud sat next to Autumn, watching to make sure she didn't faint or reopen her stitches again. When he finally managed to enter the room back in the bathhouse, the first thing he saw was Angeal on the ground.
It didn't really take a genius to figure out what happened, especially when the blond saw the 1st's two pupils. It appeared Zack had been crying. Autumn stood staring at the sky, expression caught between vacant and dumbfounded from shock.
Regardless, he was alarmed when he saw blood trickling down her back. Her stitches reopened and she hadn't bothered to heal them, though they were already halfway there due to her enhancements. Cloud made her swallow a Hi-Potion to finish the healing process. They were still heavily scarred.
She was so uncoordinated by the shock that he ended up having to guide her by the hand. Her eyes were glossy and glazed over, but it was the emptiness in them he found the saddest.
He never knew Angeal really well; the man was practically a celebrity, but he knew he had the highest moral out of all the SOLDIERs. Cloud pictured it like losing his mom, understanding how they felt even if it was just to an extent.
Zack was too worn out emotionally to talk much. The blond doubted he really wanted to, anyway. All they spoke about for just a few minutes was who was going to keep the Buster Sword. Autumn convinced Zack to take it since she'd already gotten a commissioned sword from the deceased 1st.
After it was settled, both of them sat mute from grief.
When they reached HQ, Autumn didn't budge. She stared down at her lap lifelessly, reeking of battle and toil. They buried Angeal in Modeoheim since there was no way to bring him back with them when Tseng finally managed to radio help last night. Autumn tried to convince him, but there were too many problems. A big one was how to get his body transferred without making a fuss.
Cloud gently nudged her side. "Sakura, we're back. We're at HQ."
"Right. Let's get this over with," she replied, her voice cold and dead while the door slid open.
The polluted smog entered Cloud's lungs, a rather instant reminder that he was in fact back in Midgar instead of the crisp, snowy expanse of Modeoheim. Zack got up before she did, extending a hand to her when the blond started to help her up.
"I'm fine."
She stood, trudging out the chopper ungracefully, her feet staggering for proper balance. Cloud hung back with Zack, wondering if his new friend needed anything. Unlike with the ravenette, the infantryman knew how Autumn worked.
"There she goes. I guess neither of us... really know how to deal with this yet." Zack tried to force a smile, the effort showing on his countenance.
"It's okay. I don't think anyone really knows how to handle these types of situations. You've just gotta take some time to sort it all out," Cloud said reassuringly.
Sarrel hopped out with Tseng in suit, striding down the roof with a slight limp. "Hey, what happens, happens. It sucks that Angeal's... well, you know... but I think he'd want you to keep on going as you normally do and smile like an idiot. I mean, that's
why he gave you the Buster Sword, right?"
Zack glanced at the sword on his back, neck craning to spot the golden handle. "Yeah..." he paused. "... did you say I smile like an idiot?"
"Huh? Er... I've gotta meet up with my CO. I'm sure there's a debrief ahead. You too, Cloud. Glyphan doesn't like being waited on. And if he doesn't get his way, you know he'll take it to the Sergeant!" Sarrel spoke quickly, jabbing at the button
on the elevator.
"Crap, these things don't go fast enough!" The infantryman muttered, continuing to look at Zack over his shoulder nervously, glad to finally enter when a 'ding' sounded.
Normally, the ravenette would chase him down and bring him into a headlock until he took back what he said, of course, all in good fun, but today... he wasn't up to it.
"I don't have an idiotic smile," Zack puckered his lips in protest.
Cloud looked apologetically at his friend. "Sorry Zack, but he's right. I mean, about the debrief. My CO insists I should be 'punctual', or else I'll face the wrath of the Sergeant."
The ravenette waved a hand, attempting to lighten the dampened atmosphere. "Nah, it's nothing to worry about. I was an infantryman once, too. Gaia, my CO was brutal. Don't get me started on my 'meetings' with Sergeant Second-Ice-Queen. I swear, if she and Sakura become friends, that'll be the day the world ends. Entering SOLDIER was the best day of my life."
