Anakin blinked back in shock, taking a faltering step backwards. A horrible sense of finality came over him. Emotions swelled in his chest, and he felt his eyes fill with tears as he watched his Padawan walk down the steps of the Jedi Temple and away into the sunset. He watched her until she disappeared from view, and the tears that filled his eyes blurred his vision to the point that he couldn't see.
This was all so wrong. He could feel the injustice surrounding everything. He felt it from the day he and Ahsoka went to find Letta in her house in that seedy Coruscant neighborhood. That was only about two weeks ago…everything escalated incredibly quickly.
Anakin blinked, and tears rolled down his cheeks. She was gone. Ahsoka resigned from the Jedi Order. She left. Just like that, she left. She left him, she left her destiny, her home. She left it all. Anakin understood what she meant, being confused and not knowing how to handle everything. To find out that your best friend had set you up and was ready to have you convicted for crimes you didn't commit was a little hard to take, he would agree. But was that really a reason to leave the Jedi Order? All that Ahsoka had known was the Jedi Order. She was raised in it since she was a small child…she knew no other life than this.
Anakin sniffed, swallowing his tears of sorrow, finding them soon replaced with tears of anger. He was angry. Bitterly angry.
"Anger leads to hate, and hate leads to suffering", Master Yoda droned in his head like a broken holo-recording. Anakin could care less about kriffing Master Yoda, the whole kriffing Jedi Council. THEY did this to Ahsoka. They didn't trust her or back her up, they didn't believe in her when she needed it most. No wonder Ahsoka left, they pushed her away. And then claimed for it all to be just test.
Master Windu. Anakin felt his heart on fire as he thought of the stiff and menacing Jedi Master. How he wanted to knock him down to size right now… He was ready to convict Ahsoka on the spot, had led his poor Padawan to living a life on the run and siding with Ventress of all people.
Anakin's head spun with hate and anger, feelings of confliction for his own belief in the Jedi Order swimming in his mind. Would the Jedi Council do the same thing to him, should something go awry? Would they immediately assume the worst, convict him, should someone accuse him wrongly? Would they do that to anyone else in the Order? What if Obi-Wan were caught at the wrong place at the wrong time, would the Council suddenly strip him of his position in the Order? Would they turn against him too? How deep did this corruption run?
Anakin felt his hands shaking, and gripped his still spinning head tightly. He was confused and hurt…Ahsoka was gone. He loved her…not romantically, but as his student, his partner, his best friend. His little Snips. He'd watched her grow up, mature and learn. Now she was making her own way, without him. It broke his heart. He already was dreading the day that she would be knighted and he wouldn't have her around any longer, but now that day wouldn't come. She wasn't a Jedi anymore.
Grabbing at a little pouch on his belt, Anakin pulled Ahsoka's Padawan beads from it and looked them over in his hand. She was going to take them, she was going to put the beads back on her lekku and they were going to go back to normal. Everything was going to be fine. They were so close.
But she didn't accept his offer to have her back as his student. He never wanted her to not be his student. He wanted to continue to teach her, to be with her, for as long as he could. She still had new things to learn. He promised to spar with her two weeks ago, before they got called to Cato Neiomodia. They placed a bet that she would beat him…
Anakin's emotions played across his features as he struggled to realize that Ahsoka had left him. He was so caught up in his feelings that he didn't realize Obi-Wan standing behind him.
"Anakin," Obi-Wan started gently, trying to offer some amount of comfort.
"Not now Obi-Wan," Anakin said shakily, "I can't handle any lectures right now."
Obi-Wan shook his head sadly, placing a hand on Anakin's shoulder. "I'm so sorry," he said softly, "This isn't what anyone wanted."
Anakin's face twisted in anger. "Oh really?" he demanded, "Why else would the Council put Ahsoka on trial, suspend her from the Order, drive her so far away that she LEFT? If they didn't want her gone, WHY WOULD THEY DO THAT? Tell me why Obi-Wan, because I just don't know." Anakin's voice had heightened with anger and cracked with sorrow, and he was trying extremely hard to hold it together.
Obi-Wan sighed. "Ahsoka needs to make her own decisions. She must make her own path, no one can choose it for her. Not even you. She'll come back when she's ready."
Anakin shook his head in defiance. "I know her Obi-Wan. She's gone. She's not coming back to the Order, she's not coming back to me. She's done."
Obi-Wan patted Anakin's shoulder gently. "It's not your fault," he said, "There's nothing you could've done to prevent this."
Anakin seethed with anger. "Of course I could have!" he shouted, stepping away from his former Master and closest friend. "I could have stopped this long before, I could have gotten her out of that prison to begin with, I could have…" Anakin trailed off, his voice cracking again. Tears began to flow free, his defeat and failure as Ahsoka's Jedi Master hitting him with full force.
"I failed her," he choked out, "I failed her, Obi-Wan. This is my fault."
Obi-Wan shook his head seriously. "Anakin, you did everything you could for her. Ahsoka knows that you did your best. She doesn't blame you. You taught her everything she needed to learn, and now she can make her own path. Let her go, Anakin."
Anakin met Obi-Wan's eyes, unmatched brokenness settled over his features. "I can't," he said softly, "I'm too attached. I know it's not the Jedi way…but she was my Padawan. She was in my care, and I couldn't protect her. I couldn't protect her from us. Obi-Wan, we did this to her. The Jedi did. It's completely wrong."
Obi-Wan frowned. Deep down, he knew Anakin was right. He also knew that Anakin's bond with Ahsoka was almost as strong as his and Anakin's bond, nearly unbreakable.
"You're right," Obi-Wan agreed finally, "It is wrong. The Jedi Council feels clouded, it's impossible to see through the darkness looming over it. The corruption of the war is taking over. Barriss was right about at least that."
Anakin snarled at the mention of Barriss's name, the backstabbing friend who framed Ahsoka and ruined everything. This was all her fault.
No. It wasn't Barriss's fault. It was his.
Obi-Wan put a firm hand on Anakin's shoulder. "Come and calm down Anakin, you need to clear your mind from this emotion."
Anakin shrugged free of Obi-Wan's grip and turned and walked back into the Jedi Temple, stalking to his quarters, where he could be alone to grieve his Padawan's lost path.