Third-Eye Blindness

and other Said Problems

at Gohan and Videl's Wedding

Which could have been named:

Fun with Punch (at Gohan's Wedding)

Gohan's Wedding is from Out of this World

Mary-Lou Satan gets an Eyeful at Gohan's Wedding

Videl's family thinks Gohan's family is weird at the Wedding

In which Trunks and Goten do their Shenanigans (at Gohan's Wedding)

Don't Let Bulma Drink the Punch (at Gohan's Wedding)

Written by – SaiyanTails, collaborative work of NinjaWhisper and Larkawolfgirl

Chapter 1 – Prepping for Perfection

Goku stared out the window at the perfectly, beautiful day. The sun was shining brightly upon the world; the sky was a light Tiffany blue which contrasted the white clouds nicely. Goku sighed. He would rather have been outside embracing the perfect weather, but he knew that today of all days he needed to be there for his family.

Chichi entered the perfectly-lit room and sighed, "Goku, really. You need to get dressed."

"Okay, okay. But could you open the window while I do?"

"Well, alright." She opened the screenless window, taking in a whiff of the perfect springtime breeze. It smelled fresh and clean. Just as she was about to praise his suggestion of opening the window, a small bananaquit flew through the window. It immediately flew over to Goku, who caught the bird on his outstretched hand. His face took on his trademark grin as he stroked the bird's black, grey, and yellow feathers.

"Goku, focus!" Chichi shrilled, causing the bird's feathers to quiver.

"Aw, I'm just making friends with this little guy. Isn't he just the cutest?" He pushed the bird toward her, but she sent him a glare in return. With a pouting face he sent the bird back outside the window and set on dressing himself.

..

OOOOOO

"Please, Piccolo. Can't you wear a tux just for today, for me? If it wasn't for Videl's family I wouldn't care, but what are they going to think when they see you dressed like that?" Gohan gestured to his mentor's signature turban ensemble. Piccolo merely grunted, neither in approval or disapproval. Krillin tugged at Gohan's arm.

"Come on, you don't have time for this. I know you want this day to be perfect, but your outfit is much more important than his. Focus on that first." Gohan allowed himself to be dragged out of the room with a backwards glance. He could do nothing now but hope for the best.

Gohan was grateful for his best man, Krillin. Piccolo had to have a place too, so he'd designated him as man of honor, which some might find untraditional, but Gohan thought it was perfect. Without Krillin there to maintain order and keep a level-head, Gohan would have been running around like an ADHD kid without meds. His surrogate uncle, on the other hand, just stood there like a dormant dragon ball, against the wall with his arms crossed. For all he knew he was meditating. It made Gohan feel a little neglected. They'd been through so much together. He could still remember the day he'd given him that rotting apple. It meant so much that he hadn't left him to die alone in the wilderness, starving and cold, shriveling to nothing. Now, all he wanted . . . no, needed, was a little sign that his Mr. Piccolo still cared enough to offer some sign for his well-being. If Piccolo did wear that rented tux, this day would be the perfectest perfect.

..

OOOOOO

Videl Satan couldn't believe it; soon she would no longer be a Satan, but a Son. While, Gohan's family was rather eccentric, she was the proudest bride in the galaxy to be initiated into the same family as her brave, educated, witty, geeky finessed, charming, energetic, healthy eater, kind, brilliant, enthusiastic, heroic, goal-driven, family man with gusto. Oh, what a perfect day this was. Ahhh . . .

"Oh, my little girl!" Hercule whined as tears streamed down his face. He bowed his head into his sleeve, wetting his rented suit. "Aren't I enough for you!"

"Dad." Videl sighed. Her father approved of Gohan but couldn't get over the fact of her being passed onto another male figure. The highlight of the day was that the event doubled as a publicity stunt.

"Smile for the camera, sweetheart," he cooed while pointing the rip-off Capsule Corp. Shittron 2000 video camera into her face.

"God, Dad. Can't you ever think about anyone besides yourself? I'm a little busy here."