"I hope I can join you someday..." Cloud trailed off, his voice remaining gentle and light.
"Don't worry, I know you can do it Cloud. Remember our conversation back at Modeoheim? You've just gotta believe in yourself," The 1st told him as encouragingly as possible after the recent events.
The blonde's bad habit of tucking his chin into his scarf resurfaced, eyes averting shyly from his confident comrade. "Thanks... but I think that'll be a long ways from now. Sorry I have to go so soon."
Zack shrugged. "Hey, this won't be the last time we meet up, right? And I already added you as a contact on my PHS. You did the same, too. So, if ya need anything or if something comes up, don't hesitate to let me know."
"I should be saying that to you, but thanks," Cloud edged a smile, his thumb jabbing at the down button for the elevator. "You coming?"
The ravenette scratched the back of his head. "Nah, I think I'll stay up here for a bit. You go on ahead."
Cloud failed to see the cheery facade drop as he turned his back to enter the elevator.
Location: Shinra HQ - Sephiroth's Office
Autumn's POV
I strutted down the various halls of HQ, poking my mask once in a while to make sure it was really there. Everything still felt unreal. On the way back to HQ I even thought back to a time when I was a 3rd with Angeal. I'd been so inexperienced back then; Angeal trained me as hard as I could manage. I grumbled about it at the time, but now I treasured it as a blessing. Ironic how that worked.
My feet guided me toward Sephy's office. I didn't see Kunsel nor Luxiere around. Maybe they already went home; it was early in the morning, after all. But I had to see if Sephiroth was still here. I had to break the news to him about... about Angeal. Sensing a shift in the atmosphere, I kept my guard up as I approached Sephy's office.
"Well, well. What do we have here? A late night visit to General Sephiroth's office? How scandalous... and so very like you."
That voice...didn't sound familiar. A 3rd Class, followed by a few others, emerged from the shadows. Messy light brown hair poked out from his helmet.
I stared at him blankly. "Do I know you?"
He blanched as his friends either got irritated or snickered. "You... you really don't remember?"
"Look, unless I've had a few missions with you, I won't remember your face. That's just how it is. Besides, you probably weren't worth remembering in the first place."
Scarlet pulsed into his cheeks. "Tch, I'll show you who's worth remembering! And I'll get payback for that punch across the face while I'm at it!"
Did I punch someone recently? Well, there was Hollander... uh... oh, right. Before I reached the Director's office, some guy ticked me off. I guessed this was him.
"Oh. Okay. I have stuff I need to get out of my system, anyway. Bring it on."
I'd slipped into a fighting stance when the door to Sephy's office swung wide open, revealing the towering silver-haired General. And he didn't look at all pleased.
"What are you doing outside of my office?" his catlike cyan eyes narrowed into slits.
The 3rd and his friends nervously backed away. One of his friends locked eyes with him. "I-I thought you said Sephiroth was in the data room!"
"He was supposed to be!" The 3rd replied, glancing from me to Sephy.
"I'm outta here! I was ready to deal with Sakura, but not both her and General Sephiroth!" One of his 3rd friends shouted, running off with his tail between his legs.
"Hey, you... you coward! Get back here!"
Of course, everyone else followed suit until only the jerk-off 3rd class was left. He was apparently the dumbest in his group of friends to not leave while he could. Or perhaps he was frozen in place, judging by how his legs were shaking.
Served him right; the coward.
"Should I ask for the details? Or shall I just assume that this 3rd Class was planning on challenging you on unfair terms?" Sephy's smooth sonorous voice echoed in the hallway, his cyan eyes rounding on me.
"It doesn't matter. If it happens again, he'll properly pay the consequences," I answered, eyeing the shivering SOLDIER venomously. "Why are you still here?"
He glared at me, then seemed to remember I wasn't alone and scampered off.
