Title: Yumichika's Birthday
Fandom: Bleach
Rating: Teen
Disclaimer: Bleach is created and owned by Tite Kubo, I merely pay homage to characters and a story I love.
Warning: Mild cursing, lots of innuendo of the yaoi type.
Information: Ikkaku got Yumichika something strawberry for his birthday.
Author's Note: My first anything fanfic related. I have a lot of ideas but this one seemed like the easiest and quickest. More to come soon, including a week of Rukia's pranks.
"Hey, what was in this tea?" Ichigo Kurosaki said suddenly very suspicious of the grinning shopkeeper in front of him.
"Emmm?" Kisuke Urahara questioned, his eyes gleaming mischievously.
"You bastard!" Ichigo yelled, standing suddenly.
"I wouldn't suggest…" Kisuke began, stopping as Ichigo slid to the floor with a thump.
"That better not have bruised him," Ikkaku growled from the doorway.
"He's fine," Kisuke said airily, waving his hand. "I don't suppose you could tell me what your plans for him are, could you?"
"Nope, but I'll gladly bring you pictures tomorrow," Ikkaku said with an evil smile.
"Even better!" Kisuke agreed.
"So why did you blindfold me? I can tell that we're just at Rangiku's place," Yumichika said prissily. The blindfold was irritating him both because he felt that it was going to make his hair out of place, and because it was covering part of his beautiful face, not to mention it was warping his feathers.
"Trust me, you'll like it," Rangiku said. He could tell by her voice she was already drunk. Not that that was an unusual circumstance.
"Honestly, I really want one for my birthday too!" She said, looking at Renji significantly.
"Erm, I'm pretty sure he's going to kill me after this time, doing it twice might be pushing the boundries of friendship," Renji said nervously. Trufthfully, he wasn't sure about this whole thing at all. He flashed back to last week when Ichigo had beaten him in the training room, standing over him and laughing his head off. He didn't even remember what it was Ichigo had said, probably because he had gotten so mad he passed out (well, it was probably more likely the blood loss from his injuries), but he had sworn revenge when he came to. It was just perfect timing on Ikkaku's part that he agreed to this.
"Shit," Renji said outloud. Seriously, Ichigo really wasn't going to forgive this. Maybe if he left he could pretend that he had never…
"Hehe, hey guys, I just remembered there's this whole load of paperwork I said I'd get done by tomorrow and…" he sputtered, sprinting for the door.
"Oh no you don't," said Shuuhei, forcefully grabbing him. "The more of us here the better, in case he tries to go bankai or something."
"Wah…what? Why would he do that? What are you guys going to do?" Renji asked worriedly.
"You don't know?" asked Kira. "I only went along with this because I figured you did and you're one of his closest friends so…"
"Ok, enough of this," said Yumichika. "What is going on? Obviously you are all talking about Ichigo.
"Heh, yeah," replied Ikkaku, "wait here a sec."
A moment later pandemonium broke out.
"Hooooooleeeeey shit," gasped Renji.
"Mmmmmm," Rangiku cooed.
"Wow," Shuuhei said simply.
At this point Yumichika was absolutely dying of curiosity. "Ikkaku! Get this off of me!" he demanded, pointed at the blindfold.
Rough hands unknotted the silk sash, and Yumichika finally saw what the commotion was about.
Ichigo, clad only in a very tiny red speedo and a giant bow tied around his neck, was laying tied up and gagged on the ground. He was very much awake, and glaring at anyone who would meet his eyes. He was yelling…probably, it was hard to tell since he was so muffled.
"Happy Birthday Yumichika!" Ikkaku said.
"Mmmmmm," Yumichika replied, agreeing with Rangiku.
"Hold still," Ikkaku said to the prone figure of Ichigo, pulling out his zanpaktou.
"Wahtahfacckk," came the muffled yell as Ikkaku approached, Houzukimaru gleaming.
"Shit!" Yelled Ichigo, as Ikkaku sliced off the gag.
"What the hell do are you guys doing! Did you bribe Kisuke to…" it was then that Ichigo realized that he was a little cold.
"Gaaawwwww! Why the hell am I naked?!" he yelled.
"You're wearing clothes," Rangiku pointed out. "Unfortunately."
Ichigo glared wildly at them, "I…what…?"
"Look, last year I forgot Yumichika's birthday so I had to make it up to him this year," said Ikkaku. That seemed far from a full enough explanation to Ichigo.
"Oh thank you Ikkaku!" Yumichika squealed, giving him a hug.
"I…still…don't…" Ichigo floundered.
"Yeah, I checked, he's a virgin and everything. I don't think he's even been kissed."
"Wait…WHAT, WHAT ARE YOU…" Ichigo was starting to lose it.
"So you'll have to train him and everything, but I figured you'd think that was fun," continued Ikkaku.
"I DON'T NEED TRAINING I'M NOT A DOG," Ichigo yelled. Wait, training for…
"Do you know how rare it is to find a virgin in the soul society?" sighed Rangiku.
"Not while you're around," Shuuhei grinned.
"Ok guys, very funny, I want my clothes back and I want…" Ichigo demanded.
"Nope," said Ikkaku, slinging him over his shoulder. He paused, "Oh, I guess we should have a birthday toast before we leave."
"To Yumichika!" all the shinigami said.
"I'm too young to drink aaaargg," Ichigo struggled as some sake was poured down his throat.
"Well, time to go," gloated Yumichika.
"Renji…I swear you won't even know what's hit you. Rukia's never going to look at you again, your captain is going to laugh in your face whenever he sees you, all of your friends…" Ichigo threatened. "Mmmmpppp," he finished, when Ikkaku put the gag back on.
"See you guys later!" Yumichika said gleefully over his shoulder and they walked away with Ichigo.
Renji was looking a little pale.
"Don't worry, he probably didn't mean it," Rangiku said comfortingly.
"Oh no, he definitely meant it," said Shuuhei, less comfortingly.
"At least he's still talking to you, right?" said Kira.
"SAKE!" yelled Rangiku, sake of course being the answer to most problems.
"Yes," Renji said, taking a large swig directly from the bottle.
(quick aside)
Rukia: "What…Renji, why are you carrying these naked pictures of Ichigo?!"
Renji: "Um, that's not…he's wearing clothes…and it's not what it looks like. They're for Kisuke."
Rukia: "…and that's better how?"
A/N: For those kind hearts worried about our dear Ichigo, although he is of course groggy from drugs he has been waking up very quickly, and does not have spiritual cuffs on. If, though he is of the age of consent within his district of Japan, he's pushed into anything he doesn't want, I assume he'll just flatten squad 11 and then get drunk with Kenpachi while they shave Yumichika's hair. Whoops, under age drinking!