"Don't be like that, baby doll. Your dear ol' dad needs to keep up his image, and what better way than through your big day?"

"Fine, whatever. But I don't want any of those big name news casters in here until the ceremony starts. Today needs to be perfect. We don't have time to worry about them."

"I know, I know. That's why I'm taking up filming myself. Maybe it could be my new career." He suddenly burst out in gruff laughter. "What am I talking about? I'm in the prime of my youth. I'll be a fighting champ forever. Haha."

"Dad, you're kind of distracting me. Can you just, I don't know, be quiet for a while?" Videl took a deep breath, focusing her attention back to her near-wedding bliss. Hercule's eyes filled with tiny tears. Sniffling loudly, he concentrated back on filming.

..

OOOOOO

Mrs. Briefs put the finishing touches on Trunks' hair. It was now artfully slicked back into perfection. Trying on the little grey bowtie she smiled at her work. "Now, who's a handsome little guy? Now, Trunks, remember to spit out your gum."

"Yeah, yeah, Grandma. I don't get what the big deal is, I'm not even in the wedding anyway." Trunks chomped on his Fruitstoboot Bubbleyum bubblegum. This whole affair was downright boring. Last night was the worst, and now he had a headache. Bulma checked out a suite on the top floor for all three of them, but for some reason when she saw the ginormous sunken hot tub she changed her mind about him staying there, and so he'd been dragged into the smaller suite with his grandparents. His grandpa wheezed and snored all night long, and Scratch the cat dug his claws into the door over and over. He didn't even have his game console to pass the restless hours because his mother took it away after that polka music incident. Ugh, what a drag.

He fingered the bowtie around his neck. Geez, it itched. Hell, like he was going to wear this the whole day.

Mrs. Brief backed up and placed her palms on the sides of her face and cooed. "You look like the perfect little gentleman, just like your father."

Trunks gaped. He loved his grandmother but she lived in another world entirely. No, another dimension. Just as her eyes never opened, she refused to see the truth. "Yeah, okay. Can I go see Goten now?"

"Just let me take a photo first. Then you can play to your heart's content until the ceremony. But mind your togs."

He wasn't sure what togs meant, but he agreed anyway. He even smirked for the picture.

"Years from now you will relish in this photo and show your grandchildren."

"I doubt that, but okay. Can I go see Goten now?"

She waved the camera. "Sure, have fun."

Trunks raced out the door and down the stairs. He would have flown but his mother told him that there were going to be 'normal' guests. Though, in his opinion, they were the weird ones. How boring life would be without Saiyan powers or riches. His life was about perfect, what with a noble heritage, upscale home, spoiled upbringing, and famous legacy. If it weren't for days like this, in which he had to 'perform', he could live in full contentment. When he wasn't in trouble, anyway. But what was life without risks?

He felt like being risky today. But first he had to find his partner in crime.

There he was, in a corner, wearing a ridiculous suit that made him look like a primitive puritan from the pioneer days. The smaller boy actually twiddled his thumbs and tapped his foot to a jig that only he could hear.

"Whatcha doin, Goten?" Trunks smacked his gum. "Wanna piece of gum?"

Goten's round eyes brightened as if a sparkler had gone off inside him. "Sure!" He popped the offered red piece of Fruistoboot Bubbleyum bubblegum into his mouth.

Trunks yanked off the bowtie and threw it into the nearest metal trash receptacle. Even he had some morals.

"Trunks, we're not supposed to that. My mom said everything has to be perfect."

"It will be, Goten. Perfectly disastrous."

Just then, the heiress of Capsule Corp, Trunk's mother, exited the hotel kitchen with a stack of cards. Trunks stood on his tip-toes to take a peek at them out of curiosity. There was so much unneeded crap for this jamboree. Yes, jamboree was the perfect word, and he was proud to use it. That dictionary his mom got him last month was paying off.