Once we were alone, I approached Sephiroth. He sent me a small smile, though his body was tense. He knew I wasn't here for good news. I felt a pang of nervousness in my stomach, turning it into a churning pit of butterflies (it wasn't a good thing). Should my courage fade or waiver, I'd never tell him. And then it'd only cause more problems in the long run.
"What brings you to my office so late at night, Sakura? I'd have thought you'd be home after such an exhausting assignment."
I glanced at my clothes, which were still stained with my and Angeal's blood. Reopened wounds were not the cleanest of situations. Nor was killing your own mentor. "I felt you deserve to know what happened. May I come in?"
"Of course," the tall general stepped aside to let me enter with a welcoming smile.
He'd improved over the years. Now, when we talked, he actually smiled and laughed. I was glad our friendship had become so strong, and that he trusted me so deeply. Seating myself on the small sofa against the wall, I took a deep breath.
It smelled sterile yet fresh, a strange aroma that so far I could only catch in this office. The sofa was pretty comfy too as I sank into it, the cushy seat eliciting a sigh of content from me.
It was a bit stiff, considering it was rarely used, but still extremely comfy. I felt myself minutely relax in the presence of such familiarity for the first time since the mission ended. A bit of strength ebbed from me due to the emotional and physical drain hours prior.
Sephy stood across from me, arms folded in question. "So, what is it you feel obligated to tell me?"
I felt my defenses rise while I cast aside the nervousness and other mingling emotions building up inside of me while my fingers yanked down my mask.
"Everything."
A silver eyebrow lifted in surprise from my revealed face and statement. "Everything...? As in-"
"Yes, as in everything," I interposed, focusing on keeping my breathing even.
Sephiroth shifted with uncertainty. "Are you sure you should tell me? You haven't even told Zack."
"It's different. Once I explain everything, you'll understand why I'm only telling you. First off, my name is actually Autumn Gainsborough, and when I was just a baby..."
At first, my words were reluctant, but as I continued the history of my past with Shinra and the reasons why I joined SOLDIER, it started to pour out naturally. Sephy didn't utter a word while I spoke, the occasional narrowing of eyes or slight mouth twitches the only shifts in his reactions.
When I finished, he stared at me in contemplation. "So... you plan to leave as soon as you have finished acquiring the needed information."
I nodded in confirmation. "Yes. But I've made the mistake of getting close to people, and they care too much now. I realize that should I suddenly disappear, people will search for me."
"And you told me all of this because I would also look for you, with the highest chances of succeeding," the silver-haired 1st continued.
"Well, that and... I wanted to show you that you really do have a friend you can trust and who trusts you back. Because on the assignment..."
I choked, forcing myself to swallow a bitter taste. It was time to rip off the band-aid, so to speak. I was always blunt when things like this happened. It started when I was seven.
"We encountered Angeal. He goaded us into fighting him, and ultimately end his life. Angeal is dead, Sephy."
The first thing which registered in his expression was shock. Then came the transition to denial. "Are you positive? Your Ancient abilities are able to detect when someone close to you passes, correct?"
"Yes, and I sensed it. I felt his life force join with the Lifestream, Sephiroth. It was horrifying. I cannot control that aspect of my powers, it comes naturally. Though I did make the mistake of reconnecting with the Planet in that instance, I always
know when someone close to me perishes."
His catlike cyan eyes roamed about the room, the grip he had on his arms tightening. "Angeal... that fool."
I rose from my spot, gently placing a hand on his shoulder as I felt his overwhelming sadness. "Sephy, I-"
"-Do not try to claim he did it to spare us any further suffering - he couldn't possibly cause any greater form other than by his death. This is due to his depression because he saw himself as too much of a monster to continue living in
a world where the people he cared for most are paid to kill just that."
For a moment I just pressed my lips together in surprise, my hand falling away from his shoulder. I hadn't expected Sephiroth to say such a thing, especially right after he got the news. But I recognized it for what it was: pain disguised as anger.
So, I wrapped my arms around his long torso and hugged him. I could feel his body tense and shake, full of the same anguish I was still experiencing.
