Gem: This came from an argument my friend yoo-hoo luver and I had about Hachi. She was calling him a panda. I said he was a raccoon. Somehow during the argument, Miroku went to Florida and came back with a much older wife. So here's a lovely oneshot on what happens when my friend and I argue about anything Inuyasha-related.
Disclaimer: The only thing that is mine is the semi-pointless plot and the argument.
Kagome couldn't figure out for the life of her why the guys were drunk. Not just Inuyasha and Miroku but Sesshomaru, Hachi, and Koga too. Sighing, she went back to explaining more about the United States to Sango, Shippo, Ayame, and Rin. Her friend had recently taken a vacation to Florida. Disney World to be exact. And Kagome had all the juicy details that she wanted to share.
"I say that Hachi is a panda!"
"He's a raccoon, damn it!"
Kagome, Sango, and Ayame looked at the guys. None of them had ever heard Miroku swear. Hachi was too out of it to even reply, and Inuyasha and Sesshomaru looked interested in this conversation.
"Let's leave the guys alone until they're not drunk anymore," said Sango. Plus, this would be a bad influence on Rin and Shippo.
"I think we should tape this and show it to them later. Prove that it is a bad idea for them to get drunk," said Kagome. "Let me go get my camera."
Ayame volunteered to take Rin and Shippo away from here for a bit. Just out into the village until either Kaede came back or until the guys fell asleep. Sango was going to help her keep the kids from coming back. Kagome came back with the camera in hand and watched the guys begin to duke it out.
"That's it! I'm going to Florida!" exclaimed Miroku. "Kagome, hic, Kagome said that there's lots of single women there." And with that said, Miroku left towards the well and went down it. What Kagome had really said that there were a lot of senior women. (a/n got nothing against them but mishearing stuff is normally funny)
"That's it! I'm leaving! I can, hic, have better luck somewhere else," said Hachi. He had tried hitting on all the girls in the hut but they didn't respond.
"I'm leaving too. Hic! Just as soon, hic! Just as soon as I find Ayame. Hic! She said that, hic, that she might, hic, might become my mate," said Koga as he headed towards the door. He staggered the entire way but managed to not hit the door on the way out.
Only Inuyasha and Sesshomaru were left out of the five drunk males, and they had gotten into a verbal argument. A very loud verbal argument.
"I still say Hachi's a panda!" yelled Inuyasha.
"He's a raccoon damn it!" replied Sesshomaru.
"He looks like a panda!"
"Hachi's a raccoon. I will not be deterred in my views!"
Kagome was having a hard time keeping a straight face and holding the camera steady. Vaguely, she wondered how much Saki both of them had. Well enough to make them completely drunk.
"Panda!"
"Raccoon!"
"Panda!"
"Raccoon!"
Kagome managed to keep the camera steady, but she bowed her head and cracked up.
"He's a raccoon damn it!"
"Panda!"
"Raccoon!"
"Panda!"
"Raccoon!"
"Panda!"
"Raccoon!"
"Kami, help me. They've gone on about this for days now," Kagome thought. Just as she thought this, Miroku came back.
Miroku was wearing shorts and a black muscle shirt. He also had a much older lady on his arm. The lady looked to be Kaede's age and she was smiling like she just won the lottery. Somehow, Miroku was still drunk even though by now, it had been over a week. (a/n no clue how the people in the hut stayed awake for that long)
"The poor lady has to be royally smashed by now…."
"I would like everyone to meet hic! my new wife Nizhoni."
Kagome's jaw dropped. He had married?! She was fairly sure that "minute" churches were only in Las Vegas and not in Florida. Also, he was very tan almost like he had spent more than a week in Florida. Kagome had to admit that Miroku looked very hot in his outfit. (a/n You know those churches that are open 24/7? That's what I meant by "minute" churches.)
Sango had walked in on "my new wife Nizhoni" and needless to say her jaw dropped. And just how was Miroku still drunk? It was nine days after her and Ayame had taken the children out of the hut. Jaken had followed them to "keep Rin safe." He had been the only guy who wasn't drunk at the time. Ayame had also walked in at the same time and shook her head. How did Miroku stay smashed for a week?
"Panda!"
"Raccoon!"
"Panda!"
"Raccoon!"
"Panda!"
"Raccoon!"
And then both boys fell into an exhausted sleep in the middle of their weeklong argument. Sesshomaru was still sitting upright but Inuyasha had fallen on his side.
"I guess the world will never know if Hachi was a panda or a raccoon."
Gem: I had fun writing this. I don't know who's writing the next oneshot but we'll have some more ideas by then. But I could always expand on some of the ideas in here. Please read and review because I love reviews!