The multicolored card on the top displayed a printed picture of a disturbing young Mr. Satan with shorter hair and a clean-shaven face. He flashed a victory sign and held out a chubby black-fuzz-headed infant in a frilly dress and tiara. In bold letters, it said: My Princess's Big Day. On the bottom, was the icon champ's signature.

"What the hell is that?" Trunks spewed.

Bulma rolled her eyes. "Be polite, especially today. And, this was a requested centerpiece by Videl. I think she is trying to make her father happy."

Trunks lowered onto his heels. "Who wants to look at that shit while eating?"

"Trunks! Do you want that console back this year or next?"

He swallowed his gum in a gulp. He glanced at Bulma's belly, still not fully comprehending the news he received last week. Bulma was enforcing good behavior more than usual. She said he had to set a good example for the coming little one. No one but Vegeta and he knew yet because it would steal Videl's thunder. What did thunder have to do with getting married? Even he didn't have thunder, only ki.

The blue-haired scientist gave him a stern expression. "Behave and don't start any trouble today. I'm not sure if I can handle it after last night with your father."

Trunks didn't even want to know what she was referring to. His parents sure were oddities. One minute they were groping in the hallway and the next they were up in each other's grill.

With that, Bulma sashayed away. Trunks noticed a normal bald man eye her behind as she passed. She sure wasn't showing yet. He couldn't wait to see her turn into as big as Perunga. That would be funny.

Trunks turned. "Goten, want to start some trouble?"

"But, your mom just said – "

The purple-haired youth waved his comment away. "Ah, who cares what she said. I'll just blame it on baldy over there." He pointed in the direction of the lecher who would get along with Master Roshi.

"But, Trunks, my brother is nice. And, I like Videl. She gives me candy sometimes."

"We'll keep her candy ways intact. We'll just shake things up a bit. You are bored, right?"

Goten scratched his head. "I didn't really think about it, but yeah."

Trunks grinned. "Then we gotta do this. It is our duty as The Chibi Saiyan Frondeur Duo." He made a note to check togs in the dictionary.

The other mischievous boy fist-pumped in the air. "Yeah! . . . Hey, Trunks, I've been meaning to ask what frondeur means."

"It means badass, Goten. Badass."

"Ohhh. Ok then, I'm in."

O:-)

My name is Marylou Satan, coordinator of the Kami Kami Reformed Ha Sect, and the blushing bride's second cousin twice removed. I've been preparing for the sacred ritual this entire month. A pure white candle of virginity has been lit every night precisely at nine o'clock for the preparation of this blessed event. My prayers have lifted up to the guardian of this earth on the flighted wings of doves and beyond to the Otherworld through his holy breath.

This surely would be the perfect union because of his divine intervention. Yes, it had to be. You are welcome, my dear second cousin twice removed. I am sorry that I have not seen you since your christening. I will make it up to you.

I step forth into the grand hotel, sprinkling holy water in my wake. "Oh Dear One, Kami, may your arms enfold all those present today."

My plastic bottle slips from my fingers as a wrinkled hand pinched my chaste rear.

"Oh!" I squeaked. This must have been an accident. But then I look and see the panting dirty old man. Bald and bearded, slumped over, and with a shell on his back. He wore a Hawaiian shirt and beige shorts. Why, my goodness, this geezer hadn't even bothered to dress up. How indecent!

"He he he, hand must have slipped there, dearie."

Just then a pink blob dashed from the sliding door, clutching a handful of sweet bean buns, and into the lobby. The buns smelled fresh out of the oven. He drooled with anticipation.

"Buu eat candy rolls!"

In hot pursuit, a black-haired woman stepped into the scene. She waved an iron skillet in the air. "Don't you dare eat another batch!" She wacked the pink creature's weirdly shaped head. "Keep your filthy mitts off the food for my Gohan."

"Ow, you hurt Buu!"

"That was my intention." The woman snarled as she scooped up the deserts.

What a wild woman! And she was the groom's mother?

Marylou genuflected on one-knee. This wedding needed her sinless presence.