"I... you're right, Sephy. It was because of depression; of that I'm sure. But... I'd also like to believe that at least a tiny part of it is because he saw how Zack and I looked at him with so much despair and longing; with the pain he caused. I'm sure he saw it in you, too. I know it hurts, and I know it's a shock, so... just know that I'm here for you, whenever you need me to be."
His lips twitched, expression turning into puzzlement while he returned my embrace. "Why?"
"Um... because I have no social life?" I quirked a brow, though sadly I realized it was entirely true.
When I wasn't working, I was taking care of Buster who always needed my attention as much as possible, training, or delving into the archives. That left little room for socializing.
"Why are you suddenly placing so much faith in me? Exposing your true identity, revealing the details of your past, acting so supportive... this isn't like you. Why now, and why me?"
"I already explained half of it to you. Should I abruptly disappear, people will hunt me down. I can't run forever, especially if my heritage is somehow leaked or discovered. They could come after Aerith and Mom and use them as leverage against me. Or possibly even those I've befriended in Shinra.
"The other half is that I know Genesis and Angeal were your only anchors tying you down in terms of sanity. I want to make sure you don't lose it if that's even possible, and... well, you're my friend. I don't want you to go through this alone."
We were still hugging while I chewed on my lower lip. There was a pregnant pause, though for some reason I felt no awkwardness or tension. Perhaps it was because I'd grown so close to Sephiroth as a friend, it was no longer uncomfortable.
"I... appreciate your concern. I think you are right; Angeal and Genesis tied me down in a sense. This is simply going to take a while to... adjust to."
I nodded, pulling out of the hug and edging towards the door. "I have to go home; Buster's waiting for me."
His head perked up at the mentioning of the hyperactive puppy. "How is he?"
"Sad and whiny. He'll have to get used to living with me, but I've been making sure I spend the majority of the day with him," I answered with a straight face remaining, hand turning the knob.
I pulled up my mask, slipping back into the identity of the mysterious female 1st of SOLDIER.
"Perhaps I should walk you home. It is extremely late at night, after all," Sephy suggested, following me out.
"Are you saying that to be courteous or are you using it as an excuse to see the puppy?" My tone was dry as I questioned his motives.
A rumbling in his throat told me he was chuckling. "Perhaps a bit of both."
"I can take care of myself just fine at night. No idiot would willingly face me unless they want their butts kicked," I scoffed, nearly bumping into Zack in the open space of the SOLDIER floor.
"Oof! Zack...? What're you still doing here? I thought you went to bed already," I frowned, spotting my partner's red and puffy eyes.
He put up a smile lacking the usual abundance of energy and playfulness. "Sorry, my bad. I was just about to, don't worry. Hey Sephiroth."
"Good evening, Zack. Sakura informed me of the assignment. I take it you are having a hard time as well?"
Zack rubbed the back of his neck with a sheepish smile. "Ah, I guess you could say that. I'm gonna hit the sack. You'll be okay going home, right?"
"Yeah. I've got this guy as my unnecessary escort," I responded, jabbing a thumb at the silver-haired Masamune-wielder beside me.
Bidding goodnight to Zack, we continued out of HQ and down towards my apartment. We barely talked; the shock was still in effect and my defenses had yet to lower.
The cool night air helped clear my head, despite the smog and dirt. It was just another familiarity to me at this point. Buster was oddly ecstatic to see Sephiroth and would've licked him to death had I not intervened.
When Sephy finally left, I begrudgingly peeled off my blood-stained clothes, cleaned myself off, changed into a t-shirt and shorts, fed and cared for Buster, and collapsed on my bed, too mentally and physically exhausted to care about anything but the lull of sleep.
Yet, tears still unwillingly trailed down my face, absorbed by my pillow. "Angeal... why did you have to leave us? Why did you have to give in to despair, when feeling like a monster is something I've been fighting against my entire life? Why...?"
Those were my final thoughts before I cried myself to sleep.
A/N: First chapter! :D Sorry, as I said, there's a lot going on Well, review, favorite and follow! They inspire me to write further! ^^